Ultimate Fighting Girl another story novel "V.I.P"
Added 2017-08-01 08:19:01 +0000 UTCTheOneZeelOne wrote another story of Ultimate Fighting Girl!
Here is a comment from him.
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Uubpp2o0II91wpKqKYUJl3XCddrOB293uA-etbFLoO4/edit?usp=sharing
V.I.P! Now this is a truly special one, the definite main event of this initial batch of erotica. This was intended to be around 30 pages, close to the length of My Savior, My Sensei, but one thing led to another and it turned out to be 50 instead! I don't know how it happened but I doubt it'll get any complaints~
Those who read Sierra's Fun might recall the titular maid mentioning a few events her captive punching bag was involved in. Well, that was intended as a teaser for this, effectively the prequel to that story.
This isn't just centered around one girl but quite a number. The main ones involved are Sherri, Filrina, Selene and Mia. But in truth just about everybody has a minor cameo so to speak; Rico and Linea in particular have nice little bit parts as well. All of these girls profiles are linked in the story itself!
My fellow fetishists, this is a femdom smorgasbord, a diverse showcase of feminine superiority. An ever so lucky fan finds himself in possession of a V.I.P backstage pass, a chance to meet all his favorite fighters! All the powerful, sexy women he's admired and fantasized about for so long! What could possibly go wrong~?
Comments
I wish u create game like Ultimate Fighting Girls but with this 3 maids and that red Haired chick pls so sexy fight trample with heels amazing work XD
Karol Walczyk
2017-08-18 16:55:57 +0000 UTCAppreciate you taking the time to comment~ I'd say a lot of that's valid. The protagonists of these are by and large meant to be a bit, sad. Lonely perv archetype and whatnot, I feel like it fits the idea of femdom to make them genuinely a little pathetic. The extent varies and this one in particular did basically go out of his way to make himself horny before he even got there so it was definitely extreme as a result. The pacing was likely effected by the fact that it was initially supposed to be like 30 pages, I just straight up got carried away there. So that's why the transition between Sherri and Filrina was the way it was, he was already in the shower room by the time I realized how big the story was going to end up being. In hindsight I probably would've put more time and affection between those two incidents, but at the time I was just prioritizing making sure the two of them got enough beatdown time, I worry about not giving people enough, y'know? (At one point I actually went back and added an extra page for Sherri's section because it seemed relatively short in hindsight. So I think that's a good sign of how that evolved.) As for the characters... Selene to me is the, experienced one of the group, sexually speaking. The most comfortable, knowledgable and in-tune with it of the roster, and part of that is being very big on the do's and don'ts of doin' it. And in this case, the protag ended up making one of the biggest and most obvious infractions of it in her eyes. So while most of the time she's happy to play with people as she's beating them senseless, in this case she was much more personally offended, it was a more serious lesson than usual. Had a lot to do with it being on Mia in particular, innocent and sweet as she was. So yeah after that point she was just done giving him anything. As for Mia, well... she did suck him off and titfuck him if by accident. It's true it probably would've been more in-character if she played with him a little between attacks, I think Selene kinda kept her on-track there. If she were doing it by herself she probably would've periodically stopped to get some cuddling and kissing in... maybe she should have a one-on-one some time. I'll take that suggestion into consideration~ I take it you like the little association I've got going between Selene and Linea. Just based off a passing line in Linea's bio about her style being a bit influenced by her, I like the idea of them as a mentor/protege situation. Did you read My Savior, My Sensei by chance? I feel like the characterization there was probably stronger.
Femdom Fanatics
2017-08-17 12:47:33 +0000 UTCFirst of all I thought it was a good story but there are a few things that I felt could have been done better. First thing would be our MC; I understand that he's meeting the ladies for the first time ever and his excitement may grow after seeing their bodies but I felt that you made him think with his D a little too much. I'm a single guy and I understand how tempting it would be to try and do something to an attractive woman but he just gave in way too easily in my opinion. Second would be that it felt like there was so little space between punishments so it felt like he was getting punished every 3 or 4 pages. Third would be character development; I know that many of the girls would rather not have anything to do with a guy at all but for the ones that do, girls like Selene and Mia, there could have been a few more friendly interactions and a surprise BJ before going right back into the femdom. Anyway it was a good story and I am definitely looking forward to more but try to make it feel a little more realistic I know that may be impossible given how inhumanly strong and sadistic these girls can be but it would make it all the more satisfying to see the MC not only be punished for a good reason but after he's established an actual relationship with the girl. (Suggestion for the next story. Selene and Linea are put in a sort of handicap match against the MC of the story and the two of them decide to try some new seduction techniques on him like that Rear Choke Selene did in that "rejected" video not too long ago.
Mart-Kos
2017-08-17 08:29:10 +0000 UTCAppreciate the critique. I think the reason it turned out like that had a lot to do with it's length, there's kind of a natural instinct to want to escalate. So by the time it got past the 40th page so much had already happened to him, it had to get really extreme to top it. I can assure you the next one to get a comparable treatment will very much have it coming~
Femdom Fanatics
2017-08-09 07:18:37 +0000 UTCThe first half was brutal but still i stilled enjoyed it.The second half however was evil and the humiliation went to far. I liked what they did to him especially the ballbusting but next time save the humiliation for someone that deserve it. Still a good story.
superblue
2017-08-04 19:01:36 +0000 UTC
