Cod-piece

Wondrous Item (Clothing, Codpiece), Artifact, Requires Attunement

“A codpiece that is possessed by some sort of aquatic spirit of intellect, this artifact was sealed away into a chest and locked into the deepest archives of the Western Empire of the seas.

The spirit inside makes the cloth fish head a wonderful companion along your journey, performing many features like singing with its beautiful voice, or degrading your enemies with its rapier wit.”

While wearing this item, you gain the ability to talk to all forms of aquatic life, per the Speak With Animals spell and have Advantage on all Charisma ability checks against them. Additionally, while wearing the Cod-Piece, you may breathe underwater and gain a Swim Speed of 60 ft. 

Quipper Quips - As a Reaction to being attacked, you can prompt the Cod-Piece to release a string of distracting taunts at your attacker, giving them Disadvantage on all attack rolls until the end of the round. The creature must understand one of the languages the Cod-Piece speaks to use this ability.

Big Mouth Blast - As an Action, you can unleash a blast of psychic energy in a 30ft. Cone in front of you causing all creatures in the cone to make a DC18 Intelligence saving throw. On a failure, a creature takes 8d6 Psychic damage and becomes Charmed or Frightened (chosen when you use this ability) for 1 minute. On a success, they take half as much damage and are not Charmed or Frightened. This ability may be used once and recharges on a Long Rest. 

Sentience - The Cod-Piece is a sentient Chaotic Neutral item with an Intelligence of 9, a Wisdom of 12, and a Charisma of 22. It has hearing and darkvision out to a range of 120 feet.

The item can speak, read, and understand Common and Primordial, and can communicate with its wielder telepathically or speak aloud. Its voice is tinny and mildly irritating. While you are attuned to it, the Cod-Piece also understands every language you know.

Personality - The Cod-Piece speaks incessantly, offering commentary (solicited or not) on virtually any situation. It believes its reason for being is to entertain the masses and provide levity and humor, even when the situation doesn’t call for it. 

At its core, the Cod-Piece craves attention and connection and is quick to befriend anyone who will put up with it. It takes great offense to not being worn and hates being excluded. 

If the Cod-Piece goes more than 24 hours without being worn or feels as if it is being ignored too often, a conflict between it and its wielder occurs.