AO 6 Ch 16

Thor's face continued to grow redder by the second until his hair seemed nearly white in comparison. His fire-red hair seemed to have lost all of its shine, out-competed by the redness of his face. 

"How dare you!" he growled before pulling another weapon out of his arsenal. He brandished a strange-looking scepter, looking as if he was going to join the fight himself. 

I was suddenly wondering how the hell I ended up standing in a room full of raging gods.

But as I waited to see what would happen, a monster bigger than Thor with only a single eye materialized out of Freya's energy and held out a hand to stop him. 

"I'm going to kill him with my own hands and you can’t stop me." Thor smacked the monster's hand away and simultaneously held out his hand as the mace of lightning shot back into his with a clap of thunder. 

Freya then screamed out, "Thor, calm yourself." She was scrambling to hold off Missy who pushed her advantage as the mage of lightning was no longer helping Freya keep back the spirits.

I thought the words were probably pointless given how red his face had turned. Logic had returned to me as I shook off Aphrodite's kiss. "Did you just get a god to pick a fight with me?" I narrowed my eyes.

Ditzy just smiled. "If you're going to go as far as to give me silly nicknames, aren't we pretty much married?" She batted her lashes at me innocently. 

"You're nothing but trouble." I grumbled.

She blew me a kiss. "Just let him make the first move," she whispered quickly under her breath. It appeared she had a plan.

I could only take her advice and watch as the angry, lightning hammer in the fist of a giant of a man hurled himself across Freya's gilded hall into the depths of Missy's starlit sky.

His hammer and the staff both shattered the souls that got in his way as he raised the hammer, lightning trickling off of it, ready to deal me a deathly blow. In the process he carved a path through Missy’s spirits and Freya’s energy swelled behind him trying to capitalize on it.

However, to me it was just backlighting to the large red-faced god bent on clobbering my face.

I was starting to reconsider if I should trust Ditzy after all as the hammer moved to slam down on my skull.

My life flashed before my eyes as I wondered if I was about to be brained by a god. Honestly, it wasn’t the worst way to go. And Emlyn would probably say it was only a matter of time that I said the wrong thing to the wrong person.

She’d probably say I deserved this. Then again, Emlyn was often wrong.

I waited, time seeming to slow. But as the strike nearly came, something swelled between the two of us, something beyond any magic I understood or controlled.

That force then hurled Thor back, flinging him against a nearby pillar hard enough to crack it and make the god cough up blood. 

Ditzy let out a breath. "Good job not even flinching." 

"Yeah, I didn't flinch," I smiled. Truthfully, between the sudden reflection on my life and the speed in which the god had attacked me, there hadn't really been time for flinching. But I wasn't going to brush off the compliment from a goddess. After all, those were probably rarer than diamonds. 

"Well, I'm sure when we get back to your ladies, we can brag about how you didn't even flinch," she said, winking at me like she understood where my thoughts were going. 

"Ditzy, if I didn't know better, I would say you like me." Given that I wasn't supposed to attack first, I didn't know if that meant I got to join the fight at all.

Seeing that Ditzy was standing calmly, I figured I still wasn't supposed to go on the attack. 

But I did notice one change. The suction with which I drained energy from Freya through Missy increased. I wondered if some part of the godly rules had additional penalties or something. I raised an eyebrow, unsure, but it made a certain kind of sense. This was between Missy and Freya and we were just support. Moral support in my case.

"Oh, I like you quite a bit, Ard," Ditzy flashed me a smile. "I am the goddess of love. And from the moment I walked into the gathering of you and your ladies, you had my respect. After all, while simply obtaining a handful of women is not so hard, having them all love you back as fiercely as they do is no easy feat." She glanced at me out of the side of her eye, "I would say such a man deserves the highest praise."

While she was flirting with me, the red-haired god stumbled to his feet like a drunkard. "What was that?" He growled, scowling and holding his head. 

"Oh, nothing. I was just mentioning how much of a superior man Ard is to you," Ditzy replied, giving him a fake smile, the kind a person gives to somebody beneath them. Meanwhile she draped herself over me once again.

Thor's fury was written plainly on his face as he gripped his hammer tight again. Freya, however, was having none of it. 

"Thor, back," she demanded, her voice cracking like a woman scolding her dog. Thor seemed almost physically restrained, shivering with rage, but unable to take another step towards Ditzy or I.

"I said, back!" Freya screamed. Even as she continued to lose the war with Missy, the goddess on her throne was sweating profusely, quaking under the continued pressure of the magical storm before her.

Ditzy had a giant grin on her face as she leaned in close, her breath brushing my ear. "Ard, Missy said this would be the time to use that lovely tongue of yours," she whispered, and I grinned like a loon. 

"You mean it?" So many thoughts started going through my head. I barely knew where to begin.

"She couldn't emphasize just how much she needs you to use your tongue for her." Ditzy replied.

I chuckled and grabbed Ditzy by the hip, pulling her against my chest and kissing the top of her head and fell into the act. If Missy wanted me to mock this god, then I was going to have fun with it. "Oh, Thor, was it? You mentioned him once. Wasn't he that buffoon that was trying to court you? Just wouldn't take no for an answer." I mused aloud before glancing at Thor, pity in my eyes. "I am so sorry. Just existing must be torture with that face. I can see why you wanted to be with the goddess of beauty. You were probably hoping for some help."

Thor’s face was currently bubbling with rage as he struggled against whatever control Freya had over him. His assault on me had torn through some of Missy's magic, for which Freya had filled in the void, and used it to make up a decent amount of the lost ground from all of Missy's bag of tricks.

But now as she struggled to control Thor, Freya’s magic faltered.

Thor's muscles swelled so much that even through his ponderous fat, they began to push to the surface, veins wiggling about like little worms pushing through his flesh. It was almost as if all of the fat on his body was converting to muscle, growing stronger and angrier with every second.

It was an image I did not need in my brain.

"You know, Ditzy, I think he's having trouble letting go of you. His little mind just isn't quite capable of understanding he is not man enough for you.” I offered.

“Please don't let that giant red-haired pimple anywhere near me." Ditzy leaned into me.

Thor's eyes swelled as veins bulged along his jawline and stretched up to his temple. He was starting to look like he might just explode with rage.

Freya screamed from her throne, slamming a hand against the armrest. "Thor, back, now!" 

However, the god only grew angrier, his jaw slowly opening. "I. Will. Kill. You," he said, his voice shaking with exertion. 

"Will you now? Honestly. So far you’ve just kind of been a big fuck up. A disappointment." I shrugged. "It's like the guy who keeps slipping on his own puke and piss telling me he's going to do something bad to me. I just think you're going to fail again, probably like every time you can’t get it up."

I might have struck a chord.

A guttural roar ripped from his throat. His hammer of lightning sparked off a small storm that drove back Missy and Freya's domain. And as his own spread, he appeared to grow increasingly resistant to Freya's control. 

"I didn't overdo it now, did I, Ditzy?" I whispered into her ear.

The Goddess of Love had a brilliant smile stretching across her petal-pink lips. "Oh, I think you should keep going," she swooned against me, rubbing a hand on my chest. "I love to hear your voice. It's so much sweeter than a drunk bastard who slips in his own puke." She gave Thor a sad smile, “That one’s only really good for brute force and probably doesn't even know the word 'romance'.”

I chuckled. “His idea of romance is probably flipping the barmaid's skirt and pulling her down on his lap. I bet without that strength of his and the plethora of barmaids, he probably wouldn't even get any." 

Ditzy's eyes went wide, and the scream of rage from Thor caused his resistance to redouble, his domain expanded, rapidly snapping out around him. The magic between him and Freya reversed and he was drawing from her now. 

"Oh, I just hit the nail on the head, didn't I?" I whispered to the wide-eyed blonde goddess in my arms.

"You may have just hit the nail straight on the head and through the board with a single stroke." She replied.

I let out a whistle of appreciation as Thor broke free of Freya's reins, screaming and rushing me with the staff emanating darkness and the hammer that bled lightning. I was feeling far more confident this time as the god charged me.

I smiled, a smug grin on my face as his hammer came towards me.

Aphrodite gasped, screaming my name. “ARD!”

Wait, wasn’t I immune? Her sudden panic caused my smile to turn to a frown.

But there was no time to ask questions. I watched the hammer slam down towards my face. It seemed like the world had frozen. Ditzy was crying out in my arms, mouth and eyes wide open. 

Missy was otherwise occupied with her storm of magic and spirits, filling Freya's gilded hall and even pushing her domain back towards the goddess. Meanwhile, Freya herself was too occupied dealing with Missy's encroaching terrors to rein in the angry skirt flipping god. 

As Thor’s hammer came down to end my life, I realized that this hit had far more power behind it than the first. It seemed like enough to even wallop the giant crab that had become my favorite chancellor eating pet.

The lighting from the hit began to tickle my face, giving a strange static warmth that brushed over me. It was almost as if the lightning was helping numb me for the strike that was about to obliterate me.

I called on every ounce of magic inside of me and just scrambling to protect myself, but nothing seemed fast enough as the hammer met my face, only for there to be a dull thud and a metallic ring.

The hammer stopped dead against me, as I cracked an eye open. 

Thor and I stared at each other in disbelief for what felt like an eon before I whipped back towards Ditzy.

"You just fucking…" I held my chest. "I thought I was about to die. Don’t tease me like that." I clutched my heart where it was beating against me, threatening to rip itself out and go find a safer, fleshy host.

Ideally, one that wasn't about to get hit by a god's hammer to the face. However, when I looked at Ditzy to scold her, she looked just as surprised as Thor and I.

But before I could retaliate against the skirt-flipping god, Freya screamed in a fit of rage, swinging her hand through the air. An earthquake tore the very fabric of her gilded haul in two, like a child throwing a tantrum and ripping a piece of paper.

The result was immediate and obvious. Fragments of her magic and possibly even her soul scattered into the air. And with that, the suction passing through Missy swelled and began to devour what I assumed were fragments of Freya’s soul. 

"Holy shit, did we just win?" I said, glancing down at Ditzy, who was still looking stunned before she blinked up at me. 

"How are you alive?" She asked. 

I hesitated. "Because I'm awesome?" I raised an eyebrow, cocking it as if to say ‘was there any other possible reason’.

The Goddess of Love blinked and shook her head. “Ha, I almost got you," she rubbed her nose. "You should have seen the look on your face. Oh, Emlyn and the others are just going to absolutely eat up this story." She quickly pulled herself out of my arms, chuckling mischievously.

Wait, it was a trick? She was so hard to read and her fear had been so very real.

Her swinging narratives were confusing, but at the moment, I was still amped up on adrenaline from thinking I was going to become a puddle and then finding out I was still alive.

Add onto that the fact that the world around me was quite literally collapsing was also a bit distracting. 

Missy seemed to be holding the space together while we worked to drain the last vestiges we could squeeze out of Freya, who was in the same breath, trying to disconnect as swiftly as possible.

I was busy sucking down the mintiest ice cream of my life, metaphorically.

Missy turned back to the two of us, only to see Ditzy in my arms. A scowl suddenly marred her otherwise delightful face. "And what do you two think you're doing? Are you both over there flirting while I do all the heavy lifting?" Her nose flared, and I could tell she was actually angry. 

"Uh, kind of. But there was a reason." I held my hands up as Missy to cut the connection with Freya with a flick of her wrist.

All of the floating shards that I had been drinking up, were devoured by the dark-haired goddess in an instant.

I felt the sudden snap back towards Soulgard. Blinking, I was slightly disoriented by the sudden shift, only to be confronted by a pissed-off goddess. 

"Really, the two of you were flirting while I did all of the work?" Missy was upset, her arms crossed in that signature 'I demand answers' pose that every woman could pull off as if they were born with it already in their repertoire. 

Maribelle, who had been waiting for us, glanced between me and the goddess. "What did Sir do? He would never disrespect you," Maribelle said quickly, taking a step forward in case protection was needed.

I was glad to see she was still on my side when her goddess was on the other.

"Yeah, what did he do that upset you so bad?" Ditzy leaned against me further, putting her head on my shoulder. Her long blonde locks tickled at the nape of my neck.

I frowned down at her. Thor was gone and now she was messing with Missy?

"Can we talk about you, Missy? Holy cow. And also, Freya was definitely a cow. But the way you went head to head with her and then squished her like a bug! Honestly, Missy, I am very impressed." I tried to quickly pivot the tone of the conversation. No one could stay angry while being complimented.

The raven-haired goddess did a self-satisfied little wiggle, the grin on her face growing even larger. "Of course, of course, you should be impressed. Still, that doesn't..." She was cut off as Ditzy pouted. 

"That's not what you told me when you were holding me tight, telling me you would protect me."

I pulled away a bit, annoyed that the goddess was causing extra trouble. "That was all an act, Ditzy. I know we call you that, but do try and keep up. Thor was fairly easy to manipulate by flirting with you." I punctuated the end of my sentence.

Missy blinked. "Wait, what happened? You were flirting as an act?" She frowned. 

"I mean, yes, it was an act. Of course it was an act." I answered. “It got Thor all riled up and he took his hammer back from Freya, then she was fighting on two fronts as she tried to restrain him and attack you.”

A giant smile spread across Missy's face. "Yes, it was an act. That's it." She chuckled to herself. "To piss off Thor.” I didn’t think she was focusing on the most important part, but that was her choice.

“You should have seen him. He got redder than his beard. Got all puffed up and then when he tried to strike me, both times it bounced off like nothing happened and then I think Freya got weaker?" I asked, not entirely sure of the rules of the game which, in hindsight, was something I probably should have known going into that battle.

"Well, you weren't supposed to get involved, Art," Missy said. "I could have handled that on my own.”

“I was watching, you had Freya completely in hand. It’s just upsetting that Thor was almost too easy."

I continued to compliment the angry goddess because after all, she was still a woman and while Emlyn might insist I'm an idiot, I knew that one of the best ways to survive an angry woman was to continue to compliment her until she stops being angry. 

"You were really incredible." I glanced over at Maribelle and Emlyn as if to bring them in on the conversation. "You guys had to be there to see it. There was just so much magic being thrown around. Freya and Missy were pouring off power like they were, well, gods." I chuckled. "And then every time Freya escalated, Missy somehow made it so that..." 

The entire time I continued to fluff Missy's ego, she continued to nod along, a giant smile infectious as it spread across her face.

"Exactly, exactly, exactly as you said it, I demolished her." She continued to nod.

“And after that, if I were her, I would run away from you with my tail tucked." I added, but those words caused some of the joy to fade from Missy's face. 

"Unfortunately, the more likely reaction from her is going to be to double down and rush her plan. But we can manage that," Missy said.

Aphrodite was still leaning on me, so I could feel it when her head bobbed in agreement. "We might want to try and recruit a little more help." She pinched her fingers together. "Freya was even stronger than I expected. Honestly, if it wasn't for Ard being so great at upsetting Thor, I'm not sure that would have gone as smoothly as it did." 

Emlyn squinted at me. "Who is Thor?" 

"The god of war and lightning," Aphrodite answered quickly.

"Wait, are you telling me that Ard, this Ard, just intentionally pissed off a god?" Emlyn smacked hand against her face and dragged it down.

I waffled my head back and forth. "I don't know if I would say pissed off. I mean, it was more like friendly banter." 

Ditzy covered her mouth and laughed. "Oh no, I'm pretty sure he's going to hunt Ard to the ends of the earth just so he can kill him, find someone to bring him back to life, and kill him a few more times just to vent his anger." 

Emlyn leveled a solid level ten out of ten glare at me. "Oh great. Thanks, Ard." 

"You're welcome!" I shot back just as quickly. "I mean, after all, it would be boring being my anchor and guarding me if I didn't have at least a few people after my head. Don’t work, I got your back and I made it a little more fun." 

"Sir, he will never touch a hair on your body," Maribelle's eyes were baleful. "If he even considers it, I will hunt him to the end of the world or to the next, even if he is a god."

Ditzy chuckled slightly into my ear. "Do you see how much they all love you? You're a lucky man, Ard. Lucky, lucky man."