Side-Write: The Thief

Seems April Fools is already in full swing, and the hero of today's story would be only too happy to take part. I decided to take another stab at a happy story with some cute elements, and it ended up wandering a few unexpected directions, but I'm fairly happy with it. I still feel a little like it's missing something, but I'm not sure if the thing it's "missing" is... effectively, being a less happy story?

As always, this isn't strictly canon so much as an exploration of things that might happen in the world of Project Wild One. I hope you enjoy!

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It's cause I'm too smart, see. That's why I can't live in the cities. It's crazy to try and build a city, it's just a matter of time till the Soldiers come and burn it down! I've seen it. I grew up in a village up the mountain from one of the Soldier cities, and they came along and burned it down for no reason! That's just what the Soldiers do! They punish everyone that doesn't look like them, burn their homes and drag them away to disappear them forever. They came for me, and they'll come for the others too, it's just a matter of time.

That's why it's so dumb that they let the Soldier People come and trade with them! Sure, not all of these wagon people carry weapons or wear armor, but it's obvious they're just scoping out the city to tell all their Soldiers about it so they can attack it better!

That's how it goes everywhere. All the other people of the world, whatever they try to do, sooner or later the Soldiers will come to destroy it. I heard they think the world belongs to them. That it used to be only them that lived here, and all the rest of us are intruders! But my poor old gramma was born and raised in the world, so I know that's just a stupid lie.

So I stick to the forest. The Soldiers need roads for their wagons and horses, and they like to burn down homes, so if I stick to the trees and never build anything, they'll never find me. I'm too smart to ever get caught. As long as I live, my family is still alive. They didn't take everything from us, as long as one of us keeps breathing.

That's why I take from them. They took so much, all our food, all our neighbors, all our tools, our land, our hope. I live in the forest, but I try to make every meal I eat one they paid for. I've stolen from their farms, and even from their Soldiers, but most of all, I steal from their sneaky wagons... like I will tonight.

I'm so clever, I knew exactly where they'd set up camp, see. I followed this line of wagons leaving one of our cities, and I got out ahead of it, and I hid in the hollow of a tree near the clear space I knew they'd take. There's water near, so wagons like this always stop here. I've waited, silent, all night. Now the camp is quieting down, and just about everyone must be sleeping.

I've peeked out at them now and then. It's so weird, how much they all look the same. All the same shape, all nearly the same size, it seems like there's barely a difference between species. They all sound the same, walk the same, dress the same. It must be so boring. No wonder they like being Soldiers, they must love looking the same and doing the same thing, all at the same time. It's not fair. We could fight them a lot easier if we were so good at being puppets and all moving like one big monster.

I'm as silent as the night breeze, slipping out of my hiding spot and picking my way through the camp. I already know which wagon they hide all the food in, and I know who has the key. I've been watching them, and she sleeps in the front of the wagon. Except... when I bury myself in the wagon's shadow, I don't see her there. Her blanket is there, but she's...?

I hear a rustle inside the wagon. I slide around, and the door's open! I listen for just a second, then I breeze in to hide in a shadow in the corner. Someone's in here-- and they noticed something. They froze. I'm a kobold, I'm tiny and sneaky enough I can usually get away with this stuff, but if they're...?

Munching noises. Carefully, I peek around a crate at the faint light on the far side.

There's a candle set on another crate, and framed against it is... a woman. The woman. I'd seen her from a distance, but this...!

She's beautiful. All curves, plush, broad in the hips. She reminds me of some of the women back home, except all... tall and furry. She's savoring some kind of biscuit, eyes closed, leaning back against the crates, and the light casts a gold rim over one side of her, softening as it crawls over the softness of her fur and the taut lines of her clothes struggling to contain her. I sigh.

She opens her eyes, and my throat seizes shut. How could I be so stupid?? She's staring right at me, and any second she's going to scream, and I'm going to be captured and dragged away!

She... takes another bite.

I stare at her, heart thundering.

She reaches over, into a crate that's cracked open, and pulls out another biscuit. She... points it at me?

...A trap? No, she just has to scream and I'd be done for. I glance out the door. Nobody's moving... I could maybe dash out now and have a tiny chance of making it clear before anyone wakes up enough to shoot me or something, if I'm lucky and the ones on watch aren't in the way.

I look back at her. And... my feet are moving, pulling me closer to her. I reach out, and she just waits. I take the biscuit, and my fingers brush hers. She munches some more. I sniff my biscuit, and take a little bite. It's... sweet! Sweeter than berries, but also there's a bitterness, and a smooth flavor like sap, and... It's so good! I gobble up my weird biscuit before I can help myself. I was already hungry, and this is too delicious to resist!

I lick my fingers, staring at her. I've never known one of the Soldier People to act like this. I guess I've rarely been this close to one that wasn't a Soldier, and then only when they were sleeping. Are they more different than they look?

She finishes her cookie, staring at me. Finally, she speaks. I don't know her language, but her voice is soft and gentle, and I just enjoy listening as she murmurs a few different things. When she's done, I just watch her. She speaks again, a little firmer, and finally she waves a little as if pushing me to move away. She wants me to leave? I glance around, and point at the crate she'd been eating from. I need food, and those biscuits would do nicely! But she gestures to block me, saying something else. I wouldn't mind lingering, but if it's time to make my escape, I don't intend to go empty-handed. I look around at the other crates, and finally she sighs and pulls down a small one, opening it to reveal stacked loaves of bread. She holds it low for me, and I pause. When she bends down like this, I have more than just all this tasty food to stare at.

She speaks, and I glance up. She's smiling. I feel a tingle up my back, and a certain heat, and suddenly I'm moving. I seize the box and I run with it! She yelps something, and hisses after me in a noisy whisper, but I'm already out of the wagon and bolting for the treeline! A man shouts something after a few moments, but it's too late! I've disappeared into the darkness, and I run and run, weaving around trees to put as many as I can between me and anyone that might follow or look for me!

I eat well that night. When I'm finally settling in, belly bloated, I still haven't managed to gnaw my way through all that rich, crusty bread, but I feel a warm glow all over. And I find that I keep thinking about... her. Her eyes. Her scent. Her hips. I'm suddenly very aware that I have been alone for many seasons, now...

I'm too smart to get attached to others, though. If I care about someone, the Soldiers will come and take them away. They can't hurt me if all the people I care about live only in my heart. I'm too smart to feel like this about other people. Especially anyone that helps the Soldiers. Too smart to do anything so stupid. I curl around my belly as I drift off, groaning. I ate too much. My belly hurts...

In the morning, I hurry to stuff the rest of the bread in my bag. I end up scurrying for the road with loaves under each arm, in each hand, and one in my teeth. I can't let the wagons slip away without me. They'll be more alert after spotting me last night, but I won't let that stop me.

Once I've made sure they're going the way I expect, I veer off into the woods to hide my haul. I know a few good spots for hiding it where nothing should sniff it out, but it's a bit of a trip. I come back ahead of them, and I just watch them pass. They're same as always, even... her. She's wearing more clothing now, but when I look at her, I feel like I see so much more than I did, tracking these wagons the last few days.

Is she angry at me? Would she scream for the others now, if she saw me? Leaning against a tree trunk, cloaked in shadow, I watch her pass, gleaming in the sunlight.

I don't approach their camp that night. They set more guards this time anyway. I crunch at the last loaf I brought with me, tucked away in a hidey hole, and it's hard to stop myself thinking about her. It's annoying, really. I should be thinking about how to get more food from them, but then I think about her. She's supposed to protect the food, to not let people like me take it. That seems to be her job with the wagons. Are the others angry at her now? Because of me? She didn't look like she'd been beaten, and she was still driving the wagon over the day, not locked away or switched to another job or anything. Maybe... Do the others not know? Or maybe they just treat their own better.

I wish I could know if she's mad at me. I keep thinking about when she smiled at me. And when her breasts peeked at me through the gap in her shirt, hanging low and heavy. But mostly her smile.

Maybe there's something wrong with this bread. My stomach feels weird again, and it's making it hard to sleep.

I wake up mostly feeling... frustrated. I'm too smart to feel so confused with all this. There's got to be a way to sneak through. To... To... I'm not even sure what I want, now. I'd like to take their food, but now I feel weird about sneaking in and taking it. It's dangerous enough without me going in there not feeling sure about what I'm doing, and every time I think about her being mad at me, my knees feel like jelly. I can't steal like this.

I think and I think about it while I slip through the forest. There's got to be a way. I need to find some clever trick, some way to... What? To get everything I want. Same as always. Just... I'm wanting some strange things right now.

I pause to feast on some berries. I've had my eyes on this patch, not far from the road, but far enough they'd never spot it. They must just be coming ripe, hardly anything has eaten off them yet! I gobble them down, still thinking about her. There's so much here I couldn't even pick it all, I can't carry this much. I...

I stop, juices dribbling down my chin as I stare. I've got the cleverest, most devious plan...

When the wagons approach, I'm already in place. I'm hiding in the bushes just next to the road. They do have a rider out in front to check for danger, but they never go into the forest. They just stick to the road and hope all their weapons will protect them from any surprises. Some of them pass just a few feet in front of me as the wagons roll by, and I spot her wagon coming up.

I stand suddenly, in plain sight of the driver before her and a few of their Soldiers.

And I stuff my face with berries.

Someone shouts, and some stop, but not before I see her. She leans over and stares at me, and I look her in the eye, chewing and letting the juices pour down my chest, over the berries I'm holding cupped there. A man pulls out his sword, and I run into the forest.

More shouting now. Someone dumb tries to ride into the forest, but they don't get far. A few others chase after me, shouting angrily, and I don't even try to hide. I spray berries everywhere, cackling, and run straight for the patch. The brush and branches are thick enough they have to slow down, but I just dash for it, breaking sight with them a moment before I duck into the bramble of the berries. I hear them crash into the patch, and their angry shouts turn painful for a moment, then their cries seem to turn happier. Everyone likes berries, right?

Still, they seem to be looking for me, so I quickly creep over to the far side of the patch before I stick my head up. They don't notice me at first, so I belch loudly. That brings heads around, and they shout at me, so I take off into the woods, away from them and the wagon. The patch is thick enough they'd never catch up to me, and I disappear into the distant trees before doubling back to sneak up. Sure enough, they start to pick berries, then some go back to fetch others. I watch as a bunch of them come with crates and barrels to strip the bushes and brambles of their juiciest fruit. I was hoping she would be among them, but I guess she's sticking with the wagon.

I slip around them as they're finishing up and perch in the branches ahead again. When she's passing by, I drop onto a lower branch, in sight. She's eating some of the berries, as are many of the Soldier people. She doesn't notice me, so I throw a berry at her. She flinches, looks up, and stares at me.

And for a second, I forget my fear and just grin at her. I feel the drying juices all over my face twist with my big smile. I was supposed to be doing something, but looking at her, her looking at me, this is all I want.

She does nothing for a second. Then she smirks and throws a berry back at me. I laugh. One of the Soldiers turns, and I disappear into the upper branches again. I watch her pass, smiling. That means she's not mad, right?

That night, they don't have so many people watching the edge of camp. I'm tempted to sneak in. I'm really tempted. But I don't think it's time yet. I need to really outsmart all of them for this to work.

So the next day, I rush out ahead of the wagons to look for something else. Two or three more bounties like the berries, and they'll be tricked into thinking I'm a friendly kobold. They'll have to see that I'm so much smarter at them and so much better at navigating the forest that they should just let me steal their food. And then I'll trick her into liking me, and she'll smile at me all the time like she did that night. I'll take everything I want from them, and they'll think I'm just being nice.

This part of the forest is perfect, too. It's growing thicker here, the trees are taller. The forest is so big, even the path is shadowed now, and the trees stretch out all the way across the top. I'm sure I can find something juicy to entice the Soldier people.

But what I find is a problem. A big problem.

I don't have any choice. I get into position and wait for the wagons again. Shivering, I hide low, trying not to even breathe.

Then when I see them down the road, their wagons still covered in the last few bright spots of sunlight, I jump up to rush into the middle of the road, howling and waving my arms. There's no sunlight here, where the trees are thickest, so I make as much noise as I can to make sure they can tell I'm there. The front rider is close enough he jerked to a stop immediately, but I need all of them to see me. He shouts at me, pulling a bow off his back, but I just scream back and point up. Look up, idiot! They never look up! They're SO STUPID!

He shouts at me some more, but he isn't drawing his arrow yet. That's better than yesterday, I guess. Some of the others are calling from the wagons now, and people are leaning over to get a good look at me. Good. I point wildly upward, and some of them glance up, but they don't seem to see anything. Ugh. Dumb and blind. The front rider yells at me again, waving like to push me away.

I hear it coming, and I sigh. I shout one more time, and spread my arms, presenting myself. Look, idiots!

There weren't naga this far north last time I came through. They must have just expanded their reach. The branches are full of horny, hungry snake monsters, and I grimace at the front rider as a rustle and a snap above me sets every nerve in my body screaming to run. Then, darkness. My arms slam to my sides as the world disappears, and suddenly hot, wet muscles are flexing all around me, dragging my feet off the ground. I hear distant, muffled screaming, and the body around me quickly slithers away into the brush. I've done all I can. If they still manage to get eaten, they're just too stupid to be saved.

It's night when I get up. Shaky. Hungry. I'm alive again, and I'm starving and naked, but there's only one thing I can think about. I find my way to the road.

It's still easy to guess where they'd camp, and I rush there, but it's almost morning when I finally get there. I don't even sneak. I draw myself up, force myself to straighten my back. If this didn't do it, nothing will.

I walk right up to the camp. A Soldier steps into the torchlight, in my way, his face in shadow. He stares down at me. My hands are fists at my side, but I stare up at him. A Soldier. I've never stood my ground face to face with one before. I've fled them, and I've robbed them, but this... it feels wrong. I'm... shaking.

He spits on the ground, and walks away.

My legs are working kinda funny, but I walk forward. I go straight to her wagon. I find I have to... push myself, gather my strength, to climb up and peek in the driver's seat.

There she is. Sleeping. She's safe.

I slump against the wagon for a minute, just... breathing. I... want to wake her, but it's almost morning. I climb down and sit by the wheel, resting my head against it. I can wait.

Something soft. I smell... her.

I jerk upright, blinking against the sudden... daylight? It's... morning! I squint up, and she's bent over me, spreading her blanket over me. Still warm. She smiles. I quiver a little, trying to rasp something, but my throat is dry.

She pulls me to sit in the seat with her when they're ready to leave. I'm still sleepy and confused. I didn't mean to ride with her, but I'm not going to complain about it. I end up sleeping against her. It's frustrating, but I need the sleep.

After that, my scheme goes better than I expected. She starts letting me steal a meal here and there, and they stop trying to shoot at me when I run off and come back. I point out things for them to show off how smart I am, and she smiles at me. All the time. I ride at her side a lot, sometimes nestled in against her. Sometimes she looks at me like my mother did. That's okay. My greatest scheme is still under way. I've tricked them all into trusting me, but someday, when they least expect it, I'll do it. I'll steal their most valuable and precious cargo, and leave them all crying in their sleeves.

Her heart will be mine.