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Hi to everyone who is still here..

Sorry for the long silence, I have no strength for anything right now.
I'm trying really hard to get myself together, but so far I'm failing in these attempts.
I really hope for your understanding.

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I also received this email from Patreon, I don't know if it will affect me because I use PayPal to receive payments. And so far everything should be fine with PayPal. At least I hope so.
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I noticed that some artists can create when all sorts of wild things are happening around. Like, they throw out strong emotions, as if expressing them through the canvas.

I am not one of those artists. All my work comes from inner peace. If there is chaos in my soul and surroundings, I cannot draw even for the sake of emotions, not to mention orders for other people.

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My family is a complete nightmare, I heard that many of my Russian colleagues quarreled with all their "washed" relatives because of politics.

I haven't spoken to my mom since the war started. Literally the day before, we met with the whole family and had a very nice time walking around the city and eating goodies in our favorite cafe.

Now my mom and dad throws me some propaganda shit on Viber and I just have to ignore it. I am very sad that this is happening, I can’t find words and emotions and I just don’t know how to react to it. Would there be shame here? No. It's just another circumstance that needs to be accepted as it is.

I'm not very close with my dad, I always knew that he believes in propaganda + he is religious, and I'm sick of it. However, I never felt bad for him or anything like that.

But it was completely unexpected to receive this from my mother. She has always positioned herself as a "neutral side".

Anyway, I love and appreciate them equally. And I try to be wise.

I'm just sad, I've always tried to maintain a good relationship with my family. We are not without sin, but I did everything in my power and tried for them. But either what I did is not enough, or it's just not appreciated, I don't know. I ask you not to speculate, this is still personal, I just wanted to say that war always breaks fates and plans, even if you are not in a combat zone.

I'm still true to myself. And if that means being alone, then so be it.

So far, I have only my husband in the form of support. So I'm fine.


Take care of your loved ones and stay safe.