Designing a character...

...can be initially a really taxing experience. I woke up struck by an idea. Clear vision of the character's personality and role in the developing story. Yet when I sat down to let the idea materialize itself on the paper, I realized it's not going to be so easy.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=15uZ6c_zBtFR5FeV72SMS5MgFbasiEmX7

First attempt got me so unsatisfied that I had to slap a post it note over it. Even that didn't help though, because the design on top of it didn't make me content either.

I wasn't giving myself an easy task though. Tonny - the character I wanted to draw, shown herself to me as a strong feminine personality, transgender, yet unconventionally (after years of struggle) at peace with the body she was born with. She had to be strong, intelligent, painfully cut with words and have "no fucks given" attitude.

I failed again and again while trying to find a way to portray her. Focused on trying different face shapes only made me sure of what i DON'T want to create. I kept on searching for something inspiring, but even though there was a sea of possibilities to explore, I was stuck.
On top of that I felt a bit pressured in my creative process by sharing it without feeling secure of my capacity to actually make her as i seen her.

But then, after few deep breaths, reminding myself that this can take as much as it needs, I went through pinterest and asked myself "would she wear that?". And to my relief I could actually start to see her more clearly. Focus on something different than my fear of letting myself down with this character creation process...

If there's something that makes me relax, it's definitely referenced drawing. I wouldn't call myself a creative artist. I think my visual library is still quite small and it will take me a lot of time to build it up to a satisfying level. And until then I'll be asking myself "would they sit like that? Would they wear it? How should I change it to make it more them?"
There's no shame in learning, there's no shame in needing to aid yourself with visuals if you can't "see" it in your imagination. And I really need to remember that.

Some of the other pages you'll find in the linked zip file, are my figure drawings, that are the part of my warm up routine~
Hope you'll enjoy it!