Broken Hearted (Vignette)

Much like Ghost in the Machine, this is another post originally from Tumblr. Actually, it might originally be from Blogspot. Either way, it's at least six years old and was very obviously inspired by Katawa Shoujo. I had wanted to write something depressing, I think. It was around the same time as Ghost in the Machine, which was posted the month after this one (December and September 2012 respectively). This one's boring and cishet, though.

The fresh snow crunched under my shoes as I stood around nervously. It was coming down softly, the pines out on the trail behind the school, and the Lacrosse field, all covered in white. It looked like a greeting card, almost. I was starting to feel foolish, standing there in the snow. I realized I’d walked a ever widening circle, and just shivered a little, sticking my hands in my coat pockets and hunching up my shoulders.

I took a look back over at the school, and finally  saw what I was waiting for. Dark hair standing out against the snow, purple jacket, school skirt, thick black stockings. I could tell it was Isabella even from across the field. I nervously fingered the jewelry in my pocket, and tried to keep my composure as she took the long walk from the school. It was excruciating. I bit my lip, and my heart made a weird fluttering. 

“Keep it together, Cory,” I muttered, the sotto words still coming out in a little grey puff.

Standing there with my chest tightening, I began to worry. I had time to think about how stupid what I did was. Maybe I could come up with an excuse. “No, Izzy, someone else must have put that note in your locker” I mumbled, wincing at the sound of it. “Bella, we’ve been really close these last few weeks, and I’ve always thought you were… no, that makes me sound like a stalker…” It felt like forever and a day before she’d get to me, but at the same time it was like watching a fuze run out. What if she was angry? my fingers twisted around in my pocket. Maybe it was too forward?

“Christmas is coming up, and it’s a time for lovers… Ugh, why didn’t I think of something to say first?” I was mentally kicking myself over that one. Once I slipped that letter in her locker, it was too late to back out. Isabella was close enough now that I could see the look on her face.

She didn’t look angry. Was she smiling? She kind of looked like she was, but it was a humourous, incredulous smile. She was going to let me down easy, I could just tell. It was like every other time. I’d spend another Christmas alone in my room watching movies with my cat. 

“I’m sorry!” I blurted out, after she gave me a friendly wave. I winced, feeling like more of an idiot.

“For what?” She asked, taking the note and envelope out of her pocket.

I winced again, and only opened one eye, my face all scrunched up. “That…” I halfheartedly mumbled.

“‘Dear Isabella,’” she read, the hint of a laugh in her voice. My face started burning. “'I have something very important to ask you. Please meet me out by the trails at your earliest convenience. Yours, Cory.’" 

I bit my lip. That was a bad way to sign it. "I-um…” I stammered. My heart was pounding. “Would you take a walk with me?” I asked, taking one hand out of my pocket and motioning to the beautifully white trail.

Izzy chuckled, covering her hand with her mouth. “Of course,” she said, moving in to walk alongside me. She glanced at the circle of powder kicked up and flattened down during my nervous pacing, but didn’t say anything.

I kept my hands in my pockets, fiddling with the chain and trying to think of what to say. Izzy just walked along, humming softly.

When she moved closer, and slipped her arm through mine, my heart nearly lept out of my throat, and my chest got tighter. It was starting to hurt. I bit my lip and swallowed, trying to ignore it. She didn’t think it was weird. Maybe she liked it. I was starting to think it would work out.

The woods were quiet, just the two of us, the falling snow, and the occasional bird not yet tucked away for winter. When we got to the Big Pine, I stopped, and with a deep breath, I broke away from Izzy. The Big Pine was almost a sacred place for the school. They say anyone who confesses there will have good luck in their relationships. I know that’s just superstition, and lots of people have had break ups, but Mrs Morgandy confessed to her husband here, and she’s had one of the happiest marriages I’ve ever seen.

I bit my lip, and fumbled around in my pocket, stumbling over my words as I did. “Izzy, we’ve, um, I mean, working together with you on the project… I always thought you were beautiful, and… I-I mean…” 

That pounding came back tenfold, and I could barely hear myself. Izzy looked a little… concerned? I closed my eyes and swallowed. “What I mean to say is, I–” 

The words caught in my throat, and out of nowhere, someone stabbed me in the chest with a burning hot iron. Red flashed through my vision, and everything when blurry and out of focus.

“I–” another flash of bright, bloody red accompanying searing pain. I stumbled for real, and dropped the bracelet, the little red heart falling down what seemed like miles to land in the snow. Everything felt slow.

Isabella was calling my name, but I couldn’t hear anything but that pounding. She rushed forward, but was too slow–so, so very slow, like she was barely moving–I dropped to my knees and them my face hit the snow. I was met with thousands of little flakes, before beautiful and scenic, now like frozen glass cutting into my cheeks, already wet with tears. My fingers were cold. Everything was cold. Except my chest. My lungs were on fire, and I couldn’t breath. When I tried, I sucked in the fresh white powdered glass.

Izzy was on her knees beside me, and all I could think about was how she was ruining her new stockings getting them wet and dirty like that. Her grandma gave them to her as a birthday present. I remembered her sitting there telling me how comfortable and cute they were over a bunsen burner, the goggles making her green eyes stand out and look watery through the plastic. Somewhere in the stretching space between breaths I could feel the memory of my cheeks burning when she lifted the hem of her skirt to show me the little purple ribbons, and I caught a glimpse of the gorgeous thighs I always tried not to stare at in gym class, and at the pool, and that time I walked in on the girls changing.

I wouldn’t see those milky thighs again. Or her long, black hair catching the sun. Or watch her face light up in a laugh when I let her draw little hearts on my hands during class. I wouldn’t see her eyes over the flame of a burner, goggles making them look like they were underwater. Was this the end?

I couldn’t think straight through the pain, and was crying into the snow, whimpering. I think I was trying to say I love her, but I don’t know if anything was coming out. My hand reached for the little white gold of the bracelet, closed around the little ruby heart. I saved up for weeks, fretting over whether she’d like it. Now I wasn’t going to be able to give it to her.

Fresh powder was kicked up in my face as she ran away, back towards the school. Through water and packing peanuts I could hear her shouting for help.

I panicked more. I could feel something inside of me fracturing. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to spend Christmas alone. I wanted to kiss Izzy. I wanted to hold her, and sit by the fireplace.

Another sharp, searing spear of frost coated fire jabbed it’s way through my back and out my rib cage, tearing through my heart with jagged, white hot barbs. Everything went bright, firework red, and then the colour faded from the world and I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t feel anything, except the clear shadow of my heart cracking.