DEIMOS ALPHA OF ALPHAS CH 40: I Am Okay

"Alpha." A voice calls me. A female. A warm palm is placed upon my shoulder softly shaking me from my slumber.

I open my eyes with every energy I have left as the sunlight peering through the slits of the window shade strikes deep. Annoyance is the first feeling that arises within me on this new day.

A small yawn escapes my lips as I stretch my arms flexing my muscles. Tying my loose hair up in a quick bun I finally acknowledge the wolf's presence.

"Elriam." Is all I say. Her eyes are drowning in pain and worry. Both the feelings aimed for me. I keep my emotions in a cage not showing anything, not even to her.

"You know you can talk to me about anything for I will always be here. By your side." She says her tone gentle.

I don't say anything. I don't need anyone's help as I can deal with things with my strength. My wolf has been resting, she hasn't woken since the war that happened last month.

Four months have passed and I feel as though each day takes a piece of my soul with it leaving me with nothing but empty darkness. A void hole in my chest.

My eyes scan his office. Deimos's office. Giovanni had given it to him for use. I make sure this room is cleaned every day. Windows look like crystals rather than glass with the way they shimmer and shine.

I must have slept on his desk again. I have to perform all his duties as well as mine and it has been draining me. I can barely sleep as the face of my dying male springs forward holding a knife whilst thrusting it deep within my heart.

But at the same time work takes my mind off until the end of the day. I barely speak to anyone, not even the females. I don't need their comfort for I can fight on my own.

"Read to me today's schedule." I command as one of the females bring in my everyday coffee right on time. Neither a minute early nor late. On-time as I ordered. She comes over placing the coffee on the desk and leaves quickly with a bow.

"What about breakfast? You haven't been eating at all!" Elriam says. She tries to say more but quietens once her eyes find mine.

"Read the first thing on the schedule, Elriam." I say once more as she removes a small book from her breast pocket and begins flipping through the pages. This was what we always did when I was Alpha.

"We visit the wounded." She says her eyes scanning what's written as I watch the pack lands through the window sipping my black coffee. Perhaps I have become colder.

With a quick nod, I grab my coat off the chair and head towards the pack clinic. A separate building with glass windows for the freedom of its patients. Wolves bow to me as I walk past them without a smile. They understand me. I am in mourning.

I walk towards the sliding doors and the pungent smell of medicine hits me. It's a small building with only a few rooms as wolves don't face problems with health unless they were attacked with silver. Silver. The room spins and I close my eyes shut, my fingers stroking my aching head.

The knife that was thrust into my male was the most dangerous of all. Handcrafted with a mix of mercury and pure silver also called guicksilver. I made sure to possess every single detail of that knife. It was made exactly for one purpose... to kill.

"Alpha, are you all right?" Elriam asks me gently as I nod quickly gaining my composure. Striding into the ward the warriors' chatter comes to a complete stop.

My eyes scan each wolf with their bandages and walking sticks. Some try to sit up to greet me but I show my palm facing towards them as a sign not to do so. Each of them was struck with silver-tipped arrows when they were lying on the ground unconscious in the fight.

The rogues didn't come to play. We had underestimated them. They had built a perfect plan and had carried it out with ease even with the death of their leader.

"I apologize that Giovanni couldn't be here to see to your needs. He is with the others hunting down the few rogues that fled." I say.

"Thank you for coming, Luna Lumina. It means a lot to us." One of the females' speaks as I nod towards her. I would have smiled but a smile hasn't chosen to appear since my male... I don't want to think about it.

"How have you all been feeling these days? If there is anything you need. Please let Elriam know as she will inform me." I say.

"We are doing well, please do not worry about us and we do not need anything for you have already helped us. I think most of us are allowed to leave tomorrow." Mia speaks out on behalf of her fellow wolves.

"Luna." The croaky voice of the healer takes my attention. In her hand, she holds a bowl filled with some sort of mixed leaves.

"Guaritrice" I acknowledge her. Her eyes scan me from my head to the tips of my toes. She watches carefully analyzing me. I watch her watch me with a calmness, my hands meeting behind my back.

"Are you well?" She asks me.

"Yes." I reply with no hesitation.

"I can give you something to make-" She begins as I cut her off.

"No need for that." My voice stern I look away from her. I do not need anything from her at the moment. Whatever services she wishes to provide she can do so for the warriors.

"We should head towards the meeting room now." Elriam whispers to me.

"I shall check again whoever remains here next week." And with that, I head out. I can hear the worried whispers of the wolves wondering if I am okay.

I am okay.

I whisper those three words like a chant to aid myself. The ringtone of Elriam's phone pierces through the silence.

"Speak." She says. The sound of muffled voices reaches my ears. "We are on our way, make sure they feel comfortable."

I walk faster to meet the guests with Elriam hot on my heels. Reaching the room Elriam swiftly opens the door for me to walk through as the guests immediately stand up bowing deeply, palm placed upon their belly.

"It's an honor." One of the males speaks out whilst the other watches me with no word.

"I think you already know the reason as to why I have invited you here. State your names." I ask.

"I am Luigi and he is-" One of the males begins whilst the other cuts him off.

"Marco! I am Marco." He says. He wishes to be heard, as my eyes move to him acknowledging his presence.

"I need you both to help install more protection devices for Alpha Giovanni's pack. We were attacked by a group of rogues last month and suffered a huge loss. The fact that there was nothing to stop them coming through those gates was proven as they infiltrated easily." I talk business. My fingers pull back the sleeves of my shirt and I notice Marco's eyes immediately feasting on my flesh.

Paying no heed to it I continue with the meeting. "Of course as you requested. May we start the presentation of our drafts?" Luigi asks and I nod. They immediately fiddle with their computer and head towards the screen preparing for the presentation.

I often feel his eyes on me. Marco's, perhaps curiosity ignites him. I lean my back into the chair, tiredness taking over. I haven't slept for a long time and it's taking a toll on me. My headache worsens with each passing day.

The presentation begins and Luigi takes the lead, I can feel how nervous he is. Well, I can understand his nervousness. It is difficult to speak to someone with the highest authority. Throughout the presentation, I watch keenly and listen to every word the males speak.

I want the best for Giovanni. Even if my pack needs to pay for it, he is Deimos's favorite male. I will do everything I can to protect what he holds dear.

I feel Marco's gaze on me again. What is it with this wolf? No this isn't curiosity. It's something else.

One of the devices interests me and I feel it might be the right one. "Show me the prototype." I ask and before Luigi could touch it, Marco quickly grabs it and brings it to me.

Holding my palm out for the device, Marco's fingers graze my wrist whilst dropping it in my hold. I scan the device messing around with the sensors, lasers, and buttons. I pass it to Elriam for her approval.

"What do you think?" I ask her keeping my eyes on the different prototypes arranged in order in front of me.

She takes her time analyzing every part of the device calculating its strength. I look back at her and she gives me a nod as her sign of approval.

"We will take this." I say to Luigi.

"Perfect choice, this is the best we have at the moment. We worked on this for years." Luigi replies.

"It is also the most expensive." Marco says. "But I can give you a special discount." He continues eyeing my body up and down as his lips curve up into a hideous smirk.

I look at the floor thinking if Deimos was here Marco would be ten feet into the ground right about now. That thought makes me chuckle out loud as Elriam looks at me with wide eyes.

"I would like to speak to Marco alone. Thank you for your help, Luigi." I say not taking my eyes from the excited male in front of me.

Elriam guides Luigi out as I get up to walk around the desk and lean my body against it. Marco being the brainless one probably thinks this is a move of seduction.

"You have been watching me." I tell him, my voice calm.

"Indeed. You noticed." He says with a smile. I tilt my head to the side slowly guiding my eyes from his head to toe.

"Why?" I question him.

"Because I want you." He says with confidence.

"I am mated." I reply.

"Doesn't matter to me. Your mate is dead isn't he?" He questions me. I flinch to his choice of words. Grabbing the pen in my hand I twirl it in my fingers.

"Do you think you are worthy to acquire me?" I ask him.

"It isn't about worth but want. There are many in line waiting for a...taste. And we know you are the type of female who wouldn't mind. And I have been given the chance to be first." He speaks this as his fingers grab a strand of my hair whilst bringing it to his nose for a sniff.

"Hmm." Is all I say as I grab the hand that touched me banging it upon the table. As soon as a look of confusion crosses his face I stab the pen deep into his palm. He screams with agony and I watch calmly. "Such a bad boy." I say stabbing him a couple more times to hear the sound of his wails. It pleasures me.

He tries to remove his wrist from my hold bringing the other to hit me but I dodge his futile attempts whilst breaking his arm and bringing him to his knees.

"Beg." I say.

"I-I am sorry. P-Please." He says and I laugh. The laughter of pure evil. So weak. So pathetic. All bark and no bite.

"If you touched me with the other hand, both your hands would have been broken by now." I say as his eyes widen. Tears stream down his face as he shakes his head holding the broken arm close to his chest wincing in pain.

Bending down I grab his jaw to meet his eyes. "You better run along now and tell all the little pups that call themselves worthy males. If they want a 'taste' they can come here. That I will welcome them with open arms but on one condition. They will not be able to leave this place without a piece of their body missing."

And with that, I leave the meeting room. So much for a normal day in my life. "Alpha." Elriam calls out to me.

"Is there anything else for now?" I ask her my eyes closing. I need to rest.

"There is-" She begins but stops when she looks into my eyes. "Nothing. There is nothing else for now." She finishes as I nod and stride towards the bedroom that Deimos and I shared in Giovanni's pack when we were too tired to head back home.

The laughter of pups greets my ears as I walk past them. It must be nice to be so free and protected. To not face pain or sorrow or agony. To always be... happy.

I climb the stairs with every ounce of energy I have left. My body guides me to the room and I walk blindly. The light coming through the windows seems like the only light that appears in my life right now.

The door opens with a creak and I shut it close softly. The same room. A room where there was laughter now seems to be a room of eerie painful silence. It has become quite a depressing room to sleep in.

Heading towards the bed, I find all of Deimos' clothes scattered around. I threw them there. I rest here in the afternoons but I cannot acquire a peaceful slumber without his scent. Placing my knee upon the soft mattress I crawl tiredly to the middle.

My body falls and I close my eyes shut. How do I shut my mind? How do I not think of anything? All these thoughts that swim bring me nothing but grief when I see his dying face.

I look at the clothes. His clothes, I bring the one to my nose sniffing his scent. A smile graces my lips, but that smile turns into a loud cry. A sob erupts and I push my face into the mattress. I weep my heart clenching pushing the pain deeper into my soul.

The picture of his blood takes over my mind like a screenshot. His cold hands, his pale lips. His last words to me. I scream and bang my fists into the bed trying to cage my pain.

I am okay.

"My female." I startle awake to the sound of his voice and quickly scan the room. A sigh leaves my lips. Another dream. Looking towards the window, I notice the sun has set and stars have risen. I must have fallen asleep.

I slide my fingers through my hair frustrated. It's the same thing every day. How long must I go through this?

Tying my hair up loosely I head into the bathroom to wash my face. Splashing the cold water to wake me up from this nightmare I look at my reflection in the mirror. Who are you now, Lumina? Do you wish to run or are you strong enough to fight?

I don't know. I answer myself. I don't know who I am anymore without him by my side. Heading down the stairs Elriam is already present waiting to greet me with her little book.

"Good evening, Alpha. Did you have a good rest?" She asks me and gives her a small nod. "Ragon called." She said and my eyes quickly snap to hers. I immediately walk closer to her my mind entangled with worry.

"Okay?" I ask her.

"There have been no changes." She replies and disappointment hits me. I have gotten used to it now.

"What is left for me today?" I question looking ahead as the breeze softly grazes me through the open door.

"There is just one more thing then we can head home. It won't take too much of your time. Gianna wants to see you. She's here actually waiting outside." She says and I clench my jaw.

I have to see her three times a week. That was my promise. She's scared and lonely without her brother. Just like me without Deimos. Giovanni has left her alone at the pack for the first time in her life. She needs me. Before I could head out the bubbly laughter of the little pup reaches me and I find her running to me.

I kneel and open my arms for her and she immediately engulfs me in a hug, her arms around my neck. "Hello, Gianna." I say and she laughs.

She grew up so fast in a matter of four months, it surprises me. She speaks quite well like the other pups her age. "Look zia Lumina! I draw this." She calls me auntie now. It took time to teach her I am not her mother and she finally understood it. She shows me a paper with colorful sketches. There are four individuals drawn and I smile.

"Loro chi sono?" I ask her.

"This Gio, zio Deimos, zia Lumina, and me!" She says excitedly pointing to each drawing. My eyes go to Deimos. She drew him pretty well even the green eyes and the black shades he always wore. My lips wobble. Ahh, I am not dealing with this well now am I?

"It's beautiful. Molto bene, Gia." I say as a tear slides down my cheek.

Her little eyes widen as she looks at my face. "Why you cry, zia?" She asks me her little palm on my cheek. Her lips begin to tremble as well.

"All right, Gia! Zia Lumina isn't feeling good today. I will take her home and let her relax tomorrow she will be good as new." Elriam quickly comes grabbing an understanding Gia from my hands and passing her to the female in charge of her.

"Oh okie. Adio." Gianna waves and I wave back with a small smile.

The driver opens the door to the car and I get in without another word. Elriam sits in the passenger seat and often turns around throughout the ride back home to check on me.

The ride home was excruciating as every day. I look towards the emptiness next to me. A scene takes over my mind. A flashback where we chatted on our ride back home.

"Okay, next question. Who would you rush to if you had a choice where you had to protect the pack or me? Don't even say it, I already know. The pack right? Of course Deimos the Alpha of Alpha's would run to his pack!" I ask him whilst reading the question from the app as a chuckle leaves my lips.

"You." He replies, his voice calm as the ocean.

"Very funny. I think it would be amazing though when-" Deimos cuts me off as he grabs my chin to face him. His eyes are serious as he stares into the depths of mine.

"You, Lumina. Always, you." He says as his lips meet my forehead and I close my eyes with a soft smile gracing his lips.

My hand reaches into his space to touch his face but he disappears into thin air. The flashback ends and my eyes are greeted by his empty seat. My eyes fill with tears once more.

I need to grab a hold of my emotions. I want to think positively and look towards the light but I cannot seem to. I feel as though the claws of never-ending darkness has got its hook on me and doesn't wish to leave.

The familiar gates of my home open and I sigh looking at my watch and the folders in my hand. Looks like I will not be sleeping tonight as well.

The driver parks the car as Elriam walks over to my side and opens the door for me to get out. "Alberto." I call to the driver.

"Sì, Luna Lumina." He replies.

"Come earlier tomorrow. Around five in the morning." I say and he quickly bows accepting.

"Alpha!" Elriam calls stopping my walk to my villa. "You need to rest, please don't overwork yourself." She speaks filled with deep concern.

"Anything!" I scream as she startles to my loud voice. "Anything to take my mind off him." I continue my voice returning to its original softness.

She gives me a curt nod of understanding and I immediately walk into my villa. Removing my coat I hang it on the stand and head towards the refrigerator. Grabbing the bouquet of flowers I had kept inside for freshness I take it to the bedroom.

As I open the door, Ragon stands up immediately. He looks tired like me. Dark circles beneath his eyes, a thick book in hand and papers scattered all around the floor.

"Luna." He bows.

"Thank you for being here. See you tomorrow." I whisper as he smiles and leaves whilst grabbing his coat.

I walk towards the vase filled with freshwater and place the flowers in them slowly. "I bought you flowers. You would probably say its too cliché." I chuckle.

Closing my eyes I take a deep breath. I do this every night but I still cannot get used to seeing him like this. Opening my eyes slowly I let them land on my male. The sound of the beeping of his heart monitor never calms me like its supposed to.

I sit in the small chair next to his bed placing my fingers on his cheek. He feels cold. Too cold, I hate it. "It smells good huh? Oh, what can it be that makes this place smell so nice? Is it Lumina's flowers? Why yes it is!" I say as a smile graces my lips.

I clutch his hand into mine sliding my thumb over his knuckles. "Are you that tired that you still don't wish to wake up, my male? It's not fun waiting you know. I am so not missing you though." I whisper.

"Yes, I am not missing you." My lips tremble and uncontrollable tears from within my eyes like a rain cloud. My eyes keep swelling with the number of times I cry in a day. "I don't miss you...at all." The wall breaks free and I sob bringing his hand to my lips wailing in pain.

It kills me to see him like this. If only I had paid more attention things would have been so much better now. He wouldn't have become like this. This is all my fault.

I am okay.

A/N

Hello my little wolves,

Yup as y'all guessed our Deimos is in a coma :) But it has been four months already :( Let's pray for the poor guy shall we? Do you guys see the change in Lumina?

Thoughts on chappy please?

Don't forget to

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Happy reading,

Liz