drawing blood, std panels, and unconditional love
Added 2025-06-09 17:05:34 +0000 UTCthere is ordinary magic moment to moment which can easily be missed by the hungry ghost. what is it that we hunger for? perhaps to be loved without condition, seen in our totality and strangeness without judgement. sometimes, in being seen, it can lead to clinging to an external situation or person that seems to be the source of that love. but upon closer investigation, it is found that the source is everywhere and in everything, is perceived in the heart, and especially tender when revealed through relationship. the intimacy of getting blood drawn for an std panel, for example. when tense and judgemental it can be a terrible experience. through curiosity and receptivity, things change. the emptying out feeling of life leaving, the erotic pulsation of life which remains. i laugh. the phlebotomist says are you good…no one laughs. you know what, smell this, she says. she is worried i will pass out but its just that the pain is endearing in a way though i also kinda feel mildly faint. but i like that too so i keep the breath steady. so strange and alive. i ask her is she’s ever paid attention to the sensations. she shrugs: “you know, it is what it is.” that is true. i keep paying attention. another giggle escapes. she then tries to distract me with the questions. but i want to be with the life coming and going and what is it that it is?
