Unfair-Chapter 60: "Nice"

"Misty Brook is a dump'' well anyone with an audible subscription could tell you that. The girl being a former zoo employee didn't come as a shock but Clarks wake-up call was unexpected. The last few chapters had him taking the guided tour and he didn't seem to realize it, he was even finding fulfilment. I thought for sure he was going to be seduced by Amys quirky charm and fall deeper and deeper into the dark side.

I'm just going to throw this out for general discussion - I don't know how this story is going to end, but I can't help but think that Clark telling Janet how much he hates her every night through the baby monitor is going to destabilize her mental status to a point where bad things are going to happen for him.

Willow B Tatus

Clark could easily throw that back on Beouf with "You were going to let me go to new Beginnings. and you know what kind of place it is"

Janet or Beouf need to have a come to Jesus meeting with Clark, as his life could have been so much worse if he was sent to the orphanage, especially if the orphanages there are like they are in anywhere else.

You bring up an interesting point so I am going to address it here. Not to deflect but to explain an artistic choice I'm making. I generally don't go into too many details about character's looks, especially when they've been described earlier in the novel. I do tend make the effort to describe what might be the most common features: hair color and style, round about age, notable clothing especially if it says something about them or their personality. For example Beouf has been described as being in her forties, and having curly hair that is either auburn or unnaturally blonde (depending where in the timeline of Clark's memory they are) and reading glasses with highly functional clothes allowing her to chase and crawl on the ground after Littles. I tend to describe bare bones stuff and let the reader infer and imagine the rest unless their looks are something particularly noteworthy and serve some kind of narrative purpose for me. An easy recent example is Amy Madra's trademark missing front teeth. Another example is Cassie's Dad is a thick beefy man even though he's a Little. Both of those stand out as very different so it's worth mentioning to me. It's actions, words, and emotions, that draw my attention as a writer for this piece. When I watched the Hunger Games movies, I always unconsciously imagined BeeTee as white while reading. But looking back at the description, I couldn't find anything definitive beyond "ashen skin". None of that mattered though because as soon as the black actor delivered his first line I blinked and my "That's BeeTee?" immediately changed to, "That's BeeTee!" But I do go into physical description in places that serve my purposes. Often associating with hyperbole and emotion like Dahl does. I've described Brollish as skeletal and like a gargoyle. An old crone. Or talk about Ambrose having multiple chins and piggish features, being "heavy set, even for an amazon". Meanwhile I described Helena Madra as having "dirty blonde hair that was neatly parted in front and swept into a ponytail. Green condescendingly smiling eyes shown against scarlet lipstick. They popped against her light gray shirt and greenish brown vest. The comfortable “mom jeans” looked like something Janet might wear on campus. The whole look screamed so casual as to somehow seem bougie. Total soccer mom." Janet, admittedly, is based more in emotions and the "teacher look" both in aesthetic as well as attitude as well as her dark hair that she regularly plays with, most often having it up in a bun. There may be more detail later if and when Clark's emotions change regarding her. He also has a tendency to use descriptions when sizing up threats and evaluating folks. Another example, as stated earlier , while the "typical" standard of Amazonian Beauty is big breast, bigger hips (though even Amazons are not above padding those places to accentuate and exaggerate) Janet's friend, "Auntie" Jessica, is fairly thin and boney and small chested, (never mind that it's still big compared to Clark). She's almost like a Little that got scaled up. And in some ways with her inexperience at dealing with Littles, Clark refers to her as one. A giant version of what Amazons imagine Littles are like. Which also says something about the baseline physical characteristics of a lot of Littles as well as a lot of at least Amazon women. Combine that with outgroup homogeneity effect, the psychological effect that makes it so people distinctly not like you (most often in race, but it works for nationality, hair color, height, etc. etc. etc.) Seem more like each other and harder to tell apart without conscious effort. To Clark, most Amazons are just BIG. Even Jessica, a skinny tomboy still has tits bigger than his head. It's also why he tends to describe other Littles in more detail. I obviously go by far into the most detail about Clark's face as he's the one narrating this and it's his face that he saw in the mirror every morning in various stages and forms. All that being said, I thank you for the feedback and shall take it into consideration. I'm sure that there are ways to compare and contrast certain key characters that an observant reader will pick up on.

I notice that you really don't go into too many details on how people look. Like what does Janet look like? What type of body does she have? Or Amy's blonde soccer mommy? Or the Amazon daddy who complimented Janet? I feel like some general physical attributes would make it easier to visualize these characters.

Yeah. It's kind of messed up. Amazons are crazy.

Man this chapter was a roller coaster. It's so well written, all the characters are so real and that's why it kinda hurts to read all around. I also kinda find it so frustrating that in one breath Helena talks about making sure Janet is watching what Clark watches, implying heavily that it's some brainwashing ( and even outright admitting that they babied littles before ever making up the "maturosis" excuse ) and then in the next breath saying that littles are indoctrinated to fight against someone ripping them away from their loved ones, taking all their independence away and humiliating them for the rest of their lives.

Jemsy

In this world, where the Littles are the size of children, an Emu attack would be devastating yeah. Didn't think about that. Because Helena doesn't seem the type to have surgically affected Amy

I understand why Amy only has a few teeth and has trouble walking after learning about her terrible Emu encounter. It all makes sense and explains why she's so nutty; she probably had a mental break after being attacked by the animals she cared for. They probably damaged her leg and broke most of her teeth as well as gave her a concussion. If not a concussion then the trauma from the event definitely shattered her perception of things. The teeth being damaged would never be repaired by her new "mommy" since that is not only expensive but a "waste" of money since babies don't need teeth. Also, nicely done on the casual public diaper change. It really was a nice surprise given that you rarely do anything remotely erotic in this tale. Edit for Cy, Littles are the size of normal adults in most cases, but some can be as short as four feet tall while the tallest Amazon can be as tall as 14ft. It's a great dimension that I love writing in since only the heights have been established, but there's still so much freedom to do anything you want with the lore.

Omg the emu twist is heartbreaking. Amy has such well written dialogue and banter, and once you know her story, it's easy to see how: this was probably the patter she used before she was adopted. She's full of winky jokes and sky references that would fly over the heads of kids, but make adults smile. Now she's performing for an audience of one: herself. Even Helena seems to tune her out most of the time. Poor girl

Descent has so many mixed meanings…despair, depression, madness or even renewed rebellion. I loved the zoo and maybe they hoped to show Clark a good influence like he mentioned. Very powerful and i can see how such a visit is going to backfire on Janet and then even Clark with a time-out in his old classroom …also I hope and believe you will introduce Cassie again soon!

Only a week and obvious cracks are forming on Clark. I am curious still about Amy's mobility issues here. With all of the praise for the classroom Clark is now a member of, I wonder if there is something else that comes around later in the year to really try and break them. That being said Amy's mom sounds like she's anti-hypnosis... Weird dichotomy there with her. I'm pretty certain now Janet went to a support group Thursday, which is why she was told she could have taken Clark. Guessing we'll see that experience in the not to distant future! For now he made it through the zoo. We'll have to see how the rest of the weekend goes! (Or not? I keep expecting a time skip to happen at some point here.) Thank you for continuing to write a very enjoyable tale here!

babysofia1234

Would it make you feel better if I told you that this wasn't the last PART?

The part title “Descent” makes me lose hope of Clark seeing a happy ending. Now I’m just curious how far he’s gonna end up falling and in what way.

EKXD

If it makes anyone feel better, I ALSO feel all these things as I"m writing them?

That... Was a curve ball I didn't see coming °-° much like Clark I got lulled in in the nice moment, getting a breather, trying to enjoy the moment as much as possible, because the next dip will come... And it did. I should have known better ...

It's definitely a struggle of peaks and valleys for Clark, this story. To give an idea about this particular section of the story...see the title of the PART for clues.

I won't tell you how to feel. But a fun fact: A controversial experiment was done in the real world. (And spoilers, this is one of those ethically questionable experiments that can and has been torn apart because of the methodology...most psychological experiments have these wrinkles.) People checked themselves into mental hospitals, claiming to have symptoms of depression and schizophrenia. They were given enough tips and information on how to describe it. Then, per the experiment, as soon as they were in, they stopped acting and just acted like normal people. But the trained doctors, nurses, and psychiatric personnel, STILL thought they were displaying signs of schizophrenia and depression. Everything the pseudo-patients did, including taking notes on ACTUAL patients- was attributed to the diagnosis that had been given to them. "Patient is taking notes on other patients...paranoia?" Also, as a former Special Ed Teacher, I've seen this kind of thinking happen to. "Oh she's very affectionate. Kids with Down Syndrome are always so affectionate. No wonder she's a hugger." She's also 5 and the baby of the family. "Oh, he's very stubborn to the point of defiance. Lots of Downs kids are stubborn." He's also in 5th grade and going through puberty. Show me a kid who isn't stubborn at that age and I'll show you a late bloomer. The point is, once someone has a "label" assigned to them, too often that label becomes the excuse for any and all behavior, good or bad. And yes, things like Downs is real and Maturosis, at least as far as Clark is concerned, is certainly not. But I can point to plenty of other objectively fake sciences that were once "real", and "explained so much". The purpose of Maturosis, within the world of Unfair, isn't so much to be debunked or not, (though maybe it will and maybe it won't). It's to show how otherwise wonderful, well meaning, and reasonable people, can be swayed into bad takes and harmful systems by popular opinion, privilege, and misconceptions.

Very nice writing; more quality, prose, and details than I could ever hope for. But now it's just getting depressing. Every time Clark takes one step ahead, he gets dragged back to reality, and reality for him is only getting that much worse.

Part of me is beginning to feel sad for Janet, of all people. I wish she had the sense to see through the absurd lie of "Maturosis," though; I'd love her to have adopted Clark simply because he was a friend who was facing far worse alternatives. I totally don't blame him for how he is treating her—she deserves it, if nothing else, for perpetuating that evil Amazon gaslighting—but as a parent I know what it feels like to hear "I hate you" come out of the mouth of a child you love, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

All I will say is that while Amy's story was mentioned briefly, and expanded on, Ivy's story has yet to be told.

Wow that was a marathon. And Like Clark I forgot that Amy's story had been told, though I put it together quickly she obviously used to work there. And it's a great moment realizing that she's that "ghost of adoption future" so to speak for Clark, hammering in that "Oakshire has a good program" BS. like yeah, go ahead, let the process happen. This is your future...Damn. Also It's occured to me that I don't remember if Ivy's situation was ever explained. I know in Yamatoa littles are adopted by law, but the implication is that there can't be natural born littles in Yamatoa based on that, so she was abducted before adoption right? I clarifying that while Amy is an adult who lost her adulthood, like Clark, was Ivy ever an adult?