Bowser's High Score- Part 1

Bowser has finally done it- he's won! Now that he finally gets a taste of Princess Peach's cake, however, he finds that being king of two kingdoms is a weighty responsibility...

                                        ***********************************************************

Bowser, chest puffed up and head held high, was still looking over his shoulder and glancing warily in every corner as he marched to the gates of Toadstool Castle. Goombas and Koopa Troopas were swarming across the Toadstool Kingdom, Princess Peach’s defenses had fallen, and it was now all his. The battle was easy; the burly, towering koopa king had taken out dozens of the kingdom’s defenders himself, and even blasted away the walls with his fire breath. He couldn’t have imagined such a sweet, total victory. And that’s why it bugged him so much.

“Where’s that pipsqueak plumber?” he growled to himself, even as he grinned toothily at his troops, waving at them as they cheered him on.

“Your Victoriousness!” a voice called out. Bowser glanced over as Kamek, his court mage, appeared in a puff of smoke. “We’ve found Mario!”

“What?! Where? Where is he?” Bowser snarled, the draconic koopa immediately leaping into a defensive stance, hackles raised and ready to belch out a fireball to burn Mario to a crisp. “I’ll pound the twerp! This time for sure!”

“He’s out sick!”

Bowser froze. Glancing back at Kamek. “He’s what?”

“Sick, Your Largeness! He’s been laid up for weeks, and will not fully recover for some time yet,” Kamek reported.

It took a moment for Bowser to process that all. “He’s… he’s sick? Sick! Hah! Haha! BWAHAHAHA!” the hulking reptile roared with laughter. “After twenty three plots of trying to get this stupid kingdom, I finally get a bit of good luck! That wimpy Mario wimped out over a case of the sniffles! Hahaha!”

“It seems we have time to consolidate your rule, Your Vastness,” Kamek continued. “By the time he’s well again, you’ll be entrenched as the greatest king in Koopa history!”

“Pfft, I was already the greatest!” Bowser declared, swaggering the rest of the way up to the gates of the castle. As he and Kamek came to the main entrance, the koopa squared his shoulders, yellow scales catching the sun. He had waxed his spike shell, just for the occasion. Puffing out his chest and brushing back his red hair, Bowser kicked open the door. “Hey, Peachie! Guess who!”

Princess Peach, standing at the top of the castle’s grand staircase, put a hand to her breast as Bowser stormed in. The Princess, not a hair out of place, gracefully descended the staircase, her pink gown billowing behind her. “King Bowser,” she bowed her head. “On the condition that you promise to treat my subjects with mercy, I am willing to surrender.”

“Yeah, yeah, I won’t hurt the little mushroom twerps, Princess.” Bowser chuckled, swinging a thick arm around the Princess, shoulders. “You have my word. But now, Princess,” Bowser chuckled, smiling lasciviously. “I want something that I’ve been waiting to try for a long, long time.”

Peach, mashed up against the koopa’s scaly hide, frowned softly. “And what is that?”

“I want some of that cake of yours,” Bowser said, winking at her. “Just like you give to that sewer pimple, Mario.”

Princess breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh! Is that all? Of course. It will take some time to get it ready, of course. If you wouldn’t mind waiting somewhere comfortable?”

Bowser’s eyes and smile widened. What sort of stuff was Mario into? But sure, he was game. “Heheheh, I didn’t think you had it in you, Princess. Sure, sure- I’ll be waiting in your bedchamber. Don’t take long,” the hulking reptile reached down, squeezing the Princess on the rear and causing her to let out a small yelp.

Some time later, Bowser was sprawled out on Peach’s bed, posing with a rose in his mouth. He was determined to make this enjoyable for Peach as well, after all- he wasn’t a monster. The door opened, Peach came in, and Bowser waggled his brows. “Well, I’m starving for some cake, Princess. You ready to deliver?”

“Of course, I do hope you enjoy it,” Peach said, smiling softly. Stepping further inside, a toadstool servant was pushing in a cart behind her. “I wasn’t sure what you liked- vanilla, chocolate, or red velvet, even- so I made one of each.”

Bowser sat up. “Wait, what?”

Peach blinked. “Do you not like any of them? I suppose I could make a cobbler, perhaps…”

The koopa king shook his head as he lumbered over to the cart. “Wait, wait… you mean all this time, after all these years, Mario has been braving lava, the depths of the sea, ghosts, all my dungeons, and the risk of fighting me, for cake?”

Peach huffed indignantly. “Well, yes! I’m a very good baker, as it happens!” She crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes. “Why are you so surprised? What did you think it was?”

“Well! Innuendo, for- y’know-” Bowser’s voice caught in his throat, and he felt himself shrinking as Peach glared at him. “Uh- erm. Ahem. Nothing, nothing- you said this was chocolate, right? Lava chocolate? That’s my favorite.”

Discovering that Princess Peach’s “cake” was, after all this time, really just cake, was something of a disappointment, until he tried it. Peach was not overselling herself; the Princess of the Toadstool Kingdom was a master baker. The things she conjured up in the castle kitchen were some of the most delectable treats the Koopa King had ever eaten. If this is what being King of the Toadstools was like, he could definitely get used to that.

Soon, however, he had kingly duties to attend to; the Toadstools had come to pay homage to Bowser as their new king, gracing him with tribute. Bowser wedged himself onto Peach’s throne, a huge banner with his face hanging behind him. The koopa thought he looked regal; his shell spikes had been polished and a new gold crown was perched on his head, even if it was comically small. His middle was slightly rounder than normal; his scaly underbelly had a habit of rounding out like an inflating balloon whenever he sat down. He told himself to watch it around Peach’s cakes, but between the tantalizing taste and Peach’s gentle smile, it was proving hard to say no to her. The Princess was at Bowser’s side even now, gently encouraging her subjects to play along, and two cakes prepared in the wings, to soothe Bowser if the need was ever present.

Besides, it was a good day, best not to ruin it with thoughts about his figure. Bowser was showered in gold coins, until a family of humbly dressed farmers approached the throne.

The tiny toadstools bowed at Bowser’s feet, the oldest looking one of them clasping a straw hat. “Oh, King Bowser, we beg your mercy. We are but poor farmers, and have not the gold to pay your tribute.”

Bowser snorted as he leaned forward, bursts of flame shooting out of his nostrils. “Oh?”

The toadstool farmer gulped. “W-well, we have had a good harvest! P-perhaps some crops for the royal larder?”

“Crops?” Bowser scoffed. “I don’t need-” The koopa’s temper was cooled with Peach gently resting a hand on his arm.

“They’re berry farmers, Bowser,” Peach explained. “I could make a lovely berry summer cake with what they grow.”
“Oh!” Bowser cleared his throat. “Well… yeah, sure. I’ll take that for your tribute, pipsqueak. No problem, then.”

The toadstool farmer breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Your… Highness?”

“Eh, sure, that works,” Bowser shrugged, gesturing for the next petitioner to approach the throne. Peach watched the koopa, nodding slightly. Perhaps this wouldn’t be as unbearable as she thought, at least until Mario got better.

Time wore on, and people began to slowly relax as the long-dreaded reign of terror from the Koopa King never came to be as the Toadstools thought it would. Bowser’s reign as the ruler of two kingdoms- for which he had given himself the title of “Super King”- was closing in on its second week, and Bowser was beginning to nod off in the royal archives of Peach’s castle as Kamek droned on.

“...And the tax revenue from Mushroom City is slightly down, from what we’re seeing from Princess Peach’s records, so I recommend… uh, Your Exhaustiveness?”

“Huh! What?” Bowser snorted awake, jolting up in his seat. “Ugh… just go over the numbers again, poindexter…”

Kamek nervously pressed his fingers together. “Your Weightiness, perhaps it would be better for you to get some sleep…?”

“No!” Bowser thumped his fist against the table, nearly splintering it. “I’m the king here now, I’m gonna do this right! I wanna make sure none of those mushroom twerps are cheatin’ me. So the numbers, again.”

There was a small cough that drew Bowser’s attention to the archives’ entrance- Princess Peach stood there, hands full of a tray of cakes. “I thought you were still up- I brought a midnight snack to keep your strength up.”

“Heheh, you’re too sweet, Peach,” Bowser chuckled, taking a moment to steal a kiss on the cheek as she set down a chocolate cake the size of a car tire. “But yeah, I earned a reward. We’ve been improvin’ the kingdom down here.”

“Oh?” Peach quickly studied Bowser as the dragon koopa leaned back, a gut the size of a cauldron spilling over his lap as he grabbed for a piece of cake, stuffing it into his hungry maw.

“Mhm!” he grunted, gulping down more cake. “Check out what the number cruncher helped me find.” Bowser jabbed a thick, clawed finger at the tax records. “Those punks in Mushroom City are fleecing you- and the people here in Castle Town are paying more to make up the difference.”

Peach’s eyes widened as she glanced at the records- Bowser was right! “Oh, my! That’s a good find. What do you intend to do?”

“Oh, well, send some Koopa Troopahs to collect, obviously!” Bowser chuckled darkly. “We’ll bounce the little twerps until they pay up.”

“Or, perhaps…” Peach inched closer, placing a hand on Bowser’s scaly, round belly and gently patting it as she fed him another slice of cake. “I will let the city know we’ve found some… discrepancies, and you stay here and finish your cake. You’ve been working so hard, after all,” the Princess said, gently rubbing the curving, golden hill girded to the koopa’s middle.

“Heh…” Bowser huffed. Between the sinfully sweet chocolate on his tongue, his lack of sleep, and Peach massaging his overfed middle, he was starting to feel light-headed, even as the rest of him felt so heavy, from his plus-sized gut to limbs thickened not by muscle, but an increasingly soft, doughy layer of fat. “Yeah, yeah… that sounds like a good plan, Peachie.”

Peach breathed a sigh of relief as she collected the records and moved away to pen a letter, leaving her new “king” to gorge himself further on cake. She was tired, too, keeping the dragon squatting in her castle fed, but surprisingly not as much as she thought she would be. The Princess had expected to not only keep Bowser distracted, but also keep running her kingdom behind his back. While he wasn’t perfect, Peach had to admit, the political messes she had to clean up in Bowser’s wake weren’t nearly as daunting as she feared. Still, the sooner Mario was back, the better; the castle’s cake bill was, frankly, getting out of hand.

*****

“Ahh… yeah, okay, this is much better,” Bowser rumbled, one hand resting atop the crest of his boulder-sized belly. It was a month after his conquest of the Mushroom Kingdom, and to celebrate, Bowser was having thirty one cakes made- one for each day he had been king. The effects of a constant stream of Peach’s cooking were self-evident; the koopa had positioned himself more comfortably on his newly enlarged throne, one fat-swaddled leg swung over the armrest so he could lean across it, making more room for his ever-expanding stomach that had made him twice the king he had been before the conquest. His spiked armbands cut into soft, blubbery tissue, and he had grown a beard to his multiple chins and flabby jowls.

“Y’know, I don’t think I ever had an easier time of being king,” Bowser chuckled, patting his belly and sending ripples across that scaly blob. “‘Bout time I brought the kid over to check out his new digs…”

“Bowser!” Peach called out in a sing-song voice. The Princess entered the throne room followed by a stream of servants, all carrying cakes on silver platters. “We’ve much to celebrate… are you ready to begin?”

“Bwahaha, definitely, sweet cheeks,” Bowser grinned, dimpling his cheeks. “I was actually thinkin’, it’s time I do something really big! Get outta the castle- say, waddya think of invading somewhere else? What’s the name of Princess Daisy’s kingdom, again?”

Peach’s smile nearly broke, her eyes going wide. “Oh…! Well, that sounds… ambitious, but, wouldn’t you rather stay put here? I’ve learned some new cake recipes!”

Bowser was tempted, stroking his chin, and then a koopa messenger burst through the door, breathlessly running up to Bowser. “Your Mightiness! We’ve got trouble! There’s an army spilling over the borders as we speak!”

“What?” Bowser struggled to sit up, excess scaly fat sloshing over the sides of the throne as he rocked back and forth in a futile effort to leap to his feet. “What punk’s trying to steal my crown?”
“It’s Fawful, sir! Lord Fawful!”

Peach and Bowser paused. Peach gasped softly, her mind reeling from the disastrous possibilities of a mad scientist invading her lands. Bowser, however, laughed.

“BWAHAHAHA! That pipsqueak bean? I’ll mash him up into bits!” Bowser gloated, palming his fist as he began waddling towards the door. “Make that cake to go, Peachie, I’ve got a battle to win!”

Peach bit her lip. “Oh… right, of course.” As soon as Bowser was out of sight, she rushed to her room to grab paper and quill. “Mario, you’ve had a month to get better, if you’re going to save us, it’s either now or never…”