Video Essay Check-in Thing [4/3/25]

It's been a bit since my last proper video essay, huh? I did that Beast Complex thing, but then went on a side quest where I wrote Since November and documented the process in a ... well it's not a video essay, whatever you call that video.

At the moment I'm working on two different projects. One is yet another rework of the Black Mirror script. That one started as a video that was just about the episode Demon 79, then expanded to have an aside about Death Note and an extended breakdown of each episode of Season 6 of Black Mirror, and even an introduction about 15 Million Merits which itself had me discussing 1984 and... wow, no.

You can read that nearly 13k word monstrosity over here, since it's been on Patreon all along in text form: https://www.patreon.com/posts/88993033?collection=106079

Basically my framing device kept changing, and while I do think Joan is Awful and Beyond the Sea are interesting to talk about, including Loch Henry and Mazey Day was much weaker. I also got really in my own head about Joan is Awful because it had me talking about social media and, frankly, I was not in a great place with my anxiety throughout 2023 and 2024. Maybe I never am? But as a newly out gay guy who was grappling with changes in my personal life while also having to perform this stage of my life for a public audience, I was and am in a pretty stressful place. And some people seem to really hate me? Which is not something I deal with very well, no matter how long I live as a public figure. Writing about that episode of the show had me constantly in a headspace where I felt like I was on the defensive against people who want to hurt me, so I could never get it to a place where it felt like it could be finalized for a video.

The next iteration of the Black Mirror video will be once again focusing exclusively on Demon 79, but really leaning into comparing it against the anime Death Note, which I've come to realize is a really interesting thing to dig into. It's not just that the two happen to feature a corrupting death god. They actually represent wildly contrasting views regarding the role of the police and the ethics of political violence. Particularly because Light is frankly a privileged little shit, whereas Nida is an ethnic minority faced with rising fascism in her country. Though by the time I'm writing the conclusion of that video, that script will get a bit stressful due to the - gestures at everything. 

Anyway, this means I'm rewatching all of Death Note again.

Next I'm working on a video about the Zelda franchise. I'm actually mostly writing that one lately, having shot up past 6k words out of nowhere, but I plan on producing the video itself after the Black Mirror one. I expect it to be much longer, featuring so many varied sources of footage, and I may need to go back and do multiple playthroughs of different Zelda games before I'm happy with it. I'm basically writing my draft now, based on memory, and then will want to revisit the games before I publicly embarrass myself. This may manifest in me playing A Link to the Past again off-camera and the recording a Randomizer playthrough for the gaming channel just because I think experiencing the Randomizer may be relevant to my points. And maybe a Zelda 1 playthrough? We'll see.

The Zelda video is basically a defense of the "Zelda Formula," which is often spoken of with disdain despite being the reason the series was so successful throughout the 90's and 00's. I have the unique perspective of having enjoyed BOTW a lot as an outsider, who then went back and played the previous games with zero nostalgia for them and (while viewing them all as uniquely flawed in their own ways) fell in love with the Zelda Formula. I want to break down what feels like it's missing in BOTW, TOTK, and Echoes of Wisdom, and trace the roots of the issue back through decisions that were made in the development of A Link Between Worlds and even Skyward Sword. Maybe try to identify the line between innovation and losing track of the identity of your series.

I also want to see if I can create a better reward for Patreon subscribers, so I'm planning on experimenting with something I saw Philosophy Tube doing. She basically backlogged one full essay, and has a rolling system where every time she releases a new video to the public, she can end the video by saying that her next video is already available on Nebula right now. Similarly, my plan is to finish both the Black Mirror and Zelda videos so that when I release the Black Mirror video to the public I can say that the Zelda video is on my Patreon and you can watch it right now if you support the channel. This isn't far off from how I already handle my gaming content here.

The delay caused by this new system doesn't affect you, as current supporter of their tier, obviously. You'll get the Black Mirror and Zelda videos as soon as they're done, on Patreon. That's the point: the exclusive early access.

My video essays have kind of blown up over the last couple of years. Way more than I ever anticipated. But that success hasn't really translated to any spikes of growth on Patreon? That's kind of rough, because they take a kind of insane amount of work to complete and I do all of that while also working another job (the gaming channel). I'm currently trying to move, which will mean paying more in rent for a (hopefully) better living situation, so it's a good time to experiment with Patreon incentives. I'm not on Nebula [call me], and I'd like to continue my career-spanning streak of never taking a sponsorship from any of these annoying brands in my emails. But I also need to grow to survive, and having filed my taxes, I know I made about $3,000 less in 2024 than the year before (gross income, not net income). That's just not great news to receive when you know you were spread thin running three channels lol

Anyway my therapist sat me down in front of a 14 minute quick-time-event and declared that it objectively proved I don't have ADHD, and also that they don't take any outside diagnoses or second opinions. There are a lot of frustrating reasons that I somewhat doubt the results, given the level of ritual and controlled environment I go through every time I need to make myself write, but for now I'm going to shelve that topic at least until after I've moved.

Potential future essay topics include: Revising how gay Luca was out of spite because people were so weird about the intro of the Legoshi video, an in-depth look at the themes of generational abuse and colonialism in Myst, analysis of Before You Depart, Beastars Season 3 and adaptation sickness [unsure whether to cover what's already out or wait], a look at Zootopia, a leftist reading of The Walking Dead, and so on, and so on... I certainly don't lack for topics, especially since each project takes so long to make. A fair number of these are on the backburner because they require additional research and education... including researching how to research them to begin with. I might take on something easier here and there, like responding to a dumb "furry episode" of a daytime television show, etc.

But for now the goal is to get those Black Mirror and Zelda videos written and produced. I wanted to pop my head in to talk to my supporters about how the essays are going at least once a month. Sometimes, unfortunately, the only news is "I was building a backlog of gaming content this month after I dedicated so much time to the last essay-ish project." Other times, like now, I'm tempted to show what I've currently got written, but I write so non-linearly that what I have isn't terribly presentable. I'll just skip from writing the introduction to writing chapter 6, and I know what I mean, but it's not terribly comprehensible. Hopefully I'll have more to show soon.

Thank you for your continued support.