Learning Day: Ancient Lemurian Healing Activation

Lemuria. Before this column, I’d only experienced Lemuria through dumb books. Thanks to you, my Dear Hotdoggers, I’ve now experienced Lemuria through a fraud YouTuber visiting a hotel spa.

Many thanks to Mario, Pizza Brothers Forever for supporting 1900HOTDOG, for suggesting this on the Discord tip line, and for wrecking my YouTube algorithm. If my next column endorses NEW IDEAS that are TOO BRAVE for POLITE COMPANY, we’ll all know which Japanese Italian Bob Hoskins to blame.

Lemuria is a key concept among fans of past lives, crystal skulls, and other woo-woo. In my HotDogHotJourney, I’ve read two different dumb books that cite Lemuria as if every reader’s already versed in it. That presumption about Lemuria bothered me, because unlike Atlantis and Pyramids and Other Tropes, I’d never heard of Lemuria. I wanted to know more, for the same reason I want to know about coyotes and militias and other annoying troubles.

Lemuria is an 1800s zoologist's sincere theory. He wasn’t interested in past lives. He wondered why some animals on opposite coasts of the Indian Ocean resemble each other. His biggest curiosity centered on lemurs. “Lemuria” is named after lemurs. That is the real name origin of the false theory Lemuria. Despite Lemuria’s current occult popularity, the guy who proposed Lemuria meant to do science. He was wrong in a Scientific Method way. Our new, better scientific theory is that lemurs are in multiple locations because of continental drift. Their locations used to touch. It’s not because a continent fell through a trap door or sewer manhole or whatever. So Lemuria does not exist. There is so little evidence Lemuria existed, fraud YouTuber Skyler "Sky" Cowans admits that. Unfortunately she admits that lack of evidence between speaking in tongues, supercutting illustrations of ruins, and showing us a map of Lemuria labeled with its Lemurian language name of “Mu”.

There you have it: a map. A map of a continent stretching from present day Hawaii to Madagascar. Hawaii, to Madagascar. Now look at the map again. Do you notice a fun geography fact about “Mu”? AKA “Lemuria”? AKA “a blob so far from Madagascar, Madagascar is west of that map”? Don’t give yourself a hard time if you missed that. Sky and her editor missed it, and they made this video. I love this error. Most children can draw a map of a made-up place that includes all of the parts of the made-up place. Your child knows more about Lemuria, even though their shirt probably has a food paste stain.

I’m not here to poop on Lemuria, more. Here’s the quick rest of the gist: occultists passed around that former lemur theory. They copy-pasted “Atlantis” onto it. Then they back-dated Lemuria’s civilization so it’s even more ancient than Atlantis, because that’s more fun. They did this around the 1960s, so they threw in dashes of the hottest 1960s trends (feminism, UFOs, pastels).

We are barely two minutes into this video and Lisa Frank is drawing Pacific Greys-But-Not-Grey. Yikes! Let’s take a pause, take a breath, sit in a lotus position, and think about Kurt Vonnegut. This video is a creepy series of frauds. As we go along, I will score each fraud on a scale of zero to one Fraud Points. However, I consider fraud different from false. False is okay. False can even be good, if harmless. In his novel Cat’s Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut coins fake words in a fake language on a fake island to illustrate that point. “Foma” is his book’s in-universe word for false beliefs that make you happy, healthy, and wise, without hurting anybody. For example, people like horoscopes. Horoscope fans go about their day with more confidence and more mental presence, thanks to horoscopes. That kind of foma is fine! Now let’s explore why YouTube videos about foma aren’t fine. Hint: monetization. Other hint: how “skeptical” and facts-oriented this creator claims to be.

This video was a door to another world. Not a door to Lemuria. Lemuria is made up. I mean this video opened the doors of my mind to a new genre of multimedia lying. Here is how this video starts: after a sizzle reel of Sky experiencing a massive Lemurian spiritual awakening, Sky tells us she is a skeptic. So skeptical. So modern-thinking. After all, she’s sitting in a modern, sleek, futon room.

Moments before this skepticism, Sky raves to her videographer about the spirit-led hopscotch that pushed her to visit an ancient Lemurian stone chamber. Sky raves this story in the least streamlined way possible.

Sky says the Snyder Cut of “a stranger told me I’m Lemurian” in what will turn out to be the driveway of a resort. Sky also uses multiple pronunciations of “Lemuria”. I beg of you, My Dear Hotdogger: never watch this video. If you do watch this video, see if you catch the five different ways Sky pronounces “Lemuria”. Her favorite way (“Loo-mehr-ee-uh”) has little to do with the word “lemur”. She discovers what I presume is the best pronunciation (“Lee-mur-ree-uh”) about two thirds of the way through the video. She only uses it after a resort employee says it that way several times in a row. In between, Sky freestyles “Loo-mur-ree-yuh”s and “Leh-mur-reh-uh.” Allegedly this is a place she’s discussed in depth, with the entire Bali Spiritual Community, for more than a month.

I award this pronunciation issue zero Fraud Points. It’s harmless. But it’s also a failure to achieve foma. I deduct one entire Foma Point. Come on, Sky! Don’t break the illusion by saying “Lemuria” like you’re micro-aggressioning the name of the exchange student on your dorm floor. You’re supposed to sound like you know about this place! Which reminds me: I deduct an additional Foma Point for that “Mu” map with no Madagascar for no damn reason.

As discussed, Sky raves in a verdant resort driveway about the second-choice Airbnb hostess who pushed her to swing through Bali’s Lemurian stone chamber. “I love activations, I love ancient chambers,” raves Sky. She loves activations and ancient chambers! Who doesn’t! Probably not Indiana Jones. Each activation fills the chamber with more snakes. But still: Lemuria!

Sky takes a mystical walk to a golf cart. On her golf cart ride she discusses deep spiritual matters, such as money. She shelled out for the Lemurian stone chamber’s $111.00 USD entry fee. The moment after she mentions this, an animation below her encourages us to like and subscribe.

Sky also badgers her golf cart driver into raving about the stone chamber. He says it has “good energy.” Sky delves into this by repeating the stuff he says in an awed tone. He can’t really play off of this, but he’s a pro. He says more of the things you’d say if it was your job to wear a polo shirt and drive American gals to Lemuria.

Fraud time: Sky tells us the Lemurian chamber “is, like, a total secret.” She says this as some kind of staff member walks her across some kind of grounds, past another staff member de-algae-ing water in front of cabanas.

Sky does not just imply this place is secret. Here’s a fuller quote: “So I can’t say where this chamber actually is. It’s, like, a total secret. And I can’t tell you guys where it is, or how to access it.” Sky says this while passing signage that’s either too harshly lit to read, or whited-out by post-production software. Or… no, this can't be… is that a single piece of white copy paper taped over it?

There could be a good argument for hiding this signage and information. Important faith sites must be respected. They don’t benefit from coach buses full of baby boomers. The sacred keepers of a sacred site are keepers. They aren’t, like, selling tickets.

Here’s the online booking page for the Lemurian stone chamber.

I found this booking page through my incredible investigative detective work, in the sense that I looked at a picture I already showed you.

Sky shows us the logo of the resort about a dozen times, during her golf cart ride. By skillfully backwards-reading the logo on that windshield, I learned Sky is at ARYA ARKANANTA Resort And Spa. Congratulate me on being able to read a capital letter “A” backwards. Then congratulate Sky on visiting what I assume is the first place that pops up if you google “Lemuria Bali Content Mining.”

Again: foma are fine. “Fake Lemuria” could be an innocent genre. An innocent way one dummy soothes other dummies. Unfortunately, monetization. Less than 20% of the way into this shaggy dog vlog, Sky tells a major on-purpose lie to enrich herself. I award it one entire Fraud Point. I also deduct half a Foma Point for making the fraud too detectable.

For the entire rest of this video, Sky depicts this room as a unique and powerful spiritual experience that can improve anyone’s life, while (poorly) hiding the fact that anybody can book it for a small fee. It’s as if she met the Risen Christ, learned a path to sitting at the right hand of His Father, and pulled the ladder up behind her. In this simile she also sells Athletic Greens ads against Christ-centric B-Roll. That simile is both a joke and one of Sky’s other videos.

Upon arrival at the Lemurian Stone Chamber (Book Now! Starting from $20.89 $12.54 per person!), Sky meets Laura. Laura is less deceptive about this room’s whole deal. Laura says she became the chamber’s keeper when the previous guy moved on from the job. Laura also says she initially discovered the chamber by feeling its energy from the resort lobby.

I’m 99% sure Laura Is A Real One. She’s good at her foma job because this foma makes her brave and kind and happy and healthy. Also, if Laura was scamming, she’d pick a less jarring autobiography.

Here is the next thirty minutes of video, summed up in a few sentences: Laura speaks light languages, waves feathers, and holds figurines in front of Sky. Sky has massive emotional reactions. Sky performs the roles of both Mulder (believer) and Scully (skeptic).

Laura guides Sky through five steps of laying on five large stones. Laura rings a little bell after Sky’s time with each stone is complete, because spa packages have a timed structure. Sky feels massive physical and emotional reactions to each stone. Sky performs the roles of both Mulder (believer) and Mulder (sex-believer).

Sky intercuts this with testimonials in her modern futon space, saying how good it is to not think and simply follow the power of blah blah blah. She says that the same way about ten times and it’s boring. Also, at one point she recalls the physical feeling a stone gave her, and acts that out a little bit. This is what people often do when describing an experience. A funny little “acting it out” type thing. Unfortunately, Sky recalls and reenacts that stone feeling in a way that’s a little too realistic. Almost as if she can perform that feeling on command.

Sky does a sustained spiritual yell on most of the stones. She yells long and hard, like it’s her job. It’s her job. Sky is a professional spirit-yeller.

I confirmed this with very little detective work. Sky’s YouTube channel has a big catalog. I clicked around. The first seconds of her experiences with Jesus, love gurus, and "Shakuntali Siberia" cause the exact same yelling as Lemurian stones, and those were just the next videos I tried. I didn’t hit a non-yell until my fifth try. I think she doesn’t yell in that one because it’s about a water ritual that appears to be inspired by waterboarding.

Sky teases these spiritual experiences before self-describing as skeptic. We know her skepticism is about to get yelled away. That’s the hook: A Very Skeptical Person throws away their inhibitions and goes wild. This will sound meaner than I intend it to sound, but I don’t have another way to put it, so here goes: Sky’s videos match the dramatic structure and female character arc of pornography. The commenters affirm this. They are not here for Act One Scene One.

Back to this video: Sky finishes on the last stone, receives a fortune-telling card about yin and yang, and does a final debrief with Laura. This is not the most valuable chat in the world. Did you know the English word for “writing a word with the correct letters” matches the English word for “magicks”?

To Sky, nothing could be more meaningful than this lack of meaning. Sky repeats this non-idea across a dozen separate couch confessionals, because YouTube AdSense pays you more if people keep watching.

These are so tedious, I almost fell out of my chair when Sky said anything else. Such as “don’t trust therapists.”

Yeah! Who needs professional therapists and the benefits of facing your troubles? You’ve got a YouTuber who accepts PayPal/Venmo/Cryptos.

Another couch insight: you probably think the word “Indigenous” has an ethnic, cultural, or historical context. Counterargument: Lemuria.

I only award this three quarters of a Fraud Point, because there’s a chance she thinks “Indigenous” means “descended from cavemen.” Also, I award 1 Fraud Point for misleading her followers about therapy, and another half-point for crypto. Both those moves are cult stuff.

The video closes with more cult stuff, seasoned in an exploitative dash of the language that saves LGBTQ folks’ lives.

Interesting! The Lemurian stone chamber is a profound secret. It has entry fees, from which Sky does not dip her beak. Meanwhile, your credit card is the doorway to a retreat Sky charges for upfront and monetizes later.

I only award this ending half a Fraud Point, because if you diagram the offerings of most corporations you’ll find a similar series of signups and “Download Our App”s and cruise lines. Sky’s digital tentacles are S.O.P.. I also deduct half a Foma Point, because Sky keeps fishing for skepticism cred long after her core audience climaxed. Why bother harshing the afterglow?

So that’s Lemuria for you. A place we’ve learned more about, and nothing about, for free and also for money. I feel like our Lemurian journey is complete – and I’m thrilled to discover how Poxco disagrees.

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