Love Addict’s RPG Vol. 2 Ch. 87

Although in the grand scheme of things this is just another chapter, for me, it’s a lot more. I’ve been very vocal about my condition this last year and how hard writing has been as I sorted out the stupid shit I did to myself unintentionally with my meds. I never publicly said this, but I was very scared I inflicted some kind of permanent brain damage in my frontal lobe or something because words just weren’t coming to me. I didn’t know what I would do if I didn’t recover, and it was also frustrating because everything I read said that ‘withdrawal goes away after a few months back on the pill’ and yet I never seemed to get any better.

This chapter proved a lot of things to me.

It proved I didn’t have brain damage, it proved that I’m getting better, it proved that I’ve still got it, and most importantly of all, it proved that despite everything, I’m still me.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it, Zoe just gets better and better to me as she improves as a person and struggles with these feelings she’s never had to deal with before. She’s a hot mess and I love getting to explore that.

Next chapter won’t take me nearly as long, but I am taking a quick break after this one to finish the pitch document for that other story I want to do. I haven’t worked on it in a few days since I’ve been focused on this so much and I want to get it done since I actually am moving ahead with this story as a side project. Hope you’re looking forward to that when I drop it in the next couple of days.

For the last time, thank you for being patient with me.

Let’s get back where to we left off, shall we?

***

Never had anyone been so thoroughly made a bitch than Oliver had been made by Zoe. He'd been so horrifically owned to an extent that it shouldn't have been possible. While DokaDon Empire had multiple layers of strategic depth, it was still a luck-based party game. The thing was engineered to fuck over all players more or less equally. Theoretically, something bad should've happened to Zoe at some point, yet it rarely did. This left the bad luck's brunt to fall solely on Oliver.

And as if losing wasn't enough disappointment for one afternoon, Zoe locked in from the moment they hit start, shutting out all playful banter and attempts at flirting. Her affection hadn't moved one way or the other. All he had to show for his time was a whooped ass and a creeping suspicion Zoe might've been holding back the other day.

"The internet fed me nothing but lies," Oliver muttered, not for the first time. "Women can be good at video games."

The hardcore gamer girl snapped out of her trance, giving Oliver a small laugh and a minuscule affection bump. It went a surprisingly long way toward patching up his bruised ego.

[Zoe has gained +1 Affection! +1 Smooth Talker]

"Heh. And don't you forget it, nerd." Zoe sneered. Next came victoriously propping up her feet on the coffee table. They landed with a triumphant thump. "Man. That was crazy. You didn't really think you had a chance against me when I actually wanted to win, did you?"

"Kinda? Things usually work out for me these days more often than not, and admittedly I made this whole gambit expecting I'd somehow pull it off. I, um, might've temporarily forgotten that losing was possible?"

"Bruh, that's the most main character syndrome-ass bullshit anyone's ever said to me- and coming from a chick whose DMs are flooded with a never-fuckin'-ending influx of dudes talking like JRPG villains while demanding I show them my tits. That's saying something."

"You wanna talk about main character syndrome? Then let's talk about your miraculous dice rolls..."

"Pft. Sure, yeah. What about 'em?"

"Well, I couldn't help noticing how you rolled pretty much whatever you wanted at any given moment..."

"What else do you want me to say? I'm one lucky bitch, my dude."

"Lucky. Right. I could maybe chalk the first few up to good RNG, but come the fuck on," Oliver laughed. "You weren't exactly subtle."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, Olive. Are you calling me sus? Because it sure fuckin' sounds like you're calling me sus."

"That's definitely not the word I would've used, but sure. If the one-size-too-small self-promotional t-shirt fits."

"Wooooow," Zoe's expression contorted into mock disgust, but not before adjusting her shirt. It was a little tight around her chest. "Frankly, I'm fuckin' appalled you'd accuse me of such vile misconduct. I mean, you never said using my extensive knowledge of game-breaking exploits was off the table, so this is totally on you."

"Figures. I take it you were manipulating the RNG, then?"

"Eh. Like you said, I wasn't subtle."

"When are you ever?"

"When I wanna be? Fuck off, dude."

Ever the icon of maturity, Zoe stuck out her tongue.

It was a cute sight, but it didn't stop Oliver from slumping in his seat. Looking back on his failed strategy, he regretted framing this as a competition. Yes, Zoe responded well to them, but he didn't know things were so dire that she'd bring out every trick in the book to defeat him.

Guess this is what I get for treating things like a game. I pushed Zoe pretty hard over something she's uncomfortable with- and all because I'm trying to speedrun winning her affection. It's no wonder she locked in to kick my inconsiderate ass.

The twins advised Oliver to act as if he knew what was best for Zoe. It now occurred to him that the well he drew advice from might've been poisoned. Maybe not entirely- they'd told him a lot of helpful stuff- but that specific tip would probably work better when he was closer to Zoe, and his opinion carried more weight.

Oliver willed himself past his guilt. No reason to let this hang over his head when he could still take the L, apologize, and spend the rest of his afternoon gaming with Zoe.

He was shocked to see her grab the L for herself.

"Sorry for being so fuckin' difficult, Olive," Zoe mumbled. "I know you're just trying to help and all that, but-"

"No, I'm the one who's sorry. It's super hard for me to fight off tunnel vision when I've got an idea stuck in my head. I was so set on taking you out today, so sure it'd do you some good, that I didn't stop to consider your feelings. Even when you clearly weren't into it, I only pushed harder. Again, I'm sorry, Zoe."

Oliver lowered his head. He knew Zoe didn't care that much- she'd gotten a whole game of DokaDon Empire out of him, after all- but he had to apologize, or else it'd fester like a boil on his consciousness. He'd straddled the line between shameless and selfish, erring closer to the latter than his principles allowed.

Zoe had no clue what to do with this guy. All his apology did was throw more coal onto the fires of her guilt, and she couldn't for the life of her understand why he was taking this stupid crap so seriously. Still, she didn't need to understand his thought process to find a strange comfort in his kindness.

She opened her mouth to huff something out at him but was too flustered for the first attempt to succeed. Only after wrestling herself into giving it a second go did she get anywhere.

"Bro, chill the fuck out. You're just putting me on the spot here and making me feel all fuckin' weird inside."

Peeking up like a curious meerkat, Oliver asked, "Weird how?"

"Good weird," Zoe confessed with a dismissive handwave. "But it's whatever, y'know? Fuck. I just don't get what you're so hung up on, man. This wasn't a huge deal."

"Maybe not, but I didn't think you'd fight tooth and nail to not have to go outside. You wouldn't have done that if it weren't at least somewhat of a big deal, right?"

"Well, yeah. Sorta. But I'm also just being a stubborn bitch about it because I'm too fuckin' stuck in my ways, and I feel bad that you gotta put up with it."

"Did you forget that I'm dating Mia? Putting up with stubborn girls is practically second nature to me by this point."

"Heh. You've been dating her for, like, not even a week, right? Let's put a fuckin' pin in that and check back a few months later. Mark my words; you'll crack."

"Not likely. Luckily for you, I find stubborn girls adorable as all hell."

The line came out as smooth as silk without hesitation despite Oliver not meaning to say it out loud. A familiar rush of embarrassment washed over him as his inner thoughts again escaped the confines of his mind. Nothing he wasn't used to. All he'd have to do was play it off like he usual.

That, or blanket himself in shamelessness.

Zoe waited for Oliver to blush at his mistake. For him to laugh and look away. Anything to show this was another one of his slip-ups. Nothing happened. The flirty joke itself already revved up her racing, attention-obsessed heart, and dealing with his confident gaze as he shot her a grin bordering on smug only made things worse.

"Wow, dude," Zoe tore her eyes away and blew a raspberry. "And you had the fuckin' nerve to call out my lack of subtlety."

No affection bump, but Oliver's morale was high after the victory over his anxiety.

He could take this farther. 

"No point in subtlety when you already tease the hell out of me for having a crush on you, right?"

The guy was getting better at this, and it was so fucking weird for Zoe. Her mind spun and spun, unraveling like a ball of yarn tumbling down a hill. Why was she tripping up so bad over this? Awkward as she was, she knew it wasn't solely owed to Oliver's ever-improving game.

No, some of this shit was on her.

"Sure, yeah, whatever," Zoe mouthed off, scrambling. All the weird emotions going around as of late left her feeling out of whack- especially after yesterday. She rushed to deflect. "Good on you for manning up, I guess. While you're at it, why not fess up to the real reason you locked in so hard on taking me out today?"

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon. You're a decent guy, but you're not as selfless as you want everyone to think."

"Feel free to cite your sources if you've got any, but I don't think I've ever claimed to be selfless? I'm literally just some dude trying his best."

"Uh-huh. Right. So you're saying you've got no ulterior motive?"

"Yes, Zoe, please. Shove more words in my mouth. I love the shit out of it when you do that."

"Hah! So you admit it! You didn't want to take me out because you were trying to help me; you wanted to take me out because you like me!"

It was the perfect gotcha- at least to Zoe's emotionally-compromised sponge brain. Satisfied, she folded her arms and adopted a triumphantly smug grin.

Surely that would shake him up.

Oliver scooted closer and pressed a hand to her forehead. It took her a second to register. She flared with scarlet embarrassment and slapped his hand away after it had.

"The fuck, dude! Who said you could get all up in my business and shit?!"

"I'm checking if you have a fever. Doesn't seem to be the case, so maybe you need a can of Gulpies? I hope this is just your withdrawal talking. Otherwise, I'm really worried you thought that stunning observation was worth sharing."

Zoe gawked at him before deflating like a balloon and resting on her side. Her foot planted on his chest and pushed him back to his seat.

"Y'know, you might just be onto something. I probably do need a can of Gulpies right now. Why don't you go and get me one so I can shove it up your ass?"

[Zoe has lost -3 Affection!]

Yeah. Oliver couldn't say that was much of a shocker. Sassing it up while Zoe was on pins and needles was a recipe for disaster.

Totally worth it, though.

"Don't threaten me with a good time," he tsked.

Zoe looked at him with deep and dire confusion. "Are you... do... do you actually...?"

"No, no. That one was just a joke. I promise." He gave her his best powered-up smile. It seemed to work, though skepticism lingered on her face until he changed the topic. "Are you doing okay?"

"I don't fuckin' know, man. You keep saying weird shit, and that weird feeling I mentioned keeps getting worse."

"I thought it was a good weird?"

"Now it's an 'I don't know' weird..."

Oliver took in all the facts, analyzed them with the obsessive-compulsive meat machine in his skull, and dared to be optimistic with his conclusions. There was still plenty of room for doubt. Yesterday obviously weighed heavily on her conscience, which had to count for some of why Zoe was in such a manic mood.

But beyond that?

He wondered if it had anything to do with her affection teetering on the brink of a level-up.

Zoe had no experience with romantic thoughts or desires. She'd said as much herself. If getting to a hundred affection points represented her officially developing a crush on him, those feelings were probably already brewing inside her and stirring up a frenzy.

Then again, Mia had a crush on me before way before that...

No, I'm overthinking it. It'll be different for every heroine. They aren't characters in a dating sim; their thoughts and feelings are as real as mine.

Which means I might be right about this.

The way he saw it, he had two options. Give Zoe some space to figure things out, or stay the course until her feelings are so obvious she can't ignore them. There wasn't much of a debate. Oliver went with option two, as reaching Zoe's first heart event was his main objective, and it wouldn't take long to get there. Besides, he could always dial it back if she kept floundering.

"I'm sorry you're feeling all over the place. If you really did want me to come clean, the least I can do is be honest. You're half right, but me really wanting to go somewhere with you because I like you so much isn't mutually exclusive with me believing a splash of sunlight and fresh air sometime this decade might, for some reason, be in your best interest."

Zoe didn't hear him all the way through, having zoned out after Oliver casually admitted he liked her so much he wanted to go outside and do normie shit together. The notion was alien to someone who was once one overly supportive friend away from becoming a certified femcel post-graduation. It just didn't appeal to her.

Oliver's feelings, however, did.

"I see. So that's how it is, huh?" Zoe sat upright, groaning like the task took all her energy. "How fuckin' convenient that your motives get to be selfish AND selfless. Fuck's sake, Olive."

Doubt crept in from the corners of Oliver's mind. She didn't sound all that enthused. Maybe he really should've given her some space, but... no- it was too early to say.

Keep playing it cool, Oliver. Keep playing it cool.

"Yes, Zoe? Something wrong?"

"Nah," another sigh. "Just kinda seems to me like you've got this stupid magic bullshit superpower to put poor, vulnerable ladies like yours fuckin' truly on the spot whenever the hell you want. We could be right in the middle of a normal ass conversation until, boom, you drop some dumbass line that fucks with my head and makes my heart feel like I ran a goddamn marathon. Shit just isn't fair, man."

[Zoe has gained +5 Affection! +3 Smooth Talker]

Patience really is a virtue.

Now Oliver was only four points away. Not knowing where she was going with this, he suppressed the urge to smile like an idiot and kept up his current trajectory.

"And we're sure the heart thing isn't something you should see a doctor about?"

"Fuck if I know, but I ain't seeing a doctor to find out," Zoe told him as she stood up, stretched, and looked toward her room.

"No? Then what's up? You grabbing another caffeine bomb and topping yourself off?"

"I fuckin' wish, but nah. Gonna go make myself presentable."

Oliver logically knew what that meant, but it was still so surprising that a "Huh?" slipped out all the same. Next came the rush of guilt that came along with the anxiety of knowing someone was going out of their comfort zone on your behalf. It would take more than a day's worth of practicing shamelessness to get over that little instinct of his. "Zoe, don't feel-"

"Nope, nuh-uh-" Zoe whipped around so fast her ponytail almost slapped her in the face, her expression oddly intense. Her brows were furrowed, her cheeks red, and her eyes locked with his. "Gonna stop you right there before you pull the whole 'Zoe, don't feel like you need to do this' shit on me, nerd, because guess the fuck what? I don't feel like I need to do this- I want to do this."

"I..." his defenses crumbling, Oliver blushed just as hard. "But... just a few minutes ago, you said-"

"I know what I said, dumbass. I'm the one who said it! The thing is, that was when before you said all that other shit, and now I changed my mind. I didn't know you felt so strongly about... um... getting outside of the house, so... yeah, since I'm such a good friend and all, I'll indulge ya. That, and I gotta put my money where my mouth is when I say I'm gonna change, right? So fuck it. Those baby steps won't take themselves."

"Wow."

"...What? You got any complaints, or can I-"

"No, no complaints at all! Really. It's just that I feel really stupid all of a sudden. Like, really, really stupid."

"Heh. Good shit. Makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one."

"It's just that I went through all these ridiculous mental gymnastics to try and corner you into this when all I apparently needed to do was talk to you a little more. Fuck, Zoe. I was trying so hard to be smart that I think I ended up somewhere scummy." Oliver frowned. "And I hate that I didn't catch myself."

There it was again. That weird and feminine urge to take care of the guy. She wondered if this was the same feeling Mia felt towards her, and that made Zoe bite her lower lip.

She got where Oliver was coming from.

Yeah, he'd attempted to coerce her, but it was an incredibly fucking mild attempt, and him getting so hung up over it irritated the shit out of her. Zoe wasn't kidding anyone. She knew how she avoided shakeups to her routine, and honestly? She couldn't care less about him getting a little scummy with his tactics so long as it helped her out.

Not that he'd chill if I gave him the thumbs up on gaslighting me for the greater good. The perpetual guilt machine he calls his fuckin' brain'd tear him a new one. Christ. I thought he'd be happy with me, but I guess I gotta go for the jugular if I wanna do something about that mopey face of his...

Zoe sucked in some air, ready to give it her all.

"It's cool that you're considerate about this kind of shit- congrats on being better than ninety percent of the male population- but c'mon. Get your shit together! Here's the deal, nerd. You can either mope around feeling sorry for yourself all day, or we can go on a date. What's it gonna-"

The light returned to his eyes so fast Zoe almost thought he'd been acting until now.

"I want to go on a date with you."

The embarrassment of what she'd said, coupled with his response, hit Zoe and hit her hard. Like a wrecking ball to the head levels of hard.

"Gah, fuck, I didn't mean to put it like that. It's not a date, it's... y'know. A platonic hangout thing, or... whatever the fuck. Yeah, that's it." Zoe sighed, adding under her breath, "Nailed it. Nice save, you sexy bitch."

First Mia, then Rebecca, and now Zoe. Oliver was having a lot of these 'not a date's lately. That was something worth smiling over, and he was smiling, but it was more because of Zoe herself. She'd helped dial back his anxiety, and that wasn't an easy feat. That, and he underestimated how much his opinion meant to her.

Zoe wanted to make him happy, even if it meant stepping outside her comfort zone. He knew from experience how much courage that took, and if that didn't make him feel like the happiest guy in the world, nothing would.

She deserves nothing less than my best for pushing herself this hard, and I'll be damned if I don't give it to her.

"Platonic, romantic, whatever. Call it what you want. Either way, I'm in."

Oliver rose from the couch and dredged up some courage of his own to put forth some shamelessness. He grabbed her hand, saying nothing as he gave her a gentle smile. It shook her up pretty bad that he would just do that out of nowhere, but for once, it didn't show.

They looked at each other in silence, Zoe very slowly smiling back.

"I'll, uh... I'll go and get ready, then..."

She squeezed his hand a single time before letting go.

[Zoe has gained +5 Affection!]

"Sure thing," Oliver watched her dart off to her bedroom with surprising speed. Maxing out her affection meter didn't even register. He didn't care about points, Heart Events, or his powers. All he cared about at that moment was Zoe herself.

Zoe, Zoe, Zoe.

His crush felt less and less shallow the longer he spent with her, and God, the way she made him feel... he could just about drown himself in it.

While Oliver drifted away in the ocean of his overactive imagination, Zoe processed her feelings in a far healthier, less obsessive manner. She grabbed two KaneMon plushies off her bed- better to double up even if the room was soundproofed- and screamed.

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WHY DID I SAY THAT WHY DID HE HOLD MY HAND WHY DID I LIKE IT SO MUCH WHY DO I WANT TO MAKE HIM HAPPY SO BAD WHY WHY WHY WHY-" she only stopped after her lungs were emptier than her crush's head.

Oliver didn't hear a goddamn thing.

***

Stat Changes

Zoe Myers | Status: Friend(?) | 101/100 | ♡♡♡♡♡