Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Sniff This Greed

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that when we die we’re having ourselves taxidermied into a Brockbaby.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where it’s been a genital heavy month of learning and discovery.

Although it seems we struck a little close to home by endorsing DIY milk-mannequins instead of the Lactation Council Approved ones.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where DoItForDio is feeling a little bit intimidated.

Don’t worry, even the ‘95 Bulls needed Dickey Simpkins. That’s a lie, we just wanted to say Dickey Simpkins. But seriously, you don’t have to put in an insane amount of effort to be appreciated around here, right Parallel Viewmaster-

Okay, bad example - he wrote three paragraphs of Mortal Kombat erotica in the style of a Fairy BOSSmother. But high effort isn’t always the way! You can try simple, context-less madness like Goat Face here.

There it is, there’s your path to success. If you’re feeling overwhelmed at the idea of joining the Hot Dog Discord, a simple puppet-fucking critique is an easy icebreaker.

It uh… seems like Hot Dog might have been bad for your health this month.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. You control how you perceive cursed artifacts from dimensions that never were. Some find charm in despair, camaraderie amongst the tongue-chewing insanity, maybe even… love in the chaos?

You seem unconvinced. Maybe you have questions.

If you’re still struggling with Hot Dog madness in these troubling times, Mark Mahoney has an earnest, elegant philosophy for you.

Now let’s pour it on, hog open, to the Discord for… yet more contextless madness! Nobody said this would be easy.

Kzinssie teaches Thrillho a new supermove!

Exactly like that. Now just hit ‘punch,’ and Shut Up Forever, Thrillho.

Parallel Viewmaster writes a better epitaph than Don Diebel deserves.

A sweet burn, but that’s assuming he’ll have a grave. Remember, buying our enemies’ discounted graves is a stretch goal. Kick in extra funds now to help us deny an old man his peaceful rest!

Former Robin, current sex liar Burt Ward’s elaborate stories about bangin’ sluts and slayin’ vampires are always funny, but only slightly less funny? His real dog food brand.

ThomasH is right! If your dog adds up every offset ‘X’ on the package copy, he’ll find the exact length of Burt Ward’s imaginary hog. The one science could not suppress!

These don’t pop up often, so you have to be on your game, but roostAIr managed to collect an exclusive Hot Dog Bounty.

Congratulations on your so much money, roostAIr! You would have won this month… if it weren’t for Larry Melanson. If you don’t recognize the name Larry Melanson, it’s probably because he was erased from time after losing his battle with the small greys.

RIP Larry, you’re sniffing emotions on the 37th level of star-heaven now. In honor of your sacrifice, we grant custody of the greatest work of hu-man art to your estate. Take good care of it.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll jack up their empathy levels so high they can taste ennui.

It tastes like pickles, but like, behind your eyes.

You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM