Mind Games - Chapter 19

This was fun.

It was hardly the first time in her life that Toga Himiko had had the thought. She found many things fun, after all. For all that her friends were more shields to keep prying eyes at bay rather than 'true companions' as described in so many light novels or movies, there was a certain amusement to be found in watching their byplay and interactions. Learning how to cook, too, even if it had been at Mother's insistence, had been 'fun' in a way.

Of her school subjects, mathematics was perhaps the closest she could point to as fun, for much the same reason as her home-schooled cooking classes.

In mathematics, there was a right way and a wrong way to do things, just as there was with cooking. Physical Education was much the same. The exercises were prescribed and one performed them to that same standard, or as close to it as one could manage.

There was none of the flighty creativity of literature classes, none of the complex colloquialisms of English-language studies, and few of the special-case rules that governed interactions in science.

As she'd intimated to Hitoshi, Himiko did not enjoy things that could end in surprises.

Which was why math was her favorite subject. Cooking and PE were close, but they added a number of personal flourishes and creativity to the subjects that were, in Himiko's eyes, unnecessary. Even dangerous.

'Fun,' for Toga Himiko, was a cold and calculating thing.

It was the enjoyment of a solved problem, a lap completed in the precise middle of the pack, and a perfectly cubed vegetable ready for the stew pot.

It was nice.

Predictable.

Safe.

-Normal-

That had been the case until today, at least.

She brought the gun up and snapped off a quick succession of rounds, smearing pink paint over a trio of unwary boys in camouflage outfits.

Her cheeks ached as muscles pulled taut in a way she was unaccustomed to beneath her mask. A distant part of her railed against such a carefree expression, but the dominant part of her reasoned that she was wearing a mask. No one could see her face. It was alright to smile like that. To show off the teeth her parents were ashamed of.

Her heart thrummed.

She leaped, catching a sturdy tree branch and deftly spinning herself around and then up, easily landing in a crouch as she brought the rifle up again to mount it. Hitoshi's demonstrations flashed through her mind's eye as she calmed her breathing in a quick pause. The abrupt stillness, the long-trained skill of sealing herself away from her parent's notice, rose up inside of her.

Her pulse raced.

Shoot, shoot, shoot... and they were down. Glee warred with frustration. It was... enjoyable, but over so soon. Too easy. Her mind flickered back to Hitoshi – her boyfriend – and her eyes scanned the field for him. He knew. He understood. He'd be able to play properly.

She felt alive!

Himiko had read books before, of course, and many of those pieces of literature had used those phrases. She'd always found it puzzling, borderline amusing, that authors would exaggerate physiological reactions like that to make a point. Now she understood, too. She understood what she'd been missing.

Moving through the shadows and between the notice of the squads of would-be assailants, Himiko giggled occasionally as she picked a few off here and there. The flickers of satisfaction she'd felt at concealing herself from notice, avoiding a particularly troublesome classmate, or discovering something to use against someone to surreptitiously drive them off... they paled in comparison to this.

It was one of the few things she and Mother had authentically bonded over.

One of the few things that had always given her hope.

She knew she had to be perfect, had to be normal, had to pass for something she wasn't, but... Mother had shown her how to listen and learn from the other girls and how to watch and know which boys were trouble. It was a skill that all good girls should have, Mother had said, to take care of themselves and avoid danger.

Watch. Wait. Judge. Act.

A group of five, mixed between girls and boys, passed by. She watched, waited for them to move, judged that they would continue on their chosen course, and acted by moving in their shadow.

Then closed the distance to the point where she could have touched them.

Himiko felt her cheeks ache again.

She pulled the trigger as she stepped into the group. Bodies fell over, the sheer surprise of the impacts stunning her targets as their heads snapped around searching for her. Only after they did a comical double-take did they realize she'd been among them before massacring them. Once they understood that, one of them even started babbling in shock.

It was kind of... cute.

A giggle crawled up and out of her throat.

Her cheeks hurt.

Still... too easy.

Her eyes locked on Hitoshi coming around a corner and she skipped to cover on her own. Once she was sure he hadn't seen her, she leveled her gun and fired off a few shots. With reflexes that were too fast by half, he dodged the incoming rounds and rolled further out of the way, firing blindly at her position.

Himiko's lips twitched.

Her eyes narrowed.

Fleeing – Chase

It was an impulsive choice, something deep in her urging the action. And... he was provoking it. Hitoshi was deliberately engineering the response.

 HOW!?

He knew her better than herself. Every choice he made was designed to draw her in, to show her things she never understood. He was calm and calculating and cold... then showed off a flicker of emotion through that bland mask he wore, so like her own hard-won copied expressions but so different at the same time.

Frustration and glee warred within her.

She leapt forward.

Another short exchange followed, shots fired in both directions, before she and Hitoshi collapsed together in a tangle of limbs.

She was furious that he'd led her around so easily!

It was the most alive she'd ever felt!

“Do it.”

Had her mask come off? She didn't remember taking it off, but-

Her teeth sunk into flesh, piercing skin and digging into muscle as warm life and love flowed into her mouth. The pulsing heat that had been building inside her suddenly released as white spots danced before her eyes. Liquid emotion burned into her, adhering to a sense deeper than mere taste or smell, and she felt…

Love.

It burned, the cheesy romance dramas her friends liked had gotten that right, but… it felt different. Hitoshi’s love was a burning cold, a careful and calculating thing that bides its time and waited for the perfect time to strike and ensnare and bind. It was selfish and ugly and perfect in a way that reminded her of… reminded her of…

Crimson flowed down her throat, muscles working to swallow like she'd been dying of thirst... for a decade.

Her eyes widened, tears beginning to well up as the bird flashed before her eyes.

She'd ruined it! She'd ruined it all!

Her mask cracked, then shattered.

…

I'd had to make a few excuses, but it was nothing a little smooth-talking wouldn't cover.

Himiko had gotten overeager after her successes. We'd slipped and fallen into each other. I'd torn my coat on a branch, which had then dug into my shoulder and gouged me. Himiko had seen the blood and gone into hysterics, then fainted. A quick swipe of her mouth with a handkerchief that had vanished back into my 'pocket' and all the evidence to the contrary was gone.

It even helped ameliorate some of the harsh feelings many of the other paint-ballers had after being so efficiently destroyed.

Almost like that was the plan all along.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, mostly at myself, as I went through the motions of cooking a light soup and pouring it in a mug. As long as my Sidereal Tendencies focused on minor things like that, I wouldn't be too perturbed with them, but it was a little absurd that I'd accidentally had a plan within a plan within a plan without consciously realizing it until they all worked.

Truly, a Sidereal was a creature of infinite deception, even unto themselves.

I dropped from the kitchen to the living room floor in a deft spin and sat the mug down in front of Himiko, backing off to seat myself in a black mammoth-leather recliner.

Himiko's breathing quickened and her eyes fluttered open as soon as the scent wafting off the soup fully hit her. The moment they properly dilated and locked onto me, though, she froze in the languid stretching movement she'd begun.

I shrugged and took a pull from my soda, visibly leaning back and crossing one leg over the other.

Himiko's breathing eased and she completed the stretch, even if with a hint more tension than before. Finally, she slowly eased into a sitting position and reached out to take hold of the mug, breathing in the smell and absorbing the heat. Bringing it to her lips, she sipped at the liquid and whimpered lowly before taking a larger mouthful.

“You tricked me,” she stated, golden eyes on the pink cup in her hands, one thumb sliding over the rim.

“Do you know what destiny is, Himiko?” I asked, rather than answer.

It wasn't as though she needed one anyway.

Those too-insightful golden cat's eyes pinned me, dissecting every movement I made. “It's something that... you can't avoid, isn't it? Something that would happen no matter what.”

Her shoulders shook a little and I reached over to grab a box of tissues before taking a half-step forward and sliding them onto the low-rise table in front of the couch she'd been resting on. With a mumbled word of thanks, Himiko pulled a pair free and wiped at her eyes.

“That's what most people understand it to be,” I nodded quietly, taking another sip of my soda. “The reality is a lot more technical – dry and boring – but suffice to say there are... precursor events. Things which happen that increase the probability for other things to happen after them.”

“That doesn't sound cute at all,” Himiko shook her head, sniffling. “I was trying so hard...”

“What this means, in practice,” I continued as if she hadn't spoken, my tone dry and distant, “is that a person who lives a certain kind of life, with a certain kind of condition they can't take care of, is increasingly likely to the point of certainty to end up in a position no matter what. Few things are ever truly inevitable, but even fewer people stop to understand and prevent them instead of passively going with the flow of their daily lives.”

“And how does that HELP ME?!” Himiko shouted, slamming her hands on the table in front of her and looking up at me with tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes, her fangs on full display in a snarl of rage. “I was happy, dammit! I-I had friends and Mother and Father and-and-”

The flash of anger spent, she curled in on herself, wrapping her arms around her body as she sobbed.

We both knew it was a lie, so I didn't call her out on it.

I didn't need to, anyway.

I wanted to close the distance between us and wrap her in my own arms, lie to her and tell her everything would be alright, but... I couldn't. Not only was that not what she needed right now, but it wouldn't end well for either of us. Himiko could be talked out of regretting what had just happened, or at least could be talked into blaming me instead, with little effort. What would happen should I approach an angry, scared animal in its moment of most vulnerable weakness, especially when that part of her was so close to the surface...

Well, Himiko would never forgive herself for that, for attacking someone who was legitimately trying to help her once she realized the truth of the situation.

“If you know something is almost certain to happen, you can control how and when and where it will happen as a result,” I said calmly, the blond girl taking a shuddering breath. “An incident that could have taken place around friends and family, in front of people you wouldn't be able to escape from... instead happens in a small town hours away from Tokyo that you don't need to ever visit again in front of people you'll probably never meet again.”

Himiko stilled as what I was telling her sunk in.

That realization was my gift to her and the out for my own conscience. A lie I could, myself, believe in to protect my own blackened soul.

This, after all, was my inevitability. A future I could no more prevent than she could her own. The choices we had weren't choices at all, just how we would face what was coming and where we would go from there.

Gradually, Himiko's grip on herself loosened and the anxiety in her slowly deflated. She reached out and took hold of the mug again, taking a long sip. Her shoulders eased themselves into resignation as she shook her head. “Your love... isn't cute at all, Hitoshi-kun.”

I blinked, cocking my head, then sighed slightly with a sad smile. “It probably isn't, no. But that's... well, we are what we are, and sometimes there's no denying that, no matter how much we want to.”

Golden eyes squinted at me, the mood behind them shifting as Himiko finally felt secure enough to notice her surroundings. “Where are we?”

“Somewhere you can rest until you want to leave,” I replied, taking a long drink of my soda.

Himiko frowned at my non-answer, her eyes wandering up the featureless walls... and eventually catching sight of the table and chairs above her, then the kitchen range and cabinets. “Why is all that stuff on the ceiling?”

I cleared my throat, looking away and my cheeks flushed slightly. “It's... ah, it's an MC Escher model apartment. They have a more efficient use of space, even if they take a bit of time to get used to.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Himiko nodded, still craning her neck to stare at the kitchen. “How do you...”

She made a vague motion between here and there.

“You can either jump high enough to let the altered gravity take over and flip mid-air or you can use the walkways,” I stated, pointing towards a pair of brick columns that framed the floor-to-ceiling doorways on either side of the openings.

“Really?” Himiko asked, cocking her head.

I nodded, opening my mouth to-

In a fluid motion, Himiko stood and set her mug on the small table before leaping with all of her impressive strength, spinning midair in a move that would impress most professional gymnasts, and landing on her sock-clad feet in my kitchen.

Then proceeding to do so again, shooting me a wide-eyed look of glee with a too-wide smile as she landed exactly where she'd taken off from.

I watched as she took off running, hitting the path of polished brick and running down one of the walls only to hit the floor and cross the interim space before running up the other side of the wall, getting to the 'ceiling,' and then jumping off the kitchen floor to the living room floor. Then she repeated the process, varying the method she chose to traverse the space with each repetition.

I drained my coke and contemplated the situation.

Hmm... I wonder if this world has a hotline to call for advice if your girlfriend suddenly gets the zoomies?

I blinked, feeling an evil smile overtake my face as I reached into my pocket and fiddled with the utility apps on my phone before finding the one I needed. On her latest round of the course, Himiko stopped abruptly when her eyes locked on a small red dot. Her muscles tensed, her eyes wide and dilated, her fingers twitching.

Then she pounced.

My lips went white as I suppressed the urge to bust out laughing, instead directing the small red dot of my phone's laser-pointer around the room as I sat in silent, hysterical amusement. Chasing the eternally elusive prey of all feline entities, Himiko stalked and leaped after it, clawed fingers reaching out and attempting to grasp the very ether itself.

“Why can't I stop chaaaaa~aaaaasing it?!” Himiko whined, clambering over the couch and diving on it one last time before I cut it off. Laying on the cushions and breathing harshly, Himiko was wide-eyed as she stared at me, both the quirk and the person looking out in excited disbelief.

“Because you've never fed or used your quirk intensively before,” I stated, my lips curling into a knowing smirk.

Himiko pouted at me, a trace of the mask manifesting itself again. “Hitoshi-kun is mean.”

I simply chuckled and drained my drink before standing and stretching. “I'm going to make lunch. Do you want anything specific?”

“I should do it,” Himiko stated impulsively, then blushed and withdrew slightly. “Cooking, I mean. That's... I-I'm the girlfriend.”

I hummed. “Is that what you want?”

There was pressure in the way I asked the question, the slightest glimmer of essence filling my voice.

Himiko's face blanked. “It's what Mother and Father say.”

I began walking towards the brick pillar that would take me up to the kitchen. “I'm not in a relationship with your mother and father. I'm in one with you. What do you want?”

The blond girl paused, then followed after me silently... her face a curious mix of emotions and non-emotions.

I began pulling out fruits and vegetables, bread and meats, and prepping a set of small sandwiches with light sides. We were still expected at dinner, after all. Himiko took to the cutting with a deft fluidity that spoke of at least one segment of cooking she authentically enjoyed while I focused on the other parts of the meal.

“I'm going to UA,” I stated as we set the food and drinks down. The caffeine and sugar addict in me wanted another soda, but I resigned myself to juice. “This coming year.”

Himiko blinked. “I thought you were a year younger?”

“I'm skipping a year,” I replied, disregarding peripherals like 'if it worked out,' or 'if I passed the test.' There was little chance I was going to fail unless I did so intentionally. “If you want to continue our relationship, I'd like you to give serious thought to following me there.”

Himiko frowned, another bit of the mask falling slowly back into place with someone else's expression. “Mother and Father talked about a boarding school. A place that teaches how to be a good wife.”

“Is that what you want?” I asked again.

Himiko paused in taking a bite of her sandwich, then continued eating. “I don't know. I... thought it was? Before today.”

I nodded, taking no offense at the confused and resentful look she threw my way. Tolerating your world being thrown into chaos simply at the whim of someone else who thought they knew better what you needed wasn't easy, after all. Nor should it be, really.

“It's your choice,” I lied, if only because it wasn't really a choice at all, and we both knew it.

There was silence for a long moment as we ate, Himiko shivering in delight with the pieces of passion fruit and pomegranate I'd carved up for her. Sprinkled with a little lemon juice and the resulting taste mimicked that of blood without quite getting close enough to register as the same thing.

“Do you think I'd like it there?” Himiko finally asked, her food halfway gone.

I nodded. “Now that you know what to watch out for, I think you could manage if you want to be a regular person. The question is...”

“If I want that,” Himiko nodded, pushing her plate away and curling her arms together to lay her head on them. “Your love really is cruel, Hitoshi. You wake something up in me and then offer to let me walk away instead of taking responsibility for it. You're a big meanie.”

“If I don't offer you a chance to walk away, I don't think I can live with myself afterwards,” I stated plainly. “Being with me... we've moved quickly, Himiko. I wanted more time, but... making the choice to stand by me isn't the kind of thing you can take back. Once someone says they love me, they can't just leave anymore, and you need to know that before we get to that point.”

The half-true explanation of the Celestial Bureaucracy was on the tip of my tongue, but I eschewed it in favor of something more honest. She wouldn't care about the complexities and details anyway, just like she didn't care how I knew her so well or how my apartment casually violated physics. It wasn't in Himiko to care about things that were that abstract.

“I love you,” Himiko stated plainly and I jerked in shock-

-but didn't hear my phone ding.

I sighed, partly in relief and partly in exasperation. “It has to be sincere, Himiko. Authentic. You can't just say the words. You have to mean them.”

Gold eyes peaked at me from her tangled arms. “I love you.”

No chime.

I gave another sigh, this one slightly more aggravated as I reached up and rubbed at my forehead. “Please stop trying, Himiko. You're going to give me a stroke.”

“You're not supposed to be able to tell I don't mean it!” Himiko whined, the emotional fit only half-faked. “Ugh! You're not cute at all, Hitoshi! Not cute, not cute, not cute!”

I rolled my eyes. “If you can't mean something, then don't say it. To me, at least.”

We both knew she'd keep lying to everyone else.

So would I for that matter.

Maybe that's why we fit together so well? We can manufacture comfortable lies whenever we encounter hard truths, then let ourselves believe them rather than confront the ugliness.

“But you love me,” Himiko said quietly, her tantrum passing as she laid her head back down on the cushion of her arms. “I felt it. When I...”

“When you drank my blood,” I stated unflinchingly.

It was Himiko who flinched at my blunt assessment. Her gold eyes stared at me, assessing. “It burns, but it's cold. A fire that still hurts, but it freezes instead. You want to protect me, but... not physically. You don't look away from what you see in me. You're the only one who never has. Why?”

I plucked a grape and chewed it slowly. “Because I know it's dangerous, but still think it's beautiful.”

Her cheeks flushed and her smile stretched. “Mother and Father might not want me to go to UA. I don't think they'll like the idea of me as a hero, even if it's just to be with you.”

“I can handle your parents,” I stated unequivocally. I was even looking forward to the challenge tonight, middling though I expected to be. The Toga family wasn't some grand mystery or complex problem to solve. They were simple, stupid people with simple, stupid lives that were easy for me to dismantle should I feel the need.

Part of me hoped they gave me a reason to do so.

“You're the first person who's ever said they loved me, you know?” Himiko asked, picking up another piece of fruit and popping it in her mouth. “The first to mean it, at least. My little sister used to, when she was younger. Mother and Father don't let us talk much anymore. She's always at cram school, it seems like. You... are you...”

I waited patiently as she wiped her eyes, staring up at me from where she was half-lying on the table. “Are you... sure you want me?”

The desperation in her tone was unmistakable.

“Yes,” I nodded. “My life is a complicated mess and will probably only get worse, but I'll never turn you away. That, at least, I can promise. I love you.”

“Can you promise that I'll get to see you like you see me?” Himiko asked, swallowing and taking a deep breath. “You... know everything about me. I want to... to...”

“Become me,” I smiled at her.

Himiko shivered in pleasure, obviously trying to fight the feeling that was coming over her, but failing. “Can I?”

She licked her lips.

“Whenever you want,” I paused. “Though I'd like some warning first.”

Himiko nodded rapidly, taking a deep breath and steeling herself.

“I love you.”

This time, she'd meant it.

~~~

Okay, a couple of house-keeping things to get done before I talk about stuff.

First, IOS (Apple) is now servicing the Patreon App through the App Store. For the uninitiated, this means that ANY MEMBERSHIP you purchase/subscribe to through the IOS Patreon App will come with an Apple surcharge. I strongly recommend you use the website to subscribe to creators.

To clarify, this charge is not coming out of what you're giving me. It's EXTRA on top of that, just for Apple. And that sucks and I don't want you to have to pay it.

So now you know, and knowing is four-eights of the battle.

Next up... the Advanced Poll has closed and we'll be looking at an extra-long chapter of The Hand We're Dealt next week. Just FYI, that's coming down the pipeline.

Finally, I seem to have completed my taxes now, so hopefully after I send those off I'll be a little less busy. I wish you all the best on your own filings as well.

Uhh... anything to say about the story? Not really. Hitoshi and Himiko being very cute, but deeply unhealthy and continuing to be very interesting to write because of it. Next chapter will be the dinner and then we'll get back to hero shenanigans for a while.

Look for the Naruto Industrious update over the weekend!