Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Trench Full O' Swing Orphans

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard we once held a year long mail-in wrestling tournament just to proclaim ourselves the champions. It was super fucked up of us, and we’re still laughing about it!

But did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck corner, where all the young women get pregnant at 15 and all their young lovers die in tire swing accidents, leaving a whole county full of swing orphans. He comes to a powerful personal realization after Lydia’s Witches of East End article...

And really turns his life around after Brockway’s Lawnmower Man article...

It’s good we’re going to have 1900HOTDOG’s commenter-in-residence around for a while. The world needs his important work. Science God Q Alchemy really nails down why:

Now on to the Comments, where we must sit and wonder if Don had that avatar before this comment, or if it just appeared when he was done typing.

Lydia’s column about hot witches and the monsters they fuck ruined a lot of lives, clearly. But maybe it also saved Jordan’s?

Brendan tells Gen Z of the majesty they missed out on:

While Robert starts to appreciate all the everything Saskatchewan missed out on, continues to miss out on, and will always miss out on:

Let’s hop over to the Discord, where The Bloodsucker Proxy asked mom to pick up some Seanbaby and found out she got store brand instead.

“It’s just as good,” she says, gesturing at Seanblaby’s bright purple Liberty Spikes. “You won’t even be able to tell the difference.”

MichaelRader laments the existentialist nightmare of leaving a porn vid on repeat after you finish:

Haraka brings us a cursed image, and Alpha Scientist Javo has the only correct response:

Isn’t that cute? He thought he knew suffering, until Upsetting Day came. Brockway really hurt this community with his article on Sarazanmai, the butt-sucking turtle boys with a lot of heart and all of it in the butt. Nobody took it worse than Javo.

Cyberzone, meanwhile, seemed to be having a great time:

Which is absolutely a sign of madness and does qualify them for involuntary commitment.

Hot-Blast Mo thinks carefully before choosing the ultimate farmland superpower:

While the whole Discord gets together to make the community’s needs known:

1900HOTPOGs, coming to a pog store near you! Wherever brand new pogs are purchased in bulk and resold for profit, that’s where you’ll find them!

Gellaho does a lot for this community. He hosts weekly livereads of terrible books every Friday night, and he brings us many apes, one for every emotion. From Cyber...

To Hell.

Of course that’s not all of the emotions!

There’s also Fuck and Narc.

And that’s all of the emotions. ALL OF THEM.

The Discord also hosts weekly roleplaying games in our various Dork Lockers. Djonin is actually starting one based on the 1900HOTDOG-verse and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, which of course are Sister Dimensions with an excellent exchange program.

Stupiddogcoffee hopped in the server just to tell normal golf to eat shit unless they start dying up some Heathcliff golf balls.

While Levi obsessively ranked every single Cocktails character according to tier. It was an excellent effort... even if they fucked up hard by putting Tina Antonucci, half-angel Italian-Asian street samurai, in the A-Tier.

If she’s not S-Tier, then your S-Tier stands for Shit!

Levi came so close to winning this Hot Dog Appreciation Day before that huge and unforgivable mistake, so there are no winners this week. Wait, hold on, I’m being handed a piece of paper that says I can’t do that. I’m pretty sure I can, and who’s handing me this paper? I am alone in the room and all the doors are lo- hold on, another piece of paper that says “Levi is the winner.” This is bullshit, you can’t just - what’s this? Another piece of paper, this time with spy photos of my family’s asses and the name “LUCE” on the back? F-fuck! Congratulations, Levi! I guess it doesn’t matter that you get custody of our species’ most vaunted accomplishment, the Prince Photo, since Hobbes already ruined it…

For his sins Hobbes will, of course, be hunted to the ends of the Earth by 27 gay, murderous drug dealers and the actual gay devil. His tombstone will read “I always knew it would end this way.”

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll inundate them, flood them, I mean absolutely fucking drown them in apes.