~New Plan~

So, for the past week or so, I have, for the most part, not been working. And the time away from work has really solidified from me that I was deeper into burnout than I thought I was. Intentionally not doing work made me look around and realize that not only was said work suffering, but my outside life as well. My apartment was a complete mess, I couldn't tell you when the last time I had gone outside for an extended period of time was, I was mentally and physically exhausted by most tasks, etc. 

So that really put into perspective how much I was struggling, and put me into a thought process about what I can do to help myself. 

The thing that I've come to the conclusion is this. I've had a vacation planned for months. An actual, factual, driving eight hours out of town with two friends to a place that doesn't have wi-fi or television readily available. We're calling it a creative retreat and we're going there to work on creative things with one another. That's going to be at the end of July/beginning of August. My original plan was to try to forge on like 'normal' and have it seamless and seem like I hadn't even gone anywhere.

Now that I've realized and experienced first hand [actually] how much the burnout has affected me, I believe that that won't be viable in the [least], especially since even today, trying to do more than a few work things felt like a slog. I still haven't been able to break the executive dysfunction of getting back into the booth to record anything.

So my thought was: Take the rest of June and also July to finish the things I have left to finish (one May reward and the rest of June rewards). This will give me time to work on them in a manner that is more driven by the want to do it, rather than the obligation. It will allow me to slow down and take things at a slower pace, and help mitigate the burnout from getting any worse. It will also give me peace of mind that I don't have to finish 20 some odd things before my vacation. This will also give me time to be able to plan out/configure the changes that I think need to be made for my Patreon and for my work in general to not only re-capture my love and my creativity, but to help navigate the burnout.

This year has been really hard for me with deadlines and with work. I've had a lot of IRL things from mental health to a surgery that was cancelled, then rescheduled and then was finally had but also left me unable to work for 2 weeks. I feel guilty even suggesting that I take more time to do things, but I'm trying to get better at advocating for my needs and giving [myself] permission to do things, to believe that my own ideas are good ideas, and that this will be the best thing for me at this time. 

I know a large percentage of you care more about my mental health and well being, and I can't thank you enough for that. I also can't thank you enough for sticking with me during this difficult time that I'm having. You all are so incredibly wonderful, whether you interact with me here, on Discord, or whether you're a lurker or just a casual fan. I know I say it a lot but you all are truly the reason that I can do what I do for a living, and I can't thank you enough for that.