AO 8 Ch 1

The door to the tavern opened, and as Beth saw me she paused in the doorway, a child strapped to each of her hips. “What the fuck are you doing here again? Nothing better to do?” she said, not stepping out of the doorway to let me in.

“Oh, come on, Beth. I just thought we'd swing by on the way home.” I told her with my brightest smile.

Beth looked at me without an ounce of humor, “Well, if you're going to be here, I'm putting you to work.” She looked around me to see the rest of my crew. “That one.” She pointed at Aurelia. “She can watch the kids. The rest of you, you don't get to touch them. That goes double for you, Emlyn.” Beth narrowed her eyes.

“What did I do?” Emlyn threw her hands in the air.

“You grew up around me. No way you're touching my kids. I’ve seen what you consider food following this guy.” Beth crossed her arms.

“What about Ard?” Emlyn said pointedly, with a smirk.

“Hey now…” I started.

“Ard won't even want to touch them… unless you do.” Beth paused, squinting at me.

“No kids? That's great.” I beamed. “Not that I don't want kids,” I suddenly felt the need to correct myself, “just that I'm going to have my own soon enough, and there's no need for me to rush things.”

“Oh. Huh.” Beth sounded less than convinced. “Well, whatever meets your fancy. I have an inn to run.” She turned back and began hobbling as Aurelia caught up to her and managed to take her twin boys off her hips, one in each arm.

The ferocious, Virel monster hunter couldn't have looked more at ease with two baby boys as she swept into the inn. She looked so content, I almost wanted to rush and help her get her own.

“So why are you really here?” Beth asked as she circled around the counter.

“We're just passing through. Is there something so wrong with me coming by and saying hello to my favorite tavern owner?” I said, exasperated and leaning on the counter.

“Yes, there is. Because one thing I've gathered is you cause a lot of trouble wherever you go.” Beth told me, smacking my hand as I reached for a piece of bread.

I gasped and put a hand on my chest. “Did you just call me a troublemaker?”

“No, I think you're the one who did that,” Beth smirked. “Now seriously, I don’t have time for games. Why are you back here in my ratty bar and not gallivanting on your shadow pony through the land or dining with royalty?”

At being called a pony, Cyam poked his head up from my shadow and whinnied angrily.

“I know, you're not a pony. No. No one thinks you're small,” I said, consoling the suddenly very upset horse before shooting Beth a glare that earned me a pointedly raised eyebrow.

“Now you can see what we all deal with,” Emlyn said, sliding in next to me.

Beth didn’t look up from the mug she had begun washing out. “Rich coming from you. You've been head over heels for him since you've been a girl. Don't pretend now like he's some burden.”

Emlyn pouted at being called out but didn’t make a fuss.

“Well, the place looks nice, Beth. I like the new windows.” I told her.

“Of course. Simon paid for them. It just so happens that the drunkard was telling a wild and crazy story about the four-sphere mage that frequents this place, and one of the other patrons didn’t take lightly to his drunken tales and put the old sod through the window.” Beth told us.

“Wait, really?” I asked, looking over my shoulder. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, it was quite the hullabaloo. Everyone was all up in arms. For once, the village claimed Simon as their own, but only long enough to chase the exiled barbarian out of town. Heck, that’s Simon’s best moment the way he tells it. If I didn’t know better, by the way he keeps spinning longer and longer yarns about you, he learned the wrong lesson that day.” She set the mug down and grabbed another.

I chuckled and then stifled the laugh under Beth’s motherly glare.

“And now you're back, which is only going to make it so much worse. Tell me, have you come back from slaying dragons this time?” She asked.

“Oh no, just a goddess and a demigoddess who was trapping the royalty in Zenovia,” I answered quickly, only for Beth to stare at me for a long moment.

“Right. Best avoid Simon if you can.” She told me and went back to work.

“He’s harmless,” I insisted.

“Yes, and we'd like him to stay that way. Every town's gotta have a drunk that they can poke fun at and shake their finger at the little ones saying, ‘You don't want to be like him.’ And we'd like to keep a hold of Simon just a little longer before he gets too big for his britches." Beth told me.

“What was that?” Simon’s voice rattled through the window.

The day was done, and so was the work. So it was no surprise to find Simon waddling back through the doors. The old drunk was sober yet, giving Beth a once-over before his eyes suddenly flitted to my companions and lingered a touch too long on Ditsy. It took him a few moments before he registered that I was also present.

“Oh, Arden!” His waddle disappeared, and he scurried over to me. “You're back? I knew it. You couldn't stay away from the village for long. That's what it's like for those of us that grow up someplace. You just snap right back every so often.” He nodded his head, agreeing with himself.

“Yeah, well, we're just passing through,” Emlyn informed him, leaning back away from the bar and miraculously balancing on the stool on a single leg.

“Why, just passing through? No, you're gonna stay for a while.” He smiled at Emlyn.

“I would love to, but we must get back to the capitol. I'm sure I'll find time to come down later.” Emlyn let his expectations down easy. I appreciated that she could handle the villagers, she wasn’t just beautiful, but capable as well.

“Yes, yes, of course. You'll come visit often.” He nodded to himself again in reassurance. “But as the world's only four-sphere mage, the extraordinaire, you must be so busy. I hear you're going to rule all three kingdoms,” he said with certainty.

“Sorry, but no, Simon. I have no interest in ruling three kingdoms.” I almost hated to shoot him down.

“Why not?” He gestured to the world as if it was clear as day.

“Well, why do I have to?” I challenged him.

“Because you're a four-sphere mage. There hasn't been any of them in a thousand year, and the prior lineage of them were all rulers of Zenovia before we split up into Aventi and Garrish. So now, there's a successful war, and you'll reunite them, and you'll be the king.” Simon shrugged.

“That sounds so simple. It's like a fairy tale.” I smirked at Simon, only for him to scowl at me.

“Don't make fun of me, Arden.” He wagged a finger. “And don't make an old man sound like a loon. That's what you're supposed to do.”

“That's maybe what people want me to do,” I corrected. “But nowhere in me getting my powers did it say I had to become a ruler. In fact, all of those I've seen ruling are not the kind of people I want to be.”

“Then do it better,” Simon said, gritting his teeth. So many people were putting their wishes on me.

“What about your beer?” Beth tried to placate him, but he wasn’t having it.

“You agree with me, Beth, right? Ard should be king.” Simon pressed, swiping his beer and draining it with an experienced motion.

“What if he doesn't want to be king?” Beth said, casual as can be, crossing her arms and sticking on that ledge between her stomach and her breasts. “He used to work here. He used to play in the fields, and now he just happens to go play in other fields—only this time with magic.”

“But he's a four-sphere!” Simon gestured at me, as if it wasn’t up to me but some preordained deal that I had done to receive my magic. “I mean, you always wanted to be a mage, Ard. Now you're a mage, and such a wonderful one at that.”

“Yeah, I did always want to be a mage. And, let's be honest, having magic is awesome. But I think at the end of the day, I wanted to be a mage to prove that I had family out there somewhere, and the mage's medallion that I was given wasn't just some vain hope that I belonged to someone. Being a mage meant that I had a family out there that happened to be nobles.” I frowned. 

Simon turned to Emlyn. “Knock some sense into this boy, please. Or maybe wait until he has a few beers, and then sit him on the throne.”

“Oh, I think the world is better off without Ard on the throne,” Emlyn said, only to cause me to gasp and turn to her, hand on my chest.

“And your true colors come out.” I feigned horror.

“Oh, you've said it yourself before.” Emlyn playfully punched me in the shoulder.

“Yeah, but when I say it, I'm allowed to make fun of myself. You don't get to make fun of me,” I retorted, only to get a staredown from Emlyn with the ever-faintest playful crinkle at the corner of her sapphire eyes.

“I'm sure if he wanted to be, he could be a wonderful king,” Zuri interjected. “However, as long as he doesn't want to be king, then I don't think we can convince him, much less you, sir.” Zuri slid in between Simon and myself to fetch her own drink.

“Well, I say… I heard he had a Travis anchor. That must be you.” Simon looked her up and down. “You have the mark of the military, and I bet you understand that sometimes certain things must be done.”

Zuri sipped her drink, looking over the edge of the tankard at Simon. “Certain things must be done. You’re right. Like, occasionally, there's a rowdy drunkard that needs to be kicked out of the tavern.” Her eyes flashed dangerously.

“Why, I never—” Simon began, only to get a tut of judgment from Beth.

“It was one time. ‘Never’ and ‘one time’ are leagues apart,” Beth said calmly. “Now stop trying to stir up trouble, or Ard will never come back again.”

The thought of me never coming back caused Simon to clam up and clench his tankard tighter. “Well… I'll just leave you with that to think about. And we'll finish this discussion some other time when there are wiser heads amongst the conversation.”

“Yeah, that's not going to earn you any credit,” I whispered under my breath.

As Beth picked up a wooden spoon and tapped it threateningly in her hand, Simon got the gist and made himself scarce without even refilling his tankard.

“If he keeps bothering you, just let me know,” Beth said, leaning over and whispering.

“I'm certain I can handle myself, but thank you, Beth.” I told her.

“Well, we wouldn't want you never coming back, now would we? But I expect to see your little ones.” A sudden thought occurred to Beth, and horror flashed across her face. “I cannot imagine a carriage ride with my two. That sounds like torture.”

“Thankfully, I have more than enough hands helping me out with everything,” I said, a smile landing on my lips as I gazed over the group. I really was a lucky son of a bitch. Luckier than I had any reason to be.

“Cyam could have flown through the night. Why did we stop here?” Missy said, sitting down next to me. Perhaps it was because her godly mojo was now gone, but I found her interacting with us mere mortals a bit more lately.

“You're just going to have to accept that any time we're passing by, I'm going to make an excuse to stop here. After all, it's where I grew up. And there's a little nostalgia for me to bask in every time we stop.” I replied.

“You know, one day they're all going to grow old and die while the rest of us remain ageless,” Zuri said, putting a sudden damper on my mood.

“Yeah, well, maybe when I become ageless I'll think about all this conversation of responsibility. It's not like I asked to be a four-sphere mage. I just wanted to be a mage. I just wanted to be a mage and get taken out of this village and finally find where I belonged.” I shrugged.

Aphrodite leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Well, congratulations. You've found it and it includes all of us.”

Zuri smiled, we still weren’t entirely used to this overly lovey Ditsy. Ditsy and Maribelle now were like two peas in a pod, and frankly it was a little terrifying. One Maribelle was bad enough. It seemed I had expanded my family a little too far, because the world decided to give me a second crazy as a warning to slow down.

My mind jumped to the things Bad Kitty had told me, yet now wasn’t the time to dwell on them. I wanted to get home to Sienna and see how she and Selena were doing with the kids, though they were more than well protected and cared for. I'd extracted no less than a dozen promises from my family before leaving them behind.

And Sienna herself reassured me that no one was going to touch Arden Aldis’ woman lest they make themselves a four-sphere enemy, something none of them want to do while they're all fighting over the crown.

Still… believing and seeing were two entirely different things, and I was anxious to get home and see it for myself. But while seeing them pulled me home, my hatred of politics was making me want to take my time. Simon’s words weren’t unique; I'd heard them already multiple times from the Enclave elders, who had a desire to sit a mage on the throne. Family elders who thought a young, manipulable Aldis on the throne would serve their purposes, while others simply wanted a figurehead that they could sail behind while creating some other form of governance with me as a lightning rod for any problems and bound to help them with their dreams.

Not to mention the million and one marriage proposals waiting for me back in the capital.

Just the thought made me close my eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

“Leave him be,” Missy chided everyone around me. “He's having a lot of change. Children? Becoming a father, becoming a mage… heck, he only recently became a noble even. Lots of change. It's normal for people to take a step back and try and stop it all from changing.”

“And how often does that actually work?” I asked Missy, with a hopeful smile.

“Never.” She mirrored my smile with a devilish twist, only made cute by her dimples. 

“Ah, fuck.” I grunted, putting my head between my hands. “You could have at least lied to me there and told me there was a chance.”

“You need to accept the change and move with it rather than against it.” Missy told me, leaning on her hand as her wavy dark hair spilled over and hid it. Meanwhile her eyes sparkled like the night sky, she was enjoying this.

“Oh, don't tell me you're about to demand I take the throne.” I groaned.

“No. God, no.” Missy laughed. “You have enough new changes going on right now. Adding the throne to it would be a disaster of epic proportions.”

“I’d pay to see it,” Eva said, a grin plastered across her lips. “Arden, the one and true clown king.”

“Har har.” I chuckled humorlessly at her. “If I'm the clown king, what does that make my wives?”

“The insane clown harem. Certainly we must be insane to go through all of this with you,” Eva smirked.

“To the insane clown posse,” Emlyn altered the name as she lifted her mug, and they all clinked tankards except for Aurelia, who was certainly going through her own baby fever as she bounced Beth’s two boys, cooing happily at them as if nothing else in the world existed. It was quite at odds with the massive bluesteel battle axe strapped to her back. Though it was clean, that thing had been caked in blood more than once.

“So, when are you giving her a pair of girls? Or boys?” Beth said with a frown. “Do you know what you want?”

“No, but it's not like I get a choice,” I said quickly, only to get stared at by three goddesses who clearly knew something I didn't. “Unless you're telling me I now get a choice, in which case I would have very much liked to have known that. That's a significant perk of my godliness.”

“Well… your chaos element might make that harder,” Missy said. “But between you taking Freya’s essence, as well as Aphrodite’s, there's a pretty solid chance you're going to have a number of children very quickly once we return.”

I stared at Missy, my mouth flapping open like a fish out of water. “Wait—what? No one told me this. There needs to be a warning label on the magic that may cause pregnancies. Why wouldn’t anyone warn me?” My brain started swirling.

Beth overheard my slight panic and couldn’t stop laughing.

“It’s not that funny, Beth.” I told her.

“No, no, no—hold on.” She wiped a tear from her eyes. “Ard. With children.” She said the words slowly and then began laughing again. “I mean, I knew you were going to have those two when you return, but it’s clear there’s another one already in line.”

She hooked a thumb toward Aurelia. “And the way those ladies talk, it sounds like you’re going to be kicking them out left and right.”

“I mean… it won’t be that bad,” I told myself more than anything.

“No, I think that’s what you get for having so many beautiful ladies,” Beth said, gesturing at the counter that was attracting a fair amount of attention from the regulars and the current guests. “You don’t think there wasn’t at least some cost to this much luck?”

“Of course, I’ll pay any price needed for all of this luck,” I said. “However, it’s not like all of you get to make this decision for me. And it’s not like what will or won’t happen is already preordained. Kids could come in a year. They could come in six. Who knows? They could come in twenty, a hundred, a hundred and twenty—” I was starting to just throw out numbers as panic set in.

“Or, by the end of the decade, you could have a hundred and twenty kids,” Beth retorted, and I scowled at her.

“That’s not how it works, Beth. There’s only so many ladies, and it takes time.” I started quickly doing the math to make myself feel better.

“With Freya’s and my power, the chances of you having twins, and even triplets, will go up substantially,” Ditsy informed me.

I looked at the blonde, my mouth gaping open.

“Twins. Triplets. There can even be quadruplets.” She continued on, clearly not understanding the panic growing inside of me.

I was breathing heavier at the idea of multiple of the ladies suddenly swelling with four children at once. Happening again. And again.

“Careful now. I think Ard is about to pass out from our baby fever,” Emlyn chuckled.

“This isn’t funny, Emlyn. Children are a lot of responsibility and a lot of work. It is not something to take lightly.” I told her.

“Says the man who put a child in two women’s bellies already,” Zuri added under her breath.

“That wasn’t like it was a sudden thing. There were contracts,” I said, trying to defend myself. “They’re…”

“Sir.” Maribelle patted my back, having come in from settling our bags. “We’ll all be here to help you take care of them. It’s not as if you’ll be doing it alone. Not to mention, I’m sure your family will pitch in a hand, and you’ll even have a bevy of servants helping you.”

At that idea, I breathed a little easier, admittedly. More hands somehow made it sound more doable.

“You’re right, Maribelle. And I will. Thank you for all of your help.” I told her, giving the other women a look that let them know how unhelpful they were being.

“Of course, sir. It’s only natural.” Her eyes glowed with a sort of fervor behind them. “Each of them will be like a tiny little sir that I can shape and mold,” she said with a little too much excitement.

“Er… right.” I shifted my focus back to the other ladies.

“You know what? Maybe we should just abstain so that we don’t have any unexpected pregnancies. After all, like the goddesses said, I might be packing a little more fertility oomph than I have been in the past.” I offered, not even believing myself.

A slow smirk spread across Emlyn’s face. “Alright, why don’t you go tell Aurelia up there that you’re going to try not to have kids?”

I looked over at the fiery-hair woman who was smitten with Beth’s two young boys and swallowed audibly around the sudden lump in my throat. “How about you have that conversation?” I flashed Emlyn a smile that couldn’t quite reach my eyes.

“Oh no. If you want to hold off, that’s all you. If I’m honest, I figure it’s about time anyway.” Emlyn told me.

“About time?” I asked with a frown.

“To roll the dice and see if the world is better or worse with more little Ards out in it.” She shrugged.

I put my hands on my head. “The world would be better with more Ards.” only to realize what she’d coaxed me into saying, and I cursed under my breath. “Eventually. Eventually,” I corrected myself, much to the delight of the ladies at the bar. “Well, tonight we’re just taking a pit stop on our way home. Totally not avoiding heading home.”

“Nope. Not at all,” Emlyn said into her drink.

I nodded, deciding to pretend she was not saying that sarcastically. I took another sip, trying to decide how to distract myself from the thoughts of the obligations that would be put on me when I reached home.