Old Time Religion: Part 2

Anubis is enjoying the perks of godhood, and his physique is getting more and more divine! As always, thanks for your support everyone, and enjoy- Happy Holidays!

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“Anubis… Anubis.” Thoth, the Ibis-headed God of Wisdom, squawked, jolting the death god awake.

The wolf-like Anubis woke up abruptly, nearly falling out of his chair, which was already too small for his overfed frame. "I'm here- apologies. I've just been busy as of late."

The ibis arched his brow, a feathered hand pressing into Anubis' round, stuffed belly. The death god had ballooned by a ridiculous amount, growing into an overly pampered dog instead of the powerfully built tomb guardian that once struck fear and awe of all the souls that passed through the Land of the Dead. "I can see that. What exactly have you been doing as of late?"

"Oh, well, you know- caring for the pharaohs… taking some time for myself," Anubis said, trying to avoid looking at Thoth.

"That is evident," the God of Wisdom said drily. "You haven't been receiving… gifts, have you? From any of the Sons of Ra?"

"What? Perish the thought! You know I wouldn't ask for anything from the souls of the righteous… anyways, I do have to take care of a few things. The pharaohs are always so fidgety if we leave them alone for too long," Anubis said, hefting up his prodigious weight and trying to make a quick exit. Once he was certain Thoth wasn't following him, he made his way to the Hall of Sacrifices again.

Without their legions of worshippers, the other gods had long since ignored the Hall of Sacrifices- and so Anubis was able to keep his small cult a secret. It was hard, exhausting work to answer so many prayers with his diminished power- but the sacrifices. The delicious, irresistible food from the mortal realm was just too tantalizing for Anubis to ignore. He had a priest now, and with that, a congregation- maybe, once more, a temple! Anubis reeled from the excitement of it all; and all he had to do was keep accepting the sacrifices. When he reached the Hall of Sacrifices, however, Anubis' jaw dropped. He hadn't seen the cavernous chamber so full since the reign of Cleopatra VII- wall to wall, nearly to the ceiling, were piles, hills, mountains of food offered up as sacrifices- his new worshippers had long since figured that their god had a taste for burgers, pizza, ribs, and most of all, sweets. Ice cream, pies, cakes, candies; these things had not been known to the Egyptians, and so Anubis had never experienced so many overpoweringly sweet tastes- and it had proven quite addicting.

Still, this was excessive- and Anubis dreaded to think what prayers would warrant such sacrifices. The god grit his teeth, glancing to the prayer wall. His heart pounded, but then when he saw the prayer inscribed, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh! Is that all they want? Granted!" He said with a snap of his fingers.

--

Back in the mortal realm, Micah Foster, priest of Anubis, was bouncing nervously on his feet, glancing at the President of his University. They were on the sidelines of the school's football stadium, waiting for the call from the referee on the field.

"The ref has called it- the HSU Bears have forfeited, after the team has collectively come down with a set of boils that has only been described as biblical in its sudden appearance. The UD Empyreans win by default!"

Micah breathed a sigh of relief, glancing over to the University President. "So…? We delivered, are we allowed to register as an official club?"

"Hmph- I suppose," the President said. "You delivered your end of the bargain- consider the Anubis Society an official on-campus organization."

--

With the prayer granted, Anubis was free to indulge in his sacrifices- and indulge he did. With reckless abandon, the divine canine attacked everything in sight. His hunger for worship and adulation had been lying dormant for two thousand years, and now, it was finally unleashed. He consumed everything in sight, from greasy pizza loaded with heavy cheese and crispy pepperoni, to the myriad cartons of smooth, rich ice cream, each morsel overwhelming in its flavor. Anubis lounged and wallowed in wanton gluttony, indulging his gnawing hunger until every bit of it was satisfied.

He finally had to stop for a moment, if nothing else but to come up for air. To support his overly voluptuous form, he had summoned a golden lounge- it had been meant for Nefertiri, but honestly, he needed it more than her. He was carrying a tremendous amount of weight piled onto his bulbous frame; his oceanic gut spilled out like the waters of the Nile, smother his fat-swaddled legs as they lazily sprawled across the lounge, his prodigious rear like two immense beanbags and overly thick hips straining his finery. Atop the wobbling mass of his belly were two plush breasts, with a consistency of soft pillows. Arms draped in reams of blubber and fat, sausage fingers reached for just one more morsel, a more traditional bushel of grapes. He opened his ravenous maw, multiple chins bunching up as they spilled over the gold brace clinging to his flabby neck.

He was still surrounded by enough sacrificed food to sate the appetites of the greediest of Egypt's pharaohs, and it was all his. A small, niggling worry crossed his mind as he thought about what the other gods- like nosy Thoth- might say if they could see him like this, but then Anubis smiled, dimpling his billowing cheeks. He had worshippers, sacrifices, and prayers- what did the rest of them have? Not even Osiris could claim to have tasted such wonders as he had been dining on from his new priest. So what if his doughy, abundant flesh was as soft as slightly melted ice cream? So what if he was probably one prayer away from never getting up and moving under his own power again? He had plenty of power over mortals once more and anything he could desire at his fingertips- for the first time in thousands of years, he truly felt like a god again.