Extra Side Story - One Autumn Morning (Pt. 2)

Here's the second part!

[PART 1]

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You let the conversation die off and Luka seems content for now to let you eat your brunch in peace. However, he doesn’t seem to have much appetite as you see him merely pushing pieces of his apple pie around in his plate after taking a few more bites. The vanilla ice cream has all but melted, mixing with the caramel sauce and making the smiley face look more like a crying face with a faltering smile. How apt.

“If you’re not going to finish that, then just let me have it,” you huff in annoyance. You still have a stomach for dessert.

“Hm?” He glances up. “Uh, sure.” He then pushes his plate to you before standing up. “I need to use the restroom,” he tells you before walking off.

You, for one, are relieved to have a little bit of alone time to try sorting out your messy feelings about all of this. What do you feel about Luka? Do you love him like he does you? You’ve never thought about it--or maybe you actively try not to.

But now that he has opened the can of worms, you let yourself think about what would it be like to finally be with someone who you can trust, to not be lonely again, to not have to face everything yourself, to have someone who supports and truly cares for you. It’s something you have not dared imagine since you were just a young boy. It has always felt like a faraway dream, an unreachable goal.

Now, suddenly, it doesn’t seem like such an impossible thing anymore… And your first instinct is to run away from it. You’re such a mess…

The important question is whether that someone for you is Luka. You think about his stupid, handsome face, those little smiles that you know are only reserved for you and his family, the way he gushes (or complains) about his beloved niblings to you, the way his eyes light up when you ask him questions about some random films and you know he’ll start ranting about cinema like a nerd he is--

You stop as you realize you’re smiling and your heart is, once again, beating faster in your chest.

Fuck… You’ve got it just as bad as he does, do you?

The realization hits you like a truck and you have to forcibly shove as many apple pie bits in your mouth to get rid of your smile and to distract yourself just in time for him to come back, looking slightly more refreshed.

He plops back down to his seat with a weary sigh. “Tyoma…” he starts and you try to keep your face flat as you hum in reply. “I know this is probably the worst time and place for me to lay my feelings bare for you.”

“You don’t say…” you can’t help but deadpan.

“Look, I’m not going to coerce you into saying yes. If you’re worried that the protection agreement we arranged will expire if you say no, then I’ll reassure you that I won’t do that. It will keep standing the way it is until either of us says otherwise.”

You can’t help but realize that’s the least of your worries right now. Concerns about his future safety is more paramount in your mind. But you just stay quiet as you let him continue.

“If… If you have no romantic feelings for me at all and have always seen what’s going on between us to be nothing more than some fun phsycial thing, then I promise I won’t ever ask you this question or ever talk about it ever again,” he says quietly. “And maybe… Maybe we can keep the thing between us the way it is…”

You know you should take this lifeline given to you, say that it has always been strictly fun physical thing for you, shut this whole thing down before it can bloom into something that may hurt people around him. After all, that’s all you’re good at, bringing trouble and misery wherever you go.

Fuck whatever you’re feeling; they are insignificant. Maybe a decade from now, you’ll find yourself thinking back on the days spent with him fondly and picturing what could’ve been, and you’ll end up regretting the decision you made and hate and can’t forgive yourself for it.

So… nothing new. And that’ll be a problem for future you to deal with--if you even made it that long.

You open your mouth to say it, but you find that… you can’t do it. Your throat and chest tighten, as if in cahoots to physically stop you from uttering the words. So, you end up closing it again without saying anything. You must’ve looked like a goldfish right now.

Of course when it is time for you to finally do something selfless, your heart and body rebel against you. What a selfish bastard you are, huh.

You don’t know what kind of expression you’re wearing right now--you’ve stopped caring like about five to ten minutes ago--but whatever it is, it causes Luka to quickly add, “No pressure, though. I want you to think about it very carefully so I don’t expect you to give me an answer today. Just… Don’t make me wait forever, please…”

“Okay…” you answer stupidly, still feeling overwhelmed with… everything.

“Good,” he sighs in relief, his tense shoulders relaxing. “Now, if you’re done eating, how about we go to a movie? If you’re free, of course,” he clarifies as he puts his gloves back on before getting up to do the same with his overcoat.

“Sure, why not,” you answer as you move to stand as well. You suppose he’s really gonna pretend like he didn’t just bare his heart and soul to you just a few minutes ago. “Let me go pay first.”

“No need,” he says, brushing down any wrinkles from his jacket. “I’ve paid for our bill when I went to the bathroom earlier.”

“You sly bastard,” you groan. “It was supposed to be my treat.”

He smiles apologetically, “Consider it an apology for dropping such a bombshell and ruining our brunch.”

“Fine. But you gotta let me pay for the popcorn and drinks at the cinema later on,” you warn as you walk toward the front door. The chilly air and the sun's rays immediately hit you as you step out of the diner, making you pull your cap down even lower instinctively.

Luka falls into step beside you, hands casually in his pockets. “Are you cold?” he asks. “Here, you can borrow my coat. I think I’ll be able to handle the cold until we get to the car.”

“What? W-Wait, no, no,” you quickly grab his arm to stop him as he starts to shrug the jacket off. “I don’t need it okay? I’m already wearing a windbreaker and I’m not made out of glass,” you huff as you feel your cheeks warming up.

He stops and smirks slightly at your clearly flustered response. “Alright, if you say so,” he shrugs.

The parking lot building where Luka decided to park his car is just a couple of blocks away. He wanted to just park in front of the diner, but you told him that would be too flashy. You don’t really want to attract the wrong kind of attention. It’s a beautiful day anyway, you don’t mind a little stroll in a beautiful autumn noon.

Pulling out your phone, you type in a quick search for movies that are currently showing in theatres. “So… Which movie do you wanna watch?” you ask Luka as you scan the list. You don’t really know any of them.

“Your pick,” he answers with a grin.

“What? But I don’t know anything about movies…” you complain.

“You don’t need to be knowledgeable about movies to choose which movie to watch, you know,” Luka says amusedly. “Just choose which one interests you the most.”

“Hmm… So, you don’t mind if I wanna watch this one movie about…” You enlarge the poster. “Sharks falling out of tornadoes?” you grin as you watch his reaction.

Luka’s grin becomes visibly strained. “Suuree…” he grits out. The expression he’s making is gold and you quickly open your phone’s camera and snap a picture, laughing all the while.

He immediately drops the smile and pouts adorably. “Hey, delete that. I don’t want an embarrassing pic of me smiling being spread around on the Internet.”

You bring your phone to your chest protectively. “Never. And don’t worry, this is for my eyes only. I won’t ever show this to anyone else, okay? Maybe your niblings can see it too actually.”

“Please, no,” he groans. “They won’t ever let me live it down.”

The rest of the walk is peaceful as the two of you continue talking about trivial things. It is moments like this that you really enjoy. For most of your life, you don’t have someone you trust enough to let your guard down like this. To imagine going back to a life without his company after years of moments like this… It’s almost unbearable.

There’s a lull in your conversation and even though most of the awkward tension between the two of you has dissipated, it’s clear that the confession incident from earlier is still fresh at the back of both of your minds. You take a furtive glance at him when you are sure he’s not looking.

It hurts because you know deep inside, you really want to be with him, and if not for your shitty circumstances, you would have said yes without any hesitation. A little part of you says that after all you’ve been through, you deserve to be a little bit selfish, that you deserve to finally be truly happy, even if it might only be temporary.

Just say yes, you fool… Maybe everything you fear won’t come true and you’re just letting your one chance pass by for nothing.

The beep sound of the car doors being unlocked brings you out of your reverie. “Are you okay, Tyoma?” you hear Luka ask you softly, tone laced with concern as he looks down at you.

You blink and look around; you don’t even realize that you are already in the parking lot building. To be fair, you’ve got more important things to mull about on the way here.

Do you dare? To be selfish again? Even if it might hurt the only person you care about in this entire rotten world?

Instead of answering, you reach out and take one of his hands in yours. “Did you really mean it?” you ask quietly before clarifying, “Everything you told me back there in the diner.”

Luka snaps out of his surprise and answers without a moment of hesitation, “Yes. Every single word. I can’t keep denying it; I love you… And whatever predicament that will come our way, we’ll figure it out together. I promise.” He takes your other hand. “Do you… feel the same way about me?” he asks nervously, his eyes full of hope as he looks at you.

“I do,” you simply say before grabbing the lapels of his coat and pulling him down for a kiss, eyes closed because you just want to savor it and get lost in it.

He gasps before returning the kiss eagerly, his hands instinctively closing around your waist, pulling you even deeper into his embrace until your body is flush against his. This is far from the first kiss between the two of you, but somehow, this one feels more different than the usual ones you’ve had before.

It’s slow, gentle, soft even, and the passion and feelings the two of you have seep through the kiss clearly, unlike the rough and rushed, lust-filled ones you’re familiar with. There are underlying hints of angst and pining coloring it as you feel him tighten his hold, as if afraid you’ll run away after this is all over.

No… No more running…

But mostly, there is a sense of relief, a catharsis as the feelings that the two of you have suppressed and ignored for years are finally acknowledged--and reciprocated by the other person.

This will either end badly or you’ll probably have your happy ever after. But honestly, right now, you’re too busy making out with your boyfriend to think further about it.