48. Night Terrors

-Goodnight, my lady. Have good dream.-

Mili signed after tucking me into bed, Darkie at my side.

-Goodnight, Milie. See you tomorrow.-

She smiled and headed for the door, waving as she did.

I turned to my side and looked at the window. It was the beginning of summer, and the sun was still high in the sky even when it was time for me to go to bed.

I rolled back and lifted Darkie above me, his golden buttons staring straight into my eyes.

I brought him back down to my chest and hugged him tightly.

[Do you think they will ever fade away?]

“Do you mean your scars?”

I nodded while thinking back on my earlier interaction with Mili.

Today, I took my first real bath in months. 

At the orphanage and even the estate, when I was sick, I only got to clean my body using a bucket or carafe of water and a sponge. A real hot bath felt like a dream come true.

After removing my clothes that had become damp from my sweat, tears and snot, I felt liberated. Milie had carefully helped me get into the bath. 

At first, the warmth of the water stung my skin, but after a few seconds, I had gotten used to the feeling and was able to relax.

I sank my head underneath the water for a moment, letting my worries get washed away by the warmth before re-emerging into the now refreshingly cool air of the room.

Using soap and a scrubber, Mili had then begun cleaning me up. 

At first, it felt good and cleansing, but after a bit, her movement had become harsh and rough. When her scrubbing started pinching my skin, I turned angrily to her.

-Stop that! It hurts!- 

She had looked surprised, but quickly apologised.

-I sorry, lady. But there is a lot of dirt that no wash off.-

-What dirt?- I asked, confused.

She lifted my arm and showed me one of the many yellowed blotches on my skin. 

I yanked my arm away from her by reflex and hid it beneath the bubbles of the bath.

-It’s not dirt. It’s just what my skin looks like.-

She looked shocked for a moment before looking down in shame.

-Sorry.- She apologised again.

I shook my head and lay back down in the tub.

-It’s ok. I don’t mind.- I signed nonchalantly, but I wasn’t sure if I believed those words myself. 

Did it truly not bother me? Or was that a wall I had put between myself and the memories of what caused my skin to turn that way?

After the bath, the rest of the day went by in a flash. 

I had been so out of it that I don’t remember what it was we ate for dinner. 

Strangely, now that I lay in bed, I felt a sudden wave of clarity. So clear, in fact, I didn’t even feel sleepy.

I brought Darkie back down to my chest and squeezed him.

Why was it that I felt a pit in my stomach when I thought about Mili’s comment? I don’t think I feel angry with her. If anything, I feel thankful to have someone who treats me like just a normal person. I feel like we might actually be able to become friends someday.

But her words…

Specifically that word: 

‘Dirt’

Why does it make me feel so… Strange?

I pulled back the sleeve of my nightgown and looked at the scars. There were countless marks on my body, but there was one in particular that stood out; the one on my left forearm. While a lot of them had been surface marks that were fading a bit more every day, this one looked almost the same as it had the first time I laid eyes on it.

Long, bulgy, brownish and pink. It looked ugly. Back when I first arrived at the orphanage, I had picked at the scar since it had been terribly itchy, but I had learned to leave it be after I made it bleed again on more than one occasion.

Right now, staring at it, I don’t really feel anything other than annoyance. 

I brought the arm back down to my side.

Lionheart. What does he think of them? Does he know I have this ‘dirt’ on me? Would he hate it if he found out?

I started thinking about what happened earlier. 

I really thought he was going to hit me with that crop… But he didn’t. He didn’t at all. He picked me up and hugged me…

It was nice and warm.

I wish he had stayed longer. 

Maybe I could ask him to give me my bath next time? That could be fun!

A shadow suddenly covered the room. I glanced towards the window and noticed clouds covering the sky… It’s going to rain again tonight. 

I should go to sleep before it gets dark.

I turned to my side while hugging Darkie and closed my eyes.

I waited for sleep to take me, so my worries could be washed away and tomorrow begin. When I was younger, I didn’t feel that way. Back then, I used to dream at night. I would be transported to fantastical places, like the stories my sister had told me about. 

I would go on wild adventures and become a princess, a knight or even a dragon… I would visit places I had never seen before and even fly across the sky like a bird.

Now that I look back, it was truly a strange experience. Living a life that isn’t mine. Doing impossible things and then just… Waking up. 

As if nothing happened.

I felt a wave of exhaustion and, before I noticed, I had fallen asleep.

It felt like only an instant had passed when I felt my bed shake, and I woke up, startled. 

I opened my eyes, but I couldn’t see anything. Confused, I stretched my arm out, but I only felt the cold air of the night. 

For an instant, my arm and ceiling were illuminated in an incandescent white light, before the darkness enveloped them once more. Leaving the image burnt in my vision.

Confused, I sat up and turned in the direction the light had come from, but it was gone. The only thing I could see was the contour of the window and the glow of lamplight in the streets.

Did I wake up during the night? That hadn't happened since… 

I felt a cool gust of wind pass through my pyjamas. Instinctively, I looked around the room. There usually wasn’t any wind in the room… Did Mili leave the door or a window open?

I looked in the direction of the door, but all I saw was darkness. I kept staring until I could see the rough outline of the door frame. It was closed.

Strange…

Confused and getting a bit scared, I lay back down in bed and tried to go back to sleep. 

I went to hug Darkie, but I noticed he was gone from my arms.

I reached out further to the side of the bed, but he wasn’t there either. I looked for him on the other side of the bed and underneath the pillow, but nothing.

[Darkie?] I called out in the dark, but I heard no answer. 

I was getting nervous, I couldn’t find him… Maybe he went for a walk? I could try to look for him around the room…

Scared, but determined, I poked my foot from underneath the blanket toward the side of the bed and glanced down, but all I could see was darkness. I shuddered, but still tried to slowly lower my leg down the side of the mattress, searching for the floor.

It felt like a whole minute passed by as I slowly lowered my foot, but I couldn't reach it. Almost as if it had disappeared. When almost half my body was dangling down, I felt another cold breeze wash over me. 

It made my skin crawl, and I retreated into the blanket.

I want to see Darkie but…

[I’m going to find you tomorrow, okay?] I called out.

Still no answers.

Worried he didn’t hear me and would think I abandoned him, I scooched over to the side of the bed and looked in the direction of the darkness and repeated.

[Okay?]

Suddenly, a bright light appeared on the wall I was facing before disappearing almost instantly. 

Surprised, I jumped back and grabbed a pillow to shield myself.

Did I imagine it? But  I could still see the faint outline on the… 

A strong vibration ran through my bed. As if the ground was shaking. I let out a yelp and hid underneath my blanket.

What’s going on? Is someone breaking into the house? Are we under attack?

Worried, I poked my head outside and surveyed the room from the safety of the blanket.

I couldn’t see much in the darkness, but if something was…

Another bright light suddenly illuminated the room, and in that instant, I saw it.

On the wall facing me. It was there. Long and broken tendrils for limbs, a large black blob for a body… Something was in my room. 

And it wasn’t Mili or anyone else.

What was it that she said about the door in the basement earlier? That was where the knights kept the monsters they captured? That must be where this one came from.

The bed shook again.

Now I was sure it was crawling around the room. It's coming for me. 

I need to…

Before I could finish my thought. There was yet another flash of light, and the ground shook so hard I thought the ground would collapse underneath me.

A strong gust of cold wind washed over me. I turned around and noticed in my horror that the monster had broken through my window.

Rain came pouring out of the broken window, soaking me through. Terrified, I jumped out of my bed and ran for the door.

I struggled to open the door with my slippery hands and just managed to slam it behind me. 

I tried to catch my breath. The door should slow it down, but I was freezing. Where should I go?

Another flash of light made my heart jump as it illuminated the long hallway before me.

Think Silika, think! I need to get to safety! I need to get… Lionheart!

If I remember right,  Mili said his room was just at the end of the hallway… I just need to walk straight to get there.

I began running across the hallway. My feet stung as I walked on the cold, bare floor.

My clothes were completely drenched, and I felt a shiver run through me as another breeze blew by…

The hallway was longer than I remembered, and, while I stopped to catch my breath, I happened to peek outside the windows along the wall. The inner garden was completely dark. 

Suddenly, a great flash of light illuminated the garden and revealed hundreds of long dark tendrils all over the garden… 

The monsters! They're everywhere!

I ran from the windows and hugged the wall instead. A soft vibration ran through the hall a moment later again, but it wasn’t as strong as before. They must be getting further away… this is my chance.

I continued walking down the hallway, passing endless closed doors. More than I had ever seen. It made me think that this hallway would go on forever. 

A flash of light shone through the darkness, but I closed my eyes before I could see anything.

Fear froze me in place. Why were there so many? Where did they come from?!

I have to get to Lionheart’s room. 

As I stood there, eyes closed, the water from my soaked nightgown kept trickling down my body, making my teeth clatter. I forced my eyes open once more and started walking, but almost immediately fell forward. The tiles had gotten slippery from the water that had pooled at my feet, and now I was sprawled across the floor.

The pain, the fear… It became too much, and the tears started pouring like a torrent from my eyes. I couldn’t hold my mouth closed anymore and started crying my heart out. 

I glanced back toward my room just as yet another flash of light illuminated the hallway.

The door. 

It was wide open.

The monster got out. It must have heard me. 

Terrified, wiped my face and gave away caution as I bolted down the hall and reached the last door. Lionheart's bedroom.

It was bigger and heavier than mine, but I was able to push it open.

[Lionheart!] I screamed into the room as the heavy door swung open, but nothing moved.

I walked into the darkened room.

[Lionheart?] I called out again, but there was still no response.

Maybe he’s asleep?

I was scared of walking into the dark while monsters were still crawling outside the room, but the knowledge that Lionheart would be there gave me courage.

As I walked deeper in, I felt something hard underneath my foot.

Uh?

I bent over and picked it up. 

Is that… A hairbrush? 

Why is it on the floor? 

A flash of light illuminated the room, and, to my horror, I found the entire room in shambles. The cabinets, the drawers, pieces of clothing, and even the bed sheet. All of it was strewn across the floor.

[Lionheart…?]

Did…

[D…Dad?]

…The monster…?

My body started trembling uncontrollably. 

I started stumbling backwards toward the exit.

[Lionheart? Dad?!] I screamed out repeatedly.

I looked at my hands; they were trembling so hard they looked like a blur.

Another flash of light illuminated the room again, and in the fabric I saw red spots.

A disgusting feeling came up from my gut.

I hurled. 

I couldn’t keep it in. My body simply couldn’t take it. 

I stumbled back into the hallway. I barely made it to the window before my knees gave out.

Lionheart… You… I… 

The two of us… Just became family…

[Dad…]

I whispered to myself.

[Dad…Dad…Dad…]

I started crying uncontrollably. 

I didn’t care about the monsters. They can eat me, and I don't care!

I want my dad! I just got him, and never got to call him that! Why did they take him away?

I huddled into a ball and watched as the rain scattered across the window. 

Why did the monsters do this? Why did they take my Lionheart? Why did they take my dad?

I tucked my head into my knees and squeezed it down with my hands. 

I just want to disappear. 

To become nothing.

As I felt the darkness slowly swallowing me up, I noticed a warm light appearing from the corner of my eye. 

For a moment, I felt relieved, but it was too late.

I didn’t care about being safe anymore. I just wanted…

When I looked up, I couldn’t believe my eyes. 

Carrying a lamp, a familiar figure was coming down the hallway.

[L…Lionheart..?] I called out uncertainly.

As he finally reached me and bent down with a worried expression, it became unmistakable.

[Lionheart!]

I felt a great sense of relief wash over my body.

[I… I’m so…]

I tried to get up, but my leg had gone weak.

[...Relieved!]

His face was gaunt and tired; I could see worry written all over his face.

I looked down and closed my eyes. I really thought he was gone for good.

I felt myself being picked up and nestled into his arm. 

He slowly rocked side to side as I felt a soft rumbling on his chest. It felt nostalgic, but I couldn’t tell why.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed as hard as my arms could manage.

[Dad.]

I said in a weak voice.

He stood there, frozen for a moment.

[Dad. Dad. Please don’t leave me. Dad.]

After a moment, both his arms enveloped me tightly.

We stayed like this for a long time.