Mob Sorcery 3/4 - Planning

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written a planning post. I used to write one of these for each book, but the mess surrounding writing Spellblade 7/8 meant I never did one for either. The main reason was simply that the process was so hectic that expressing my thoughts, doubts, etc about the books ended up being counterproductive (such as when the book stalled in January and ended up getting a complete rewrite).

With a return to a more sane writing process, I can hopefully start talking about the creative process again.

This is a spoiler-lite commentary on the creative aspects leading into writing Mob Sorcery 3 & 4, which will wrap up the current Mob Sorcery arc. It won’t ruin any twists, secret villains, etc but it will talk about future plot points, creative decisions, and generally give you a broader insight into how where I want these books (and the series) to go. So if you want a completely blind reading or don’t want a glimpse behind the curtain, don’t read this.

Extended Arc

Let’s start with the obvious: the fact I’m talking about two books at once.

Originally, the opening Kaziern/Yakuza arc was supposed to be two books. Book 1 was intended to end with the assault on Lionetti Tower by Juliet and co, with Book 2 focused on Houou and the Yakuza shenanigans. But things got longer and I wanted shorter books than what I was churning out for Spellblade, so changed things up. This is why I wrote all the way up until this point before, as I had that planned out for a book. It kind of backfired, as I had difficulty coming back to what was basically a half-written book and even had some continuity errors to iron out as my plans for Book 2 changed.

So it’s probably weird that the Yakuza arc now has two more books in it. To be blunt, it’s mostly due to the Christmas special and the time it takes to get from Book 2’s ending to it, then include the action afterward.

It’s still possible this all fits into a single book, but the Christmas special is 40k+ words and I need to add some stuff to it for pacing. Half the book will be over by the end of it. Whether it comes down to one or two books will likely be a matter of how long it takes to reach a specific event after the Christmas party. The closer that occurs to a word count that is effectively an entire book, the more likely I’ll make the decision to split the arc into two books and extend the second half with some drama and action. But we’ll see. I try to plan Mob less, especially coming off Spellblade.

Loose Ends

The other big thing is that Book 2 left a ton of loose ends that need to be followed up on rapidly.

Kiyoko wants to speak to Vince; he needs to visit Ally; the contract with Alessia still hasn’t been signed (and she’s hinted to renegotiating it again); Quintus wants to meet Vince about a job; Nicki’s just moved in; Nina is in the middle of quitting (and as revealed in the Christmas Special, gets an office job with the Lionettis while moonlighting as an enforcer); the conference is ongoing. Plus there’s all the political stuff taking place around this, like the mayor’s involvement in freeing Vince, Agent stalking Vince, and the broader international politics on catalysts.

It’s good to have lots to cover in the book. The downside is that it means there’s a lot going on prior to the Christmas Party, and I do want this book to take a little longer than the previous ones to give Vince some actual time to improve his magic.

Pacing is the main problem I’ll face. Mob isn’t supposed to feel like it focuses entirely on the plot like in Spellblade, as there’re lots of character moments stuffed in between the action. At the same time, the series is supposed to be action-adventure, so it needs action, and the current state of the plot limits who can pick fights (as the police are going into heavy lockdown for the conference, and both the Lionettis and Houou and pushing matters).

Frost was a bit of a dick for essentially shrugging and doing nothing after the attempt on Vince’s life, and there’ll be fallout from the public attack and lack of repercussions. But his unwillingness to either raid a conglomerate on flimsy evidence (and get trounced for it) or attack the Yakuza and act as a conglomerate patsy isn’t faked. However, if Houou starts picking open fights before things calm down, I feel it will just feel like all the stuff about the police cracking down on enforcers and corpo enforcers needing to limit themselves is bullshit.

Mob 3 will be a funny book to pace as a result. I want to avoid the drama being too political, and it’s going to be very slice of life heavy compared to the earlier books thanks to the Christmas party. But I’ll hopefully get there.

Keeping the Feel

This is always an important facet of returning to a series. I didn’t intend to abandon Mob entirely for Spellblade, but ending that series swamped me completely for most of this year. What I worry about now is my writing being affected by how I approach Spellblade.

When I write each series, they feel different. Spellblade in particular has felt different to my other series, both in terms of prose, structure, planning, and how the story plays out. Every chapter and scene has purpose, with character moments sliding into the narrative and often playing an important purpose. Character arcs are very visible as they slot into spaces between the major plot points (even if the plot can trigger progression in the arcs).

Mob, and Neural Wraith as well, are supposed to be more meandering and the over-the-shoulder focus on Vince helps a lot. Stuff is happening as he goes about his life, but he often just does stuff like catch up with a friend for coffee or fast food, even if he does discuss plot stuff. There’ll be dates and laying on the couch with Nina as she curls up after a day of work. The plot is supposed to happen around Vince, even if he is sometimes in the driver’s seat, but I want the reader to feel they’re following Vince, not the plot.

Another aspect is to keep the friendly-ish urban feel. Vince separates from his harem naturally, because they have jobs and lives that don’t entirely revolve around him. Nina has her job, Nicki doesn’t need to fly him literally everywhere, Fia is still a capo, Ally runs her store, Pola and Alessia are mafia bosses etc. Characters can slot in and out of his group as required, and without feeling like he’s splitting the party.

With Nina joining the fray, Vince won’t be fighting alone all the time, however. And his partner will be as strong or stronger than him, and with a different fighting style, meaning the fights can be different. I do want to vary up the fight scenes, and include more of the urban element.

Ultimately, I want Mob to still feel like Mob. The series got an unexpected surge of interest after Book 2, and while I know a lot of those new readers won’t return because I don’t publish at the rapid rate of the authors they prefer (because quantity trumps quality in harem every time), this series started as a guilty pleasure and I’d dislike it if I fucked it up.

Harem Expansion

The most exciting part of any haremlit book: who gets added to the harem?

Right now, there are multiple girls showing interest: Alessia, Fia, Ally, and Nicki. Lucia’s kind of there, and gets a bit of a bump in the Christmas party, and Kiyoko is also hovering around. Agent’s kind of there, and some others have been hinted (like the fox twins). A few others technically exist, in that most female characters are fair game in haremlit, but haven’t shown interest in Vince.

Salome is a dangerous option, because while she’s interested and I’ve taken some precautions to limit the NTR Blackguards from being annoying as shit, she’s still a succubus and they’re very much sex demons here, even if their existence upsets many people in the genre. The same goes with Juliet, but for a different reason. Namely, Juliet’s kind of a horrible person and many people would prefer she dies than get railed by Vince.

If you’ve read the Christmas Special, you know who Vince gets with in Book 3 for certain. That’s not changing and is overdue in the eyes of many.

Ally’s also teasing Vince and is very interested. Her crush isn’t subtle, but there’ll need to be some more developments between the two. Namely, the two need to get to know each other properly, get past the Yakuza issue and secrets, and probably have actual dates. Unlike Pola, who is tactless and aggressive, Ally is a relatively normal girl and would probably want to date Vince before sliding into his bed. Tail fluffing can come first, of course.

Book 3 will technically only add one member at most, if you only include women who are sleeping with Vince. Depending on how much is covered in it, vs splitting it into Book 4 (as covered above), Vince might get a second new harem member in Ally that might not sleep with him in the book.

I’m not sticking to a hard and fast rule of one girl per book, and instead just want to keep the relationships moving at a nice pace. Some can be fast and aggressive, like Pola and Nina, while others should have proper dates, and still others possess some personal hangups that slow things down (Fia and Alessia). And longer-term options will have their own issues. Apparently many people think this is an artificial reason for the women not to sleep with the MC, because that’s apparently how romance works (lmao), but I’m not changing that.

Maintaining the Harem

More than just adding new girls, it’s important to continue focusing on the ones still interested in Vince. Especially as Nina and Pola have a lot going on and plenty to develop.

Pola and Vince need to get to know each other properly, instead of just physically. Which also means Pola needs to grow a little. There’s also room for Pola to improve her magic, instead of focusing entirely on imitating Nina.

Longer-term, Pola needs time and attention to get over some of her personal traumas, which you’ve seen glimpses of. This is something I expect to chip away at, especially as the other puppers join the pride. Pola doesn’t really know what she’s doing, in many senses of the phrase. Part of her growth requires her to either find her own path or at least an internal justification for why she does what she does.

Nina, by contrast, is following Vince back into the enforcer scene. Even if she keeps an office job to some extent, there’s going to be some fallout from effectively going backward.

One of my worst bosses gave me one decent piece of advice, which was that you should never go back to places in your career you left. There’s always a reason you walked away and those reasons will be more obvious than ever. Without a proper strategy, you’ll only make yourself miserable.

For Nina, it means she’s going to be struggling between the good reasons she returned to enforcer life (love for Vince, hatred for her old job etc) and the fact she really wanted a normal life that didn’t involve killing for money. Nina’s a good girl, but she’s also a bit of a wreck in many ways, and that means there are going to be some difficult scenes for her.

And, yes, the two women need to reconcile their differences in some way. Not sure if it will happen in this book.

The Police

The cops have been a constant presence, for obvious reasons. They’ve mostly been a thorn in Vince’s side, even with Ronin present as a friend and trying to help. Frost’s appearance as an antagonist who enraged a lot of readers only solidifies the police as a largely unhelpful presence in the story, which is kind of the point as they support the status quo. Vince is helping a washed-up mafia try to push back against a much larger company that also has political support.

But the police are going to be present no matter what, and Vince isn’t always going to be the fish they want to fry. While Ronin is a good friend and will go somewhere (in fact, I explicitly want to avoid Ronin getting left behind and feeling like a bitter asshole while Vince rails fifty girls every night), Vince needs more contacts in the Aulfair PD. Even if they’re not immediately relevant, establishing something broader than the corrupt cops and overly order-focused Frost is necessary. Especially as Vince should have an in after helping cops get out during the recent attack.

At the moment, my current thoughts are to introduce a couple of new characters to help with the role, and I’ve discussed at least one in Discord (a serval catgirl). I have other plans for them that I can’t talk about, and they might not end up being harem members, but I should have some leeway for friendlier police characters that aren’t Ronin.

Rehabbing Nicki

Now we’re moving onto the more controversial planning aspects. Namely, stuff that involves reacting to reader reactions.

Pretty much every woman in Mob has some people who dislike her for some reason. Nina’s too large and domineering for some. Alessia’s a bit of a penny-pinching bitch. Pola is Pola. I don’t know who dislikes Ally or why, tbh. It’s hard to judge some of the reactions to Fia, other than to say that I think she might hit too close to home for some people.

But Nicki is definitely the least popular of the main cast. It was a combination of things in Book 1. She’s cantankerous, a bit greedy, and makes lewd jokes that quite a few people find uncomfortable (I still have no idea how to handle the egg stuff, tbh, but any egg laying scene isn’t making it into the core book simply because of how the egg jokes appear to bother a few people). The fact she initially saw Vince as a mark, even if she quickly owned up to it and tried to befriend him properly, hurt her a lot in a genre where anything less than complete loyalty from the start is considered betrayal. Her omnipresence in Book 1 probably didn’t help.

In Book 2, I put her on ice for a bit to give the audience a break from her (especially on Patreon, as there was no break) and she returned with a more serious approach to things. She still jokes around, but is less bitchy.

This is also accompanied by her body dysmorphia issues, which is a whole other kettle of fish I’m increasingly unwilling to even talk about. Given Nicki spent a fair chunk of Book 2 with illusioned human legs, it was frustrating to have a lot of people basically tell me off for having the human version of her future cover done.

Honestly, trying to convince the people who gave up on her in Book 1 to give her another chance is probably pointless. I learned as much in Spellblade from the way people treated Kadria and Fyre.

So, instead, the point is for Nicki to fall into a happier and more comfortable life, and therefore be less bitchy. I actually intended to give the spare bedroom to a different character, but abandoned that idea when the Yakuza arc took longer than expected (and I don’t think the hacker archetype I intended to introduce is even necessary in the story).

Nicki will probably be a bit needy and lost over the next couple of books as she settles into the apartment. If the series has a vague found family vibe with Vince being inducted into the Lionettis, Nicki being dragged into Vince and Nina’s little group also applies. She’s a girl who needs some love, and not just the lewd kind.

Alessia and Vince’s Hangups

A difficult and controversial topic. To be blunt, this one contains more information on the specifics of Alessia’s and Vince’s relationship status than has been directly stated in the books so far. That means it might be spoilery if you’ve missed this (or if you feel I haven’t communicated it properly).

So skip this section if you’re worried about spoilers. I’m not giving away plot details or anything about their past, but still.

Both Alessia and Vince have personal issues with each other that affect how they treat each other, both personally and professionally. These issues are internal, which is a big no-no in haremlit typically, because relationship drama is supposed to be entirely exogenous here.

But Alessia is a fucking billionaire who owns her company and runs a mafia. Exogenous barriers are basically bullshit. So, yeah, she has personal issues and Vince has his own.

Alessia is into Vince, and that’s obvious. Fia’s pointed it out, she’s flirted with Vince, and Alessia even interrupted Pola after the attack on Lionetti Tower out of jealousy. Her problems are twofold: she has trust issues after being treated like a piggy bank in a past relationship; and she’s used to solving problems with money.

As Vince and Fia have discussed, Alessia is using her money to manipulate and control Vince. She penny-pinches on payment, but is lavish with benefits. Free booze, access to the penthouse, Christmas Party invites, escorts, practically giving him Fia’s undivided attention etc.

The strategy is to remind Vince of what he could have if he simply married Pola and joined the Lionettis. Although Alessia might be questioning whether Vince needs to marry Pola. The idea is essentially to dangle money in his face and say “this can be yours if you fuck me and give me your loyalty.”

Which is, to be blunt, a major issue Vince has with her. Among other things. Alessia’s not being subtle, even if I suspect some readers are looking past it because, well, free money. I’ve gotten more than a few reactions that are essentially “why isn’t Vince marrying Pola? Is he fucking dumb?”

Vince makes life difficult for himself in many ways. One of the earliest scenes in Book 1 involves him giving Nina a hefty part of his paycheck to pay her back for various things, even though she earns way more than him and was willing to cover for him. The two are de facto boyfriend/girlfriend and he’s still very stubborn about paying his way.

At the same time, Vince initially didn’t think much of Alessia. He bluntly comments that he thought she was a spoiled rich girl in Book 1, and while he’s definitely rounded out his opinion by the end of Book 2 when June confronts him on Alessia, he still has some issues with the wealth gap between them.

In short, Vince and Alessia have friction. I suspect many people are always going to be annoyed by this, simply because they find it frustrating (and it’s the reason why harem is almost purely exogenous issues in relationships and never really succeeds at romance imo). The resolution will require both of them to actually talk properly to each other, and will probably end in some very rough fucking.

This is one of those relationships I probably won’t write again, simply because of the reactions it gets, and it always feels pointless to even explain it. I’m not writing it out of the story, because it’s most of the dynamic between the two and I’ll probably just be ignoring a lot of the complaining I receive on the matter going forward.

Vince Joining the Lionettis?

Following on from Alessia is the related issue of Vince refusing the associate offer. To me, this is bound up in the same drama. The difference is that Vince also likes his independence (which he’s only just begun to utilize). A bunch of people got mad he refused, and I suspect much of the problem is that I both didn’t communicate the offer properly and an extension of people being annoyed he’s not just taking lots of money. I’ve heard various explanations, and more than a few boil down to just flat out disliking it. I also suspect some people thought this would be a “climbing the ladder” moment where he joins the mafia and actually begins to lead it.

The problem of Vince going corporate is that it shackles him pretty heavily. From a writer’s perspective, it limits his involvement with other factions. But even on a personal perspective, he’d be limited in what he could do (as he’d be a corporate enforcer), couldn’t easily walk away from the Lionettis, and he likes being independent.

Ironically, the fact he remained independent while almost exclusively working for Immanuel is kind of the point. Vince likes the feeling of being independent. I’ve worked with contractors before who sometimes work for years for the same company, but the ability to easily walk away from a job was more worthwhile than the job security and other benefits they might get. Even if their pay was matched, they’d still take the contract over the full-time employment benefits.

Probably the biggest mistake of the scene is Nina’s reaction. She encourages Vince in the scene to take it, which was intended to be a sign that she was thinking of going back into the enforcer business. Instead, it comes across as making Vince look like a moron.

In the end, the reaction has steered my long-term plotting. While I don’t expect to make Vince corporate any time soon (for a bunch of in-story reasons), I’ll reconcile the issue of him effectively joining the Lionettis during this arc. My long-term plots are all going to be much more focused around the Lionettis, with fewer to no meandering aspects.

Ally’s Parents and Avoiding Overshadowing

Moving back to friendlier topics to close out the planning post are Ally’s parents. Although there is still a shadow here.

Ally’s parents are happily married. Her mother is a fox who fled Japan during the Meiji Restoration (for reference, a lot of foxes are quite old, as this series uses DT aging for foxes, and most six-tails and above are from the Tokugawa Shogunate. This is also why I’m using traditional clan names). Her father is a mysterious retired Yakuza member who is respected enough by Kiyoko to be brought up as the reason she protected Ally, although it appears he sheltered Ally from his past life.

In short, Ally’s parents are certified badasses. They’re going to make an appearance in the Yakuza arc, but there’s a trick here. Multiple, really.

First, Ally’s mom is a hot fox in a haremlit novel (one written by me, no less) which can create expectations. I want her to come across more as doting mother than flirtatious, and to keep expectations in check about anything between her and Vince.

Second, because they’re largely external characters to the plot, I want to avoid them overshadowing Vince and the rest of the cast. If they were going to become permanent cast members it’d be different, but there’s nothing more frustrating than having random characters show up, do awesome stuff in place of the MC, and then fuck off.

Finally, and probably least important at this stage of my career, I don’t want people getting pissy because Ally’s dad is stronger than Vince or some shit. I’m not going to say what role he’ll play in the story or how big of a role, but I want it to be a good one and for him to a fun and memorable character without people getting defensive over Vince (or however you’d describe this reaction).

Vince’s Growth and Spells

One of the reasons I don’t mind the Christmas Party and slower pacing of Mob 3 is that I need to give Vince a chance to catch up on his magical growth. He’s gone from beating up fairly ordinary enforcers to taking on corporate assassins in the space of a couple of weeks. Mob has a fairly slow pace of power growth, which runs anathema to most progfantasy (where Vince should be fighting gods by now). That means he needs time to train, learn new spells, and practice.

Vince’s dragon is his trump card and, to be honest, his only real weapon against powerful enforcers. The fight at the end of Book 2 was intended to showcase his weaknesses. And while Nina can help cover for some in future fights now they’re together, Vince’s weaknesses haven’t vanished.

His biggest weakness is that focusing on a single spell for 30 seconds is difficult. Especially when his opponents can cast faster. Making the dragon faster might be possible one day, but that level of practice isn’t immediately available.

Instead, he needs techniques to help him that aren’t just the dragon. Powerful spells he can cast quickly.

Melee remains a weakness as well, but I don’t want Vince to move away from being a pure spellcaster anytime soon. Nina, Fia, Pola etc can cover for that. It makes for a fun dynamic. Plus, Vince doesn’t know any martial arts or fighting skills, so learning those would take far longer than learning spells.

He also needs some dedicated anti-barrier spells, or stuff that can punch through powerful defenses. The dragon is a crude method that defeats most enemies that aren’t way more powerful than Vince, but he said himself that he can’t necessarily punch through building barriers. While truly powerful barriers might remain effectively impenetrable (for good reasons in-universe), he should be able to crack open a random drug lab or transport depot.

Finally, Vince will get some proper training from Nina. She’s back in action, and he had trouble maintaining his dragon when it got dispelled. Vince’s training methods are crude, so Nina can help him a lot there.

Other characters also need growth, such as Pola returning to her proper focus and Fia gaining more power and skill to remain relevant with Nina arriving on-scene.

Mentor/Sponsor Character

However, the time problem in Mob can’t be easily overcome. At least, not without help. Vince’s enemies might have spent years or decades practicing and honing spells, and his dragon is impressive but the work of months.

Vince needs a proper leg-up. Right now, my long-term thoughts are to give him a mentor or sponsor that can assist him. This is likely going to be a very powerful being who has some reason to assist him (and probably can’t use their power normally). Potentially the being might be somebody from history or myth who joins the harem, like La Lupa or Daji.

I’ve had this idea since the start, and the hints and groundwork has been laid for a few options. The Christmas Party added La Lupa to the mix with the chatter about her.

I might go with another option if one occurs to me, but I need it to be consistent with the setting’s rules of magic. And spells taking time to learn is a big part of it.

In the short-term, I have something set up to help Vince during the Yakuza arc so he’s not completely outclassed by the corporate enforcers he’ll be fighting. He’s due for a powerup.

- - - - -

Anyway, that’s the commentary. If you’ve been reading the discord, you’ve likely seen much of this before. But I wanted to share it with the general Patreon audience, as I know not everyone is on Discord or reads stuff there. And I want to resume commentary posts, so this is a good start.

The Discord is going to have discussions like this fairly often, simply due to the conversational nature (and sometimes I talk there while brainstorming stuff). So if this interests you, it’s still the best place.

Let me know what you think of what’s coming and my plans. There’s not a huge focus on the story specifics, I’ll admit, because it’s hard to talk about them without ruining the plot (as you don’t even know if Alessia will agree to work with the Yakuza properly, or how, if she does)