Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The Ape Usurper

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we started a two-man band where we both play lead guitar and vocals. It’s like Tenacious D but with no Kyles. Or maybe it’s all Kyles. Whatever. This isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where an RV is a fine venue for a wedding, so long as it’s one a’them expandable deals what makes you feel like you’re inside a Knight Rider.

Whom amongst us has not damaged a Lightning Port with sauces or soups? Raise thy hand, and find it covered in queso.

We have a good time here at 1900HOTDOG, catching puppet murderers and laughing at the back of a Chrysler Indian’s balls, but at the end of the day it’s important we remember to be respectful of the beautiful human body.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where Kevin Lynch just volunteered to be the new filling in Seanbaby’s kickboxing bag.

David Conner Krulls. Sometimes you just look at a guy and you know he Krulls. You can tell by the way he holds his Krull - that boy fuckin’ Krulls.

Jeff Orasky had context for this, but none is needed. It’s a statement that is inherently true at all times and in all scenarios.

Zilla did not heed the disclaimer on our About Page – the one that says all dick stunts have been performed by dick professionals and you should not attempt them at home.

Robert K. knows 1900HOTDOG prints all the news* that’s fit to print.

*Puppet-based murders or juggling sex crimes only.

While the rest of you were freaking out at the horrid knowledge we slid into your brains during this month of sexual Peanuts and diapered Rooneys, Mark Mahoney managed to find comfort in it.

In fact, Jim stopped by just to let us know the garbage archaeology we do on this site is actually part of a valuable media preservation effort. We’re basically heroes.

Patrick even had the good manners to thank us for uncovering deranged artifacts from another universe, and then poisoning his marriage with them.

Khan understands that learning the dark secrets of Hot Dog are not a curse, they’re simply a bonding experience with friends you don’t want to have.

Friends like WebWombat!

Or Brandon Spoelstra!

See? You guys were being dramatic. The only thing we “afflicted you with” this month was friendship. Friendship is the one disease that’s best shared!

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with… not Gellaho!? What the fuck? Somebody call the Primate Police, there’s an Ape Usurper in here!

Now on to the Discord, where Joxiblat found out who’s hosting Mountain Monsters after it leaves HBO, the most esteemed streamer around. It’s probably someplace trustworthy and good!

Reina knows how to combo cancel Amoré.

Toonplay paints a vivid picture. We can just see the shot now: Four small dark silhouettes against the vast white desert, stepping, shuffling, sliding, snapping, screaming, falling, dying…

Mo has a quick Steven Seagal Fashion Check:

Roshi tried to explain the way cyclic guanosine monophosphate activates protein kinases but he noticed our eyes glazing over so he just made this, and now we understand perfectly.

Longmile and Eight Seacows Husband are living fascinating lives. Fascinating is not used in this scenario to describe quality in positive or negative terms. No followup questions.

ProseAndKahn is writing our next marketing campaign. Thrillho, Haraka, and Rachel have some notes.

DoctorSquatchbody designed the patch that’s going on the back of our biker jackets.

We have to let it move to you, Doctor Squatchbody. You have poured it on, and we are all hog open. Congratulations! You’ve won custody of this, the rarest image on Earth:

Billy Corgan having an absolute blast on his little train.

It went to Djonin last month, and we get the nagging feeling he changed something but for the life of us, we can’t figure out what.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll go hog open on their asses. It’s a versatile phrase, it can mean good things, or very, very unspeakably bad, unhealable things.

You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM