Reflections.

This blog took me a while to write, because I kept writing from the heart, but I felt like some of what I was saying was too cliche or cheesy.  It was probably fine, and all the flaws were probably all in my head, but sometimes the words don't come easily for the most important things I need to say.

I've had to start over a few times, still writing from the heart, but trying to keep it from being a 4k word essay that goes nowhere.

---------

Tonight I got done with the ebook version of First Song 2.

I also sold my house.

This is what's been using up my small amounts of free time over the last couple of months.  We've been house shopping, dealing with paperwork, legal stuff, etc.   Moving is going to be a PITA too...but we're very excited.

Where I've lived for the past few years has been very good, but a little stifling creatively.  I'm confident that this move will be good for my art and my productivity.  It'll also be good to be able to attend conventions easier.

Being able to practice archery in my back yard has always been a dream of mine, too.

So anyway, after all the good news, Melli and I went to celebrate by stuffing ourselves at a buffet.  On the way home, we were having a weird, geeky time, rocking out to Q Lazzarus' "Goodbye Horses," and I realized that this was the life I'd wanted to have since I was 8 years old.

This is it.  I'm living the dream.  It's humbling to know that my own efforts are not the only foundation of my new career.

I'm aware that yes I work hard, but I owe a lot of my middling success to luck and to my readers...to you.  Patreon patrons are super readers, the folks who are most invested in an authors world, so I am going to address all of you as the representatives for every single person who has read my work, liked it, and then not regretted helping me keep the lights on.

Thank you.

This is probably the happiest and most fulfilled I've ever been in my life, and a large part of that is how happy I feel when I see your comments on here about how you liked a chapter, or even what you noticed that I should change.

Everyone here helps me immensely just by being part of my little tribe of misfits.  

I'm incredibly proud of First Song 2--a book that has taken me the longest to publish to date.  Outspan went above and beyond, editing like crazy, even rewriting entire portions of the story--we both did.

A lot of the motivation that drove us were comments and PMs from all of you.

Before I had even published Delvers LLC, one of the most important moments of my life was the first $2 that I made on Patreon.  

Complacency is a creativity killer.  It's easy as a writer, and possible for someone working in any career to just let the day-to-day become commonplace, and to lose sight of the wonder we are surrounded with.

A long time ago I promised to never allow myself to slip into this rut, at least not with writing.  Every day I feel grateful and fortunate to be doing what I've wanted to do for most of my life.  In the past I either didn't have the skills, motivation, or outlet to do.

I've been poor--distressingly poor.  I've been homeless.  There have been times in my life when I had to choose between gas and something to eat...and I feel blessed for the life experiences and perspective to understand that I was still lucky.

When I was homeless, I still had my truck at the time.  It was still relatively safe for me to sleep in my vehicle in a Walmart parking lot.  Cold, yes, but relatively safe.  Many other people can't say that.

I've scraped by, avoiding disaster in life by the skin of my teeth.  Life doesn't have a how-to book, and we really only learn to avoid pitfalls through guidance, advice, or experience.  In my case, it seems to have always been the latter.

Where I am in life right now, crafting stories, experiencing readers sending me gifts to help stay motivated or to work faster...it's all mind boggling.  I have a very good memory, so it feels like just yesterday that I wasn't able to pay the bills and couldn't run the heat in my house during the winter.

That was miserable.

It doesn't feel that long ago that I was waking up in the middle of the night from yet another mortar attack in a desert, and feeling so tired and frustrated I just groaned, "Again?"

...And now I get to interact with some of the coolest people in the world while I make my own hours and actually get to share my imagination with people who don't mock me for it.

This is...magnificent.  And this year I'm accomplishing another dream I've always had--to own land.

Thank you, thank you all.

This journey has taught me that the more recognition you receive, the more people consume your work, the more people will dislike you for a growing number of reasons.  On the flip side, it becomes more obvious that the handful of people you can really count on are just that more precious.  

You all are my precious people.

Please never stop giving me your opinions, nor speaking your minds.  Thank you for breathing wind into my sails when I've been depressed, or lagging, or doubting myself.

You make all the difference.

And if you are in a bad place in life, it will get better.  There have to be downs for us to have ups, and if someone can work themselves up from the bottom like I have, I believe anyone can.  I don't have any special skills or advantages other than a thirst for knowledge, ...but let's be real, most readers have that.

One thing Shonen anime gets right is that not giving up is its own kind of superpower.

To all of you, never give up, and thank you for never giving up on me.

Sincerely,

-BC