MEMORIES | TAYLOR ROBERTS (New Era)

They couldn't stop staring, even when you looked back at them with a smile and they smiled back. They couldn't help it, it was like a magnet, as if their own eyes betrayed them every time you appeared. It was foolish, it was stupid, especially considering the world they lived in. Taylor should be focused only on his training, on his duties as a hunter, not let himself be distracted by you.


But how to do that? They counted the hours, the minutes until they were close to you again, until the next day when they could see you and spend time with you. They held their breath more than once when in your company, afraid to say something, afraid it would make you pull away.


Taylor has no idea when or how these feelings arose, when everything started to become so… different? Intense? They couldn't describe it, just that they wanted to be close to you constantly and not just that… but that would be enough, they would be satisfied just with that, if they could at least have you around, even if they wanted more, even if every part of them wanted more than that. They wouldn't dare to cross that line, they don't even know if you feel the same. And what if you don't feel the same? What if you pull away?


But those thoughts, those hesitations, all vanished when you went to them one day, to invite them out and of course, they accepted, but they… didn't think it would be a date as more than friends…


Not until you, on the way back from the cinema, sat on a bench in a square overlooking the New era lake, it was cold but you two were so close that it didn't bother you much, and the sun was setting. They insisted that you wear their jacket because of the cold and despite your refusal a few times, Taylor didn't give up and draped the jacket over your shoulders.


You stayed together there for a while, just enjoying each other's presence and the sunset until you turned your face to them and stared at Taylor intensely enough to make them restless and make them look back at you.


They felt compelled to move closer but didn't dare, getting nervous every second that you stared at them until you moved close enough for noses to touch and Taylor swallowed, eyes closing almost and the heart pounding in their ears. What a foolishness, they were the prodigy of the youngest group of hunters, they had already killed so many monsters, so many creatures of the shadows they hunted and none of them scared them as much as that moment with you.


"I don't know if… I never-" They stutter, voice low. Their instructors and colleagues would undoubtedly laugh if they saw Taylor lose their hunter's pose like this.


"Hey, hey, it's okay…" You hold their faces gently, in a way that's so light they could pull away if they wanted to, and as much as a part of them says they should, that if they stay there, they could end up dragging you into a world that could destroy both of you, that could put you in even more danger, they don't move away… and oh how guilty they feel about it. And you smile at them, and they're so tempted, as if they're not fools, as if they're not idiots who could put your life in danger. And they just don't know what to do, move away or not? What should they…


You make the decision for them by leaning in and pressing your lips to theirs and oh… how much they had longed for that, even though they shouldn't, definitely shouldn't…


Taylor let you deepen the kiss, making them moan, letting your hands cling even more to their body, letting you shorten the little distance between your bodies. They were being selfish, they knew it… if they were good, if they were really altruistic, they would have pulled away, they would have let you go, and not come any closer.


But they didn't.


For some reason they didn't understand, you wanted them, you wanted them back. Taylor could never imagine that you would like them back, that you wanted to date them. And yet, they were happy, truly happy. Even knowing that this happiness could be cruelly taken away from you at any moment. The world in which they lived and knew existed was not good for humans, and you were human, one who didn't have training since childhood like them, one who could be easily killed by the supernatural beings that existed and Taylor being a hunter… that could complicate things so much and they couldn't help but consider the idea of just ending it, to protect you, to keep you safe, even if it could hurt you, even if it hurt them in return.


But every time those thoughts came up, it was when you appeared, smiling as you sat next to them, holding their hands or wrapping an arm around their waist or shoulder, giving a gentle kiss on the cheek or forehead in greeting, and those conflicts were so submerged in thoughts that only came back when they finished a fight.


Every time they finished killing a supernatural being and saw their bodies fallen and dead, or when they attacked them and injured them enough so that they couldn't attack back. Taylor looked, stared as some made final threats, when they swore that when they escaped, they would kill anyone Taylor cared about. None of them ever escaped.


Until Silas appeared.


He appeared to be a regular vampire, as malicious and wicked as any who belonged to Alice's coven, but Taylor knew he was more than that, that he was a risk, a threat. He didn't show his fangs, didn't make threats or even provoke them while the Council and therefore some members of the supernatural group gathered and talked about some things sometimes, but the look he gave them… the look that appeared calm, but contained so much hatred in the background… He looked at all the hunters like that, but it seemed to intensify when it came to looking at a member of their family or Taylor himself. Taylor recognized that look of hatred, contempt. They even witnessed such looks for themselves before they killed a dangerous supernatural being.


This was hovering in their mind, even when Silas left and didn't return for months. Alice was questioned about it by Taylor's father, but she said that what Silas did wasn't her concern and didn't matter to her.


And yet, despite the terrible thought that something really bad might be happening, every time they came back to you, those thoughts calmed down, you calmed them down.


They couldn't help but shiver every time you rested your head below their neck or when you placed a kiss there, when your hands went up to hold their face in your hands, their waist, or when your lips touched theirs, it stole their breath, literally, even if it was just a brief touching of lips. You lay down together, often sleeping together, reading, watching or just talking and that distracted Taylor from hunter activities and dark thoughts that haunted their mind.


There were so many moments, so many memories and yet…


Everything changed again when you went on a school trip to another city, and Taylor couldn't go because of their duties as a hunter but they genuinely hoped you would come back soon, that it was only three weeks away and they would endure that time without problems, although internally they were anxious for your return.


And so it went on for more than three weeks, more than four, more than five, and so on as time passed. Taylor, along with the parents and friends of others who had not yet returned, began to become extremely worried. Taylor was tempted to go in search of you when the news came that the bus and the driver, along with some students, had been found dead, burned. Taylor was almost losing it as they waited for the results of the tests to identify the bodies, and they never thanked God and any deity that could hear them as much as they did when they received the news that you were not among the dead, although they were still worried and anxious to know where you were.


That's when the attacks began. Ordinary people, hunters, werewolves, faeries, and even other vampires (only those who were part of Alice's coven) were being killed by other vampires and beings. Vampires and other beings who called themselves the liberators, followers of Silas, centuries-old and skilled, as well as younger ones. They ambushed, attacked when they were in smaller numbers and vulnerable, taking advantage, making various traps to attract beings and people, including using people as bait. And this worried Taylor and all the hunters, as well as the covens, clans, and certain groups and solitary beings in the city who were victims of these attacks.


Taylor, however, when they learned that you and other students were being held hostage in another city. Kidnapped, Taylor was going crazy staying in New Era, venting their anger on Silas's followers, while they was asking their parents to allow them to go to the other city and take a small group to rescue you and the others. Their parents refused to allow it, considering that they were being hunted and in constant danger from Silas's ambushes and attacks. They even had to hide in a hideout in the forest to avoid surprise attacks in their own home. But Taylor was determined to go, so they were already packing their things to go after you, taking weapons and supplies, and first aid kits. They planned to leave when their parents left to meet with council members, which included other supernatural beings as well.


But they couldn't because their parents seemed to have foreseen this and were home soon, with a group of hunters who shot sedatives at Taylor, taking them to the hideout and leaving them in a room. "It's for your protection," their parents said. A private prison, that's what it was. Taylor could only leave there when everything was resolved, when the conflict was over. It was madness to imprison one of their best hunters, but their parents were wanting to protect them no matter what, even if it meant imprisoning them.


A month later, Taylor was able to leave, and then they learned that you had returned with the others. The first thing Taylor did when they left was to go after you in the building where you and the others were, but when they got there, the security guards didn't want to let them in and Taylor was ready to fight to get in, just to see you…


But Mr. Carlos didn't let them, they went to Taylor and talked to them, saying that it wasn't a good idea and that you were very traumatized, and Taylor wanted to be there for you, wanted to help, but…the way Mr. Carlos spoke, "They're not okay, and the doctors…Please, trust me on this, they need psychiatric and professional help, if you go see them, and say something that can be interpreted wrong…it can destroy them, Taylor. They're not okay, not okay at all. So please, leave it to the professionals, let them help them." Taylor hesitated, because as much as they wanted to help, there was a little voice in their mind that said they could end up making the situation worse, that you could end up getting worse because of them, that they…


Taylor left, with the promise that Mr. Carlos would tell you to call them when you were feeling a little better, even though the longing for you was great. They would wait for you, even if it cost them every ounce of patience they had.


And then, after another month…that's when you called them…to end everything.


They almost broke the phone with the force they were holding it, and they couldn't help but tremble, tears wanted to come out of their eyes, but they refused to let them escape. They know you're going through a difficult time, they know! They just…wanted to be there for you, and they had no idea how they could help. What were you going through? Did you push them away because you were suffering? Or because you didn't want them anymore? Maybe you don't feel the same anymore? Perhaps you're trying to push them away because you're going through a very difficult time?


No, no. They refuse to let it end like this, if you're suffering, if you don't want them to see you like this, Taylor won't give up, not like this. They have to know why, even if it hurts, even if you hate them for it.


You had gone back to your parents' house, and Taylor took their car to go straight to you. Arriving there and asking your father to allow them in, which he did, and they quickly went up the stairs.


The door was slightly ajar, and there was music playing inside the room, so Taylor opened it.


You were standing at your desk in the corner, and immediately turned your face to them, frowning and then widening your eyes when you saw them. "Taylor?"


"Hey," they stopped noticing another person in there, Cassie, who was… on your bed, lazily lying down with a book in her hands and wearing nothing but a sleeveless top and short shorts, very short. She blinked her eyes and noticed them, freezing with the book in her hands. No, this… they're just thinking wrong, it's just a coincidence. Even so, Taylor couldn't help but clench their jaw and look away before you see their eyes shining, turning to leave. "Sorry, I shouldn't…I should go." They hurriedly went out, descending the stairs at an alarming pace.


There were so many things going through their head at that moment. They knew it could just be a coincidence, that maybe you and Cassie had become friends after what happened to you at the hands of the criminals, but…what if it's not just friendship? They knew Cassie had a reputation for being a flirt, liking to have fun in various ways, not just with one person. And she had distanced herself from the groups she used to hang out with, not so much but lately she had distanced herself…and was spending more time with you.


Although Diego was also closer to you and Cassie, Cassie was the one with the reputation for being a flirt, the seducer…


//


You turn back to Cassie, sighing as she raises her eyebrow. "So, Taylor…?" She asks, sitting hesitantly on the bed and looking a little nervous.


"Yes."


Cassie makes a face and hesitates before speaking. "So, I guess me being here doesn't help whatever…whatever was between you guys?"


You clench your fists, tensing up as you think about the hurt expression on Taylor's face. What were they thinking? Do they…do they think you ended things with them because you like someone else? Cassie, perhaps? No, they don't… wait, you shouldn't be thinking about this, you shouldn't. You pushed them away because it had to be done, because if you all stayed close to each other, it would end in disaster. It still could end in disaster. And they're hunters, and you're a vampire now… oh, the disaster that could become. It's already going to be bad when and if they find out later, imagine if you were still together?


You shake your head, softening your gaze. "It doesn't matter." It does matter, it matters too much, but you can't think about them now, you shouldn't. "It's better this way." You say softly.


"Hey." Cassie comes close to you, reaching out and lightly holding your elbow, her hand almost imperceptible, but you see the faint smile on her face, although she looks concerned. "Let's go out, Diego's already here and we can take a walk in the forest, what do you think?" She smiles at you and you know she just wants to distract your mind, wants to get you away from thoughts that can make you feel less than good. "Huh? Of course, we can stay here, or I can leave and we can talk about this later -"


"No, you're right, I… I think it's better to take a walk, I don't want… to think about it now." About you and Taylor, you don't… it's not a good idea to think about it now.


Cassie had a conflicted look, but nodded, turning towards the window. You were still standing there and could hear Taylor's heartbeat clearly, beating so fast… before they revved the engine and drove off in their car.


You grit your teeth before following Cassie to the window, where she was already outside and standing on the roof.