Session 𝓔ighty-Eight

Session 88:
"The Most Fun”

I didn’t know what to say.

Or what to do.

I just stared at Kaia, each ticking second feeling longer than the last.

The music was loud, and the echoed chatter around me was drowned out.

“Are you going to talk to her?” Sarai leaned in to ask me.

I blinked a few times. “I don’t know,” I admitted, mostly because we haven’t talked in so long.

Would it be weird?

Also, Monroe wouldn’t even be happy that I’m in the same room as her, especially after everything that happened.

“We can head back down to the first level,” Zion offered as Kaia finally glanced away from all of us.

Then—

She just walked away?

It was the way she walked away, almost like I was the one who did her wrong.

But she’s the one who pushed me over a couch?

“I’m gonna talk to her,” I suddenly determined, and maybe it was the alcohol talking.

Talking to her in general was a bad idea, and for so many reasons.

The main one is that Monroe genuinely hates her.

But I really do miss her, and I feel bad for how everything went.

I’ll just have to tell Monroe later.

I started walking over to her before I could help it, even if Zion and Sarai both asked me if I was sure.

I wasn’t sure.

Especially as I grew closer to her, processing her familiar presence, and being flooded with so many memories we made.

Whether it was the late-night fast-food runs, the fashion shows we would do in dressing rooms, or the rants we would have about our parents.

I missed it.

I missed… her.

“Hey,” I awkwardly breathed out over the music, stopping right by her at the bar.

Kaia pursed her lips together, her brown eyes trailing my face. “Hey.”

That was it.

She didn’t say anything else.

She just stared at me like I didn’t belong anywhere near her.

“I’m confused,” I suddenly determined, deciding to address how standoffish she’s being. “You seem mad at me or something.”

Kaia narrowed her eyes. “You completely ditched me. How do you expect me to act?” she asked, turning to face me. “You said we could try to be friends again down the line, and you never called. You never checked up on me. You just blocked me from your life.”

“You pushed me over a couch,” I emphasized, wondering how I was in the wrong for taking my step back.

“And I said I was sorry. I meant it, too, and you told me—you promised me we could still be friends,” Kaia pointed out.

I drew in a deep breath, realizing that I did tell her we could try down the line.

Then, after that, I blocked her.

I never even thought about her once.

 “These were probably the worst months of my life. My dad decided to marry that annoying woman twenty years younger than him. I can’t go out to any clubs or bars since they denied me, and I haven’t been on social media since it won’t let me make any new accounts. I’ve been completely isolated and alone, and you never cared. You showed me you didn’t care.”

I blinked a few times, unsure of what to say to her words.

All I felt was the weight of them.

How burdened she looked in front of me.

“I’m not trying to like trauma dump or anything, honestly, Liberty,” Kaia said, glancing away from me. “It’s just been really hard for me, and I guess I counted the days that you would reach out again, but you never did.”

 I felt bad, especially knowing how Kaia’s mom completely abandoned her and left her with her dad.

I knew Kaia had really bad abandonment issues.

“I’m sorry,” I suddenly said, “I’m really sorry, Ki.”

Kaia shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I would take the couch thing back if I could. I genuinely wish I could.”

I frowned. “We all make mistakes,” I determined, knowing I had made a lot of them.

Kaia nodded silently, awkwardly glancing around the room. 

I didn’t know what else to say.

Or what to add to this conversation.

“Did you want to drink with us?” I offered, motioning over to Zion and Sarai across the room by the beer pong table. “It can be like old times.”

Kaia pursed her lips. “I don’t know,” she whispered, her words so soft that I almost couldn’t hear them over the music. “It took a lot to move on from everything, you know? I think I’m finally doing better.”

I nodded, even if her rejection stung a little.

I understood completely.

I guess I just—

“I really miss you,” I suddenly admitted.

Kaia only stared at me for a moment.

Then she nodded.

“I missed you, too, Libby,” she said, bringing the red solo cup to her lips for a long sip.  

I stood there for another minute, not wanting to step back or walk away.

Then the moment would be over.

This conversation would be concluded.

And it seemed like Kaia felt the same way.

Especially since she silently stood beside me, sipping on her drink as we listened to the music and watched the beer pong match nearby.

“Maybe I could have one drink with you guys,” Kaia suddenly spoke over the loud music.

“Really?” I asked, my brows raising before I could stop them.

It made me awkwardly glance away, clearing my throat.

“I mean, that would be really great,” I quickly corrected myself, making Kaia laugh slightly.

“So tell me how you’ve been,” Kaia said as we walked around the bar counter, squeezing past other people.  

“Uh, pretty good. I’ve been focused on exams coming up, and I obviously don’t go out or drink as much,” I decided to say, leaving Monroe out of the mix.

My girlfriend doesn’t like her, and I don’t think Kaia would like her either.

I honestly don’t want to imagine them in the same room.

It would probably be a fight to the death.

“We’ll I’m banned or something, so I don’t go out as much either, but it’s been pretty good for me,” Kaia said as she opened the small fridge. “I swear my dad did it, but he keeps lying and said he never banned me from anywhere.”

I nodded as she looked through the fridge, unsure what to say to her words.

Because my girlfriend is the one who did it, but I can’t say that.

It also felt wrong to pile on her dad, but there really wasn’t anyone else to blame.

“It’s fine, though, because I garden now anyway,” Kaia spoke again, handing me one of the canned drinks labeled Cutwaters.

“Garden?” I emphasized with an amused smile.

Monroe has a garden in her backyard.

Maybe she and Kaia have the potential to get along, especially with one interest in common.

“Yeah, like I smoke. I guess they call it gardening now,” Kaia said with a shrug, making me laugh slightly.

Never mind, scratch that shared interest off the list.

“Do you want a hit?” Kaia naturally offered, grabbing the dab pen from the side of her skirt.

I shrugged, “Sure,” I murmured, taking the pen from her extended hand.

Kaia smiled as she grabbed us two more Cutwaters to bring over to Zion and Sarai.

I only took a couple hits of the dab pen, wondering if I even wanted to drink a lot anymore.

But then I quickly snapped out of it, remembering that my subconscious is probably rewired to question how much I drink.

Even when it comes to coping with stuff, I realized I’ve gone a different route.

I used to reach for alcohol to feel something, but now it’s binge eating and making myself throw it all up.

That or asking Monroe to inflict a pleasurable kind of pain.

I already sent her a text that we had made it to the frat party, but I decided not to text again and mention Kaia.

I would tell her, of course, just once I’m with her in person.

Until then, I decided to focus on having fun.

It was so weird even being in Kaia’s presence, especially with Zion and Sarai.

It felt like old times again.

“You can do it,” Kaia encouraged. “Come on-come on.”

I drew in a deep breath, briefly closing my eyes for a moment to focus.

Then I opened my eyes again and launched the small white ball in my hand forward toward the last red solo cup of beer.

Cheers and whistles immediately echoed around us the moment the ball splashed into the cup, declaring us winners of the beer pong game.

Sarai and Zion jokingly flicked us off as they both split the cheap beer.

I jumped around happily, high-fiving Kaia’s hands over and over again.

Everything felt good right now.

Or maybe that was the alcohol talking.

I’m honestly surprised I even made that shot after how much beer I had drunk.

I also had two of the Cutwaters and those two hits of Kaia’s dab pen.

My head literally feels like it’s buzzing, and everything is moving slower than usual, but I love it.

I’ve missed it too.

This is the most drunk I’ve been in a while.

Or crossfaded, I guess it is.

“Shots for the winners!” A random girl yelled out, approaching us with a bottle of Everclear.

I scrunched my eyes closed as I tilted my head back, already anticipating how much this was about to burn.

But nothing could’ve prepared me for the stinging sensation coating my throat.

It made me cough.

Then gag, trying my best to keep it down.

“Fuck,” I breathed out.

“That’s so bad,” Kaia coughed as Zion and Sarai slid past a few random people to stand by us.

“I think that’s payback,” Sarai said, jokingly nudging me as I still struggled to even swallow properly.

I rolled my eyes when Zion nodded, but I swear I couldn’t speak.

It burns to swallow.

“We’re probably going to leave,” Zion said, making me groan dramatically.

“Already?” I asked over the music.

“It’s almost two, Libs,” Sarai said with a loose smile. “Auntie needs to get in bed,” she jokingly patted my shoulder.

It felt like it took five whole minutes for my eyes to widen.

But I was shocked.

I hadn’t looked at the time once.

Much less my phone, but I haven’t needed to text Monroe since we’ve been at the same party for the last few hours.

There weren’t really any updates.

“Did you want… to stay longer? I-think I saw karaoke downstairs,” Kaia slurred, making me slowly glance at her.  

Yes, slowly.

After drinking that Everclear, everything feels even slower—my body doesn’t feel like mine anymore.

That girl poured like two shots into my mouth too.

“Let’s-do karaoke,” I tried my best to say, looping my arm with hers.

I’m not ready for this night to be over honestly.

“Did you want us to wait on you?” Zion asked, making me shake my heavy head a few times.

“It’s… okay, Zi. We’ll get the Uber,” I assured him as we all started walking through the crowd.

The last thing I wanted to do is trouble them.

“Yes, I always take care of Libby,” Kaia insisted, squeezing her arm tighter around mine.

“Are you sure? We can… totally wait,” Sarai said, her words sticking together.

Just not as bad as ours.

We definitely drank more than Zion and Sarai.

Zion was definitely the level-headed one right now, though.

“All good-very goodie,” I murmured, pointing my finger in the air as we slowly walked down the crowded steps.

“Let us know when you’re home,” Zion said as we continued down the stairs. “I’ll be watching your location.”

“Kay-kay,” I happily murmured, turning slightly to kiss them both on the cheek, “Love you so much.”

“Love you too,” Zion said.

“Love you more,” Sarai said with a smile as Kaia briefly hugged them both goodbye.

Then we went our separate ways.

Kaia and I brushed past the packed crowd and went over to the living room where the karaoke was set up while Zion and Sarai left out the front door.

Kaia and I ended up singing that one Lorde song called Royals.

I had honestly forgotten about it until now.

We butchered over half of the lyrics, too—I was praying that no one recorded because it was just that bad.

Then, once we had sung a few songs and had a couple of the mixed drinks they were handing out, Kaia got us an Uber.

I could barely even see straight, but I made sure to text my group chat with Zion and Sarai.

I also texted Monroe that I was leaving.

Then I let my heavy head fall back against the seat, feeling like I could quite literally pass out in this backseat.

It took everything in me not to—I tried humming and randomly poking Kaia’s arm to keep myself distracted.

Once the Uber stopped, I slid out of the backseat with her, trying my best to stand properly.

That’s when I realized we were at her place.

“Wait-wait,” I quickly said, “I have to go-back to my place.”

My words were stuck together, and they almost made no sense in my head.

“I didn’t want—us to separate because we are veryyyy drink-or drunk,” Kaia explained as she started walking towards the doors of her loft building.

“No, I can’t,” I said, knowing if I went in that building, Monroe would kill us both.

I still have to tell her I even ran into Kaia.

That would be fine—going to her place wouldn’t be, though.

“I’m going-to pee myself, Libby,” Kaia groaned, pressing her legs tighter together.

My head feels like it’s spinning and someone’s hitting a pot over it at the same time.

“Fine,” I determined, “We go in—I order an Uber.”

Kaia nodded five times in a row, rushing me along into the building.

Since she lives in a loft, there are stairs instead of elevators, so we had to rush up endless stairs before finally making it to her front door.

Then we had to search her small purse for her keys, which fit more than you’d imagine.

Lip gloss, two lip liners, Blotting papers, a travel-sized bottle of hairspray, and even a small hand sanitizer, which reminded me of my girlfriend.

I miss her so much.

I love her so much too.

I wish she knew.

I want her to know.

 I just needed to get an Uber so I could go to her house, but first I was focused on food.

And helping Kaia run to the bathroom before she literally peed all over herself.

Then I went to her kitchen and raided her cabinet for any kind of snacks.

I forgot her love for Nutter Butters, honestly.

She had five big bags of them.

“This is heaven,” I murmured as I shoved some of the peanut butter crackers into my mouth. “Oh my god.”

“Share-shareeeee,” Kaia said, rushing over to me from the bathroom.

I extended the bag to her as I chewed a few times, my eyes rolling closed as I processed how good these were.

I even slipped my stiletto boots off, groaning at the pain in my feet.

I honestly lost focus on the entire objective I had.

I just wanted to sit down somewhere and eat as much as I could.

Then I could reconvene whatever I had planned to do.

Kaia’s bed was always so fucking comfortable, too.

I like rubbing her pink velvet headboard—it’s so soft.

“I need to go… soon,” I murmured as I took a bite of the chocolate chip toaster waffle that Kaia had given me.

The last thing I wanted to do was get up, especially with how badly my head was spinning.

I can barely keep my eyes open.

“Why?” Kaia sighed dramatically. “This is the most fun-I’ve had ever.” 

“Me too,” I agreed, now forgetting why I had to leave.

Then Monroe’s face flashed in my head.

And the fact that she has my location.

I never told her I was coming to Kaia’s.

I never even told her I ran into Kaia.

Oh fuck.

Fuck-fuck—

I glanced over as soon as heavy knocks echoed through Kaia’s loft.

“Oh no,” I whispered as soon as Kaia laid up from the bed.

“What?” Kaia said as I tried my best to sit up, holding my pounding head as I let out a few deep breaths.

“I have-to go,” I quickly said, trying my best to walk, but I could barely take a few steps without the room tilting.

I shouldn’t have drunk this much.

“Wait-wait,” I called out when Kaia walked out of the room, stumbling slightly over her own feet.

I tried to take another few steps out of her bedroom to stop her from answering the door.

I needed to be the one to answer it.

But it was already too late.

Kaia had already tugged the door open—

And there she was.

Her face looked kind of blurry, but I knew it was Monroe.

Her hair was tied up in a bun, her bangs framing her face as she wore silky sage green pajama pants and a black ribbed shirt that clung to her frame.

Her skin glowed despite the darkened look behind her eyes.

It made everything inside me stiffen, especially with how tight her jaw was.

I knew she wasn’t happy.

Kaia contrasted her entirely, looking confused by Monroe’s entire presence.

“You called… your therapist?” Kaia asked with furrowed brows, trying to figure out what was going on.

I shook my head, but before I could speak, Monroe motioned her head at me, silently telling me to come on.

I swear I didn’t hesitate.

I tried my best to walk forward, not wanting to upset her further.

“Wait-no,” Kaia said, stepping in front of Monroe, “She is not going with you? That’s weird.”

“Ki, it’s-good,” I assured her, quickly slipping my boots on by the counter.

Even if they hurt my feet so much to even wear.

“No, it’s weird. Why is she here? You’re her patient,” Kaia just had to point out, probably making this entire situation worse.

I had no idea what to say—how to navigate this situation.

I didn’t want to lie about Monroe being my girlfriend anymore, but I also didn’t know if I should tell Kaia.

Can I tell Kaia?

“Libby—for real,” Kaia said when I approached them both at the door, quickly grabbing my small purse on the front table.

My head really hurts—it’s legit spinning.

I was relieved when Monroe gently grabbed my arm, pulling me closer to her for stability.

I could also feel her subtly tug my skirt down, silently voicing her disapproval of my outfit choice.

“No, you can’t just take her,” Kaia said, reaching for my arm.

My lips parted when Monroe swiftly grabbed Kaia’s wrist before she could touch me, firmly pushing her hand away from me.

“You don’t touch her.”

It was the first words she had spoken, and her voice was calm in the most unsettling way.

I could tell Kaia was still trying to catch up.

I could also tell that Monroe intimidated her.

Kaia looked speechless.

“This is in…appropriate,” Kaia pointed out, shaking her head. “Libby, you-can’t go with her.”

I parted my lips—

“She’s my girlfriend,” Monroe said before I had a chance. “I imagine she can.”

Monroe’s calm words echoed the air for seconds to come—

And I swear Kaia’s jaw was dropped so far that I considered if it would ever close again.

She looked stuck for a moment.

“Wait-she… the flowers, and the mystery girl—”

“It was always her,” I gently cut Kaia short as Monroe held me even closer to her warm body, steadying me entirely.

“But she’s-she is your therapist and,” Kaia paused with furrowed brows. “That’s weird, Libby. Tell-me you see the weirdness.”

I blinked a few times, entirely caught off guard by her reaction.

I didn’t expect this from her.

She’s always done what she wanted—I never imagined she would judge me.

“It’s not weird,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment when the room began spinning again.

“No, you’re not weird—she’s weird,” Kaia emphasized, pointing to Monroe, who tilted her head in response.

And I knew this could easily lead down a darker road if Kaia continues poking at Monroe.

“No, she’s not,” I firmly said, hating how she was talking about my girlfriend . “We’re just-going to go,” I quickly determined, not wanting to make this any worse.

I turned away from Kaia before she could say anything else, trying my best to tug Monroe along.

But she didn’t budge.

I think she wanted to see what else Kaia had to say.

“Does anyone… else think it’s weird?” Kaia said, stumbling over her words slightly. “Your mom or-just anyone else?”

I drew in a deep breath at her questions, wondering if this was truly a bad idea.

Would she tell my mother?

Or anyone else for that matter?

“Ro,” I quickly said when she stepped forward, closer to Kaia.

I tried my best to slip between them, stumbling over my own feet.

“Hey,” I whispered, staring so deeply into her blurry blue eyes as I tried to ignore how dizzy I felt. “Let’s… go,” I slurred.

“I don’t like how she’s speaking to you,” my girlfriend calmly said, her eyes trailing my face, that felt like it was so warm. “How she’s speaking to us,” she emphasized.

I shook my head. “It’s not worth it.”

“Oh, she-wants to fight?” Kaia suddenly asked. “I can fight—let… me take my earrings out.”

“Fight?” Monroe murmured, amused by the word Kaia chose. “This only ends one way,” she added, taking another step forward, but I refused to move out of the way. “I assure you it wouldn’t be anything close to a fight.”

I knew what she meant.

I knew what this ending one way insinuated.

She wouldn’t hesitate to disappear Kaia in any way she could, especially after this conversation.  

“No-no, wait,” I quickly said, grabbing Monroe’s shoulders when everything around me spun worse.

I stared into her blue eyes, trying to distract myself from how nauseous I suddenly felt, and the black spots invading my vision.

All I could do was stare at her.

“Liberty,” her voice echoed as I fought to keep my eyes open for longer.

“I,” I breathed out, impulsively wanting to say the three words, so she knew that all of this with Kaia meant nothing.

Monroe means everything to me.

“Libby?” I heard Kaia say from behind me, concern lacing her voice. “What’s going on?”

I shook my heavy head, wanting this annoying dizziness to go away.

I’m trying to make it go away but—

“I can’t,” I whispered, furrowing my brows when the black spots grew worse.

It made me squeeze Monroe closer.

“You can’t what, darling?” I heard my girlfriend ask me, and I tried.

I tried to say something.

I tried to keep my eyes open as Monroe gently cupped my face, caressing her thumb along my cheekbone.

I wanted to tell her how bad the room was spinning or how my head was pulsing with pain.

But all I could do was part my lips, nothing came out.

"Shhh, just breathe, my sweet girl," Monroe softly whispered as my head fell back slightly, leaning all of my weight on her entirely.

I drew in deep breaths as I focused on her blurry face, how her eyes trailed my face with concern, or the softness of her touch.

But my eyes abruptly rolled closed despite the fight I tried to put up.

I heard Monroe's voice echo around me, but I couldn't make out her words anymore.

Everything went black.

It felt like I was floating.

And the furthest thing on my mind was what just happened with Kaia.

Everything went blank.

But god, did I know I was in for it when my eyes opened again.