Book 1 Feedback
Added 2025-10-14 15:03:26 +0000 UTCHey everyone! This post is for feedback on Book 1. Now that you've had time to sit with it, I want to hear your thoughts—the good, the bad, and the "what the hell were you thinking?"
Were there any scenes that felt off? Any character moments that didn't land right? Plot threads that got dropped or felt rushed? Magic system stuff that needs clarification? Pacing issues that made you want to skip ahead or felt too slow?
Lay it on me. I can't promise I'll address everything (or anything, honestly—some stuff might just be creative differences), but I read every comment and genuinely want to know what worked and what didn't. Your feedback helps me figure out what needs tweaking before this thing goes wide.
So yeah—rip it apart if you need to. I can take it.
Comments
This is very helpful and might just be indicative of my writing style, though it can definitely be cause for some additional edits. I use a lot of similes in my day-to-day life as a way to communicate complex topics "like using a chaingun to go fishing" and the like. I know I should ditch some of these in the manuscript, though. As for the introspection, I find I try to find a balance between dropping breadcrumbs and outright showing things. I'm still relatively green at this so this sort of feedback helps me tweak my writing.
Thaolin
2025-10-14 20:41:22 +0000 UTCThis definitely isn't the first time this has been suggested, I appreciate the candor.
Thaolin
2025-10-14 20:34:35 +0000 UTCNot sure if it is my personal view as a reader or not so please take my suggestions with a grain of salt. It feels like there are too many generic deep moments where he is reflecting about "building a foundation" or planning for the future. It felt like there was at least one of those generic introspections every other chapter. If your point is to make it clear he isn't a child and is planning ahead then that is clearly conveyed without needing to use those moments so frequently. I do like when the introspection is something specific. Like this one skill will be useful for this specific task or plan. Similar to that idea it also feels like there are a lot of heavy metaphors/similes that just make reading them so often feel cluttered. Lots of tension situations where I see something like "heavy as a blade" type of thing. You have lots of classes or abilities that you list but we never see used. That could be a for a good reason in the story or not. Like the bard class would have been great the night before the battle. It feels like it was just forgotten about. Overall though this is a great story and I get excited every time I get the notifications a chapter is released. Thank you!
Jason H.
2025-10-14 15:49:53 +0000 UTCDefinitely note or do something to note that this is a flash back moment. They were pretty confusing when I first started reading. Especially when it's at the start of a chapter.
Kai
2025-10-14 15:27:42 +0000 UTC
