The pink fish died (Patron only video)

Thx, this was soo sweet. I never thought I'd be having a 'forever family' but now I have a 2 year old! After seeing the Domino video, where it was filmed in what looked a basketball court with a stage, that I'm soooo used to seeing, I realized you might understand "Come Follow Me"! Wink wink. I'm looking forward to these kinds of interactions! However, our dead fish will probably go into the garden, instead of the toilet, along with our chicken and duck poop. LOL. Thanks Destin.

I subscribed to your feed way back when there was the falling cat and you mentioned using the contributions for your kids' college fund. Whatever you're using it for now (home parenting, PhD, whatever) I find every new post absolutely fascinating. Keep up the good work. I do appreciate the "private" family-oriented posts too.

J. C.

I really need to spend more time on Patreon, particularly with your feed. I really value your appreciation to all the Patreons, and also by showing us these private videos of special moments with your family, as it shows us what you mean when you say we help you spend more time with your family. So again, thank you Destin, you really do make us feel like we are giving a big helping hand to you :)

I remember reading somewhere that flushing dead fish down the toilet is a no-no in certain situations: a sick fish could potentially spread its sickness, and some cities may frown upon it. I'm pretty sure I've done this before too, but just throwing this out there. :)

thanks

Really appreciate you sharing this personal video. It was very sweet and touching to see all of her emotions and your family's support of her processing all of these complex emotions. Would love to see more family videos when you feel it is appropriate to share.

Sweet video. I have a 4.5 year-old girl and I've seen the same swings of emotions from curiosity, confusion, thinking it's funny and then devestation... and then all over again. Thanks for the personal glance. Keep doing what you're doing - putting family first and making being a great dad a top priority. That's what I try to do as well.

It's funny one of the things I associate with Smarter every day is family. My love of science and my profession computing comes from my dad. I would spend days just asking random questions and he'd explain the world and stuff. More recently he has moved into very rural Australia so don't get to see him that often, but we watched a few of your videos and it was a bit of a bonding moment I guess even as adults. I can definitely tell you that the quality time is something that will be remembered for generations to come in your family. PPS I feel the same as others appreciated but not expected.

As a parent of a 2.5 yo, I can appreciate the "BUT we never flush a fish that's alive" addition. I'd be happy to help test any hangout system prior to the live event if you need a test group.

I heard this the other day, when the the poet, Mary Oliver, died. Even when our kids are so small, they have big feelings, and are forced to process big problems. "The Uses of Sorrow" (In my sleep I dreamed this poem) Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.

Zoom does sound like a very good idea for hangouts! My parents recorded early experiences of me throughout my childhood in the time of head-sized camcorders, and having the awareness that I do now to see how they helped me handle and process certain life challenges in moments like this, makes me really appreciate what they did. I could see myself learning, growing and becoming more aware and accepting of life’s truths. Things I could never remember being that young since I couldn’t possibly form a lot of memories from them. I’m glad to support you to help you spend more quality time with your kids, especially during important life moments and challenges as this, because my parents invested in me with a lot of care too.

Matthew J Palka

Hey Destin, I'd be happy to help you coordinate a Google Hangout for Patreons which we could live stream on YouTube for the masses. Lmk if this is something you'd like to try out.

Derek Alfonso

Destin, I'm struggling with feeling pretty awkward that we were given a seat to view a significant private moment in your family with your daughter. I don't know that I would have taken the video or shared it with the public (even us Patron supporters). Would like to discuss with you further if you are interested.

Aye. Lots of kids are the same when it comes to things like this. I saw some of my daughter's reactions in your daughter! Just over a year ago, were were moving from our awesome life in the Boston area--1.5 acres of land, my kids would find wild orchids in the backyard (!), turkeys wandering the properly every morning and evening in the right season, and....toads in the spring. I would save the toads when I saw them hopping around as I was mowing the lawn. It was one of my family "springtime is here!" signs when we would find the first toad of the season. Well, the summer we left, I had found a toad. The kids were playing with it. They would often play with it gently for a few hours, and then find or make a nice burrow for it before leaving it to have some peace. Well--this toad had an accident. My daughter tripped and fell while carrying it and split it's stomach. She was so upset. She could remember the feeling of the toad as she fell on it. It was still alive when I came home a while later, so I had to dispatch it quickly. We had a hard conversation with my 6 year old as we talked about death (I think some of the difficulty was the in-process move at the time....lots of emotions). I made the choice to be honest with her and telling her that I couldn't fix it and had to kill it. Almost 2 years later now, she still remembers it from time to time. Can't wait to see more great content from you soon!

Jeff Dzado

Perhaps you could have had a funeral for the fish? She got upset about dumping it so I wonder if a small ceremony may have eased the hurt.

Manfred Knorr

I'm scared of discord. One exists.... but it seems like a lot of time could be spent there.

Smarter Every Day

What hold on. Blubs swam backwards?

Smarter Every Day

Thanks Eric. You get it.

Smarter Every Day

Haha, you make it sound like a slow steady march towards doom. Rojo is an A+ fish name by the way.

Smarter Every Day

You're the second person who has suggested this. I'll check into it!

Smarter Every Day

Thank you very much Libby!

Smarter Every Day

Cute, sad, funny, & contrite. Apart from me watching you geek out on phenomena, this is my favorite video. :) Thanks

Right in the feels, Destin; right in the feels.

Bruce Grembowski

Glad you had this opportunity with the kids. Ideally we don't flush fish down the toilet. If you have a compost heap it's actually better to bury them.

Christopher Vee

RIP pink fish and your daughter childhood, from now life will be different. 🐠

Lior Singer

Good dad.

Robert Keiser

Thanks for sharing.

KC

I second the recommendation to use Twitch and Discord. Doesn't have to be massively fancy or anything. If you use Windows, grab StreamLabs OBS aka "SLOBS" as it's the easiest way to get started.

Rosuav

I think the science of fish keeping would make a great Smarter Every Day video. It’s amazing that a fish tank set up right will grow enough bacteria to convert ammonia, which is toxic to fish, into less harmful nitrites, and nitrates.

To answer your question about pink fish, I think they are made from the black skirt tetra, and a ton of selective breeding. That fish is from the Amazon. They are a schooling fish, like a decent sized tank, and warmer water. Unfortunantly so much selective breeding makes them less tolerant of temp, water conditions, and illness. For that reason I personally don’t have them in my collection, but I won’t give anyone a hard time who likes them. Who knows, a little pink fish could spark a child’s interests, and they may grow up to be a marine biologist and work on saving sea turtles.

Man that made me cry. I think The Land Before Time is a very good movie to show young children. It deals with death in a way appropriate for children, but it doesn’t sugar coat it either.

Oh my...this reminds me of when we lost our long-lived backwards-swimming goldfish Blubs. The whole family was unexpectedly tearful (including us parents!) I agree with Eric above that I also don't feel I am owed glimpses into your family life because I'm a patron. Please share only what you truly want to share about your lovely family -- there is no obligation. As a stay-at-home mom whose son is going to be 18 this year and heading off to college in 2020, I can't tell you how incredibly lucky I feel to have been present for all of the moments of his life, the big, the small, the joyful, the sad, the silly. It is definitely a gift. Enjoy every moment.

Jeanine McCarthy

Thanks for sharing! It is very sweet :-) I'll probably refer to this video if I become a Dad! With regards to contributing to the family: I do not think you should feel obligated to share. I contribute to a lot of families whether I make purchases. I am a patron of your work because I like it and I have the disposable income to do so. This does not grant me any rights regarding your personal life. Again, thanks for sharing your wonderful family and the teachable moment. Your openness and honesty are part of the reason I really like Smarter Every Day. So if you want to share some of these precious moments: thank you and feel free, but do not feel obligated.

Eric Jensen

For twitch you would just hook up open broadcast software (OBS) and then point us to that and your discord. You can pull people into discord so they can ask questions live via voice. Total setup time would probably be a few hours.

Mark Tea

Twitch and discord is probably the best way to go.

Mark Tea

Thanks for sharing this with us Destin. The realities of life don't always come early so I'm glad this little bump in the road has been covered. Pink fish will be remembered for a while and hopefully your daughter chooses a new fish in memory of pink fish. Cheers, JAYTEE

JAYTEE

A+ Dadding

Andrew Young

My grandson has a fish called Rojo. He’s done a good job caring for it. Someday he will face this same challenge. He is 8 and will feel very bad.

Thanks for sharing, what a moment when that first pet dies. I remember participating in a small Spreecast over the holidays a few years ago. For doing hangouts you might consider a professional product like Zoom. It would enable you to control access yet still enable lots of participation from those you choose. You can have full moderation if users video, audio, and chat. It’s also pretty cheap since it would just be you who would need an account.

Adam Willcox

That was precious. It’s weird because the first Spreecast I participated in, my first child was a baby and sat on my lap. And she’s about you daughter’s age. I also remember the livestream you did right after your daughter was born. Man, kids do grow up fast. Have you tried Google Hangouts for a patron live stream before?

Austin Burnham

An emotional roller-coaster, indeed! That expressive, sweet little face. Proud to be part of the gang that is supporting more daddy time!

Kristy

Wow, talk about capturing a very real moment for your daughter. Its hard to learn how permanent death is. Glad you could be there for her!

Don Rude

Destin, Thanks for sharing this! Let her take part in picking the new fish, and find out more about the fish tank or environment. Your children’s emotional journeys are special, and my support for this channel is enriched by this video!

Since I have no children of my own, I appreciate knowing that I am in a very small way helping you be the type of father I was blessed enough to have. Thank you for sharing!

Libby

Hey, I think you’re doing great with the kiddos AND the videos. But, I feel ya. The little ones are only little for a short while in life. So, you have to spend as much time as you can with them. That’s how I feel with mine, too. Take care!

Neuroskynet