Teaser: IM YOUR CRAZY EX

This is the first script I've written in over a year. I hope you like the stuff I write after this long creative breather.

[Rain sounds, fading out as cafe noises fade in, the hurried clacking of fingers against laptop keys]

[Slurp of coffee, the ambient noise slowly fades out over the first voice line]

Aaaahh~ okay. I think that’s a good stopping point for a break. I barely wrote anything but at least I wrote something! And that’s more than I wrote yesterday, I wrote nothing yesterday. Which basically means I’m killing it.

Ugh… who am I kidding. I wrote 5 sentences that I’m gonna backspace later. How do I read so many words yet when it’s time to sit my down and write, suddenly I’ve got nothing to say. Am I even trying anymore? Erotica writer my ass. If a bunch of horny nerds can spend all day writing wattpad fan fictions about what they’d let Tobias from Divergent do to them, why can’t you drum up a stupid story that ends up in you moaning for 20 minutes. What kind of fucking name is Tobias Eaton anyway? I could not think of an unsexier name.

Actually, yes I could. I think my dick would deflate like a balloon if I went on a date and they shared the same name as [BLEEP]. That shit was so embarrassing… note to self… [typing noises as they say this] “burn at the stake if you ever behave that desperate again, you were bawling your eyes out so hard your cry baby ass might as well have left a snail trail, you Pixar Inside-Out Sadness wannabe.” [Aggressive clack as they hit the enter key]

Thank god Tumblr isn’t a thing anymore, I’d rather suffer spontaneous human combustion than imagine what digital footprint I would have left in the moment.

… Still… I wonder how they’re doing… I know I texted them honey-suckle icky shit like “I hope you find someone better than me” but to be honest, I hope they didn’t… that’s so toxic… don’t think those thoughts… but y’know… I was pretty great so I’d imagine it would be hard to replace me. Who am I kidding, I hope that [beep] broke [beep] lazy [beep] selfish [beep] gaslighting [beep] [beep] manipulative [beep] cheating [beep] [beep] [beep] [beep] got just what they deserve.

…

It’s not weird if I like… look at their linked in, right? Like it’s not like their social media or anything so I’m basically just doing a wellness check out of the goodness of my heart. Not because I’m a crazy stalker… haha…