The Gold-Standard For Cuckolding.

My favorite parts of books are all worn out because I revisit those pages so often. I'm the same way with memories. The best of mine are like worn pages from my favorite books, and being with her is one of those memories. You fuck a lot of people in life, but some of you bury deep in the recesses of your memory and hope never to revisit again, while others are unforgettable. She is unforgettable.

I don't know about everyone else but for us, it's always very hard to play with a third, not because we are averse to group fucking (who is?) but because with a third person you never know if the dynamic you want to create will supersede what happens naturally. People can come together and share their needs with one another but you can never say for sure if it will work out. Especially in *this* situation.

See in theory, I love everything about cuckolding. I love it. It's a situation that involves multiple strains of power and it puts me in a place I absolutely never let myself be in, in real life. It puts me second. It's also a form of emotional masochism that appeals to my sensibilities. I like when gets to have fun and I watch. Or don't watch. I like when he puts all his energy into pleasing another woman, and I get tortured by default. I like watching him to things to women that he can't do to me. When my inadequacies are blatant, I enjoy them.

But cuckolding is also an environment that enables malice should you have the slightest of intentions to be malicious. It's the kind of situation where you hand over power to someone you have no relationship with. It's like giving a blank cheque to someone and telling them to use it responsibly. It's entirely possible that they might but the possibility for misuse is high, and so it is hard to choose who to do it with, and the failure rate is high.

Her, though, her I uphold as a standard even today.

In the realization of any sexual fantasy the goal is to be able to engage without worrying about all the things that kept you from fulfilling your fantasies. If you're worrying about your safety constantly and you don't trust everyone in the situation has your back and best interests in mind, it's difficult to let go and enjoy yourself. If you are worried about how you look and seem to others involved, it's difficult to be real. If you're preoccupied with intentions, you cannot ever get out of your own head. And for me, if I am worried, in this particular situation, that the other woman involved harbours any kind of jealously, I cannot go through with it.


See I know there's this belief that cuckolding is fundamentally about playing with jealousy. It's not for me. It is about degradation, sure, but if I had to pick an emotion that really resonates, it would be envy. Cuckolding is about playing with envy and envy is devoid of malice and hatred that accompany jealousy. Envy is about me wanting what you have. Jealousy is about me hating you for what I have. I don't want hate in my bedroom and I don't want to allow someone to have power over me and then hate on me. I don't do hate.

And I realized that with her.

I realized that the most important thing in this situation is boundaries. Three people can be involved in a complicated tangle of power dynamics but that is no reason to take liberties. I am happy to be put down and used, but not with feeling encroached upon. She was happy to participate in our dynamic but not past the point of her comfort. He was happy to demean me but only as long as he could check in regularly. When there are three people involved, there are three sets of boundaries to be respected, and it helps to remember that.

It also helps to let go of the associations you ascribe to the roles you cast on people. In fantasy it all looks murky, Smokey and sexy, but in reality the more you engage with each other as human beings, the more comfortable people are in embracing the roles they are participating in. I had ideas of silence and non-communication but when she sat down and talked to me like a person, everything we did together later meant more because I knew she wasn't just a body but a person. A person I knew things about. A person I liked. Just liking her convinced me that I didn't need to be worried about being undermined. That I could focus on being degraded because she meant nothing evil by it.

She got something different out of it, and I got something different, and he got something different. That was the other thing that takes a while to adjust to, that three people can come out of the exact same experience and be in completely different places. It's because it is a different emotional experience for all involved and it's okay to feel like no one would quite get what you are doing through. Chances are they won't. They won't until you all communicate it to one another. You can and you can choose not to. I can't talk about things for a while, she could talk about them immediately but that's not what matters. What matters is that we both understood where the other was coming from. I could be comfortably silent and she could comfortably express everything she wanted to say about the experience.

And finally, the final reason why for me she will always be the gold standard for cuckolding, was that she was unashamedly, freely sexual. It helps me to be around other sexually confident people. It helps me let go when I know the people I am with are capable of letting go. Even if that confidence is only equal to pulling me by the face and smothering me between your legs. Even if it is as simple as vocalizing to the man fucking you what you like. As simple as shoving things inside yourself and screaming your guts out as you cum. I enjoy women who are sexually free. Who fuck because they like to fuck and for no reason else. I like women who don't just put on a role but being their personality to it.

And that's what was most important ultimately. That I found her relatable. It was much easier to suffer when the woman taking things away from me was relatable. Aliens make me nervous.