Lith's Diary - December

Dear Diary,
Happy holidays! I hope you've had a good time celebrating whatever you might choose to celebrate, even if it's just the closing of the year. 2017 has been a crazy one, and I've heard a lot of people are glad to see the end of it, but at least to me, it doesn't seem like it was quite as bad as 2016. I remember ending that year with a great sense that things had been awful for just about everyone and a sincere hope that 2017 would somehow be better. I think I even made a little prediction that 2017 would be a year for great achievements, if I remember right.

I... don't know if I'd say I feel like I've achieved a notable amount this year. It wasn't bad, but there were certainly some rough spots, and some ups and downs. I think that in that respect, in a way, it was at least easier to deal with than 2016. And as for next year... hmmm.

It's funny. When I think about "The Year 2017," it still sounds weird and futuristic to me, haha. But when I think 2018... that sounds comfy. That sounds like a year you can call home. I don't know if that means it'll actually be a good year, but we can hope. Every year is a chance to live a better life.

Let's see. Last time I rambled about video games and anime, as usual. I should go back and play heat signature again! That game was really fun, but I think I kinda forgot about it. I've tried a lot of random games this month, but I'm not sure just yet if any of them really stand out as anything I'd want to talk about. Not bad, but not great. I actually haven't watched much anime, for that matter. Oh! I did watch Yuri on Ice. It's an... odd experience. It's all about ice skating on the international level, and it just dives right into this intense stuff with competing to be the best in the world and how each competitor pushes themselves to get the most points in this and that and... for some reason it's also one of those shows that's blatantly just trying to lure women into fantasizing about all the males in it being boyfriends?

That's an odd one I've seen now and then. I guess it's the equivalent of shows that have overly curvaceous women in skimpy outfits, but to tickle women's fancies instead of men's, you make all the guys really slender, effeminate, and full of lovey dovey gestures? Two characters even exchange rings as "an intimate expression of friendship" or something. I feel like I'm peeking in on a whole world of fantasies that are just a little too foreign for me to understand.

But if you put all that aside it's a surprisingly compelling show about pushing your limits and struggling to perform to the absolute best of your abilities despite everything else happening in your life, fighting on under the pressure and not letting yourself falter for a second, even when you screw up. I guess they already proved with that "hardcore competitive breadmaking" show that you can turn pretty much anything into a fun anime about "giving it your all!"

But that's not what's really on my mind lately. I just recently binged a webcomic, start to finish, that I remember reading at least partially a long, long time ago. It's called TwoKinds, and its main theme is exploring the effects that a division in species has on interpersonal relationships-- the main two characters are a human and a furry, though in this world furries are divided into a few specific species and it's a little complicated. The comic starts off a little weak, and it's obviously heavily inspired by some old school anime tropes from harem shows and such, but it's been running for over a decade and it actually gets really good after a while. I ended up reading the whole thing in one day, and afterward, it kinda weighed on me, like this sense of both joy and sorrow just lingering in the back of my mind for days after. It had some really powerful, emotional moments to it.

Eventually it got to the point where I had to stop and ask myself, why had this made such an impact on me? The art is really well done later on and the writing gets pretty good, but I'm not sure I'd really say it was an exceptional comic, just... good. So why had it hit me so hard before I knew it?

Thinking on it, the best I can think of is... this is one of those stories that portrays love in a certain way, and it's a way that I wish love could work. It made me happy to see all of that unfold, and it makes me sad that in our world, people aren't constantly attracted to each other, and falling in love, and actually forming positive relationships from those chance meetings. It seems to be kind of a big motif that people in the comics are thrown together through unlikely means and end up forming strong bonds, often falling in love, quickly or slowly. There's a certain joy to it. And there can be problems and conflict, but it works out well.

And I just... I reached the newest page, and I stopped reading, and it was like waking from a wonderful little dream. In our world, love is... hard. Either you fall in love easily, forming relationships that often don't work out, or you shy away from love, and you miss out on what could be. People are complicated and don't always match up, and sometimes you have to really get to know someone over a long time before you find out things just won't work. We don't have a benevolent writer to bring us together through pure chance with our perfect match.

And it... it hurts. It hurts, trying to love, when you don't have that sheltering hand. I think that's something I resent about writers, about stories. They tell you that things work a certain way. That the hero wins in the end, that the boy gets the girl, that things work out. Sometimes it looks like it won't, and that makes it exciting and scary, but the end is always the same. And then you try to go out there and live, and things are more complicated. It's not exciting when things go wrong, it's scary. People argue, and they don't make up. People don't make it there just in time. People die.

This isn't some grand revelation, but I think that reading that comic really brought that into focus for me. I wish the world could be happier, and easier to deal with. I wish love could work like it does in these stories, and we could all count on having that someone that gives us everything we need, and being that someone for them. But we just have to make do with the world we live in.

I mean, I guess I could blame Lithier. But he did bring you and me together, and... well. We've had some troubles, but even so, I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Maybe I'm not good at expressing that sometimes. The... the messes we've been getting into, through these doors, make it hard to see the good in things. But I'm glad I've got you with me. Really. I can't imagine where I'd be, if I didn't have you to count on. So... I'm sorry, if I've ever been mean, or... ungrateful, or acted like a brat, when you've done so much to help me. I do appreciate you. I want you to know that. You've been so much help to me, and... I hope I've been able to help you a little, too.

Thank you for carrying me through this crazy year. I hope we can find some comfort together in 2018.
-Lith