My weekly diary: From past to present.

Hello, I'm going to start from the beginning, just like good stories.

I was born almost 24 years ago in Badajoz, a city in Extremadura. My father works for a construction company, and my mother was an interior designer. They named me Luna Sofia. Unfortunately, I don't have any siblings. I always liked the idea of having someone to fight and share things with, but it couldn't be.

My childhood was a bit strange, as my parents' jobs always made us move to a new city every two years. Going to a new school every two years was a trauma for me, I never managed to make good friends. I think that has marked my life a lot. But not everything was bad, I met many people and many different places and that is always a life experience.

From a young age, I always liked to paint and my parents, seeing that I liked it, always took me to museums. I would spend hours walking the halls looking at paintings without understanding absolutely anything, especially abstract and cubist ones like Picasso. I always leaned more towards Impressionism and Realism, I think they are my favorite styles.

I remember once, I was 11 or 12 years old, I saw a painting of a caravan of white slave women and a harem (I don't remember the title or the author) I was astonished, the image left a profound impact on me. Initially, I felt a sense of distress at the depiction of a harsh reality. Yet, the sight of these naked, submissive women elicited a sense of overwhelming fascination. It was a contradictory feeling, but looking back, I think this was my first sexual awakening.

The years passed, and I ended up studying Fine Arts. In this stage, I met Helena, my current flatmate. After finishing the degree without much glory and not knowing what to do with my life, I started working in a graphic design company. I've been living in Madrid for about four years now but only recently became independent, moving in with Helena. With the current high costs of living and low salaries, it's impossible for me to afford rent or buy a house on my own.

Personality-wise, it may seem the opposite, but I have always been a very shy girl, with many complexes and with a lack of self-esteem. I always tried to please people to earn their affection in any way, I never had a criterion or opinion and I always let myself be carried away by others. Any criticism or setback always affects me a lot, I am always looking for the approval of others. Many people have taken advantage of me because of these circumstances and it is something that hurts me a lot. I have always been very naive and I have never thought that people can have second intentions or not be sincere. This has led me to many disappointments.

As I say, the only friend I have is my flatmate Helena, I met her in the first year of college and I spend most of my free time with her. We go to the gym together, on trips, etc. (we are not lesbians, okay?).

Honestly, I never had a boyfriend, it's not that I don't like boys, obviously I do, but as I said before, every two years I changed cities. I have also had suitors, but I think due to that lack of self-esteem and insecurity in myself, the right moment has never come. Sincerelly I have been in love with some boys, but they haver never found out. In the end, the years have passed, and I have missed all the trains lol. Honestly, sometimes I miss the stereotype of men of the past, I know it sounds sexist, but those men who knew how to conquer a woman and leave her defenseless is OK STOP Sofía...

As for my drawings, I started using AI a year and a half ago when I started working, I have been trying things since then and I ended up doing what I have been doing since I was little... those drawings of defenseless women, who although it seems that they suffer really provide a sensual and feminine vision that seems something natural, the submission of women, the place they occupy in the world to give pleasure and have children... in the drawings those women were not neglected, on the contrary, they looked healthy and always adorned or well dressed... so as I say they are contradictory feelings for me...

and then I decided to open X... and here we are.

TO BE CONTINUED

PD: feel free to ask something in comments.