Chapter 701 - Trauma Dump

Zeke sat across from Talia, his elbows on his knees as he stared intently at her.  Only a few feet separated them, but to him, it felt like an eternal gulf stood between them.  For her part, Talia remained silent as she stared at the floor.  Anxiously, she picked at her fingernails.  Currently, they were only a quarter of an inch long, but with a thought, she could extend them nearly a foot. 

She didn’t.

In fact, with the way she was acting, she didn’t seem like a century-old woman with immeasurable power.  Instead, she was more like a teenager who’d been caught doing something she knew she wasn’t supposed to do. 

Perhaps she’d never really matured.  After all, her teenage development had been interrupted by the onset of her undead nature.  She’d been pushed into becoming a monster – by her own words – and likely hadn’t ever really processed the loss. 

“Do you want to start?” he asked.

“What do you want me to say?” was her responding question.  “I screwed up.  I thought I could take it.  I thought I could help.  I couldn’t.  Then, I made a fool of myself.  It won’t happen again.”

“Talia…”

“What?”

Zeke had no real notion of how to address the clear issue.  Not only was Talia obsessed with him, but she’d put herself in extreme danger in an effort to impress him.  Or maybe to help him.  Regardless, that couldn’t continue.  The problem was that he had no clue how to stop it. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he admitted.

“What?” she asked again.

“With this.  You and me.  With anything.  I’m just playing it by ear.  You know that, right? I’m terrible at just about anything that isn’t about me smashing things with a hammer.  Or a club, as Abby used to call it,” he revealed.  “She said that to undercut me, you know.  To make it seem like I was less than what I was.”

“I know,” Talia said in a quiet voice.

“I overlooked it at the time because…well, I wanted it to work.”

“I never liked her,” Talia said.  “Even from the very beginning, I thought she seemed fake.  Like some of my mother’s advisors.  The ones who would tell her whatever she wanted to hear.  Abby was like that.  With me at least.  She knew that wouldn’t work on you, so she sprinkled a few insults in when she was talking to you.”

“I don’t think it was that coordinated.”

“Then you didn’t see her for who she really was,” Talia countered.  “I understand it, too.  You were together, and you’ve always tried to see the best in people.”

“Not always.”

“With me you did.”

“That’s because you were innocent.  You never asked for what happened to you.  And I could tell you had a good heart.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I’d done since you were gone,” she revealed.  “For almost twenty years, I hunted them.”

“Who?”

“The other members of the Radiant Host.  The ones that got away.  The ones that fled into the wilderness.  Even people who’d settled elsewhere.  I killed thousands, Zeke.  Thousands.  And not just the fighters.  I killed their families, too.  Whole settlements wiped out, all because I was angry,” she explained.  A tear fell down her cheek.  “I lied to myself about it.  I told myself that I was just preparing for this.  For my ascension.  But it wasn’t true.  I could have left after a few years.  I kept going because I liked killing them.

“The screams, they became addictive.  The begging and pleading.  The crying.  Even the smell of their blood…I became the monster they thought I was,” she said, tears dripping down to the floor. 

“At the time, I guess I believed my own lies.  Now, though?  I know it was just a distraction.  I was angry.  I was afraid.  I hated them, and I hated myself.  But most of all, I hated you.”

“Me?  Why?”

“Because you left me!” she shouted.  Then, she shrank into herself, and continued in barely a whisper, “All alone.  Pudge had Sasha.  Tucker had Iris.  But me?  I had nobody…nothing…just a bunch of walking corpses who pretended they were my friends right up until they abandoned me too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Adara.  Baruk.  The left.  They found a new pocket of undead far to the south.  Led hundreds of people down there.  They wanted me to go too.  But…but I couldn’t.  You know I’d never abandon the tower.  Not now that we were together,” she said, sobbing.  “There was an argument.  Some things were said…and…and I never saw them again.  As far as I know, they’re still down there.  Or dead.  And I’m up here getting in the way.  Putting you in danger.”

She wilted.

Zeke caught her, then hugged her close.  It took a few moments, but she eventually returned the embrace with such vehemence that he suspected that it had been a very, very long time since anyone had even touched her.  Much less showed any significant level of affection. 

For a long time, he just held Talia as she wept against his chest.  From time to time, she’d mutter an apology, but he kept insisting that she’d done nothing wrong.  Of course, she had.  She should have followed his orders and remained behind with the rest of the army.  However, even Zeke had the social skills to recognize that this was one of those times he was meant to stay quiet.

Eventually, though, she pulled away.

“I…I really am sorry,” she said, wiping her red-rimmed eyes.  “I thought he would be like some of the creatures I fought on the other planets.  But…but he was so much stronger.  Too strong.  I don’t know how you managed to beat him.”

“I didn’t,” Zeke said.  “Not really.  He just retreated.”

“And you’re going to go after him on his own turf.”

Zeke nodded. “I have to.”

“Why?” she asked.

Zeke answered, “For one, it’s the only way I can advance.  That’s how my progression works.  I’m not like you.  Or anyone else.  I have to kill greater gods.  Otherwise, I can’t move forward.”

“There are some greater gods on the unclaimed planets.”

“I know.  But the other reason I need to kill Simeon is more personal.  He attacked Oberon.  And if I let him go, he’ll just come back the second I target someone else.  Oberon is an ally.  He helped me when nobody else did,” Zeke stated.  “So, it’s time for me to return the favor.”

That was only partially true.  Zeke didn’t really feel like he owed Oberon anything.  The dwarven greater god had helped him – that much was accurate – but his motivation wasn’t altruism.  Instead, he’d done it because he expected Zeke to join him someday.  It was ultimately a selfish act. 

But Zeke didn’t care much about that.  Oberon was an ally, if only because of circumstance.  And that meant when someone attacked him, Zeke had a moral obligation to act. 

“Do you want me to stay behind?” she asked.  “I will.”

“No.  You need to lead the charge,” he answered.  “You were there for the planning.  You know what’s at stake.  If you’re unsuccessful, then I’ll be stuck in endless agony.”

She set her jaw.  “Then we’ll make certain that doesn’t happen.”

“Good to hear,” Zeke said.  Then, he told her that he needed to prepare, and she eagerly set off to do the same.

“That went better than expected,” Eveline said, flickering into view.  The mind spirit had obviously heard everything, and she had opinions about how things had progressed.  “She’s a mess.  You realize that, don’t you?”

“I’m aware.”

“And yet, you’re sending her into battle.”

“That’s what she needs right now.  Something to focus on.  A goal,” Zeke responded.  “It will be good for her.”

“Or she’ll be distracted and get herself killed,” Eveline suggested.

“She won’t.”

“Do you want to hear my opinion about what she really needs?”

“Not really.”

“You’re getting it anyway.  That girl is in love with you,” Eveline said. “I know you think of her like a sister, and you want to believe she sees you as a brother.  But that’s not the case, and I think you know it.  Some might even say that she’s obsessed.”

“I don’t want to hear this.”

Indeed, Zeke had seen the signs just as well as Eveline.  He wasn’t so blind that he couldn’t recognize Talia’s clear feelings for him.  Yet, he couldn’t concern himself with that sort of thing.  He had other issues on his mind – like his upcoming battle with Simeon and the incalculable pain he was set to endure.  By comparison, considering the nature of Talia’s feelings for him was a low priority.

“You feel something for her too.”

“Of course I do. She’s like a –”

“No she’s not.”

“You could at least let me finish my sentence before you start arguing with my point,” he said.

“You really need to untangle your feelings, Ezekiel.”

“Noted,” he said, sitting down and closing his eyes as he tried to center himself.  It took a very specific mindset to endure the kind of pain he was set to suffer, and it would be better if he was ready for it. 

“You know you deserve happiness as much as anyone, right?  You don’t have to suffer.”

“That’s kind of the plan.  The suffering, I mean.  This doesn’t work unless Simeon is busy ripping me apart.”

“I’m not talking about that, and you know it.  You could be happy with Talia.  You have similar interests,” she said.  “Against all odds, she seems to enjoy battle at least as much as you do.  And –”

“No, Eveline.  Just no.”

“But –”

“I said no.  Drop it.  Please.”

She let out an exaggerated sigh.  “Determined to be miserable,” she muttered before disappearing.  That left Zeke to his own devices, which meant that he sank within himself and brought himself into focus.

Of course, the preparations for war didn’t occur in an instant, so it took the better part of a week before someone came to the Lord’s Manor to let him know that everyone was ready to depart.  Only then did he rise, stretch, and finish his final preparations, which included a long, hot shower and a short meal.

When he finally emerged from the Lord’s Manor, he was ready. 

So too was everyone else, as he discovered when he reached the Entry Hall.  There, he saw thousands upon thousands of kobolds in neat ranks.  Perhaps millions. 

“How many?” he asked, approaching Silik.

“Seven-hundred-and-three thousand.  Seven companies.  One for each target,” the kobold said.

Pudge stood nearby.  So did Tucker and Talia.  There were a host of others as well, though most he didn’t recognize.  They did radiate power, though, which established them as the tower’s elites.

“How am I getting there?”

Iris spoke up, “That’s on me.  My ship will get us there, but we’ll need to stop just out of range of the domain.  From there, we’ll deploy the army across the planet via the lifeboats.”

“And I’ll go pick a fight with Simeon.”

“Sounds fun,” Tucker remarked with a grin as he shouldered his blunderbuss.  “Think you can do it?  Beat him, I mean.”

Zeke shook his head.  “Not unless that domain comes down.  But that’s up to you all.”

He looked around, noting the expectant faces arrayed before him. By all rights, he should’ve given a speech.  That was what a real leader would have done.  However, he just wasn’t that kind of person.  So, he turned to Oberon, who stood a little to the side. 

“Your faeries going to participate?” he asked.

The dwarf nodded. “If you’ll have us.”

“Of course,” Zeke said.  “Silik can incorporate your forces into the plan.”

“Already done, Ak-toh.”

“Oh.  Good.  Then, I guess we’re all ready?” Zeke asked.

As it turned out, everyone was as prepared as they were going to get.  So, he left the portal to find himself back on Oberon’s planet.  Nearby floated a massive ship that radiated so much mana that Zeke almost questioned whether or not it was a divine artifact.  It wasn’t. 

Behind him came all his closest allies, and they boarded the ship.  Once aboard, he asked Iris, “How long will this trip take?”

“Six months, give or take.”

“Oh.  Then I guess gathering everyone was kind of a mistake,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“It was good for morale.”

“I suppose,” he acknowledged. “I guess let’s get this thing started.  The faster we get going, the faster we can get it finished.”

“Aye.”

With that, Iris directed her crew, and soon enough, the ship was underway.  Zeke gripped the handrail, ready for whatever came next.