Digestive Diary

I got very sick at the end of last week, I’ve been fighting declining health for weeks but it’s culminated with a bout of recurrent meningitis. I’m practically useless right now, I can only apologise. This is the thing I was most terrified of. I’m doing my best to keep working in any way I’m able but please bear with me and I’m sorry for any typos or nonsensical sentences, my eyes get really blurry and my brain doesn’t work very well.

Friday was the first day I was really bad. I felt very sick and had an awfully upset stomach too. It was gurgling like crazy and I could feel everything percolating in there. My bowels felt like they were burning while my stomach churned and I could hardly eat because I was in danger of throwing up every time I tried so I ended up with a gassy, gurgly, upset tummy that was fighting with long, violent hunger growls. all I could do was lay there and listen to it gojng. I couldn’t even enjoy it because I felt so ill!

i took a recording on my iPad but I don’t know how well it will have turned out because I had to use the inbuilt mic, I couldn‘t move out of bed to get my proper mic. If it worked out ok i’ll post it later.

I guess not being able to eat meant my stomach filled with air because that night my stomach was groaning with big, airy bubbles and it kept waking me up. It felt incredibly uncomfortable and then when I woke up in the morning I did the most humiliatingly enormous farts of my life! I had this enormous pressure in my guts and thought it was just a usual morning fart and that I was just over sensitive because my internal organs always feel tender and bruised when this happens so I tried to push it out and what erupted was a ten second long trumpet that made luce laugh like crazy! She told me ‘that’s the loudest bottom burp I;ve ever heard from you that wasn’t for your work!’ I was absolutely mortified!

I haven’t done great for eating over the last few days. I managed to eat a couple of tons of soup and a couple of pieces of bread on both Saturday and Sunday but ended up feeling bloated and stretched even though I’d eaten relatively little for me and needed to sprawl out on the bed for Lucy to rub my gut which looked and felt so swollen so I reckon there was an awful lot of air in there too. 

realistically I know that I’m going to lose weight from being ill and that depresses me so much. At the moment we’re trying to work on plans to move from our tiny boat to a static caravan which would mean I can start making full videos again pretty quickly after that, and the other thing is that we’d have a proper kitchen which means I can cook a lot easier.  But better than that lucy‘s been talking a lot about how she wants to learn to cook properly so she can make me meals and feed me up - she doesn‘t have the same fetish as me and she’s not a feeder in that sense but she does seem to like me bigger and also likes the fact that the bigger I get the more confident and sexier I feel! The thought of finishing work and finding a big meal waiting for me every day is something I’ve dreamed about all my life and I’m just praying this will be a reality one day!

things are really tough right now. I would lt normally ask but I would be so grateful for all the good vibes you can spare xx