No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Prologue [Hazbin Hotel SI]

Prologue

I don’t belong here! Those were the words that often came out of people’s mouths the first time they woke up in hell and why wouldn’t it be? Hell was an awful place filled with Sinners and Demons alike. A place where the law of the land is in the hands of those powerful enough to enforce it. A place where all good things come to die. It was not a nice place. 

Most often than not though, those that do wake up here deserve it. This was hell after all, and it takes those which heaven rejects. That was how it should work. That was the system that governed this realm and yet here he was, sitting in a line, folder in hand while grappling with the fact that he was now in hell. He wasn’t supposed to be here. 

Now that's exactly what a sinner would say wouldn’t it? That he wasn’t supposed to be here for a thousand reasons that had been spoken since time immemorial, but he shouldn’t be here. Not yet at least and not in the wrong ring of hell at that. 

“Number 6 please proceed to counter F. I repeat, Number 6 to Counter F…” A dull voice droned out as the line finally moved. As he shifted over to the next seat, he glanced at the clock and found it already well past noon; He had been waiting in this god forsaken building since six am. Truly, this was hell. 

As the line settled down once more and the din of static from a broken intercom filled the air, he found himself staring at the polished floor. Where brown eyes once stared at him, now red caprine eyes stared back. With his short stubby horns, white woolen fur, and various other caprine features topped with a crown which possessed an eye that blinked along with his own, he was truly a demon fit for hell. 

He wasn’t a human that was plenty clear enough, but he wasn’t a Sinner either. Those guys looked more like succubi, but they didn’t quite follow a certain theme or share a certain color unlike the various demons native to hell. Sinner even had a whole ring all on their own, but that ring was all the way up top. The Ring of Pride was awfully far from the Ring of Sloth. 

While he had considered the idea that he might have just woken up down here, that shouldn’t be the case either. A Sinner simply can’t go down the other rings either. If he was a sinner, he should have been confined up there. 

Running his hands across his hair, he looked around to distract himself. Caprine demons much like himself, along with a few succubi, imps and even the stray fish demons here and there, but no Sinners in sight. It was no wonder that no one believed his origin. He might as well be part of the flock. 

“Who knew hell looked exactly like the fever dream of a tumblr artist and is populated by her OC’s,” He grumbled as he looked away from the technicolor ensemble that was the denizens of hell. He was starting to hate how aggressively bright and saturated everything was.

His comment would not go unheard as his neighbor shifted and glared at him, “Did you say something?” For a sleep deprived goat, she was quite intimidating.

Not wanting a fight so early in the morning, he raised his hands and apologized, “I'm sorry about that. Just talking to myself about how long I'd have to wait here.” He had been here all morning. “Why is everything so slow,” He sighed as he leaned back bonelessly against his seat.

For a second, the girl looked at him weirdly before she smirked at him, “You're not from around here, are you?”

“Is it really that obvious?” He snarked as he flashed her a wry smile. It wasn’t lost to him that he stood out like a sore thumb despite looking like one of them, not with his scruffy cape and slightly disheveled look.

“Nope,” The girl poked at his cheeks as she chuckled, “You're like a bunny being all wide eyed and nervous.” 

He glared at the girl before he noticed his feet tapping along the polished floor. Getting it under control, he grumbled, “Just nervous that’s all.” His nerves were getting to him again. He hated when this happened. 

“So where are you from Sweet Cheeks,” The girl asked as she kicked her leg under her chair, “Wait no, let me guess.” Leaning closer, the girl stared hard as she tilted her head. “You grow up… in the Pride ring right? Wait, no… your accent’s all wrong.” Humming, she snapped her finger, “Lust ring?”

“Well, not exactly,” He replied before he shrugged, “But yeah. Somewhere there.” That was a lie, but it was already hard enough trying to explain that he woke up here without sounding crazy. Looking back at the nosy little sheep, he asked, “So how about you?”

“Sloth ring born and raised,” The girl replied as she leaned back on her seat and yawned. “We like to take things here slowly so chill.” Given that they were still using candles to light the place up and how there were barely any electronics in sight over at the counter, he wouldn’t pass them to be left behind in time as well. 

“I can see that,” He frowned. He’s probably going to be here till the end of the day, is he? “So, what brings you this part of hell? Not skipping school I hope,” He said, taking a jab at how small the girl was. She was almost as short as he was. 

“I’m sixteen, already way past drinking age,” She huffed with a pout, “And I have you know I’m just getting my birth certificate for my drivers license.” Frowning, the girl grumbled, “Mom kept forgetting to file them so here I am sorting it out.”

Unable to hold himself, he reached and gave the girl a pat before quickly pulling back as she took a bite at him. Smirking at the girl, he asked, “Applying for a job or something?”

“Yeah,” The girl replied as reached up to fix her hair, “I really don’t get why I need a birth certificate and a driver's license anyways? It just sounds so dumb.”

“Taxes,” He answered, “They can’t tax you properly if they don’t know which ring you came from.” Not even in hell can someone escape from the bureaucratic nightmare that is taxation. It didn’t help that every ring has its own ruler and each has different policies when it comes to the matter.

As the girl looked at him in disbelief, he grumbled, “Trust me, it’s as stupid as it sounds.” It was one of the reasons why he was here. “Can’t get a job if you can’t prove where you’re from.”

Turns out, identity was a big thing in hell and he was without one. He was basically a ghost in the system so he can’t prove where he’s from. Without an identity, he had no stable long term job. All he’s stuck with were temporary jobs. “Or jobs where having no face would pay well.”

“Damn it man, you’re trying to escape hell, not get stuck in it,” He quickly scolded himself. He was already toeing the line doing all the stuff he had to do to get the documents sorted out. Already, the forged documents felt a hundred times heavier. “You just need to get it sorted out. Nothing too bad, right?” 

His musing however would be cut short as his stomach grumbled, or rather his new found companion. Glancing over to the girl, he saw her flush as she held her stomach. “It’s nothing,” She laughed nervously, “Just forgot to bring some lunch, that's all.”

“Here,” He said as he reached for his pockets, “You can have this.” Pulling out a granola bar, he handed it over to the girl. It was not much, just a bar anyone could get from one of the non-narcotic dispensing vending machines, but it was quite hefty. 

Blushing, the girl laughed it off, “Oh no, it’s fine. Not the first time I forgot.” Still, her body was much more honest than she was as it rumbled once more. 

Chuckling, he slipped it on her hand. “Just take it,” He insisted before his ears picked up at the familiar crackle of the intercom.

“Number 7 please proceed to counter A,” It rang loud and clear, “I repeat, Number 7 to Counter A…”

After all, it was finally his turn. “Just think of it as payment for helping me pass the time,” He told her as he got up and walked over to the counter. It was no skin off his back having the girl have his meal when he’s about to leave. “Just leave it if you don’t want it.”

As he approached the rows of clerks, the girl cried out behind him, “Thank you mister!” She was a good kid. He just hoped the clerks were just as nice as she was.

“Not unlike last time,” He thought to himself as a tired old goat typed away at her old fashioned typewriter. “So much for that thought.” Climbing atop the oversized chair in front of the clerk’s desk, he cleared his throat to catch the woman’s attention. “Umm, hi,”

Stopping mid press, the woman slowly turned to glare at him, “State your purpose.”

“I’m here to submit the documents I lacked last time,” He replied as he pulled out a copy of a birth certificate over to the woman complete with the seal of Belphegor stamped on the bottom. “I’m trying to fix my birth certificate.”

Slowly, the clerk took the documents before she adjusted her eyeglass. It would take a minute of her flipping between the copies before she drawled out, “It’s been six weeks since you requested an update on your missing birth certificate.”

“Look, the hospital I’m born in burnt down and took me a while to get everything sorted out ok?” He lied to them again. Sure that wasn’t what happened as he literally just woke up in an alley a few weeks ago, but he was already tired of having to wrangle with bureaucracy.  

It took him weeks to work enough jobs to pay for these forgeries and he wasn’t about to let all those sleepless nights go to waste. “It took me going through a lot of hoops to get things so can you please consider?” He begged her as he pulled out another folder, “I just need to get this done so I can go on with my life.”

Staring at the folder for a moment, she nodded before sliding the folder under her desk. “We’ll bring this up to upper management,” She told him as she turned back to her typewriter,  “Please come back in three to six weeks for an update.”

“Wait, you’re doing this all over again!?” He hissed as he stood on his seat. He didn’t have six weeks. He barely had enough to keep himself going as is.

The woman however would remain unphased as she glared at him, “Three to six weeks Mr. Lamb. Do you understand?” For a moment, he felt indignation bubble up his chest, before he pushed it all down and bottled it up. He waited this long so what’s another six weeks?

“Yeah,” He nodded as he took calming breaths, silently thanking that the woman didn’t just turn him away from his outburst. 

“Next time, be mindful of others' time,” The woman scolded before she pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a sign. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking my break.” Her verdict was final. He had to hold on for a few more weeks if he wanted this. 

“I understand,” He nodded as he forced a smile on his lips, “Thank you for your time.” With that, he got up and left, hoping and praying his documents would finally get through. 

-x-x-x-

He walked out of the building with his wallet a lot lighter and his dignity broken. To ease his suffering, he started head butting the first thing he passed by, a utility pole filled with half faded advertisements. 

THUD!

“God damn it,” He cursed as he reared back before slamming his head against the thick timber, shaking the utility pole with each strike. 

THUD!

“Why god, why!” He cursed to the heavens as he kept banging his head against the hard surface. One of the few perks of being a demon he supposed, not having to worry about concussions, but still. He spent hours on that line and for what? 

THUD!

He had to wait a few more weeks before he could get one measly birth certificate before he could do the same thing again for a drivers license. It was one miserable wait one after the other. He was going to go insane.

THUD!

As he slid down to his knees, he clutched his stomach; Empty. He hadn’t eaten anything since he got there and he wasn’t sure he had enough for the week if he bought something now. It was just unfair. “I can’t take this shit anymore,” He gritted out as he reared back his head, “Fuck this shit!” 

THUD!

CRACK!

With a loud snap, the timber cracked as it split down the middle. For a second, the pole wobbled a bit, but thankfully the thing held; He wasn’t sure he could afford to pay for the bail if he actually tore it down. The only thing that fell on him was a piece of paper that slowly fell down on his lap.

Gingerly taking the sign, he read, “Help wanted huh?” Who the hell posted this thing up so high? He almost missed it. Then again, he was just small. He really should look up more often.

Giving it a quick read, he let out a sigh, “At least I have something to do while I wait.” While he had barely prospects, that doesn’t mean he was not without options. A temporary hand in a bar was exactly right up his alley. Who knows, maybe he’d get a good tip.

A/N:

Bonus Chapter go! Always wanted to make a story using Vivziepop's setting, but only got to make something out of it thanks to my Beta's input. This really wouldn't have been possible if he didn't suggest it. A bit of Cult of the Lamb Elements, that funny and wholesome Verosika pic I found and a whole lot of horny and we got this. Hope you guys like it.