DD 302 Ch 7

I groaned the next morning at breakfast, having barely slept the night before. I had come out of the shower to them both gigging like ladies at a sleepover, and then Des drew me into the center of them. I had tried to sleep, but I had been ppinned between a clingy Des wrapped around me and a Bellaire who wouldn’t stop spreading out across the bed and touching me.

Sleep had been fleeting, and I was paying for it this morning. If I hadn’t been an adventurer with advanced stats, I wouldn’t have been worth anything today. I was definitely making Bellaire sleep on the couch for our next night’s sleep.

“Morning,” Helen said, giving me an eyeful over her coffee. “You know, Ken, I get that you and Des get up to all sorts of colorful antics, but you need to get some sleep if this is going to work.”

I groaned and looked up at Helen. “I wish. Blame those two.” I pointed at Des and Bellaire, who were chipper and moving through the buffet like they’d had ten hours of beauty rest instead of two.

While I waited on my omelet, I debated ordering a stack of pancakes to go with it. After all, what was a better replacement for sleep than more food?

“Both of them?” Helen asked, her voice dropping into a near feral growl.

“We just slept.” I waved off whatever issue she had with my harem. The woman had some serious mommy issues.

“Well, whatever it is, get over it because they certainly aren’t going to go easy on you tonight.” She shot back, a bad mood settling over her.

“Tonight?” I asked, never having gotten a schedule out of Bellaire.

Helen smirked. “Yup. Tonight, we have a surprise special guest that’s going to join us.”

The waitress came by and filled a glass for Helen, then refilled my coffee, providing me with a moment for me to digest the new information.

“Special guest?” I repeated, suddenly far more awake.

Helen arched her brow. “Wanting the information ahead of time? That’s the trick. None of us get to know who the special guest is going to be. They want that big reaction when they drop the guest on us.” She took a sip of her coffee and leaned back with a smirk. “Though I can make a few guesses.”

I rolled my hand for her to go ahead and make those guesses in front of me.

“Well, they could obviously pull the White Tiger Guild in and let them meet their ‘saviors.’” She air-quoted the word. “Or some shit like that. It would be a good gotcha and get a rile out of us.”

She shrugged as she continued on. “Maybe they could bring in someone from one of the other races. Sky’s the limit, really. This host will be Carl, and he’s the world’s top podcaster. So, it’ll be a little less formal, a little more new-age. He’ll be trying to get you to make a face that’ll do the GIF rounds on the internet boards by tomorrow.”

I nodded along, trying to absorb the information. I would have much rather faced a monster and worked to avoid getting killed. At least then, I’d know what I was dealing with and it would feel more in my control than trying to anticipate some gotcha moment on a podcast.

Candice spotted Helen and I talking and came down the final flight of stairs, her hair still wet from the shower. “Ah, good. Team breakfast,” Candice said brightly. “We do need to improve our teamwork, at least when it comes to answering questions.” She sat down on my other side, and I knew Des was going to have a fit when she got back. I left that for later-me’s problem.

“Well, hopefully tonight isn’t too bad,” I offered to Candice. “After all, if it’s just a podcast and not such a big production, I think I’ll be less nervous. No huge backstage or live audience.”

“Well, there will be a backstage,” Helen clarified. “The whole ‘podcast in my house chic’ is literally paper thin.”

I hesitated. “Really?”

“Very. It’s all still a top end production.” Candice flipped her coffee cup over, and one of the waitresses swung by, filling it up and dropping off a little cream and her choice of sweeteners.

“But if we work together,” Candice said, “it won’t be a problem. Still, I’m curious who our special guest is going to be. I really hope it isn’t some old has-been that we have nothing in common with. It would be so like these people to be completely out of touch with the differences in adventurers.” Candice mixed enough cream and sugar into her coffee that I wasn’t sure it was still technically considered coffee anymore.

“But we have more important issues this morning,” Helen said, holding a hand up to get a server’s attention. “We need to eat quickly so that we have time to train. I am not falling behind.” Helen glared for emphasis as if there was more than one meaning.

I nodded along, ignoring whatever had her on edge, and instead focusing on the idea of training. “Yes, this would entirely defeat the point if we fell behind,” I agreed, only for both women to stare at me strangely.

“You aren’t going to fall behind,” Candice said bluntly.

“Of course I’ll fall behind if I don’t train,” I replied. “We should make plenty of time for that today. In fact, if Bellaire wants to do any sort of quizzing with me again, we should just drag her to training. She can ask me questions while we’re exercising.” I nodded along, maybe a little too enthusiastically. Training was sounding really good; a bit of normalcy in this productionized life.

“What about me?” Bellaire asked, walking back with a plate of carefully curated food. She’d plated her buffet selections as if it were a Michelin-star dish. That also had the effect of making a very empty plate somehow seem reasonable.

Des, on the other hand, had hers piled high with food.

“Just that if you want to quiz us, you should do it while we exercise today. We have quite a bit of work to do if we don’t want to fall behind,” I reiterated.

My omelet came at that moment, and the waiter put he plate on the table. The thing was more meat than egg. Whoever made it was a chef after my own heart. That, or they knew they were feeding an adventurer with how much they managed to squeeze into the creation that was stuffed enough to resemble a burrito.

Bellaire looked at my food and then down at hers with a flicker of expression before continuing without comment.

“That sounds good,” Des agreed. “Though we won’t be able to put as much pressure on you if we do it like that.”

“Pressure?” Helen asked, her coffee cup pausing halfway to her lips.

“Well, we—” Des began, only for me to talk over her.

“They were just trying to embarrass me and then ask questions.” I hurried to talk over Des who was smirking. She continued on with digging into breakfast, clearly expecting me to jump in and cut her off.

“We could still do that,” Helen said. “In fact, I’d be happy to join in on a roast of Ken. I’d say that might be the highlight of this trip.”

Candice looked back and forth, staring suspiciously between the three of us. “Whatever methods you wish to employ, Bellaire. But I still think we need to improve our teamwork. We were stumbling over each other a little on that first interview. This special guest will probably throw us for a loop.”

“It’ll probably be Javier from the White Tigers,” Des said. “We made some commentary last night that didn’t exactly put them in the best light. I’ll bet a round with Ken that Carl brings in the guilder master of the White Tigers just to get reactions live for those comments. So be ready to defend what you said, Ken.”

“Oh, because I said it, I have to be the one to defend it?” I thought this was a team.

“Seems only fair,” Candice added in.

While Bellaire nodded along, “It’ll be the expectation that you defend your own statements. Not to mention, that puts you on the defensive and makes you more likely to choke up and say something interesting.” She carefully cut thin strips of the lox on her plate before dipping it in some sauce and scooping some salsa onto it to round out the dish.

“Well said Bellaire. I think you have a fair chance of being right,” Candice said. “But don’t get so fixated on it that when they bring someone else and you get a big surprise. Who knows, they could bring Ken’s grandfather on for some sort of ‘proud of you, son’ moment.”

At the very mention of him, I pulled up my CID and began messaging Grandma Akari, just to make sure that none of them were being dragged into this circus as a surprise. She’d be honest with me and know what Grandpa was up to. My grandmothers kept an eye on my grandpa for his own good. Thankfully, she was quick to respond, saying that they had watched the interview the night before and that they were proud of me. Also that she’d personally disable her husband and leave him in the closet if he tried to join me on the press tour.

“Aww,” Des said, mouth half full as she read over my shoulder. Oddly enough, the move didn’t even feel like an invasion of privacy. I was just that comfortable with her.

I gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Not as cute as you.” I was feeling particularly lovey.

Helen choked on her coffee. “You two. Warn someone before you get so mushy. Besides, the rest of us want to know, what did she say?”

“Oh, nothing. Just proud of me. They watched last night and they are not going to participate even if asked.” I waved away any further discussion and cleared my throat before any of my own emotions threatened to show.

“Well,” Candice said as her own food arrived, “I expect today will be mostly training and preparing. Perhaps getting Ken a small nap and a big coffee before the podcast.”

I grunted in agreement as I chowed down. The sooner I finished, the sooner we could get training.

***

I was shocked at how much backstage space there was for a podcast that took place in front of a stage that was just rough wood and a few neon signs to look like a man cave basement. Meanwhile, there was an armada of tables and an army at them preparing us for the podcast we would soon be recording.

“Are you nervous for this special guest?” Carl swung by my table while I was getting my makeup done. He’d already had his finished, and the square-jawed man past his prime flashed me a smile full of veneers. “You know, I was a bit of an adventurer myself when I was younger. Really excited to show off what adventuring in the new age is going to look like.”

“Oh, really? What level are you?” I asked, only to get a scowl from the man.

“Ten,” he puffed himself up as he said such a low number.

“Oh, well, not bad,” I said politely. “Also, can I say, this is a sweet place.” I changed the topic to one I knew he’d love. Despite the basement stage, we were near the top of a building downtown.

He grinned and gestured broadly at the studio. “Might not pay as well as adventuring, but at least I can afford a whole building in New York. God, I love this city.”

He smiled wider and added, “And that’s my one rule. Say nothing bad about New York on my show, or I will cancel you so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

I blinked and nodded, making a mental note. “Any other rules I need to know?”

“Just smile and remember, the viewer only gets like twenty-five percent of what you put out. So if you want to seem excited, you need to give it four times the oomph." He held up all five fingers.

Holding up five while he talked about four slightly confused me, but I let it go. “Alright, Carl. I’m good when you are. Excited to come on here and, as you say, give the new generation of dungeon divers a voice.”

“Alright, just make sure to dedicate some first boss kill to me down the line,” he chuckled and waved his hand.

I wasn’t entirely sure if he was joking. Then again, I didn’t even know if it was possible to dedicate boss kills to someone. That would be an odd tradition.

“Alright, everyone, places!” Rather than a woman with a clipboard, this producer was a shaggy-haired dude who got us into position. Everyone went around handing us cups of coffee as we sat across the room in the casual setup with Carl. He was lounging in a recliner with a microphone in front of him, while the four of us were packed comfortably together on a couch.

“You guys excited?” Carl asked, trying to set the mood.

“I’m something,” I said with a chuckle. “Really interested to see who this special guest is today.”

“Well, you won’t have to wait long. We’ve got her in the back, and she’s barely going to stay contained.”

I did a quick mental note. At least it was a woman, which made the White Tiger Guild a very unlikely option since most of their leadership were men. Instead, a “barely contained” woman made my mind jump immediately to Crimson,but I dismissed the thought. There was no way she would be here without warning me… right?

Those thoughts consumed me while Carl made small talk with the others. Eventually, someone decided it was time to start.

“Alright, buckle in,” Carl said, miming the motion.

Out of reflex, we all did it too.

“We’re on in three, two, one,” someone called, holding their fingers up before stepping off the stage.

Carl burst into laughter, the sound practiced and convincing. “That was good! They were just telling me about the time they killed some epic bosses.”

He chuckled and turned toward the camera. “We have with us here today Ken Nagato, Helen Braveheart, Desmonda Renard, and Candice Farage! Everyone, this is a star-studded cast that you might not recognize yet—but you will. These guys are going to be the future of diving the dungeon. They’ll be breaking the seventies, the eighties, maybe even the nineties in their lifetime! And when those things happen, these are the names you’re going to hear. But remember: Carl had them on first.”

I was about to point out that we’d been on another show last night before realizing that was a non-starter as he rolled right past that topic like the world was on mute until he opened his mouth.

“So before they become too, too famous, we’re going to get the dirty deets and get to know them, so that when their names pop up in the future, you’ll already know plenty.”

He leaned toward me. “So, Ken, what’s it like being the only guy at a school most people can only dream about?”

“Honestly,” I said, leaning forward conspiratorially, “it’s fantastic. And though the ladies are nice,” I added with an overly casual gesture at those sitting next to me, “the resources and the teachers are all top notch. I doubt you’re going to find anywhere in the world that compares when it comes to making an adventurer.”

“Whoa-ho-ho, high praise,” Carl chuckled. “You ladies feel the same, or you got something else to say now that he glossed over you? Though I do hear he’s a certain teacher’s favorite.” Carl winked, and I could feel the sweat bead on my brow as I worried they were about to pop Crimson out from backstage.

“Well, Ken deserves it,” Des said with a dismissive wave. “He might be her favorite, but he also kicks ass and takes names. There’ve been more than a few tight spots, like when we were stuck down with the dungeon shuffle, that Ken really showed his leadership and power. And I can’t really hold a grudge against him for being the favorite after that.”

“Well, alright,” Carl said. “Do you all fight in the same party? Obviously you did for the raid, right?”

I nodded.

“So, who’s top DPS?” He asked like he was trying to drive a wedge between us.

All of them pointed straight at me without a moment’s hesitation.

“No way!” Carl slapped his knee. “They didn’t even blink! Dude, you’ve got it made.” He drew the words out like he was savoring them. “Alright, but if we take Ken out of the picture, which of you is the most important?” He pointed at the other three.

This time, there was a little hesitation and Carl turned to me with a sly smirk painted on his face. I knew what was coming before it came out of his mouth. “Ken, you pick which one of these lovely ladies is the best. And no cheating, I want you to pick one.” He held up a finger, and the looks I got from all of them told me I was in trouble no matter who I picked. Which, of course, had been the entire point of making me pick.

They had all said these interviewers were going to try and get a reaction. Well, I was understanding that far better at this moment.

“I do have to say, Helen’s a fantastic tank, and Des is a great DPS. Unfortunately, Candice’s flexibility in what position she takes really does make her an overall higher value. When it comes to picking who is the best,” I said, air-quoting the last part. “Without DPS, the bosses doesn’t die. Without a tank, everyone gets knocked around. And without healing or support, no one does much of anything. So it’s definitely a team effort. Still, because of that and Candice being as flexible as her class is, she’s the most valuable to the raid so we can adjust for different bosses.”

“Good save, man.” Carl gave me a strange half-salute, half-head-nod gesture. It also made it seem like he didn’t mean for me to piss one of them off and cause a scene.

I just accepted it with a smile.

“Well, as we talk about the most valuable person in the raid, that leads me to our special guest,” Carl said, his grin widening. “Coming from her long tenure in the dungeon as one of the most famous adventurers in the world—you’ve all heard of her, so I need not give her more introduction. Give it up!” He gestured toward the back, and my heart stopped. I half-expected Crimson to pop through a portal right then and there.

However, a click of heels, a sapphire-blue dress, and blazing red hair revealed none other than Heather, the Harem Queen, as she smiled and waved at the crowd.

“Fuck,” Helen hissed beside me.

I didn’t look her way, resisting the urge to draw attention to her.

“Hello, hello!” Heather took the spotlight with ease, performing a graceful rolling bow. “Thank you, my pretties, for letting me join you tonight.”

She turned toward our group, and rather than greet her daughter, she winked at me and slid herself down between Des and I. “Well, if it isn’t Ken,” she said, giving me a big side hug.

“It’s always good to see you, Heather,” I said cordially, trying to keep my tone even.

Carl slapped his knee. “You two know each other?”

“Why, in fact, we do.” Heather swam through the conversation like a fish in water. “Ken and I fought together on the twenty-fifth floor safe zone when it was invaded by dwarves. He saved my bacon once.” Heather’s tone shifted smooth, dramatic, the kind of voice that belonged beside a campfire when you were telling ghost stories.

“Go on,” Carl encouraged her, though she didn’t need it.

“If you don’t know how dwarves work,” Heather began, “there’s a queen. They’re massive, and essentially half necromancer, half flesh-shaper. Which they use to create armies of less intelligent drone dwarves. That’s what we call them. Who knows what the dwarves call them? They’re not very friendly. Anyway, no one was around to help, and I was up against this queen. I was not doing very well.”

The entire studio leaned forward, hanging on every word.

“And then Ken comes in, flashing fast as an arrow, distracting the queen while I deal with some of her warrior caste. In the same battle, I’m getting beat up by the queen; she’s summoning more and more. Then I throw Ken a high-level weapon. He grabs it, mana burn tearing up his hand as he uses his speed to get it past her armor and gave me the opening for the finishing blow.” Her voice slowly dropped as she spoke and people leaned in to try and hear more.

People were nearly falling off their chairs. I had to give it to her, the Harem Queen knew how to tell a story and captivate an audience.

“So you two go way back,” Carl said. “Now I understand. Tell me, are you going to add him to your harem?”

Heather laughed, leaning against me again. “I wish I could be so lucky as to have Helen call him Daddy…”

At those words, I watched Helen’s face go into a full nuclear meltdown. Her skin turned scarlet so fast her hair almost looked white in comparison.

Carl’s eyes were practically glowing. He knew he’d just struck gold.

“Oh, I didn’t know there was so much romance happening over at Haylon College. You are a teacher there now, right?” he teased.

“There’s not enough if you ask me,” Heather tutted. “If you don’t know, Ken’s Silver Fangs is absolutely the place to be for the next era of diving the dungeon.” She drew out the word for effect. “They’re pretty much only recruiting at Haylon, but every single one of them is getting full support. I’ve been around the scene for a while, and I’m jealous of the resources Ken can bring to bear, especially at his age.”

Then she turned her smile on Helen. “If you could talk some sense into my daughter, I’d appreciate it.”

Carl’s laugh wasn’t the considerate kind. It was the devious kind. “Well, if you haven’t had much luck, I can’t promise anything. But we’re happy to grill the two lovebirds tonight!”

The grin on Carl’s face was only rivaled by the absolute dread on Helen’s.