I Feel So Happy

It is time to be honest. But, THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE. Probably.

Some of you probably know I have a rough past. And honestly, sharing too much about my problems caused issues. Some people tried to get too close, not just here but on other platforms as well, and some of them made me feel really uncomfortable. So for a while, I mostly kept things here focused on work / scenes.

But right now, I feel genuinely happy. I’ve been having "palpitations," for some time, and honestly, I thought I was going to have a stroke or die. Or something like that. This was going on for a... long time. I'm still in my 20s, but every time it happened, it felt like a death sentence. I geniunely felt like I was gonna die.

After a long period of tests and observation, today, doctors finally revealed that it was due to anxiety and stress. So nothing physically wrong.

I feel like I've been reborn today. I'm so happy, and everyone around me is so happy, and it honestly brings tears to my eyes to see them happy as well.

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As I said above, this is not an excuse. When I work on scenes, I go all in. I don't want to believe my scenes are just 2 virtual characters having s*x. I do my best to add something different, feelings, carnal desires, expressions... Sometimes for the female character via expressions, sometimes via for the male character via positions.

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If it wasn't for the majority of the community, I would create all my scenes for the female PoV. I mean, that's hotter. It's like, when you know TOO much, you might end up bursting through the other end of the spectrum.

I don't have a religious belief, and I act on morality. Still, I admire the carnal desire of humanity. And presenting it properly in a 3D environment is vastly different than what is actually happening. So I'm doing my best to capture it in my scenes.

I have lots of dreams like writing a huge sci-fi book that is politically complex, creating a small video game which forces you to question reality...

I'm all about telling stories, living in the moment, and enjoying what's going on. And maybe I'm here because the most enjoyable thing is the intimate relation between the genders. Maybe I just admire it. But I also have other dreams I'm working on.

And I'm so happy. I can just keep working on my dreams. I feel really f***ing happy right now.

I was drinking like a maniac to cope, still didn't finish playing Claire Obscure despite playing it for months... Trying to create scenes as if they were my last... I was coping hard.

There is a lot to say. I can't just explain what happened, with all the details.

But I'm happy that I am staying here. I still have other problems, but at least I know that I will be here to deal with them.

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Meanwhile, be sure that the upcoming Eve and Belline scenes gonna have their unique animations, feelings and some music... Well, I'm into synthwave nowadays.