~Pokemon: Guzma X Listener SFW: Rejection~ {Patreon Exclusive}

You're so overwhelmed, but the idea of letting Guzma down makes it that much worse.

Contains: Overstimulation, Comfort, Reassurance, Advice, Calming, Petnames (Hon, Doll, Babe, Sweetheart)

Honestly I think this month has been really hard for a lot of us, and sometimes we just need comfort. For me personally, I've had a lot of problems with RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) recently. When you have ADHD, your nervous system overreacts to things from the outside world. Any sense of rejection can set off your stress response and cause an emotional reaction that's much more extreme than usual. Sometimes the criticism or rejection is imagined, but not always. It's also not always those with ADHD who have this, but a lot of us do, and I wanted to create an audio talking about it being ok to be overwhelmed, and that sometimes you can get caught in cyclical thinking that just makes you feel even worse. A lot of time people with RSD can try to push through the discomfort to try please others instead of advocating for ourselves and our needs, and I wanted to talk about how advocating for your needs is actually really a form of self love? While I don't say that directly in the audio, I feel like it's implied? I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense, my brain has been soup lately. I felt like Guzma was a good character to use for this kind of audio, since it makes sense to me that he would have experience with these things and have some answers that might help. I hope you enjoy and that this maybe helps!

~Audio Transcript Below~

Guzma: Hey Hon, you ready for our date?

*pause*

Hey, if you're feeling anxious, we don't have to go anywhere......

*pause*

Whoa! Doll! Where are these tears comin' from, are you ok?

Here, come here....it's ok......just talk to me.....it's alright......

*long pause with gentle hushes*

Babe......

So.....from what I understand.......you're feeling really fucking awful and don't want to go anywhere, but felt guilty that it would 'ruin our date', so you tried to keep it together, but once the time came everything just kind of boiled over?

And now you feel bad and feel like you're overreacting?

*pause*

It's ok, Doll......you're spiraling......take some deep breaths with me.....ok? They don't have to be perfect.....just gotta try, ok?

*intentional deep breaths*

There we go......you feeling better?

*pause*

I mean 'well enough to talk', better.

No, Babe....we're not going anywhere......

*pause*

Please don't tell me to ignore it when you're obviously hurting......

*hushes*

You're not doing anything wrong, Sweetheart.....come here......

*pause*

Taking care of yourself is more important than any date could ever be.

If you're having a hard time, then please don't push it down because you're afraid you're going to disappoint me or make me mad.

I know because I've got that same stupid little voice in my head that tells me these nasty things too. I know what it's like when you've been rejected so much in your life that it rewires your brain into thinking that everything is your fault.....and if you're not perfect......then clearly it's something wrong with you......

You're mad at yourself because you don't understand why you're so anxious to go out with me. I'm the guy you love, so......why should you be anxious? But there are other factors, Doll.....and none of them lead back to you being a terrible person.

*pause*

I've been there.....where every perceived rejection, real or not, sends you spiraling, and then you feel shitty about the fact that you're spiraling in the first place.

It's a vicious cycle where our brains are fucking mean to us because of trauma.....or because anxiety.....or a perfectly fucked up mixture of the two. Those two are a helluva knock out team together, and well......these reactions are the consequence......

And the thing is, that's not your fault. You can't undo the trauma......just as much as you can't just stop having anxiety. As much as some people might say otherwise.

All you can do is find ways to navigate and to advocate for your own needs. And maybe I haven't said it enough, but if there's ever a moment where you're feeling too overwhelmed to go out or to do something with me, please tell me. I would rather you be comfortable than do whatever it is we planned. Things can be rescheduled.......your well being is far more important to me.

*pause*

*hushes*

You're not a party pooper, Sweetheart.....

*soft kiss*

I love you.....

I know it's kind of useless for me to say, "Don't feel bad," because then that will just make you feel worse. That's how the cyclical thinking gets you.

Cyclical thinking. It's the thoughts of "I must be a bad person because I'm too overwhelmed to go on a date, so I'm going to try to power through it, but because I haven't been able to power through it, I've ruined the good time we had planned, which makes me a bad person, and even though he says he still loves me and doesn't care that we didn't go on a date, I don't feel deserving of that love, because I'm a bad person and I'm a huge inconvenience. I've tricked him into thinking I'm not a bad person, therefore, I am a bad person....." and so on and so forth.

You get stuck in the cycle of self loathing and rejection and it's really hard to get out of. You thought I was going to be disappointed and that made everything worse. But I wasn't disappointed, and that also makes you feel worse because you feel like you're having a meltdown for nothing.

*pause*

*chuckles softly*

Like I said.....I've been there......

*pause*

Oh....I still do it.....I've just gotten better at recognizing it and trying to refocus my thoughts and remind myself that I'm stuck in a cycle. While we may not be able to completely control our reactions, what we can do is control what we do in the moment, and afterwards......

*pause*

Well....what helped me was......trying to treat myself like how I would treat someone who I cared a lot for.

You know how it's easier to have grace for your friends than it is for yourself?

*pause*

For instance.....say you were in my position......and everything that you were feeling, I was feeling. Would you tell me that I was a nuisance.....and that I had ruined the night because I was overwhelmed and was scared that you were going to be mad?

*pause*

You see where I'm going with this? It doesn't make sense for you to treat yourself any lesser than you would treat the ones you care about. So if I ever find myself in a moment of cyclical thinking, or if I'm spiraling, I try to approach the situation as if it's someone I love experiencing it. I've found that more often than not it helps. It might not snap me out of it and suddenly I'm better.....but I've noticed it refocuses my thinking and reminds me that I'm a human being, and I'm allowed some grace......

And I think maybe that will help......even if it's just a little.

You're trying your best, and that's all you can do. I'm sorry that you got so overwhelmed.....and before you apologize because I know you're going to......you have nothing to feel sorry for. I don't hate you.....and you didn't ruin anything. I'm not going to leave unless you really want me to. We can just have a quiet night in if you want to....I'm more than fine with that.

*pause*

And if it helps, I can try to check in with you when we're going to go on dates like this, to make sure that you're still feeling up to it? If you think that might help.

*pause*

It won't be too much work.....I want to be able to give you opportunities to advocate for your own needs in an environment that isn't going to immediately shut you down or call you stupid or selfish. That's important to me.....so it's not really that much work.

I want to help set you up for success, Babe.......because I love and care about you.

I want to remind you of that too.....that you're loved and you are cared for.....

*pause*

Here.....let me get you a face wipe and some water....I bet even that will make you feel better. And after that, we can order in and start a new tv show or something. Didn't you say there was one that you wanted to watch?

*chuckles into a kiss*

I got you, Babe. Whatever you want......

*through a smile*

Love you......