I need your feedback!

On the lewd side, I forgot to say that, since you hinted the possibility of having the power of Lily being used against the other sins, I'm kiiiiinda excited to see that if it drops.

NotFuckingCannon

Alright, it's been a week, and I'm genuinely relieved that no one has any major issues with the main story haha! (The next story quest will drop on Sunday, please look forward to it!) There are loads of fascinating ideas here, so I'm going to bookmark this post as a reference for future updates. I'll try to add these ideas as closely as possible to your vision, though some might need tweaks to better fit into the game. Thank you all for your feedback! If you have any more ideas or feedback, keep dropping them!

UnusualFish

Thanks

wotnoth

I do like your idea of the idea of the MC running more experiments, which would increase his powers. The focus items are interesting too, but I think that one of the girls would have to allow the main character to use a pendulum. What I mean is that there currently isn’t a valid reason for the MC to whip out a pendulum to hypnotize someone. The MC hasn’t currently established that they have hypnotic powers to the main group and might seem out of character (?). Maybe in a new event the MC can convince a girl that he is a hypno-therapist or something to practice the pendulum. Another idea is having a girl watch a TV program which could be a focus item and change their common sense. “Unicorns exist in Peru? Cool!” Maybe that could be interesting. I like all your ideas

What if after Ai and Hana conduct further experiments, there is an option for the MC to conduct his own experiments. He can further test the increased power he puts into his ignore me spell with more than one person present and adjust their common sense to report on what they see. Maybe an evolution of his power is fine tuning his suggestion powers and using more or less power as the situation demands. He could also experiment with channeling his power through focus objects, like a pendulum. Also controlling people from a distance. Maybe he is a bit jealous of Lily's TV trick and wants to try his own version. You could experiment more with blocking and unblocking subjects senses, like sight and sound. Can he make one person not hear someone else, only him instead? Or maybe he can make them hear something different from what he actually said.

wotnoth

What about a scene with the 5 main girls playing video games that possibly leads to a group mind control scene afterwards? Mio could lead the charge against the boss and we could change up the the pairs a bit, like Rin and Hana or Ai and Eri, or any combination really.

wotnoth

You could have Alice/Kaguya/Nao lead a study group in the library initiating new students into taking care of their master. The MC could drop in mid conversion and be offered a little X scene on the side with the tutor. This and scenes at the festival could indicate the gradual conversion of the school.

wotnoth

Also, as maybe in addition to corruption, you could have an energy meter for the MC. If he abstained from controlling the girls for too long, he would be forced to the next time it is an option. Rest or skipped time would mitigate it. That might restrict gameplay too much and should probably be a toggle, but it might be a fun resource mechanic.

wotnoth

You could also consider adding rumors in the later game , like having characters comment on strange goings on. Talking to Hana at school might be a good vehicle for this. "Hey, did you hear about the swim club? I heard strange noises coming from the pool yesterday." Or "they seem to be doing some intense new training. They were really tired yesterday." Or Eri could mention she saw Tomo buying something at the costume shop. Is she a cosplayer. Even those few lines could make the world seem more interactive. Fly G mentioned Rin working on a new song in the park. Small repeatable scenes that have progress every time you visit them make the world less static.

wotnoth

Overall, the game and story is really good and I enjoy it. Grammar mistakes are okay and can be caught and dealt with. Also, for Main Story sections, I feel like longer text is okay, but not so much for Side Stories. I don’t mean that there’s too much text, but maybe try breaking up some of the text sections with an interactive section. For example, in the library girls scene the player is introduced to each character in a specific order. Maybe having it to where a player selects an option to introduce to each person, and once each person is met, the scene continues on as normal. That could potentially make side stories feel more interactive. Also (small nitpick) for scenes that span multiple days, see if you can split them into multiple events across days. Personally, I find it weird starting an event on Monday morning and it jumps back to Sunday night. But it’s ultimately your preference lol. Lastly, if you’re looking for fresh ideas, I haven’t seen common sense modification yet in the comments. What I mean by this is maybe after the MC has control over a person/people, they can change what they think is common sense. For example, after the school festival event, the MC could have an option to make the school uniform all bunny suits, or tell a capture character to wear a specific outfit when at home. I don’t know if that necessarily fits, but it was worth suggesting. Anyways, keep up the good work!

What you say is quite reasonable and I can't agree with you more

Fly G

The lewd aspect is very well done. There is no issue with the scenes themselfs. But it is indeed very redundant. If think you should take more time to diversify your scene instead of trying to do the same type of things for every character (Like pet play for everyone). You don't have to make everything for everyone. As for the story telling. The scenes themself are not an issue at all. I don,t think there is useless dialogue. What i think the problem actually is, is that nothing ever seems to evolve. None of the scene have any impact on anything and character developpement is progrsseing slowly because of that. I don,t know if it actually an issue. because it might only seem that way for us because we see every update get little ontent everytime unlike someone who would start the game from zero. But, from my perspective, it is progressing slowly and lack some meaningfull plot point. If you want suggestion, corruption might be a good way to make the story progress. I can imagine that it will make people change behavior in some way and cause some really interesting interraction like Hana beign worried about ai. If you are afraid it might cause issue in the storyline, maybe make so that the corruption i only starting now because the main character is getting more of his power back. I say that as i don't know where you intended the story to go. Lust can also act more like "Lust" during story line. He is lust after all, but he does seems too much like a good boy. Overdoing could be dangerous tough. maybe just a little.

Honestly? I'm kinda itching to know more about the sins past. How do they formed? Always a group, or were they separated from "birth"? I would also love to learn more about the past relationship Greed and Lust had. Like, I'm 100% happy with all the lewd aspect and all, but I'm honestly more hooked on the story than the "smash my meat" material. You got talent for both, ofc.

NotFuckingCannon

In terms of pacing, I think you feel it is slow because you have an end in mind but all of the side stuff is getting written in the meantime. I like the current balance of quest and lewd scene for characters. Unless you point out examples, I don't think any dialogue interactions as a whole so far have been unnecessary. We need to get to know the girls as well as lewd them. Story wise I think it is very interesting. You have me hooked on the mystery. I don't think it is too all over the place, you just have a few factions clamoring for attention. We are getting the shrine Alliance soon, and I hope the 3 sins aren't stuck in their car too long, and the girls are investigating, etc but that just keeps us coming back. I think you are doing a good job of foreshadowing future locations too. The pay off will come. Don't rush it. As for the hentai scenes, I think mindless and pet play have gone well, but I also liked Sara's nurse play and Rena's exercises. I'd like to see more like the nurse play and exercise. I enjoyed Sara's quest, so don't dismiss sitting and talking when it is warranted. The story can be serious or lewd as it requires. I think you have a lot of people here for both. I think you can give each girl something unique that fits them, but you can have variations on a theme too, like you did with pet play. I'd like to see more things at the park or beach, like an encounter with joggers or a swimmer or two or some picnickers. We could have some role reversal with the teachers and I think using mantras to reinforce control on mentally strong subjects would be nice. Maybe a scene with Lily further down the line as a mantra repeating maid. Using headphones to control someone would be nice. We need to see the basketball team, music club and nurse's office. Also, maybe some more threesome scenes, like Haru and Alice, or Mio and Rin. Rin as a butler, we got cheated during the uniform shopping. Some pendulum induction would be nice, too. Also, maybe find Alice or one of the teachers at school and summon them to a side room from afar for an X scene/further training. More tests from Ai, but with Hana present for the more complicated ones. Maybe have an option for a threesome scene after that. Maybe some "shrine maiden" training for Kaede and a threesome with her and Kiyo. When the ghost Hunter shows up, maybe introduce Ai and Hana to fairy tale creatures in disguise, lured in by the increased weirdness in town. Also, now that the hospital is a location, maybe more time with Rachel or a random encounter with the nurses. Emma needs to recruit more good employees and become a better one herself. Maybe a random encounter with a gang the MC can mindbreak into "hired" muscle. We need to see the school festival too. Also keep pushing the limit on how many people the MC can control and have someone he already controls help capture a more mentally strong target. Using objects or sounds, like a bell, as a trance trigger would be nice too.

wotnoth

Or ad a nieuw power to it callt mind breaker ( use it on a girl like Sara and ai they are the test bunny's) mind breaker wil change there memories and make them your will (you can make them your slave without to much corruption because they don't know better of keep it and push a lot of corruption on it )

mike hartjes

And speaking of overtaking of power maby add a girl which the power of mind freeze and that we can take over te power of mind freeze (mind freeze wil be a combo from your and lily's power like a very sl*tty doll girl)

mike hartjes

Gloria I hope the bos girl will be our b*tch she looks if you go there I see her 👀 (is he coming for me) that option wil be nice to take over her powers as wel

mike hartjes

I would say changing up Lusts powers a bit would be a good idea. Or I mean adding a new power. Putting them into a trance is fun. But maybe add something to where the power makes them give in to their more lustful thoughts. To the point to where they are aware of what they're doing is extremely lewd. But can't help themselves. Like with eri and rin Maybe you sneak into their house all invisible like. Activate your powers. They start Going at it because they can't help it. Saying things like what are we doing? I can't help myself. And then you just make them forget about it after. Hell, you can even join in. Or maybe the teacher is teaching the class and you activate the powers on her. And then she can't help but get it extremely horny in front of our class. I would say having girls aware of what they're doing. Can't help themselves loving every second of it. But feeling they have no control over the situation. Only for their memories to be lost afterwards. Would help break up some of the monotony of the trance. Also personal note. It would be fun to do this to the sisters. But understand if you're not comfortable with that kind of stuff.

Cardinal76

With the lewd scenes you could have some base ones that everyone has and then some special ones to that character, for example you could have missionary and from behind as base then have some characters have standing, full Nelson, etcetera.

Reese Walker

Add more types to the porn scene 1. Change common sense, such as making people take off their clothes when they meet and greet, and get used to porn 2. Retain consciousness but control the body, make the person awake to obey the command 3, exert magic on the object, so that the person who touches the object is controlled 4. Turn a person's mind into an object, let others treat it as a real object and then use it 5. Bring people to Lily, and control more people to play more types of games with Lily at the same time. Having violet take over different people's bodies makes them look different，how do you think?

Fly G

Connect the character story to the protagonist's memory, and each time the character story is over, you can recall a part of the memory. Add other non-important characters like the beach scene, and describe the interpersonal relationship of the characters. 3. Let the characters match each other, for example, AI and mio appear in the same story at the same time, and then the relationship becomes better. 4. Add a goal during the character plot, and develop for the purpose of achieving the goal, such as eri practicing a new song

Fly G

On a side note: I'm looking foward to the corruption sistem and the Sin girls to be controlled too (also Kiyo). I mean, it's not that I want you to rush that if you plan to use it in tle main plot or something, I'm just really eager to see it happening xD

slayerbet22

Storywise, I think it's okay being serious when it has to, but being a bit lewder at times will be good as well, I mean, the MC is Lust, but I feel that in main story we not see much that side of him, It doesn't have to be all the time, maybe just sometimes. Also, I think the story is going fine, you have enough "mistery" about what happened in the past and with the painting to look foward the answers; there's also the thing about Ai and company trying to learn more about Lust and the spirits, that's interesting too.

slayerbet22

Alright, added to list of things to do when Violet arrives.

UnusualFish

Violet possessing her would be cool too actually

CynicalNerd

Lily and Mio will definitely meet and play games together, but I can't see Mio controlling someone else. The only way I can see this happen is if she is forced to do it or it's Violet possessing her body.

UnusualFish

I want to see something with Lily and Mio since they're both into video games. Maybe have them play a fighting game but they use Lily's powers on other girls and the fighting game gradually becomes Lily and Mio making the two girls do lewd stuff to each other.

CynicalNerd