Life Post #1

So I haven't done any of these because I realize there haven't been many updates in my life that I haven't already chattered away about on twitter.  I'm also editing, so I'm justifying this as a healthy and productive distraction... At least more-so than Dark Souls 3 has been the past couple days, lol.  I figure I can use this to vent some of my ideas and musings, though, and perhaps even get some different perspectives from you all here.  Where some might consider it a sign of insecurity (not that I can 100% deny that at times) I like to make sure I've thought of just about everything before following my original idea.  Then again, I usually just do what I wanted to in the first place anyway... not sure how productive I'm really being now that I think about it. >.>

So, onto some substance.  As some of you may be aware, the opportunity to work as a part of SE's FFXIV community team has closed up with me on the wrong end of it.  My stance with the team itself is still in good standing, I was just not the ideal for the current positions open.  It's a bummer, but at the same time a relief.  On one hand I have a strong desire to return home to California AND work for a gaming company, but on the other I've grown to love being in the position I am now with all of you more than I thought possible.  Honestly, being in this position at all was just a distant dream a little over 6 months ago.

As much as I love what I'm doing now and interacting with all of you, however, there are financial needs that won't be met by my channel and content for another year and a half if the current rate keeps up.  That means, whatever it is, soon I'll have to pick something to help support my family more steadily.  I don't intend to stop what I do, but there's a good chance it will slow down.  My hope is that one day I can do this full time and even expand a bit to entertain everyone through every media I want to (comics, short series, meet-ups, etc), but it's gonna take time.  It's strictly a financial issue, and not one I'm bringing up to wring out your wallets.  I'd be happy to stay with just all of you as fans without growth or increase just because you're all so genuinely awesome; every comment and critique keeps me going to do more and do better.  I haven't mastered this thing yet, but you're all helping me get there, and I hope I never forget it.  Unfortunately, while I'm content with where I am in... I suppose 'popularity' would be the word?  Despite that, I'm still mulling over ways to entertain everyone the best I can while also finding ways to make ends meet.

I plan on doing more one-time donation things with twitch and the like to test the waters and see what people find fun and what can also fund my hobby/career-to-be.  My real message in all of this is "please don't feel like I've lost sight of what matters (you all being awesome) and am just interested in the financial side of things.  I would just rather keep building this and giving back to you guys in as many ways as I can than go out and get a job that will detract from it."  Not like I have much choice, anyway, though.  Of the dozen resume's I've sent out since graduating, SE is the only place that's really gotten back to me and given me an interview... which was still fun!  It was a big reason for me doing everything I am now: to get their attention and show that I could do what they do and contribute to what they do.  I still may in the future and in ways I haven't forseen, but for now, while I wait for the next callback from wherever I apply next, this will be my focus.  I have till I get back from Japan to make that decision, though.  It wouldn't do much good to apply only to venture off for a week and a half right after.  After that, who knows.  I have an offer to go back for a Master's degree on a hefty scholarship if I'm accepted into one of their programs that would at least give me some time to keep building this while keeping the in-laws off my back, or I'll find something to fill the gaps while we keep doin what we do.

That's about it for now.  I should really get back to working on the videos I have piling up.  It's been hard to be motivated with the situation being what it is.  I also care what all of you think.  Not because I need your approval to be happy.  You're all just the reason I feel so fulfilled professionally (I wonder if it's been long enough for me to use that word); you laugh at our jokes, you let us brighten up your weeks with our [fun] failures, and you help keep my gaze fixed on why I do what I do when life becomes more difficult than I'd like.  Thanks for bein awesome, everyone, and thank you for your support.  You let me do what I love and love what I do.  I'll do my best to deserve it with every passing day.