Please - Read to the end

Hello everybody.

As I said, I wanted and should have written this to you a few months ago. But I hadn't done it until now for fear of losing your support, for fear of you not finding me professional enough to continue supporting me.

But I decided to take a chance. I like to talk to you, to have that human contact, to show myself human too, with my weaknesses. I don't like that my supporters when they enter my page just find a cold and lifeless place.

Before launching the page I worked almost exclusively for an amazing client who commissioned me from 12 to 15 illustrations a month. It was good money a month coming from a single client, on average $1500. Even more than what I earn today with the page.

The problem was figuring it all out. As much as I try, as much as I work 12 - 14 hours a day, without weekends, from Monday to Monday, there were still illustrations for the next month.

I always had a dream of having my own Patreon page, I saw other artists and I envied them in a good way, and I wanted that for myself too.

I thought Patreon would be more relaxed, that in addition to more creative freedom I would have more time for myself, to take care of myself, to study more, to invest in myself and take my work to another level.

When the pandemic came, I ended up losing contact with most of my customers and I thought it was time to launch my Patreon page to be able to survive.

So, in November of last year I launched the page.

And from the beginning of the page I realized that it would be even more difficult.

In private jobs, despite having a lot of work exchanging emails about each scene. all the details and etc,. At least you charge yourself only for one or a few clients, and talk to them and it's easier to know what they are thinking.

But on the page there are hundreds of people, and for a type of person like me, who is very anxious and demands too much, this has been very, very difficult.

Somehow I let myself be deluded that I would be able to maintain this rhythm, publish huge and complex scenes almost every day, well done in photoshop, etc... that is, with a good level of quality.

I even think I could, especially with the new PC I'm trying to maintain. But I just forgot one thing. I forgot that life isn't just sitting here for 12-14 hours and everything will go perfectly.

Unfortunately I forgot that there are unforeseen events that happen regardless of our will and planning.

I don't know how other artists do it, how often they do it, what their scenes are like, the complexity, size, etc... I just know I get sick when I can't publish at least one great scene every day and a half or two .

I realize that 99% of my supporters here on the page are people who don't support any other artist, maybe they saw some of my work on the internet and were curious, etc... This is another worrying factor for me because I think for these people it's harder to understand how 3d works. Since they have no contact with 3d and other artists.

I'm suspicious of talking, but I need to talk. 3d is a very difficult, very time consuming, very expensive thing. A quality illustration takes an average of two to two and a half days to complete. A day and a half to be assembled and rendered and another half day to be finished in photoshop.

The fear and the need not to lose my supporters made me go beyond all the physical and psychological limits that I could. 12 - 14 hours a day every day from Monday to Monday did and are doing a lot of damage to my physical and psychological health. Two years of sitting 12-14 hours a day in front of the PC spoiled my vision, atrophied my muscles, completely took away all my health and physical conditioning, I had no more time to study, learn new things, take care of myself, go to the doctor , going out with friends, etc, etc... it's so desperate that sometimes I'm on Sunday morning finishing some illustration to have something to publish on Monday since sometimes on Saturday I may not have published anything because I still wouldn't have time to finish some illustration since it takes on average two days to be ready as I mentioned before.

But even so, I just went on and on, because I really need it a lot, this is my job and my livelihood. It was something I needed so badly that I'm willing to make any sacrifice of my own to get it.

But that all changed when I found myself in a situation where I stopped taking care of my sick dog because of that. At that moment a switch turned in my head. At that moment it became clear to me that what is happening can no longer continue. This demand I have in my head, this fear I have of losing my supporters needs to end. This is not being a healthy charge, a beneficial charge.

I feel that this is even affecting the quality of the work, creativity, quality, frequency, etc...
I feel sad, tired, unwilling to do what I do, as I have always been a motivated and energetic guy

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Having been through all this, and now all this stress with my beloved dog and the worry about the page made my brain fry in a way that I'm afraid I won't be back. Never felt this before. Not even when I lost my brother in a car accident.

I want to make it very, very clear that you are not to blame for any of this, quite the opposite. I'm blessed to have wonderful people like you who, despite piracy, are still here supporting an artist you like.

As I said before. Nothing is going to change. I intend to continue doing the same work that I have been doing and always trying to improve. Especially if I manage to assemble the new PC.

What I want with all this is to be able to feel a little more relaxed when an unforeseen event happens and I can't publish with the usual frequency.

I just want you to know that I always give my all here on the page. I want you to have fun and have good experiences and if the frequency of posts drops, I want you to make sure it's for some reason I can't control.

Forgive me all for that. For that huge text. I don't feel like I have clear ideas to express myself right now. I wish I could write better. English is not my language either and I use Google translator to help me.

I hope I can rebalance myself, be able to assemble this new pc, take care of my little dog, and that in the future we can have a page full of cool, beautiful, fun stories and that we can all be happy with a life full of light, peace and prosperity .

I have no words to describe how grateful I am for you.

God bless us all

~BDC