A K-pop Idol 62.1

"Ms. Kim Hana?" Alex heard his name being called and then he stood up. He looked at Choi Hyun one last time, and the girl smiled and encouraged him, saying you can do that. He went towards the person who had called him. The old man wasn’t more than 5' 3" tall. His eyes were tiny and he had a small beard on his chin. 

"Hmm... Hi, sir" Alex said. "I'm Kim Hana." 

"Hello, Kim Hana" the man said, with a friendly smile. "I'm Dr. Wang, and it's a pleasure to finally meet you. Come in, please.”

Dr. Wong was the psychologist recommended by Dr. Yeob, Alex's doctor. At first, the feminized man didn't want to attend that appointment, but Choi Hyun insisted that he needed to go, and promised she would go along to give him support. 

Alex knew this would be a waste of time. He wasn't feeling well psychologically, true, but he couldn't tell the real cause of his distress to that man. However, once Choi Hyun got something into her head, it was impossible to make her change her mind. And now that Alex – due to his complete immersion in Korean culture and his emotional fragility – was respecting her authority as his unnie, he had no choice but to obey her.

He had already had his first appointment with his gynecologist a few days before, so he tried to console himself by thinking that this meeting couldn't be as bad and humiliating as that one…

At the office of Dr. Nam, the gynecologist, once again the feminized man was forced to lie down and open his legs so the man could insert a cold metallic object into his pussy to examine everything. 

What most embarrassed Alex was the fact that that doctor also knew he had been born a man. Those men he barely knew, and who were very aware that he was supposed to be a male, treated him and talked to him as if he really was a girl. 

Alex knew they were just being kind and ethical. Any true transgender girl would appreciate such a treatment, but he wasn't one of those girls. Obviously, that doctor had no way of knowing that. Alex not only had a completely feminine appearance now (he even had real breasts and a female reproductive system, after all!), but also walked, gesticulated, talked and behaved like a perfect girly girl. There was no way someone could knew that he had ended up in this situation because of a series of unfortunate incidents, and not because he really wanted it. 

In fact, even Alex's mind sometimes wondered if it was really true. Perhaps, although unconsciously, he had wanted to be a girl all the way, and had helped to make it happen... No, it's not true! He always said to himself after such thoughts, desperate. He had to fight it, no matter how hard it was.

At the end of that appointment, Dr. Nam prescribed Alex a contraceptive and some medications to ease his menstrual cramps. All that seemed so surreal and humiliating... That was why Alex was convinced that his meeting with the psychologist couldn’t be so bad.

Dr. Wong’s office was simple but cozy. In fact, it looked more like the living room of a cottage than a psychologist office. It had hardwood flooring with a light rug, and antique and rustic furniture. There was also a large window overlooking one of the beautiful and calm parks of Seoul. 

“Would you like something to drink, miss?” Dr. Wong asked.

"Hmm... I'd like a glass of water, please" replied Alex, feeling uncomfortable.

"So, what would you like to talk about today?" the man asked, after handing Alex the water and pouring some coffee for himself. 

“Excuse me?” Alex said, confused. “I thought it would be you who would ask me questions.”

"Oh, I don't think this approach works very well. I'm here to help you, Kim Hana, but for my job to work, you have to want it. You need to trust me and want my help. So today, if you prefer, we don’t need to talk about what brought you here. I know it's hard to share your biggest existential issues with a stranger.”

"Really? Can we talk about everything?"

"Everything."

"Even about... Hmm... Flowers?!"  Alex asked. Since he was looking at the park through the window of the office, it was the first thing that went through his head.

Dr. Wong smiled again. He had a comforting smile and a dreamy, ethereal aura. 

"Sure" he finally said. "I love flowers. You should see the garden that my wife and I grow in our house!”

Alex thought that Dr. Wong was a strange man, but also trustworthy. He didn't know why, but maybe that meeting wasn't going to be useless, after all...