May Report and Life Miscellany （Part 1）

I feel like I haven't shared the food I've been eating for a long time, and I've actually hoarded a lot of material because of that, so I'll send it out slowly afterwards (it's not a good idea to post this late at night).

But in fact, these days are actually a bit EMO（emotion）, mainly because my roommate left, and I have to start living alone for about a month or more. The day my roommate left, I had to go to another city to do something, and when I got back to Tokyo, it was raining (of course, I didn't bring an umbrella). When I got home, it was so dark that I had to turn on the lights myself - and that was the only time a lone wolf like me would feel lonely. This loneliness comes from my childhood memories of coming home at night and having to light candles when the power went out in my house, and it's a profound feeling I can't resist.

Basically, BBQ has been a bit of a maverick since I was very young, and despite being popular and having my own playmates, I still prefer to enjoy playing alone (while not liking to take selfies, which was often criticized by my mother). Although this kind of personality gives me independence and makes me very resistant to loneliness, I am still occasionally invaded by loneliness when I live in a busy metropolis.

In the end, it is inevitable for a young man to have such moments when he is alone in a foreign country. I did well for almost a year, but now living alone in a 50 square meter high-rise apartment in a busy area like Kabukicho, even I... You can imagine, right?

Well, I'm not going to live in Kabukicho all the time, though. After the game is finished, it's about time for me to move to another place. I'm an internet-dependent human, and the process of moving is bound to leave me without internet access for a while, which I don't like and feels out of control. That should be one of the reasons I EMO, but after this move is over, I'll have a bed to sleep in (I haven't slept in one since I was in Japan this year) and a bigger room. And I won't be moving again for years after that, so I still have to think about the good side of things more than anything else.

感觉自己好久没分享自己最近吃的美食了，实际上也因为如此囤了好多好多素材，之后慢慢发出来吧（深夜发这个是不是不太好啊）。

不过其实这几天其实也有点EMO，主要是我室友走了，我要开始一个月左右甚至更久的独居生活。室友走的那天，我刚好去其他城市有事要做，回到东京的时候又下了雨（理所当然的，我没带伞）。回到家后一片漆黑，我只能自己去开灯——而这是我这种独狼唯一会感受到孤独感的时刻。这种孤独感来自我童年时期夜晚回家后，家里停电时只能点蜡烛的记忆，是我无法抗拒的深刻。

基本上，BBQ从很小开始就比较特立独行，尽管很受欢迎，有自己的玩伴，但依然更喜欢独自享受独自游玩（同时不喜欢自拍，这一点经常被母亲诟病）。这种性格虽然给了我独立性，让我有很强的孤独抗性，但生活在繁华的大都市的时候，还是偶尔会被孤独感侵入。

说到底，一个年轻人独自在异国他乡闯荡，有这种时刻在所难免。我在这将近一年的时间里都做的不错，但如今一个人住50平米的高层公寓，还在歌舞伎町这种车水马龙的繁华地段，即便是我，也...你能想象的吧？

嘛，不过说起来我也不是会一直住在歌舞伎町就是了。预计游戏完成后，我也差不多该搬家到其他地方去。而我又很讨厌搬家这种事情，我是依存于网络的人类，搬家过程中必然会有段时间让我失去网络能力，这让我很不喜欢，有种失控感。这应该也是我EMO的原因之一，不过这次搬家结束后，我就有床可以睡（我这一年在日本就没睡过床），有更大的房间了。而且之后好多年不会再搬家，我还是得往好的方面多想想才是。