garden of the subconscious

the subconscious is endlessly fascinating to me. i have been thinking of how we blame others for doing things, when the majority of the time they are unconsciously enacting something and it is not even “them” that is doing anything. so what if we were to take total responsibility? this doesn’t mean getting walked all over. but more, seeing things clearly through discernment. perhaps it is more rare for people to outwardly and maliciously do harm. most of the time it seems that things are on autopilot and the mind hasn’t been trained to pause and reflect. in this vein, especially i have been interested in learning about projective identification. according to psychoanalyst melanie klein, projective identification is an unconscious phantasy in which aspects of the self or an internal object are split off and attributed to an external object. the projected aspects may be felt by the projector to be either good or bad. projective phantasies may or may not be accompanied by evocative behaviour unconsciously intended to induce the recipient of the projection to feel and act in accordance with the projective phantasy. for example, a person is in a bad relationship. their partner abuses and humiliates them. then you come along. you are a decent human being and are kind to this person, giving them positive attention. swiftly, you are put in the role of the “savior”. the savior part is a projection. the person feels they need a savior and doesn’t think they could be their own. this is just one example, but this happens often in countless interactions. this is so fascinating to me. the vastness and strangeness of the mind. it is wild. how we can unconsciously manipulate another person to act in accordance with subconscious wounds that are longing to be healed and integrated. in the savior example, it could be played into if someone wants to take on that role—but that is dangerous and the phantasy will often self-destruct. the subconscious is dark, uncharted territory. it is hard work to actually heal and integrate our deep wounds. but it can be done. and in my opinion, this internal work is some of the most important work to be done.