DEIMOS ALPHA OF ALPHAS CH 48: Mi Dispiace, Luce Mia

"This will be a bit cold." The healer whispers to me whilst she smears a clear blue gel over my abdomen. Her hands are rough skin torn apart by a healer's work. I flinch slightly as the freezing gel is smoothed upon my flesh. Looking at the watch she keeps the time in check waiting for my body to absorb it.

Elriam stands behind, her fingers twitching uncontrollably. It happens whenever she is nervous or concerned. Her eyes are calm but her body gives her away. I can see the silhouette of Ragon behind the curtain. He waits patiently but the tension burning through the room cannot be avoided.

"All right I am going to feel you now." The healer says as her palms are laid flat over my uterus and she begins a slow massage giving little pressure. Highly experienced with this she does it with her eyes closed, eyebrows meeting in a frown, attention completely upon her hands.

Elriam has begun chewing upon her lips and Ragon is shuffling around both trying to calm themselves down. My heart pounds and my fingers clutch the sheets. So many scenarios flood through my mind adding fuel to the fire. Perhaps no good shall come out of this.

The time ticks and she continues frowning further. Something must be wrong. She is taking a long time, her frown deepens again. The healer scares me with her antics. I shut my eyes close not wishing to hear this. Strong. I need to be strong.

She suddenly stops and there is a pin drop silence that envelopes the room. I bite my inner cheek ready to hear what she has to say. "At the moment nothing. The pill hasn't harmed you. Perhaps because you did not take the second one." She says.

"Thank goddess." Elriam whispers with a sigh of pure relief.

"However we cannot be completely sure without the test. I will need your urine to finalize its effects. It takes around six weeks so return by then." The healer adds.

I slowly get up off the bed placing my feet upon the cold floor. Elriam comes over to me helping me up. I can hear Ragon on the phone. I know whom he is talking to.

With a nod of thanks, I head outside with the two Betas' hot on my heels. We just returned last night and Deimos made sure I was in for the check-up as soon as daylight arrived. Ragon hasn't said anything about it maintaining his boundaries but he knows.

"I will leave first. I need to talk to him." I say keeping my head high eyes straight ahead. I don't like the way I am feeling right now. I must make sure to express it to him.

Elriam nods as Ragon maintains his space standing away hands meeting behind his back head bowed. He knows this a female's situation and he mustn't involve himself.

I quickly stride over to where Deimos is. He told me on the ride back yesterday that it will take almost another seven months until we return home. It saddens me deeply I thought we would get there earlier. I am dying to reunite with my females.

Deimos has kept his space from me as well, as soon as we returned last he left to his office and never returned. He might think it is all right to do so but I do not. My strides are heavy as they pound the earth. My heart pumping for I am upset.

Climbing up the stairs walking towards his office, I don't knock rather barge in. Both Giovanni and Deimos look up at the sudden intrusion. Giovanni smiles in greeting.

"How was the trip, Luna?" He asks softly eyes shining brightly.

"How long will you keep being formal with me Giovanni? We know each other much better than that." I reply with a gentle smile.

His eyes widen in surprise as he clears his throat and nods whilst his cheeks turn into a light hue of red. He is flustered I believe. "Zia Lumina." He says changing his greeting paying heed to my words.

"It was a good trip. Thank you, Gio." I whisper using his nickname and he blushes further. This Alpha male is still so young, I find him undeniably cute. His female would have the ability to wrap him around her finger.

My attention then turns to the other male in the room as his bloodshot eyes gaze at me with an eerie calmness. Huge dark eye bags lie below those emeralds'. He hasn't slept, undesired thoughts had encaged him. "We need to talk." I tell him.

"I am in the middle of something, Lumina. Later." Deimos utters looking back at the documents. There he goes again, running. He runs when things get uncomfortable for him. He knows about the results of my checkup so he is at peace but doesn't wish to hear directly from my mouth.

"I can come back if-" Giovanni begins but Deimos cuts him off.

"Sit, Gio. We are in the middle of your training." He reprimands finger gripping the papers at hand harshly.

"Now!" I insist, the authority within me surging that startles them both. "Now, Deimos." I calm my voice down yet the tone remains the same. A command. Giovanni looks back and forth from his uncle to me feeling the tension saturating the air.

"Ti chiamo tra pochi minuti." Deimos utters to Giovanni keeping his eyes on me. Giovanni quickly gets up and leaves walking around me shutting the door softly behind him.

"Did you hear of the results?" I ask him arms folded across my chest. The first hint of self-protection.

"Yes. I did." He replies whilst getting up and thrusting his hands into the depths of his pockets.

"And you do not care enough to discuss it with me?" I question as he walks over to the window eyes peering through the glass watching the wolves outside. I know of his tactics, he is putting space between us. He doesn't wish to have this talk take place.

"I already know about it, my female. What else is there to talk about?" He questions tone careless as if he doesn't care but I know him well now to see he is putting on an act.

"Where were you last night?" I ask the question burning through my mind. I wish to know why he hadn't returned to my side.

"You know I was working, Lumina." He says his attention still away from me not meeting my eyes. Voice cold floating farther from the warmth I have grown accustomed to.

"Must you act like this?" I scream with frustration and he finally meets my eyes acknowledging my existence. "Must you blame me?" Another question thrown about in the cold air for him to answer.

"What do you want me to say, Lumina? What do you want from me?" It is his turn to raise his voice. I neither flinch nor shudder. This conversation must take place even if it means we have to throw knives at the other. I came prepared.

"You didn't want a pup." My first accusation. I take the first throw. The postponed confrontation shall come alive.

"Yes, and if you had been patient you would have known that it had changed. But no, you had to take a damn birth pill and behind my fucking back!" He shouts the pain he hid. His anger has risen. The Alpha in him surging and so does mine.

"I didn't take it because I didn't want to have a pup with you! I took it to protect our bond." I state my truth.

"Why? Is our bond hanging on a thread, Lumina? Our bond has flourished gone through thousands of hurdles. We have risen as mates yet you lie Lumina. You lie!" He expresses his hidden fury. It isn't the fact that I took the pill rather it is that I lied to him, that he cannot bear.

"How was I supposed to know, Deimos? We never spoke of having pups it was a hard conversation for you." He gazes at me chest heaving this conversation heading south both filled with anger neither one willing to compromise.

"Don't you dare put this on me, Lumina! It is a shame. It is a shame not for you but for me as an Alpha as a mate if our pack knew what you had done. This goes against everything." He says running his fingers harshly through his hair.

"This isn't entirely my fault! I-" I begin as he cuts me off.

"All you had to do was tell me, goddammit. I would have eased your fears." He yells pacing around the floor fists clenched by his sides.

"You don't understand! You still don't understand why I did it." I holler both our wolves letting out small whimpers for us to hear. They don't like this. My wolf wishes to comfort her mate and so does his beast.

"I don't want to have this talk anymore, Lumina." He utters with a silent snarl but I don't pay heed to his words digging out the words buried deep.

"No! We will finish this talk. I was scared, I didn't want anything to harm us." I remark my truth.

"Then you didn't believe in us, Lumina. Now enough. This argument is going nowhere." He voices his frustration.

"Stop it. You were hinting your disinterest. You were hinting your true wishes." I continue further pushing him so we can at least try to understand the other this way.

"Fine! We are both to blame! I didn't tell you properly and you hid from me now I have had enough!" He bellows voice booming across the walls as his palms bang the desk harshly a glass cup falling and shattering into pieces upon the floor. I visibly flinch to his aggression.

Chest heaving. Jaw clenched. Fists shaking. Pin drop silence. We stand watching the other anger not subsiding rather increasing. My mind is consumed by fury and I am unable to control the words that fly out my mouth.

"I don't want a mate who does not understand me." I say staring deep into his eyes. He flinches to my words and his flesh trembles, my words showing its effects on him. It isn't fair that I strike my arrow he needs to do it too and so he does.

"I don't want a mate who lies and hides things from me." He says gritting his teeth looking at me from beneath his lashes. An intake of breath from my side killing the silence. Lips quivering, tears welling I look away hugging myself.

A wolf opens the door and I run past him banging onto him pushing him away from my path. "Luna!" Ragon calls out to me and I keep running tears flowing down my cheeks freely. My path is blurry small hiccups leave my lips.

His words hurt and I knew mine did too. I couldn't control my anger. Our pride consumes us from within and we cannot engage it, our control futile. I don't blame him rather I blame me at this point but I wish he could understand where I was coming from.

He makes me weak. He makes me crush my pride and bare myself to him and sometimes I don't know how to overtake our bond. Wishing for some comfort, I head toward Giovanni's private residence.

"Is Gia in her room?" I ask the female sitting by the stove reading a book. As soon as she hears me she rises and bows with respect.

"Yes, Luna. She just finished her classes." The female in charge of Gia replies. Gianna takes pup classes every day where she learns the basics of English and math. I hear she is good at math like her brother.

Climbing up the stairs opening her door, I find the pup sitting upon the plush carpet playing with her dolls. Her tiny hands try to hold onto the entire doll but it keeps falling unable to fit into her palms. A soft chuckle leaves my mouth.

She quickly looks up and her eyes sparkle when they find mine. "Hello, little one." I whisper kneeling onto the floor arms open.

"Zia Lumina!" She squeals palms upon the mat pushing her body upward. She flies into my arms giggling. She is a very quiet female with others but with me she is different. She has taken a liking to me and often shows me her true nature as she does with Giovanni.

"How is Gia doing today?" I ask my thumb wiping the crayon ink pasted upon her plump cheek.

"Gia misses Gio." She replies. This seems to be her reply often never ceasing. He is her whole world. When he isn't here she sobs and weeps even if it is just a few hours.

"Gio is busy but I can play with you today." I whisper smiling showing my teeth from her. Teeth for pups are scary and they do not like the sight of it. But Gianna is different she loves the sight. She smiles back showing her own growing teeth.

Crawling toward the mat I gather the papers scattered upon the floor and bring them closer to us. "How about we draw something?" I ask her gently and she nods excitedly.

As she begins creating objects and scribbles that only make sense to a toddler I choose to draw something as well. I have heard it can be quite therapeutic. Funny how I have never picked up a colored crayon before. It never crossed my mind.

Taking the black ink I sketch what my soul wishes to see. Something I think would be wonderful to possess. If I didn't meet Deimos I would have drawn a mate but now I wish to depict something else. A family.

I am very happy that Deimos has accepted to have a pup together it brings me peace, he will be an amazing father. It is within his blood for I have seen this side to him and he cannot deny it.

But there are still somethings that need to grow within us. We might be ready for a family but after that? Am I thinking too much about it? Should I have just let things be and not taken the pill? So much confusion sparks within me. So much that I don't wish to think anymore.

"What ah you dawing?" Gia questions. She is still learning to pronounce her r's.

"A family." I whisper with a smile. "You know me and you. We are the same. We both didn't get to have parents."

"Same?" She asks confused holding her hand out.

Placing her tiny palm upon my beating heart and then to her heart. "Same." I say gently.

A soft knock interrupts us and I turn to look at the wolf. Ragon stands eyes flooding with concern. "Luna." He bows.

I return his greeting with a small nod getting back to my piece. There is a deep silence between us as he strides forward and sits by our side. I can feel his eyes on me yet I ignore it and instead watch Gianna with her never-ending scribbles.

"You can speak your mind." I say knowing he came to exchange words. I can feel him shying away yet I encourage to tell me.

"I heard. About what happened." He says and I nod. My entire being is calm, I have no more snarls left for today.

"And?" I urge him to continue as he shifts into a comfortable position crossing his legs with a soft sigh. "Perhaps you would like to support him? Is it not the reason as to why you are here?"

"Not really. I just wanted to know if you are okay, Luna." He says and I can feel his gentleness as he speaks. Now he has my attention.

Looking at my male's beta, meeting his eyes I see his truth. He doesn't lie, I know that. "Thank you, for your concern. I am good." I whisper.

"I am glad." He replies eyes upon my half-finished sketch. Yes, it looks like that of a juvenile but it is mine. It has my dream pasted onto it.

"Where is he?" I question irritated by the fact that he hadn't come after me to console or hold me. But I understand, we both hurt each other to protect our pride. The pride of an Alpha is neither unbeatable nor controllable. It runs in our blood.

"He is still training Alpha Giovanni." He says and I give him a curt nod. Certain matters are still more important than us for you yes, Deimos? "But he should be on his way for lunch." He continues gazing at his watch.

Gianna struts over to Ragon her arms in the air asking to be carried. He quickly holds her to his chest and she places her head upon his shoulder arms halfway around his neck. Gianna is still at that age where every male represents her brother, so she often asks to be carried by every male she sees.

I smell Elriam before she speaks. "Alpha Giovanni and Alpha Deimos have requested you for lunch." She whispers. I turn around my blazing eyes giving my answer. With a nod she takes her phone out, "I will inform them you are unavailable at the moment."

I don't need to speak with Elriam. My eyes are enough. My actions are enough. She can read me as well as my mate can.

"You both can go ahead. You wolves must be starving. I shall keep Gia company." I utter continuing my drawing almost done with it. Funny how I find this drawing rather important than food at the moment.

Ragon tries to protest but stops with the signs Elriam provides. She knows exactly what I need right now. Private time to cool my head for the day. The betas leave exchanging soft words between them leaving me alone.

I am not sulking. I am not a pup. I just want to clear my head so another fight doesn't occur between us. Deimos and I fought quite a lot when we first met but not for the last two years. We understood and supported the other. But this issue took its toll on us.

I don't like being this way with him. A part of me feels he might one day revert to the cold unmerciful male he was, so I don't rush to spew words of anger. I don't wish to hurt him either but today I did it with my words and actions.

The day rushes past me and without knowing the sunset and night had arrived. My stomach grumbles with hunger and I sigh patting my stomach. "I must go yes?" I question myself.

Gianna had slept long before, me chasing her as she ran around the room wore her out. I continued with my drawing making it as perfect as I could. Perhaps I would shade it later before sleep.

Making sure she is stuffed into the warm blanket I leave the room quietly. Heading towards the packhouse, nervousness floods me. I don't want to see him tonight. What if I did? What should I say?

I peep into the kitchen my eyes wandering searching for any trace of him. One of the older females' comes to me. "Luna Lumina? Would you like some dinner?" She asks, her grey hair shining as light falls upon the strands.

Turning to her I shake my head, "Yes, I would love so-" I begin but quickly shut my mouth falling to the ground hiding beneath the counter by her feet. She almost screams at my sudden action but I put a finger above my lips pleading her to keep quiet.

She frowns confused as to what I am doing. "Has my female come here yet?" A deep voice questions as she looks from me to him quickly. She peers down back at me and I shake my head fast.

"S-She hasn't come yet, Alpha Deimos." She replies her body trembling trying to control her fear of lying to him. I can see his reflection through the refrigerator door but he cannot see me for I am hidden by the counter.

"I see." He replies looking down at his feet. His eyes are deep in thought but also filled with concern. "She didn't eat lunch either. I know it is quite late but if she does come please make sure she eats and if she doesn't, take the meal to her." He orders.

"Yes. Of course, Alpha." She replies with a soft bow as he leaves with a nod of thanks. My male is my male after all.

"Thank you for that. I shall eat dinner now." I whisper sheepishly to the older female as she stares at me dumbfounded. I don't know why I acted like that, all I know is that I want some space from him today.

After dinner, I run back to Gianna's room. Giovanni sits upon the floor feeding her spoonful's of her food. "Stop running, Gia. Vieni a mangiare." He reprimands the little one as she hops to him wearing the bunny ears headband whilst swallowing the food offered. Very cute pup.

"You really do spoil her, Gio." I chuckle.

"I know that. But she deserves to be so at this age as she is denied the love of parents. I will teach her when she becomes a juvenile." He says a soft smile on his face as his eyes watch her happy dance.

"She will be a lot to handle when that happens, for example, other juvenile males." I whisper teasingly raising my eyebrows.

My words earn a growl of dislike from him and he visibly gags shaking his head with disgust earning a loud laugh from my belly. "I will end him before he can lay hands on her. No one will touch her but her rightful mate." He utters eyes blazing with fire.

"You are a good brother. You have grown to become such a strong Alpha, Gio. You will lead well." I tell him of my truth towards him. Over the last year, he has grown from a juvenile male drowning with sorrow to a true Alpha male. He has made me proud.

"Thank you, Zia." He whispers and I smile leaning my body backward my palms carrying my weight.

"Gio. Is it all right if I sleep here tonight?" I question. I am embarrassed to ask him but he shows me there is no need to be so.

"Of course. Gia would love that wouldn't she?" He asks looking towards Gia.

"Che cosa?" The pup asks him confused.

"Zia Lumina dormirà con te stanotte." He says wiping smeared food around her mouth. Her eyes widen as she jumps up and down whilst racing around the room screaming yes, excitement fueling her energy.

Giovanni and I laugh loudly watching her antics and just like that my night is filled with fun and laughter.

Playing around with Gianna all night had tiredness and deep sleep consuming me and I don't know when I did head into slumber until my ears perk up to his voice. "Where is she, Gio?" He asks. Am I dreaming? Perhaps I am.

"She's sleeping inside with Gia." Giovanni replies with a soft chuckle.

The door creaks open and I hear the sound of his feet upon the wooden floor. I don't open my eyes sleep overtaking my control. My eyelids feel heavy as a log to awaken but I hear everything around me.

"Thank you for taking care of my female, Gio." Deimos says as I feel my body being lifted and cuddled to a warm chest.

Cold air grazes my flesh and I begin shivering. Small whines of protest leave my mouth and I finally stretch open my eyes a little to find a blurry image of Deimos looking down at me.

"We are almost there. It is funny how you expect me to sleep without you, Lumina." He whispers his eyes set forward greeting the departing wolves on the way.

I don't answer him nor fight his hold. My mind drowning with tiredness and all I want to do is rest. My eyes close shut again as the beat of his heart lulls me to sleep.

"About what I said today, I didn't mean it. Mi dispiace, luce mia." Are the last words I hear leave his lips before I fall into the depths of darkness.

A/N - PLEASE READ IMPORTANT

Hey babes, a week late I know but a girl has a degree to work on XD So I wrote another long chappy for you guys :)

I wanted to talk to you guys about something that has been bothering me. Firstly, I have been receiving a lot of comments about how Lumina isn't a proper Alpha as she isn't strong enough and has grown weak. I try to make Lumina as realistic as possible and she cannot always be strong for everything and there are things that she will break down to. She is strong in her unique way and she fights with her soul. She was a pup who grew up without love or family so she craves it and she has been blessed with a mate. She is still learning to navigate through their relationship so she will go through hurdles along the way. She possesses a lot of fears because of her past but she will overcome them :)

Secondly, Deimos. I know that on Wattpad we often read about so many male characters who are the definition of perfection in every way. But I created Deimos with a lot of imperfections. Yes, he doesn't communicate, often cold, and sometimes doesn't treat Lumina the right way but he has his good strengths to him. Deimos loves his female in his own way, look for the little hints he gives or his small actions that might not seem like much but it is for him as they are his firsts. He will grow in the future but he will not become completely 'perfect' as that is not reality. I want my readers to enjoy and explore the growth of my protagonists.