Mob Sorcery 4 Update
Added 2024-12-17 00:32:44 +0000 UTCAs I mentioned in Discord, I'm currently considering rewriting the last 2 chapters. I don't think they work very well and the early momentum of the book has been lost (Mob always has slow pacing but this is very slow, and not much is happening beyond just talking that doesn't necessarily add too much).
I'm increasingly wary of posting V2s of chapters, and have avoided it with Mob so far because I know people hate having to reread stuff, but I do feel the diversion to Lionettie Tower hasn't gone well.
If I changed the chapters, the training session would transition directly into more direct forms of heist planning (e.g. Fia would have Vince meet people or scope out the facility) rather than the talkfest I worry it's been so far.
Thoughts are appreciated. I'll make up my mind on whether to do the rewrite later today and do it tomorrow if I decide to and post them both rapidly.
Comments
Honestly disagree with that. Makes people think who, why, how. Is it as straight forward as it seems and it’s the yakuza or is there a other mole, communications hacked, are the troops under surveillance, or is Nina and him? It also humanizes Nina more and shows that she isn’t so far out of his league and she’s starting to become more useful to her. That’s my two cents along with what’s below. Don’t think the pacing is slow at all only feels like that because of the time between patreon posts.
Nozzy
2024-12-19 12:54:10 +0000 UTCIf some action is needed early on, perhaps bring Fia to the atelier on day 2 or 3, and having a 3 way fight between them as practice both in general and in case of betrayal or shenanigans during the heist. Plus Aulfair seems primed for many sided fights in the future.
Joe S.
2024-12-18 09:50:12 +0000 UTCYeah, the kidnapping attempt is definitely getting removed no matter what. It honestly shouldn't have made it to Patreon.
K.D. Robertson
2024-12-18 03:20:30 +0000 UTCI would let the chapters be , and just continue the next morning with his visit in alyys sstore. On another note, Nina mentioned ,that his barrier could count as a maister tier spell, but is a initiateone. Could he desing a brand new barrier, that is even stronger than his old one, while also using the magic from enemy spells as fuel, that at the same time repairs the barrier and refills his reserves? Put it into the secound tier, and remove his problem of physical attacks ignoring his barrier, and he can speedrund the training, but has to manually chose the new barrier. Was just an idea, but would round his build a bit better.
Rotaugur
2024-12-17 23:14:45 +0000 UTCThat said, if you post a V2 I’m all for a reread!
Jim Payne
2024-12-17 22:57:08 +0000 UTCI enjoy the character interactions, and agent popping up early sets the tone nicely. But it might be a bit slow momentum wise for non-subscribers. It’s fine for us, as it picks right back up, but most book readers it’s going to have been months between books. That said, I love whatever you write, so just my $0.02
Jim Payne
2024-12-17 22:56:48 +0000 UTCThe one problem with web serialization writing is that there's a commitment aspect that discourages re-writes. If you think it needs a re-write, it probably needs a re-write. I thoroughly enjoy what you've written so far, but if you think it needs to get streamlined then I'd recommend you follow your instinct.
Dennis Erwin
2024-12-17 18:57:11 +0000 UTCAgreed
[OMEN]
2024-12-17 18:16:02 +0000 UTCWhy not just put a mock battle between Nina and Vince, Nina giving an obvious handycap to Vince. He does need to train to deal with CQC better, and maybe be able to come up with an idea for a spell that isn't master tier, sorry but I have to roll my eyes at him doing that. Heck he has a duel focus one whoch is wind, he could use that as a way to use wind to interact with his shield spell to create a flame nova sort of effect.
Nightdragon91
2024-12-17 14:01:29 +0000 UTCLike others I think it's good as it is - I don't think it's lacking momentum, and I enjoy the dialogue. But if you want to rewrite then go for it
Mamfus
2024-12-17 12:19:05 +0000 UTCHonestly, I'm enjoying the current pacing. The attempted kidnapping sequence was a bit weak, but the character interaction and setup for future plotlines. Perhaps I'm just overly patient, but I'm treating these early chapters as setup for the later heist, so I don't mind the slow burn. That being said, if you're concerned about improving some of the pacing, it might be better if you excise the plot line about the attempted kidnapping when Vince and Nina leave the atelier, and instead include a sequence about Fia, Allesia, and Pola visiting Vince and Nina during their training sequence in the atelier. That way, you can have the extended cast ooh-and-aah at the appropriate magic training sequence for an outside perspective on their progress, have Fia and Nina interact more directly after Fia admits the pressure she's under, and then just include a small sequence with the imposters delivering lunch / supplies while everyone is in the atelier rather than having to spend 10-15 pages talking about an aborted kidnapping attempt that slows down the pacing and has no immediate payoff.
Telosa
2024-12-17 10:13:26 +0000 UTCThere were definitely parts of the last two chapters that are worth keeping, but I could see where some of the planning talk being turned into planning actions, like checking out the facility from the outside, or being at the meeting with Mei for some explanation might help with the pacing of the beginning of the book. Always more than happy to reread anything you write!
Lauryn Niedzielski
2024-12-17 05:56:58 +0000 UTCI think the current pacing is fine. I am of the opinion that a few talking chapters at the start, especially character focused ones is a good thing. It helps readers remember everyone’s personalities and relationships with each other, which I think is one of the best parts of your books and it helps show what changes have developed in the gap (also how they react when a new character is introduced e.g. Daji). I personally haven’t even found it that slow, it’s only been the back half of one chapter and then another short chapter and nothing in the scenes have dragged.
Silver Chariot Requiem
2024-12-17 05:48:55 +0000 UTCThe way I see it, we have really only had 5 chapters since the last big fight. Sure that was at the end of the last book, but that really wasn't that long ago In world.
Raven3ye
2024-12-17 05:42:37 +0000 UTCI haven't found it slow personally. I'm happy with what it is but I'll also be happy with a rewrite. I haven't disliked any of your books (I've enjoyed them all quite a bit) and the depth of thought is interesting.
Kyle
2024-12-17 05:29:30 +0000 UTCThe dialogue between the characters is the best part of this series for me so I haven’t found it slow at all
Storm1718
2024-12-17 03:30:02 +0000 UTCI’m down for whatever you decide. However, I haven’t really found it slow but then again I genuinely enjoy the slice of life aspect of mob sorcery. I’m curious if it feels slow because we’re reading it as a web novel and not a book. In a book you just keep reading past the story building elements to the action in one sitting versus waiting for it piece by piece over weeks and months as a web novel. Either way really enjoying the story so far and down for either way you want to take it.
Jeb the Pleb
2024-12-17 03:19:17 +0000 UTCYeah I like your series for the interactions and relationship's so having a talk fest is not a bad thing for me. But with how many times I've reread your series I don't mind rereading things as well. If that's what you want to do I'm just here to support the books in anyway I can.
Posiden 300
2024-12-17 01:56:09 +0000 UTCRewrite if you want… but I’d just keep plugging, focus on the relationships and then do the active recon, having set everything up already.
Dutch Palmer
2024-12-17 01:13:32 +0000 UTCSometimes you need a buildup to understand the greater picture before the action. IMO at least. Just do what feels right good sir
Adam Siefertson
2024-12-17 01:06:33 +0000 UTCI agree with what Nozzy said ..I don't think that book is moving to slow .
Cynderick
2024-12-17 00:56:42 +0000 UTCGiven that you are going for a slice of life vibe, I think that the pacing is fine. I also greatly enjoy the character dialogue as it allows us the readers to have a window into the every day happenings of Vince and co. You are very good at writing conversations in a way that not only stays true to the characters, but gives us extra insight into how the characters think and behave within the world of Aulfair. In many ways this is my favorite series of yours because of this...
Cody
2024-12-17 00:51:30 +0000 UTCI personally don't see anything wrong with what you have so far. You have increased world building, increased character development, and the setup and worries about the up coming heist. These chapters humanize your characters and shows that they have worries and feelings and aren't always so put together and confident. I also wouldn't call the pacing slow, you only have 5 chapters. You introduced a new character, showed and explained more how magic and spells work. Increased world and character development, while putting more drama setup around the heist in. Just because we don't have "action" in the first 5 chapters doesn't make it slow.
Nozzy
2024-12-17 00:50:21 +0000 UTCI'm fine so far with everything in this book. Yeah it's mostly setup, but alot of character stuff happens there that I like. Plus it feels fine for the set up of the heist. Yeah if it goes on like that for 10 chapters straight, I could see the issue. But I've been happy so far. And I don't mean talking to mei or canvassing the area or even talking. I meant more just them sitting around the border talking for 10 straight chapters and nothing else. You wouldn't do that
Bob Bryan
2024-12-17 00:38:22 +0000 UTCI’m up for whatever you decide. But I personally like the character interactions and didn’t find it too slow.
Apiris
2024-12-17 00:37:27 +0000 UTCHistorically every time you rewrote a chapter it has always been better. Also historically (book 1) active recon was engaging to read. If you believe the book would be better with the rewrite then do so.
Crit Happens
2024-12-17 00:36:54 +0000 UTCI'm probably in the minority because I read your books for the character interactions, world building, and story. Not the fights. So I am fine with how it has been going. But if you feel it will be more marketable to try and speed up the pacing, then do what you think will work.
Sebas Tian
2024-12-17 00:35:01 +0000 UTCI don’t mind rewrites. You are working out what works to fits your vision of the chapters. I hope the feedback helps you dial on the best vision but even if it doesn’t, write what works best for your desires.
Jonathan Towner
2024-12-17 00:34:44 +0000 UTC
