Fucking Day: Carny

Yes and hello, so: you know how we live in modern times both tragic and wondrous? well one of the things i preciate that heavenly father put me to walk on the earth durin this ‘ticular slice a history is that our age is one that fully recognizes the powerful erotic potentials of: The Travelin Carnival. We all know it when we see those rides bein hauled on the highway that there destination is a sensual pleasureground that will test all are boundaries of physical ecstasy. I know im preachin to the choir here but just in case there’s any hot dog visitors readin this from a home-school co-op field trip here is a reminder of the indeniable white-hot sexual nature of the wanderin funfair:

Yes Two Moon Junction of course directed by Zalman K- wow i just noticed they do dvd covers a little different in Russia. Anyways, directed by Hot Dog Favorite Zalman King. Ol King Zalman scoured the landscape of 1988 and selected two excellingly physical hot young actors to place in his carefully constructed fairyland of colorful lights, corndogs, gravitrons, and rousal: one Sherilyn Fenn and one Richard Tyson, and bade them act for our pleasure a story of desire most forbade: the pretty bored local beauty, and her seducement by the mysterious and sweat glistnin carnival worker.

Yes i know all our breathin is pretty heavy an excelrated now but wait before you leave to go watch that one again (maybe in a cozy flannel nightshirt with nuthin at all on underneath and a whole thing of cherry garcia and burnin that special clover incense you like) come back for a second, this article isnt about Two Moons Junction, hell that aint no curst artifact quite the opposite enfact. I got more to tell you bout THE JOURNEY of how we assended to this high desert plateau of sexual filmmakin, probly with the moon rising in the background and also a nother glistner playing saxophone with his hips. Befor Two Moon Junction there was a nother, earlier time a discernin director selected some excellingly physical hot young actors to place in his carefully const- well that whole thing i said up there but this time in 1980 and it was this one:

So that’s academy award owner Jodie Foster with Emmy an Grammy award owner Robbie Robertson in one hand, and a course proud gun owner Garey Busey in the other. You’ll likely enjoy this article more if you dont look up there respectful ages at the time of filmin. And you can probly tell from the poster that these film-makers were strivin hard for carnival carnality but maybe didnt quite all the way get there.

Yes ‘parently the marketing wisdom of the time was that this powerful image would draw people IN? to WANTIN to watch this film? Like they thought maybe a young couple come to the theatre plannin on watchin Urban Cowboy but then would see the Carny poster and be like well hold on now.

So strong was the belief that Clowny Busey was a appealin visual that they went an started the whole movie with it:

This is very sexy member. It is not a horrorful movie, not in tentionally. An what is the type o clownin Uncle Buse is preparin for? Squirtin seltzer water up the noses of the unsuspectin? Comical drivin of a powerwheels with a chimp in a lil vest next to him? No no his is a more primal and powersome instantiatiaon of The Fool:

His roll is to taunt and tease the passerbies with the truth of their own weakness and hideosness and fat and dumbness (eg.; “You guys are gonna get jail for lookin so ugly!”) so that they will succum to rage and buy 3 baseballs to knock this screechin ape demon into a reluctant baptism of dunk tank. So we understand that he represents freedom from the square existence and is actually a powerful teller of truths of the world.

Now lets take a moment to compare and contrast depictions of carnival studs:

Two Moon Junction:

Note the shirtless accessories of gloves and t-shirt turban to increase hotness levels past even those of a diet pepsi commercial:

Carny:

Two Moon Junction:

Bud heavies? 2.

Dusters? 1.

Shirts? nuh-uh.

Carny:

Two Moon Junction:

Yes both the toast and the man-braids come in French. Also the ticklers in the machine in the bathroom

Carny:

Your probly lookin at this with blank nerves and trepanation, but so is the movie.

But then who comes along but a young local maiden with her letterman beau:

Busey just tears him a new one from inside his cage of simian rage and the teen cant even dunk him and what a humiliation. So you can guess what any redblooded north-american young womans response is to seein her best boy get cuckholed by a much older carny clown:

Thats right its off to the trailer to get them pannies off and them scratchy blankets on and oh wait and wanton for more!?

So yep its pretty much just like Two Moon Junction and i guess Bonnie and Clyde also, where the awakenin flower defys her mother and society and leaves the comfort and safety of her home and sets off for a new life of aventure and passion with her travelin clownman-

Yes, it has led to a terrible depravatie. The young woman has been corrupted by the ways of the musement park and is compelled to hoochie-coochie dance to pay for her beans rations. I think we are maybe pposed to like weep here ‘bout innocents lost and such but her dancin is just a lil too goofy for anything but gigglin and hollerin at Larene to come watch this part its so weird. But: because of various intracarnival political schemins it does not work out for her to be a dancer, so the carny boss-

(ably played by the baron harkonnen and I thought it was interestin those eyebrows werent a special effect) ‘nitiates a internal transfer for her and this is a part what is genuinely very confusion to me and I am hopin some of you out there will be able to help solve the mystery of what even is happenin here.

We know from the perfect film Two Moon Junction that a good way of communicatin the commitment of the carny folk to venereal exploration and pushin the boundaries of what is acceptable and decent is to show on-screen what is normally forbidden and unspoken, EVEN…

Girls what like other girls.

In Two Moon this is done in a very grounded and realism way; Sherilyn Fenn and a truck-drivin carny gal have a lil encounter in that most coital of locations: the truck-stop washroom, and their both wearin lipstick and gigglin and they trade lacy tops and put rogue on theyre nipples and complimint each others breasts and then show us with a flush and a shy smile their both feelin somethin more than friends.

Tee-hee!

But in Carny the sapphisism goes like this: Meg Foster (we know her from starrin in Shrunken Heads and, I gather, some of Brockway’s more interestin dreams) teaches Jodie (no relation) her new job: runnin a game called “LET’S PULL A STRING”

And Jodie is like ok i think i got it but then Meg turns up the tensity on her Evil-Lyn eyes and is like: “No, I need you to listen good now…”

“...I mean let’s. Pull. A string.”

And everybody seems in agreement bout this and Jodie starts working the booth and two women show up to play the game. We know something about them because they are credited as: ‘’Lesbian Girl” and “Lesbian #2’’

And Jodie keeps tellin em: oh yeah lil mama pull a string pull that one real hard give it a good pull and folks believe me I am tryin to give a benefit of the doubt here, theres all these signals that this is a sexy seductin girls-play moment but it just keeps not landing for one thing: no body actually ever pulls a string so im wonderin how anyone wins a stuffed animal here, and for another: a woman sayin pull my string real hard, just what is the sexual analougue here? Like if a lady told me that in a heated moment i just really wouldnt know where to go or how to proceed, so if you get it and dont feel like it would be a betrayal of your sex pard’s trust to tell, please let me know.

Anyway we know how the story must end; the girl has enjoyed her blossomin and wild oats sewin but must face the reality that carny life was pretty fun but it is not to be and returns to her old life, both enhumbled and enwisened, the same, but changed, with a secret knowledge she will forever carry with her and probly wearin white as symbolic even though we have seen that she is (as Stephen King put it in a way I really dont like): “Pure no more! He’s had every hole of her!”

But of course she must learn this life-lesson the hard way: through a direct peril that gets the audience worried shes not gonna make it outta this one. In Carny what happens is a bad man tries to assault Jodie in the carny boss’s trailer:

But dont worry her carny buds save her just in time and inact a just, but measured, showbiz revenge:

Wow okay thats quite a change a tone i feel like we maybe lost the erotic thread here oh wait what’s this now?

THEY DID IT WITH A MIRRORS-TRICK ITS STILL AROTIC AFTER ALL HOORAY!

So I guess its just my prayer that we can watch Carny the same way we might play like Fallout 1 and say theres some pretty good ideas here but Ill probably skip ahead to when they knew how to do it good.

Brother Busey, would you signal for us the end of this timeless tale with a actually pretty good final-shot please?

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Rachel, the most erotically charged of all carnies -- the corndog dipper. 

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