Extended Preview: FATAL COMBAT

Howdy, Traxians!

It's a RiffTrax Release Friday! Today's hunk of cheese is called Fatal Combat, which chronicles the heroics of yet another "John" in the many Action Movie Johns.

An eccentric billionaire is ripping off The Running Man, but he didn’t count on one man ruining the party: John Stoneman.

No, not John Ryan, that’s a character played by the same actor in Street Law. And not John Stone, he’s from Stone Cold. John Stoneman is a professor of “Warriorism.” This sounds like something a glistening oaf you’ve never heard of would talk about while Joe Rogan nods for three hours, but evidently it’s a valuable set of skills that involves kicking people, then having deep, philosophical conversations about topics such as “Why do we kick people?”

After a series of encounters in parking lots, John is kidnapped and taken to the Arctic Circle, played ably by a mid-Atlantic sledding hill three days after it snowed. There, he’s forced to compete in a series of brutal cage matches, many of which involve a hovercraft, for some reason. He’s up against Tae Kwon Do experts, Secundus from Abraxas, and a member of the Chicago Bears whose stated position changes several times throughout the movie. Then they broadcast these fights over pay-per-view, which evidently rakes in the dough, though possibly just because of the halftime Puppy Bowl.

We also ran a TraxBox Caption Contest this week exclusively for our Ultra Traxians. Here's the still from the movie and our winning caption from Jeffery Mcclure:

"OK, I'll make you into a cute tiger, but we may need more mustard."

And, as a special perk for Traxians, use the coupon code SECUNDUS right now to get an exclusive 5% discount on anything else in your cart, for the next week.

Have a great weekend, and enjoy this new riff, won't you? Get the full riff here or download this preview here.