Brewing Bad Ch. 148-149

Ch. 148 - A Moment of Truth (part 2)

In the end, Heisenburgle wouldn’t arrange the thing until Lucas had filled crates with the dragon’s drug of choice, but that was fine. He made a few of the bottles strong enough that even the smell might kill a normal man to screw with her, but mostly he just knocked them out, one batch after the other, as quickly and efficiently as possible.

His heart wasn’t in it. In fact, he really wasn’t sure he wanted to make drugs for anyone but her at this point. I can’t cut them off cold turkey, of course, he reasoned. But I think maybe if I survive this, it's time to look into making methadone. 

Lucas couldn’t think of many things he might do that would be more unpopular than killing Skylara, but that was definitely one of them. No one would like it. The Prince would never allow it, the nobles that he served would skin him if he failed to keep up with their growing habits, and the workmen who were addicted to the watered-down version might well riot. Even allies like Kar’gandin and Sir Tristian will probably kill me if the Whisperers or the dragon don’t do it first. 

He sighed. All of that was a later problem. Right now, it didn’t matter if he’d lost any interest in Blue or that he’d much rather make boosting potions. What mattered was that he had to eat his vegetables before he could go outside and play, so he knuckled down and polished off three crates of the stuff in record time. 

Then, working with the gnome, they planned the trip. Which involved a few strange accessories that Lucas hadn’t expected. The first of which was an array of potions that the gnome had prepared for him. 

“Just in case,” Heisenburgle insisted. “Trolls are dangerous for more than just their claws. If you get their blood in an open wound, it can cause growths that will eventually prove fatal. A dilute acid wash is highly recommended if that occurs, though I’m told it might sting a little.”

“That might sting more than a little,” Lucas said, looking at the evil yellow liquid in the vial. “Looks awfully strong to me.”

“Yes, well, it hasn’t been diluted yet, naturally,” the gnome answered. “I just wanted to see if your talent let you know that or not.”

Elixir of Divine Grace (1 dose): +21 Agility (flowing), +6 poison (inflaming), -2 intelligence (impatient). Duration: 5 minutes. Imbibing this potion causes sleeplessness for twelve to twenty-four hours. 

Hydrognomic Acid (concentrated)(1 dose): 15 Poison(Dissolute). This is a strong acid and is not intended for consumption. 

Healing Draught of Disease Resistance (3 doses): Healing 8(Fortifying), poison 3(tainted), endurance 2(hale), agility -1(sluggish). +25% healing to ongoing diseases such as Troll’s Touch or Mummy Rot. 

Sulfurous Potion of Fulmination (single use): This potion explodes on contact with air, creating nine cubic feet of flame. Quick burning. Lasts less than one minute. 

Lucas gave the gnome an exasperated look as he went through each of them in detail and what they were for. The acid was for clean-up, and the healing potions were specifically formulated for diseases that he might get for fighting the thing. Both of those seemed like overkill since Lucas had no plans to get hit. He was pretty sure that if he was going to fight an eight-foot-tall mountain of muscle, then the first hit would probably be the last hit.

The final potions were more interesting but not as interesting as the sword he provided afterward. Normally, Lucas wouldn’t have lumped together potions with swords, even potions that were meant to be thrown to explode. In this case, though, since they were both made to catch on fire, he made an exception in this case. 

“What the hell even is this…” Lucas asked, gaping at the thoroughly unconventional weapon. “How did you… Couldn’t you just have like a magic flaming sword or something?”

The gnome took Lucas’s consternation as praise and basked silently in it for a moment before he explained the strange weapon he was giving to Lucas. It was a long sword, mostly, but it had strange holes all along the blade and a handle on the hilt that was reminiscent of the brake lever on his old ten-speed. 

“Magic? Harmumph,” Heisenburgle snorted. “Magic is an ephemeral shortcut and not to be relied upon. Real magic is found in perfect alchemical outcomes and finely engineered marvels!”

After he finished crowing, he explained the mechanism in detail. Apparently, trolls regenerated so quickly that they shrugged off wounds that weren’t made with flame or acid, and this blade was made to catch fire on command. 

“It’s based on an old dwarven design for a fire axe,” the gnome explained. “The thing is filled with ten minutes' worth of lamp oil, and even after that runs out, the hot iron will be good for another five before it becomes just another sword.”

“Just another sword, huh?” Lucas said, eyeing the thing skeptically. “I thought you were going to make an Acid Blood Potion I could use on an actual sword.”

“Actual sword?” Heisenburgle raised an eyebrow. “I’d be tempted to take offense if I couldn’t see how much you love it. I’d planned on something simpler, it’s true, but then I remembered this, and I thought we might test it out.”

“Test it out?” Lucas spat. What he was feeling was anything but love. “You mean no one has used this before?”

It was a little heavy, and the balance was off. If he was fighting anything else, he would have been tempted to ask for another weapon, even after the demonstration, when they went outside and actually lit the thing up. It was cool and everything, and he would have killed at Burning Man, but still, it felt wrong. It will feel better after I max out my strength, Lucas told himself. 

“Used it? Of course, people have used it,” the gnome protested, calming Lucas down before adding, “Just not to kill a troll, but it should be perfectly sufficient.”

That qualifier was enough to make Lucas want to strangle the little bastard, but he refrained. Instead, their conversation moved to armor, which was a tight, mostly waterproof set of leathers, and then the expedition itself. 

Fortunately, once everything was planned, he didn’t have to wait long, and twenty-four hours later, he was in a convoy heading toward what would either be testing grounds or killing fields, depending on how well his potions worked. 

The mountain was as rugged as he’d imagined it, but there was less snow. It clung only to the top of the peak and was nowhere near the ice troll’s cave. When Lucas made a joke about how it was going to have to fly north for the summer, Heisenburgle gave him a sour look and explained the hibernation cycle of such beasts as if he cared. 

Then, not so long after sunrise, they were setting up on a hill across the way from the cave. Heisenburgle had brought a telescope because he wanted to view the fight in detail, but he wanted to be hundreds of yards away when he did it, and once that was done and Lucas was armed and armored, he walked along to where the fight would take place with no one to keep him company, but the dozen different potions ordered neatly in a bandolier across his chest. 

He wouldn’t drink those, though, until it was time. His boost potions only lasted for five minutes, and though his advantage increased that to ten, they still weren’t something he was going to pop until it was time. If this went well, he’d work on making a longer-lasting variant, but for right now, the question he had should be able to be answered in a few minutes. 

What did maximum strength feel like? Would he be able to survive the experience? Was it enough to make him an ultimate badass?

It was all pretty straightforward, but as he stood outside the foul-smelling cave, he still swallowed as he thought about whether or not this really was a good idea. Some training wheels never hurt anyone, he told himself as he glanced over to where Hisenburgle was watching him. 

Lucas was never actually going to turn back, of course, but as he felt the alchemist’s eyes upon him, he pulled out and drank his first potion to pump up his endurance. Then, a few seconds later, he followed suit with strength and agility. 

None of them tasted anything close to good, but he ignored the chalky, bitter flavors as well as the way they made his stomach gurgle as he felt their effects start to take hold of his limbs. He saw his veins throb and felt his pulse race as the potions began to work their magic. 

He saw an alert flash briefly. Congratulations, Maximum Alchemical Potential Achieved! But he decided to hold off on seeing exactly what that was going to give him until the fighting was done. Instead, he quickly checked his attributes to verify that the numbers were as high as they felt like they were. 

Agility 34, Endurance 35, Strength 32. Big numbers. He had the toughness of the mountains, the grace of the air, and the strength of the beasts. Heisenburgle could dunk on magic all he wanted, but as far as Lucas was concerned, this felt amazing. 

They weren’t quite perfect numbers, but triple what he usually had, which was somewhere between Olympian and superhero as far as he could tell. Where exactly was what he was going to find out today. 

Lucas drew his blade, then bumped the handle twice to start lamp oil oozing out of its ports before he flicked the flint mechanism to light it. Then, he yelled out, “Hey, Big ugly! I got an order of ass-kicking here with your name on it!”

He waited, and when he didn’t hear anything, he pulled out one of his three Potions of Fulmination and chucked it into the cave to get this thing’s attention. Lucas hadn’t actually been planning on throwing it too hard, but the force with which it left his hand surprised him as it arced into the darkness. 

It reached deep enough into the cave that he heard the explosion more than he saw it, but the roar of pain and rage that followed was far stronger. “Well, that got its attention,” Lucas mumbled to himself as he heard the commotion continue in the shadows. The troll wasn’t exactly on fire, but there were enough lingering embers and flames on it that Lucas got a feel for its size and bulk. 

At least, he thought he did. Those estimates changed radically as the thing continued to grow as it approached. It sounded big the whole way, but he really only stood how big it was or how fast it was going as it approached the entrance to the cave, barreling toward him like a methed-out mountain gorilla or a whole damn offensive line. 

The troll was enormous. Rather than the giant green monster he’d expected, it was closer to an olive-gray. It didn’t just have yellowed teeth and claws; there were bony protrusions scattered around its body that made him take Hiisenburgle’s warnings about cancerous growths a little more seriously. 

Lucas didn’t have time to worry about the long-term consequences right at that moment, though. He barely had time to worry about the short-term concern of becoming a bloody smear and leaped out of the thing’s way as it ran toward him on all fours, looking to paste him. 

His dive to the side was a desperate one, and Lucas expected that he’d only just barely clear the danger zone in time. So, he was puzzled when he moved and was back up on his feet before the thing even passed him. 

“The fuck?” he asked himself, too stunned to strike out at the monster’s exposed flank as it breezed by less than a foot in front of him. 

“What is going on with these reflexes?” Lucas wondered aloud as the thing took a dozen feet over the stony hillside before it managed to skid to a stop. When it turned to face him, it had an almost human expression of surprise on its face. It obviously didn’t understand how it had missed out on its meal. 

To be fair, Lucas barely understood that, either. Without his boosts, he would have been toast. 

“Alright, ugly,” Lucas said, raising his blade, “You want to dance? Let’s dance.” 

Ch. 149 - The Moment of Truth (part 3)

In moments like this, Lucas wished that his system or talent or whatever the hell it was had some sort of combat features built into it, but it didn’t seem to care about anything outside the world of alchemy. Normally, that would have been great, but right now, as he stared down a monster nearly twice his height, he wished he had a life bar or something and maybe a fancy finishing move to go with it. 

He had a flaming sword and his ring if he really needed to use it, but he’d prefer not to give that away to Heisenburgle if he didn’t have to. The gnome knew enough about him, and he really would prefer to keep an ace or two up his sleeve if escape became necessary. 

Right now, though, the only thing that was necessary was surviving. That was made clear when the troll pounded the ground with both of his fists and roared with a maw that was significantly larger than Lucas’ head. This time, though, instead of panicking out of the way, he stood his ground as the thing lurched forward, obviously expecting him to leap out of the way again. 

This time, Lucas didn’t leap. He dodged and feinted, and when the beast lashed out with one of its giant paws, he lashed down, hacking through two of its four fingers with a two-handed chop. Feels more like chopping would than flesh, he thought with a wicked grin as the thing pulled its hands back. 

Lucas didn’t see the need to stop with just that little scratch and pressed forward with a lunge, looking to find somewhere softer to do some damage. His blade sank into the creature’s belly with a satisfying sizzle, but not too deep because he feared that he might be disarmed. 

His hesitancy was rewarded moments later when, for its next attack, the troll brought both of its hands together in a fist and smashed it down into where Lucas had been standing only a moment before. The attack was slow, but only in comparison to the previous ones. It still dropped like a thunderbolt, sending out dust and stones in a stinging shockwave that Lucas felt pelt his armor. 

He was less concerned about that, though, than the way the thing fought. It hit the ground with such force that it broke bones in both hands, but by the time it raised them from the earth again, they were already halfway to healed. It was a revolting sight, and it made him pump the gas on his sword again just to make it flare a little brighter. 

Lucas managed to hack at the arms twice more before the creature withdrew them, but he was already starting to have second thoughts. He was as fast and strong as he ever hoped to be, but he was fighting against a troll that weighed more than a ton. How was he supposed to do enough damage to put that down? 

Lucas tried several times to stab at something vital, but there didn’t seem to be anything. Once, as the thing rose up for a body slam of sorts, he even dove through its legs and hacked deep into the left calf, but even though his blow embedded into the bone, he flared the gas to make sure the wound was still burning when his blade withdrew, that didn’t seem to be enough to slow the thing down.

I can see why the gnome considered this thing an adequate test, Lucas thought with growing concern. The thing is a hell of a punching bag, but what if strength and speed aren’t enough?

The truth was that the only thing that kept him in the game was his completely outlandish speed, and while his strength was more than enough to slice through the monster’s leathery hide, his fear held him back. If he attacked too hard, he’d leave himself defenseless to a blow that would squash him like a bug, which was a good reason not to fully commit to anything. 

While he tried to decide what the best way to handle that was, Lucas settled for a distraction. He used his second Sulfurous Fulminating Potion and through it right in the thing’s ugly face when it tried leaping forward on all fours in a bid to catch him off guard between its normal swiping attacks. 

The attack surprised Lucas almost as much as his counter surprised the troll, and the howl of pain was deafening as he scrambled away from the flailing, burning thing. Lucas didn’t wait for the fires to die down and stabbed it everywhere he could as the thing rolled and writhed in an effort to extinguish the flames that had consumed it. He stabbed its kidney, bounced off one of its ribs, and hacked twice into its left thigh. By the time the fire was extinguished, and its face was a melted ruin, he’d done a lot of damage, but the thing was still as fast as ever. 

Worse, it was like an injured snake and lashed out at every sound and strike, nearly taking Lucas’ head off several times. Once, its filthy claw lashed out just right, skittering across Lucas’ chest and cutting deep enough to draw blood. That blow, glancing as it was, sent him end over end, and by the time he stopped and got to his feet, the troll could have easily pounced and devoured him if it could see. 

Lucas didn’t complain, though. Instead, he looked down at the blood oozing from the tears in the armor and decided he’d be okay before he popped one of the gnome’s special healing potions. It wasn’t as powerful or as pure as what Lucas would have made, but the idea that it was supposed to ward off Troll diseases was appealing enough for him to use it until he could make something better. For now, though, it didn’t do much for the pain, but he was too amped up to give a shit. 

Still, this was the first moment in at least a minute or two he had a chance to reflect on how the battle was going. The troll wasn’t anywhere close to dead, but more interestingly, he wasn’t anywhere close to tired. 

Lucas knew from recent experience that it only took a minute or two with his dance instructor before he was sucking wind, but he felt great. Honestly, he felt suspiciously good, considering how much leaping and attacking he’d been doing. That wouldn’t last forever, though. A quick status check told him he had six minutes left. He was almost halfway gone, and this thing wasn’t halfway dead yet. 

If I were to bail, it's not like this thing could chase me, he told himself as he watched it flail and grope before trying and failing to get to its feet. But if you can’t kill this thing, then you don’t have a prayer against Skylara. A dragon is five times bigger than this terror. 

In the case of a red dragon, he knew a lot more about its weakness, but that still wasn’t going to be enough to bridge the gap. Lucas needed to think strategically. So, after a quick look around, he ran toward the nearest tree and started climbing. When he reached a branch ten feet up, he started shouting. “Hey! You! Pile of garbage, I’m over here!”

The troll wasn’t very good at playing hide and seek, and for a few seconds, Lucas didn’t think it was going to work. Then the thing finally seemed to get the idea and barreled toward him. Lucas shouted until it got close, letting the thing grope blindly. He considered throwing his third potion down then, to soften it up, but burning the thing's skin was just going to make it suffer. It wasn’t going to finish this off. 

So, he jumped. He waited until the troll was positioned just right, and then he jumped down with his blade held above his head and used all of his weight and momentum to bring his weapon down on the thing’s spine. This time, he didn’t worry about half-measures. Gravity had committed him, and he brought the blade down with all of his might as he pumped the gas to make it flare up as he descended, trailing a curtain of fire. 

The result was spectacular, and the blade bit deep into the creature’s flesh. The good news was that he cleaved right through the troll's powerful back muscles and lodged in the thing’s bone. The bad news was that it lodged in there so powerfully that he was pretty sure it was going to take a butcher to get out and released it as he continued to fall past the thing to the ground. 

In that moment, Lucas was disarmed, but that was okay because the thing wasn’t going anywhere. Its limbs twitched and spasmed a few seconds longer, but after that, the only part of the troll that moved was its head. The thing was almost three feet around, and it still snarled and snapped, but not for long. Lucas needed only a minute to decide, and then he tossed his final alchemical explosive in the creature’s mouth. For a moment, it only gagged and tried to dislodge wherever it had gotten stuck, but as soon as the troll bit down, it ignited. 

The last two had exploded in the open air, and the expansion gases had plenty of places to escape. This time, in the strong jaws of the magical beast, it went off like a stick of dynamite, and Lucas stepped back lest he get hit by tooth shrapnel. At the end of it, though, the thing was still, and he was more or less unscathed. 

No, it was more than that. He wasn’t tired in the least. 

He looked himself over for any new wounds, and then he looked down at the smoldering creature, noting that parts of its body were not highlighting as harvestable reagents. Ice Troll Tusk. Ice Troll Blood. Ice Troll Bile. Lucas ignored that, though, and turned to charge back down the foothills to the waiting carriage. He still had a few minutes left on his clock, and now that he’d tested his strength, he wanted to test his speed as well.  

During the fight, he’d dodged and darted. He’d leaped and dashed, but all of those moves had been too short to really open up the throttle, and that was what Lucas did now. He had hundreds of yards to see just how fast he could move, and he did just that. He ran all the way down to the road and then all the way back up the hill on the other side, and even over the rocky, uneven ground, it took less than half a minute to cover two hundred meter dashes. If that wasn’t a record, it was close to it, which was all the more impressive given the minor injuries he’d endured. 

The craziest part, though, was that as he finally skidded to a stop in front of Heisenburgle, he was barely even tired. The whole thing had happened in a flash as he leaped from rock to rock and hurdled over fallen trees. It had barely been long enough for him to enjoy the feeling of speed, and for a moment, Lucas considered taking another lap. 

Nah, he decided as he recalled how badly he’d hurt after his first test. I think I’ve pushed myself quite enough for one day. 

“You know, when you said you wanted to test something special, I expected you to defeat this monstrosity in a minute flat,” Heisenburgle said dryly. “The results didn’t quite meet expectations.”

At first, Lucas was almost offended. He only realized after a moment that those words were intended for the other gaping guard, who he dispatched after another moment to go hack apart the troll’s carcass for vital reagents. “Mind your exposed skin!” the gnome called out after them. It was only when the two of them were alone that he said more quietly to Lucas. 

“All that and still no potion toxicity?” he asked this time. “Impressive. Certainly, some gift from your talent. I have no doubt. How do you feel?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas said, watching timers that only he could see tick down with growing anxiousness. “We’ll see how I feel after this shit wears off.”